People think, things are destined and everything in life happens, as and when they have to, with humans being mere role player. This sure is a near true reality for most average people as they are in drift, being just in reactionary consciousness, not aware and in any meaningful control of elements of life and living.
Destinies of course can be changed and some real people always do it, by knowing and accepting that whatever happens in life is a product of the Causality – function of factors, which shape up a cause-effect chain of happenings and their cyclic spin offs. So, to change destiny, we need to change this causality.
There is a mechanism of all patterns of life-living factors, which prevail around us and involve us in some role play, which we often fail to recognize and be in control of. Therefore, the next important thing in shaping up your destiny is Cognition – the way we see, feel and accept things in the space of ambient realism. This causality is very powerful and the cognition is often not very conducive for individual perception, as cognition is often backed by and driven by strong collective sense of realism.
That is why; the ultimate thing in shaping up and changing destiny to one’s own suitability and utility is Consciousness – this ephemeral sense of ‘I’, the self, this sense of ‘me’, in the midst of the cacophony of billions of ‘I’, who constantly vie for shaping destinies for their respective individualistic as well as collective suitability and utility.
Destinies, which we all accept as some external chain of happenings, are all about the causality of cognition of consciousness. This consciousness, this sense of a definitive and over-encompassing ‘I’, or the self, is usually very localized and in a drift or flux. This drifting and diminutive ‘I’ loses all control of life and living factors and elements and that is why it becomes an attachment to a pre-ordered destiny, especially the crowd destiny, led by Crowd Consciousness.
This ‘I’ has to be empowered, this consciousness has to be empowered for life-living wellness and personal excellence. Then, this evolved consciousness, this higher consciousness becomes the chief protagonist of the theatre of life and living, scripting its own play of life, its lyrics and choreograph the dance of destiny. This drift and flux has to be pruned, so that the ‘I’ is in full self-awareness and self-control, scripting its own individual destiny, distinct from the collective destiny of the crowd of people.
For this to be achieved, we have to come out of the drift of life and living, pull ourselves aside the forceful mainstream of pop culture of collective stupidities and be our true selves.
Therefore, The Primary Intelligence, In The Mêlée Of Millions, Is To Be Lonely... It is a precursor to quality leisure, which you need for yourself, to be friends with factors and elements of life, to be the master of the 3Cs – Consciousness, Cognition and Causality, which then opens up the doors of all good things to you, for you to attain your best potentials...
So many people, over the ages and even in contemporary culture, have understood the difference between loneliness and solitude. Loneliness and solitude are just two faces of the same coin. When we feel sad and bad about being alone and lonely, it is a depressing feeling and it becomes identified as a debilitating realism called loneliness.
However, when being alone and lonely makes us happy, feel good about being in exclusive audience with self, feel empowered being in retrospections about finer things of life, this becomes a very satisfying and rewarding emotion.
What exactly is the difference between loneliness and solitude? The former is bad and later is good. How? The difference is in our cognition. Two persons can be equally lonely but the emotions may vary if their cognition varies – one accepting it as good for his or her wellness and another taking it as bad for his or her wellness. This difference in perception makes all the difference how we accept the realism of lonely emotions.
The cognition plays the core and cardinal role in our wellness as it changes the causality – the way we accept cause and effect of a particular situation. And, this happens because the two persons are in different consciousnesses. An empowered consciousness accepts even a seemingly tough situation as rewarding, whereas, an affected consciousness sees even a rewarding experience as a threatening situation.
The success benchmark in contemporary populist culture is – more cluttered your life-living situations, more successful and self-worthy you are. This wrong and dysfunctional causality, leads to this calamitous cognition that being lonely is disastrous and a bad sign. The golden shine of solitude becomes a scary scenario for most of us. Surely, a conflated cognition!
