Red by Neal D. Samudre - HTML preview

CHAPTER FIVE

ENGAGED

5.1 How We Inspired the World

Carly and I dated for two and half years before we got engaged, and to be

honest with you, those years were difficult. They weren’t hard because we

fought all the time or doubted love at all. Instead, those years stretched us

because we knew after a certain amount of time that this relationship, this

strand that tied us together in a heavy knot, was built to last. And we were

impatient.

In the Spring of our last semester at undergrad, when everyone started

proposing to everyone, Carly and I spent much of our time attending others’

engagement parties while wishing we could celebrate our own. But the harsh

reality was, both of us were heading off to a completely new area with no

money and no job lined up.

Earlier that year, we decided to attend the same graduate school

together. It was a seminary called Gordon-Conwell, hidden in the hills of the

North Shore area of Massachusetts. We figured it would be years before we

could get married because our schoolwork was time-consuming and our

schedules were packed. We would instead sit shoulder to shoulder in the

study halls, hearing of our friends getting engaged back home, and silencing

our thoughts on how we wished that was us.

In that time, we learned to be silent about our wishes. We learned to

be patient. And we learned to trust that our time would come eventually.

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There were many reasons why we felt waiting was necessary. For one,

we didn’t have much money or any job we could balance with school.

Money was probably our number one reason. We couldn’t figure out a way

to pay for our bills and insurance while also doing schoolwork on top of

giving our marriage the space to thrive. We figured that our marriage would

most likely drown in a storm of responsibility that came with the collision of

adult life and school.

But we also felt that we were possibly too young. I wasn’t sure if Carly

felt this way, but I started to listen to the greater culture too much when they

said getting married at a young age never works. I thought that if I waited

until I had enough money and was a certain age, then I would ensure that

my marriage wouldn’t fail.

It’s silly that I believed this. It’s a mystery why I trusted culture more

than my own ability at being the difference. Sure, the culture is girded with

trends, numbers, and statistics, but in the end, that’s all they are- trends,

numbers, and statistics. There is no spirit in these facts. That’s what my will

brings into the discussion. What I’m willing to do to make marriage work

should speak more to the possibility of my marriage lasting than general

trends in culture should.

In essence, the odds are not facts dictating our lives. Just because a

number of people who have married young ended up with failed marriages,

doesn’t mean you should be afraid to marry young. Your willpower is

different than the trends, so dare to rise above them. Knowing the odds only

help when you have the courage to overcome them. So be willing and

courageous enough to be different than the trends. Be the odd one out.

__________

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I only started seriously considering engagement for the near future

after talking to a friend from my church back home. She’s a bright-eyed,

bubbly elderly lady who always asked me about Carly whenever she sees me.

I tell her that she’s good and that she wishes she were here. And usually, our

conversation ends there.

But one afternoon, she asked me a different question:

“When are you planning on proposing?” she asked with a sly look on

her face.

“Well . . .” I honestly didn’t have an answer for her. I wanted to get

married soon. But I thought the only thing in life that I had settled was my

love for her. Other than that, I had nothing. So I told the lady the truth. “I

don’t know. When I’m ready, I guess . . .”

Then she said something that changed my mind about everything.

“Neal, if you’re waiting till everything lines up for marriage, you’ll

never get married.”

She went on to speak about how you never have enough money, life

experience, and many other things before you get married. But the main

part that stuck out from her speech was that beginning sentence.

For so long, I was waiting till I had my life all figured out before

getting engaged. But maybe, the mystery of life resolves after a bit of

dissonance. Maybe, in order for life to be as meaningful as I want it to be, I

need to risk more, throw my story into a bit of uncertainty, and have faith in

knowing that I’ll be better in the end because of it. Maybe, I need to take a

leap into the unknown, and figure it out as I go along. That sounds like a

better story.

__________

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On December 20th, just five days away from Christmas, I told Carly

that my family was planning a Christmas party for that night and she should

come earlier in the day so I could give her my Christmas present. She

happily agreed to my plan and drove down the night before. We woke up

slowly and excitedly jumped into our clothes, got ready, and headed to

IHOP for breakfast. I told her that my present was a short story I had

written for her, a story that I would read to her as we walked along old town

Alexandria, right outside of D.C. I had a particular route plotted out by the

water, each stop corresponding to a part in the story I was reading. And

then, before I reached the last chapter of the story, we rushed back into the

car and headed back to my hometown. We got stuck in traffic, which made

me beat the wheel with frustration and worry, but still managed to make it to

our next destination in time, where an acapella group was waiting on stage

at my church. We danced in a decorated sanctuary to the slow, melodic

serenade of my three good friends. Then, after seeing the sun rushing below

the horizon, I grabbed Carly and took her to a nearby beach. It was there

that I read the last portion of the story, ending with the question that would

change our lives forever.

She said yes, and on that night, we celebrated with our loved ones the

happiness of a love story stepping forward.

After the engagement, I was overwhelmed with joy. Many of my

friends told me that engagement was hard period to get through, but I didn’t

feel that way. I was just ecstatic that soon we would be united in something

unbreakable, something just years before I didn’t think was possible.

To be truthful, I was a little bitter towards the opinions I received

pointing me in the direction of love’s futility. I was so enlivened with joy at

the prospect of being united with my best friend, that I sought to correct

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these disillusioned, cynical views on love. I wanted to introduce hope into the

discussion of love.

As a result, one month later I wrote an article entitled, “5 Reasons

Why I Got Engaged Before 23.” I felt compelled to write it, like my joy

fueled a passionate fire eager to express itself in the work of my hands. It

took me a total of 30 minutes to write; and when I finished, I put it aside and

didn’t touch it for weeks.

