Chapter 78 Reading People.
Years ago I enjoyed reading books on physiognomy. After a few thousand years of observation, some Orientals have come up with credible guidelines that can tell personality and fortune from faces, hands and bodies. Every face tells a story. The shapes of faces, their features, coloration, contour, flesh and muscles are forever interesting. I believe we can to a certain extent, assess the character, the past and future of a person. I see distinctive eyes on the intelligent, sharp noses among the high-calibre, large and fleshy noses on prosperous people, and blurry gaze and tiny, flat noses on less successful ones. Many eyes look warm and kind to me; a few, cold and cruel. In many cases, health, intelligence, discipline and abilities are obvious; anyone can pick out the mentally retarded, they are most recognisable. Let us not go into details about physiognomy, because it will take pages of drawings and worst of all, it is also an unkind judgement of our fellowmen.
Actions speak louder than words, and silent signals take up almost half of our communication process. What we say is important but the way we say it is just as important. We have variations in voices, expressions and movements and our feelings are revealed both consciously and unconsciously. Body language can give us a powerful understanding of other people, and even ourselves. If we can read these messages well, we can interact better with people and deal with issues before they become problems. Despite variations world-wide, it is a language that we instinctively recognise but take for granted. Such communications are so vital that without physical presence, you havent a ghost of a chance of closing a sale, winning a favour or a raise in your salary.
The first thing is territorial space. Different people, diverse cultures and varying levels of intimacy handle space differently. We keep more distance from strangers than loved ones, and we react when our space is invaded. I would put intimate space at 1 feet, personal distance at 2 feet, social territory at 3 feet and public space at 4 feet. Body language differs in various communities so the meaning of behaviour cant be judged conclusively. Asian Indians for example, shake their heads to say yes while other Orientals say no. Malaysians and Thais touch each other more than the British and Nordic, who are also more reserved with hand and body gestures than say the Italians, Greeks or Blacks.
Next, let us separate behaviour into 3 types: 1. Inborn behaviour, like smiling and frowning. 2. Unconsciously-learned mannerism, like gestures and postures that identify us with certain generation, age-group and class. 3. Consciously-learned actions, such as shaking hands and head-nodding. These fill up much of our social and business life. Watch how the models walk, to bring out their physique and charm. Controlled movements also come under this category, and experienced politicians are trained to exude credibility, confidence and leadership. When a less-experienced person comes into the limelight, he shows reservation and uncertainty. He usually moves or places his hands awkwardly, or fiddle with his clothes and touch a part of his face.
Generally, folded arms and crossed legs show a certain amount of discomfort, barricade and lack of receptivity; while released arms and legs tend to mean the opposite. Legs with knees pointing towards a companion carry more goodwill and affection than those pointing away. Parallel legs and crossed legs provide no simple answers because some people habitually cross their left legs over their right legs. A lady who sits with legs slanted, parallel and slightly crossed may show an orderly mind, but she was probably brought up to behave that way! Then there is the common smile that conveys friendliness, delight, humour, harmony, no-contest, non-aggression, or even apology. A genuine smile is shown in the eyes, and their muscles crinkle and smile too. Even then, smiles and laughter are more complex than you realise.
The eyes are the windows of the soul, they reveal so much! Besides, whenever we see something attractive, the pupils of our eyes dilate. Then there are the side-long glances, to see and not be seen, from strategic and cunning persons. Watch out for disharmony and discrepancy between what you hear and what you see, often we can spot insincerity. People do not normally look at you in the eye when they tell a lie, unless they are master-liars! In some cultures, however, avoiding your gaze may not be a sign of dishonesty. The Norwegians certainly stare more than the Japanese. Generally, people move less, or move too much when they are lying, they hesitate or make tiny body shifts and show discomfort. Criminal detectives are quick to recognise similar displays of guilt. But again, do not judge signs summarily, occasionally people may be puzzled or surprised by what you say. Among some professionals like lawyers and politicians, who are good in hiding, bending or sugar-coating evidence, their long experience make falsehoods more difficult to detect.
The work-place is equally interesting. Those in authority always display mastery, confidence, relaxation, flexibility and fluidity, while the juniors are more rigid and subdued. The superior initiates and controls conversation, and moves with greater dominance and privilege. The subordinates for example, knock on his door, wait, or stay away when he is busy! Stress and subservient behaviour are easy to spot, such as slouching, hand-clasping, scratching, touching various parts of the arms, body and face.
As we move from the office into the home, we meet children who are indeed expressive, but adulthood requires them to subdue less business-like conduct. Some still harbour childhood mannerism; they know for example that a tilted head with pleading eyes can soften a few hearts! Clever mothers are also quick to grasp signals of frustration, sickness or guilt from children. Notice how some children stand stiffly and taps their fingertips against each other whenever they are scolded! Conversely, children are also experts since infancy, in receiving non-verbal cues from parents. When the mother relaxes and smiles the baby does the same. I believe this global lingo goes as far as the subconscious level. That is why occasionally, your mate answers you a question you are about to ask!
Go on and read more about this interesting language, with more experience you can become an expert in mind-reading too. In conclusion, do cut out petty mannerism and move with more purpose, weight and composure. Dress appropriately, and dress equally or just a notch above those around you, so that they are not intimidated. It is best to appear and act simple, straightforward and honest. Be sincere and be yourself. F. Nietzsche, the German philosopher commented, "You cannot achieve great success until you are faithful to yourself. Messages come from deep within and if you communicate with frankness, integrity and goodwill, you have nothing to fear. If you have kindness, sincerity, confidence and good self-image, it shows!