However, this is only one face of the bizarre life-living situation of the modern culture. A group of concerned socio-economic leadership is warning us that the more and more we consume, more we possess, yet we have into turned pleasure-starved societies. This liberal consumerist culture is based on the notion that consumption in all shapes and sizes actually enhances joys, thrills and happiness. The sane voices assert that this is the ideology and blind hypothesis of a culture and society in perpetual drift. The reality is; the developed high consuming cultures have become the graveyards of pleasure-starved, cluttered-consciousness, drifted people. We talk about the scientific logic of this hypothesis later.
So, we consume blindly, almost anything, which the markets, media and celebrities endorse to us as must have. And we all consume in loads as we say to ourselves – everyone is doing the same and if I do not follow the same, I shall be left lonely, isolated and out of the mainstream. This nobody wants to do as nobody wishes to be labelled a loser. Majority of people being in drift and flux, is what suits markets, media and celebrities. We keep piling up the clutter in our lives and they love it. Often, in contemporary world, trade is tainted, business bewilders and markets manipulate!
Surely, being lonely is the first step towards personal empowerment and this empowerment means; we have this liberty and resolve to say a conscious and definitive no to the drift. Being lonely suits you fine. Basking happily in the sunshine of golden solitude suits you fine and it is true freedom of your happy choice. But the collective culture never has this as happy option for it. That is why there is huge mass-media frenzy to popularize this theory that being lonely is a dysfunctional psychological syndrome. Psychology is being played out in our minds by the populist cultures and their presiding protagonists to keep the masses in constant drift – away from the sanity of a lonely space of wellness and excellence.
We all need to have a settled and poised ‘I’ and a sense of self. This drift is calamitous. We need to live in a true liberal socio-cultural milieu, where we have real choices and true freedom to be, not what we want, but what is best for our wellness and personal excellence. It is the core causality of all dysfunctional cognitions, which we begin to patronize. This leads us to all sorts of life-living disorders as well as lifestyle diseases. This takes a heavy toll on mind-body homeostasis and all troubles start from here.
An average person is often floating in a soup of sensation, emotion, impulse, desire, imagination, thought and intuition. We can say, there is a mechanism within everyone, which itself puts us in a state of drift and flux. There is a reason to it. We need to understand the mechanism.
There are seven conscious and unconscious elements of personality. All seven elements are within an individual and operate simultaneously. The life journey is shifting gears in these consciousnesses. Most of us therefore are in a state of ‘flux’ – conflicted and confused. This is our mechanism. The simple reality is – more intelligent we become – that is, more information our mind processes, more elements of chaos, conflict and confusion get embedded in our conscious and subconscious minds. This has got to do with the way our consciousness is designed and works.
Then, there are eight intangible affecters: Sensation, emotion, impulse/desire, imagination, thought, intuition, will and the central point I or personal self. An individual is often split and conflicted between these. Often, we put in more or undue weight and importance to one aspect; often justifying it, which is psychosis. The requirement however is synthesis of all these psychological functions by the Self. The higher consciousness needs to strike harmony and balance. This poise is the destination.
This poise is very subjective and individualistic. Moreover, this poise already has a tough task to handle the pulls and pushes of seven elements of personality and eight intangible affecters, which are internal to our being. Therefore, this poise must never be subjected to more and greater drift and challenges from external milieus. It needs a state of self, which has to be amenable for inbound energies of deep concentration and introspection. This state of loneliness – this position of mindfulness of the mechanism of our consciousness, is a highly facilitative state, which we need to accept. Loneliness is a positive realism for an endowed self, seeking further empowerment. This initiates with mindfulness, which has loneliness as its primary prerequisite. The populist cultural meaning of loneliness as a sad and bad realism must be unlearned.
Few people recognize that their own personhood is a mystery. Fewer still care enough about the mystery to understand it. The Pop-Belief is – Life is more about living it than it is about understanding it. However, shouldn’t we ask ourselves, ‘Who are we?’ This mindfulness is primary need for our overall wellness. The answer needs knowing and it needs allowance to some knowledge, other than what we hold dear to our heart. That is why being lonely is option-less – a definitive facilitative idealism for wellness and personal excellence.
The trouble is; the process of understanding one’s ‘self’ is pitted against one’s own beliefs about one’s ‘self’. It is not an easy task to determine which of these beliefs are true and which are mere ideas. Scientists say, ‘We are in the error of believing that our Body and We are the same things. We are not aware that each of us is a virtual agent, a self, that speaks for his or her organism’.
There are two subjects within you. One is the Generic Subject, which is your innate body mechanism. It accepts only tangible things and is mostly reactive and self-initiated. The other subject is Specific Subject, which leads a mindful and thoughtful action. The self, the you is a functional relationship between the two subjects and is a virtual agent. You are a bridge between the two ends of the two subjects. Mindfulness makes you say hello to your true consciousness.
The ‘I’, which exists and performs in each layer of consciousness is not singular, rather it is the summation of different Me of different layers of consciousnesses. So, there are different I when you are rising in the morning, playing with your kids, praying in the church, dealing finance with your colleagues, watching a movie in the evening, dizzy after boozing and finally in bed with your spouse.
Different life situations, requiring diverse sets of ‘action-thought-behaviour’ patterns, as commensurate with ambient milieus and cultural appropriates, engender different layers of consciousnesses. In all these layers, the I may be different but there is one I, in higher consciousness, which is always sort of commanding all the former Is.
This Master I is not singular and independent, rather a summation of the all other I. The I in the higher consciousness is not something aloof from an individual. The higher self is not a rejection of individual’s baser selves or instincts. This Master I is a mind positioning within, which accepts conflicts of the different personality aspects and functions – the different I.
It is a super state of mind awareness, which recognizes all aspects; be it in any state of unconscious or subconscious. It attempts to bring them to the layer of higher consciousness for harmonizing them into a fruitful whole. This higher consciousness must be in harmonious relationship and overall poise with all aspects and functions of an individual personality, like a true master and always be in control. This is a huge and tough process and surely needs this facilitative state of self, called loneliness, as it initiates the process of mindfulness.
Spiritualism gives us a metaphor of Master I being the driver of a chariot with six horses, reigning in all of them to a singular path of appropriate. The core issue is to understand the higher consciousness in detail, as, it is this I, which has the definitive role of being the master of an individual.
This Master I is the media for exploration of an expanded experience of human identity, capacity and potential. This I leads self to a journey into transpersonal dimensions. These dimensions encompass the higher levels of the energy spectrum: realms of higher consciousness that transcend the everyday awareness of the personality.
Many psychic phenomena are strictly emotional or delusional, tinged with fears, personal prejudices and wishful thinking. These are moments when one of your I may take off on obsessive flights. This is the test of your Master I navigation controls. The Master I must always be evolving and as it evolves, the dimensions of consciousnesses get enlarged and the Master I is empowered more.
The above descriptions about consciousness are aimed at bringing about the importance of understanding consciousness and its mechanism in details. Once we understand and accept the intricate mechanism of consciousness and how it is primarily instrumental in our wellness and excellence, we shall happily accept that all cognitions and causalities are dependent on consciousness and this consciousness instinctively being in a state of drift and flux, has to be assigned qualitative time and space for a very mindful and retrospective thought process. That is why loneliness becomes a cardinal need for all people, especially those, who are used to of fast paced life and habit of multitasking.
The mechanism of our own mind consciousness is designed in such a way that it excels in reacting to things in its ambient milieus. We are essentially a reactive genius. However, we are no more purely instinctive beings. We live in societies with cultures, which define our choices. The consciousness is bound to be wavering between what is our nature and what comes to us as nurture, in the form of milieus.
In the milieu we live, we are always faced with newer questions as well as answers. Our wellness and excellence depends on how well we manage the incessant process of learning and unlearning. The unlearning is far more important than learning in the process of our evolution to wellness and excellence. Learning surely is possible even in fast-paced life full of drift and flux, in a state of sub-consciousness. However, unlearning is a tough task, needing a qualitative leisure time and space, a very conscious mindfulness, which the happy situation of loneliness facilitates. We have this ideal state for unlearning when we land in loneliness. That is why the first intelligence for us in this clutter culture is that we must unlearn the misgivings associated with loneliness.
This realism of loneliness, as we see its different manifestations and dimensions in contemporary societies, especially in complex and developed cultures, must be examined from two possible ways. First of course is the populist perception, which often is not what an objective perspective can accept. This is largely because this populist perception about loneliness is a creation of people affected by the troubles of loneliness themselves. That is why it has larger elements of subjective perceptions, coloured by pep psychology and mass media.
It has to be accepted that it is a populist practice to add more fiction into facts. Often, most fictions about things start with facts but populism ensures that subjective narratives and personal lore also become part and parcel of the objective reality. Populist perception about loneliness being a collective realism of the experiences of lonely people itself, loads of extrapolated wisdom and experiences easily become acceptable as fact. Human brain is genius of extrapolations.
However, scientific, objective and logically singular fact about loneliness is far from what populist realism stands as. It is very important for all people to understand and accept this singular objective factsheet about loneliness. Yes, it has to be admitted that it is not going to be easy for those people suffering from loneliness to accept this, as it somehow puts the larger onus on them. Still, accepting helps in unlearning the clichéd and stereotypes about loneliness, which is predominant in popular perception of most.
Most scientists define loneliness subjectively. That is, they believe, if you consider yourself lonely, you are. They insist that loneliness must be seen as an internal, subjective experience, not an external, objective condition. It is an objective realism that people grow lonely because of the gloomy stories they perceive and tell themselves.
This realism about loneliness has to be accepted. It is of primary importance, as the diagnosis of real meaning, nature and actualism of the realism of loneliness, in all its manifestations and multidimensionality, shall help us in accepting that loneliness is largely about subjective perceptions and that is why, an individual is very well endowed to not only come out of this perceived loneliness troubles, rather also begin to value, treasure and enjoy it. Moreover, we shall then begin to use this facility of loneliness as a tool of empowerment for life-living wellness and personal excellence. So, about loneliness, we all need to have two different process done simultaneously – unlearning and then learning.
Enough researches have established that lonely people have just as much social capital, defined by physical attractiveness, height, weight, socioeconomic status, and academic achievement, etc., as their non-lonely peers. What this hints at?
It is the same, which the above fact asserts. That is, perception as well as realism about loneliness is very subjective, very individualistic and that is why loneliness can be successfully handled by the affected individual itself. Researchers also maintain that the less educated are lonelier than the better educated. This also clearly points to the same fact about loneliness being a very subjective realism and a person, who has better mental and consciousness abilities, can truly avoid loneliness trap and can be endowed enough to come out of it successfully. This shall be a truly winning, enjoyable and self-worthy experience for all.
Researches establish the fact that lonely people are not necessarily more isolated. Also, it needs to be known and accepted that scientists say, ‘what we most crave is the company of other people, but it can be that very company that sets us off to what we perceive as loneliness and then begin to belief in its onset’. Let us spare and invest good amount of positivity, leisure, acceptance and innocent reception about some core realism about loneliness.
Researchers find that loneliness often has loads to do with our intimacy needs and how we handle it. Also, researches confirm that a key part of feeling lonely is feeling rejected, and that, it turns out, is the most damaging part. It is for sure that the feeling of rejection is somehow a corollary of the core issue of intimacy, which is at the centre of the emotions of loneliness. This series of related emotions and realism have to be very carefully understood and accepted.
Researchers say, ‘What is different about lonely people from other non-lonely ones is how they interpret their social interactions with friends and acquaintances. Loneliness is interpreted by scientists as the ‘perceived’ gap and ‘inconsistency’ between what someone desires in relationships, especially intimate relationships and what one actually has or finds in these relationships. Studies say that lonely people tend to feel put upon and misunderstood. The researchers say, ‘lonely people are more likely to attribute problems in social relationships not to themselves but to others, and often see themselves as victims who are already giving as much as they can to their relationships, but get back poor things.’
This must be viewed with a very affectionate and compassionate heart and mind. Does this all seem not very serious thing but just a small gap between what is perceived and what turns out to be? Does it seem that the trouble is not actually something physical or actual but notional and subjectively perceivable? If it is, doesn’t this signify a very usual thing between people. Globally, experts accept that despite technologies, humanity has grown this trouble of gap between people, be it communication or relationship goodies.
This surely seems the reality. Researchers and scientists say that worst thing for lonely people is that ‘loneliness itself can further distort their thinking, making them misread other people’s good intentions, which in turn causes them to withdraw to protect themselves from further rejection. This in turn causes other people to keep them at arm’s length’. Scientists warn, ‘loneliness can create its own self-defeating behaviour’.
Now, let us put in picture what we said very initially in this book. We talked about the idea of 3Cs and their utility in understanding core realism of our life-living experiences. We need to apply this 3Cs principle for better diagnosis of the populist perception about loneliness being a huge trouble. The simple realism, it seems is, loneliness is a condition of our own drifted or fluxed consciousness, giving us misplaced cognitions, thus and in turn making us accept a wrong and unrealistic causality.
What the scientists say about perceptions of lonely people is a two way mechanism. Loneliness distorts what we perceive and believe. However, it is also the vice-versa. Our distorted worldview and perspectives leads us silently to the deep woods of loneliness. Scientists say, ‘you are in your perspectives and your perspectives are in you’. What this means? This suggests the simple fact about the 3Cs. If we have an affected consciousness, which happens because of our over-indulgence in drift and flux life-living choices and clutter culture, we shall have a distorted or disturbed cognition. This means, a consciousness, which misses the poise and balance of perspectives and worldviews, also has distorted cognition – means, he or she sees and accepts something, which is either not a fact but fictitious, or accepts things, which have little facts but more fictions.
The straightforward fact is – there are so many cognitive troubles in our popular cultures, which are embedded in the affected consciousness, many of us tend to evolve, because of the flux, drift and complexities of modern life and living. We have already discussed how our conscious minds and subconscious minds become home to loads of chaos, conflicts and confusion in this contemporary populist culture and then lose their poise. This affected consciousness then affects poorly our faculty of poised cognition. This in turn makes us see and accept twisted and mistaken causalities.
Loneliness, which is actually a potent and potentially positive faculty of a poised consciousness, becomes a victim of wrong cognition and causality. As we said, drifted and fluxed life-living and clutter culture pushes us to the deep woods of loneliness. This forest is a nice place, a truly empowering milieu if we see it that way. However, most people are scared of woods. Therefore, they fail to enjoy the very soothing and serene environs of the woods. It is all because of affected and distorted perspective. We are in our perspectives and our perspectives are in us.
Scientists however very categorically say that being lonely is ‘not such a passive situation that you can say, you just cannot help’. You can, with a change in your perspectives, through a process of unlearning and learning, towards the acceptance of this true and actual realism, within and outside you. The learning, which we all need to have, is about the 3Cs. We need to learn scientific and singularly objective facts about consciousness, cognition and causality. This is what getting popular in many parts of the world. People are accepting that clutter cultures we are in are taking us away from our own realism. People are accepting that mindfulness is the call of the hour. Loneliness is gradually being appreciated.
What we have to unlearn is that populist cultural clichéd, which has entered our instinctive behaviour and actions. We have to unlearn inappropriate benchmarks of success, self-worth, utility and happiness, which the contemporary clutter culture of markets, media and celebrities has heaped on us. We have to unlearn that we cannot do. We sure can!
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