When it came time to publish an article on my company’s blog, I

posted the article. And within just a few hours, it got thousands of views,

which then grew to be hundreds of thousands, and finally grew to be more

than a million views. I was shocked, honestly because I didn’t think the

article was that great. But even more so, I was surprised that this idea

resonated with people. It was as if people felt devoid of hope on the subject

of love, and once I gave them an idyllic perspective on it, they latched onto

it. There were only a handful of countries around the world that hadn’t read

the article, which made me happy, not because my writing was passed

around the world, but rather because my words were used to introduce a bit

of hope into the world.

This is what love does when it knows it’ll last: it grows to be an

inspiration for others. Love, in its very essence, is inspiring because it imbues

the dreariness of reality with hope and wonder. It reveals us to the stunning

truth that we were never designed to go through life alone. We were crafted

to be in deep relationships with others, some sharing the emotions of strong

friendships, and others sharing their very flesh. This truth is so heart-

wrenchingly wonderful, because if we truly were made to go through life

alone, then the world has a right to despair.

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But there is hope, and that hope is what we live out in our love. Thank

goodness we are not alone.

__________

Days later, after a flood of emails filling my inbox, a number of calls

coming in on my phone, a barrage of comments spanning my walls on social

media, and an emotional rollercoaster of receiving praise and hate mail from

the article, I finally relaxed with my new fiancé, tired and weary from the

attention. Just months before that moment, I told Carly that we would

change the world together. And as I looked in her eyes that night, we both

smiled out of satisfaction that those words were not a lie; they were simply a

promise fulfilled sooner than we had expected.

5.2 Why the World Needs You to Tell a Good Love Story

I recently attended a lecture where the speaker stated that marriage is more

of a community thing.

“No one has to get married,” he said. “Think about it: if you are in a

committed relationship, why do you need a marriage ceremony to remind

you of what you already know? You practically are married once you make

that commitment in your mind, so why bother spending thousands for a

wedding ceremony?”

The room was silent. No one was following what he was saying. I

looked around at all the engaged and married couples in the room, and

some looked as if he was speaking truth, while others had a dismissive look

on their faces. As for me, I sunk low in my chair, because at that time, I had

just recently gotten engaged.

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The man continued. “You know why we have marriages? Because it’s

more of a community thing. It’s simply a way of inviting others into your

love story.”

I shot up in my chair, feeling at once proud of my decision. I wanted

to jump up in the air and scream ‘Amen!’ but that would’ve been weird so I

just listened more.

At the end of the lecture, I left feeling that the man’s words were so

true. I might think that marriage is solely about Carly and me, but it’s not,

and that fact shows up in the way I have eight groomsmen and Carly has

eight bridesmaids. It shows up in the way we have more than one hundred

guests. It shows up in how we cater to the family’s wishes of what we should

include in the ceremony and reception, all while being careful not to offend

elder family members who deserve respect. This marriage we are putting on

is not for ourselves as much as it is about inviting others to join in our love

story.

When two people make a commitment to each other and decide

marriage is not necessary, they’ve done something odd to people who want

to be involved in their love story: they shut them out. They close the door

and say that their relationship is only about themselves. They don’t give

others the opportunity to celebrate with them, and their relationship then

becomes regarded by others as a mystery, like no one knows what they’re up

to anymore.

Two people who are committed to each other are just that- committed

to only each other. But if love is taking the next step, there is a greater

commitment to be had, and that is to change the world with your love story.

Yet of course, this first involves inviting others to join you.

__________

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I used to not believe in love, but once I accepted change as a necessary

endeavor for my betterment, I began to see the grace shining from a painful

love.

Truth is, love is the most practical tool for change there is. If we avoid

the hurt involved with love, we’ll never learn to use it for our advantage, to

be different and institute change in the world because of it. Love is there for

a purpose, waiting to be embraced by a skeptical world. All we have to do is

be courageous enough to hold it in our hands and use it for the good of

others.

I’m not married to Carly yet, but I know that in the moment when I

look straight into her eyes, at the altar surrounded by all our loved ones, I’ll

be different than who I was when I first proposed to her. This is what love

does. It makes us different. Love comes with a promise that if we only follow

it, it’ll stretch us to be better in the end. It holds that same promise for the

entire world, which is why we need to tell our love stories. The world aches

for a little hope and change, and we have the chance to provide that, only if

we’re willing to invite others into our stories.

__________

The thing with stories is that all the best ones never end with applause.

We applaud when the credits roll, but if they’re amazing enough, they

become ingrained in our minds and stamped on our hearts as precious

memories. The stories continue to be told, long after they’re over.

That’s my wish for mine and Carly’s marriage: that people will

applaud on our wedding day, but keep celebrating with us as life draws on.

My hope is that as the story gets retold, generations long after us will be

inspired by a love that lasted, and be compelled to craft lasting love stories of

their own. That’s the power of hope and inspiration entering into the

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vacuum of culture’s growing pessimism with love. It has the power to change

everything, to reverse the trends and spark something new.

My hope for you is that you would trek into the void of despairing

love, and tell your love story proudly. Share it among the masses, and inspire

a world towards change.

There is no greater task than this: to love deeply and change greatly.

May this be your cause as you live a love story worth telling.

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SHARE YOUR LOVE STORY

Thank you for reading my eBook, Red. What you probably don’t know is

that Red is the first eBook in a series of 5 that I’m writing on seeing the

wonder to life. The next eBook is entitled Yellow, and it is all about securing

happiness in pessimistic times. If you are interested in following along with

the eBook series, I encourage you to subscribe to the newsletter on the next

page, and get free access to the future eBooks.

But now, there is one favor I must ask from you . . .

The world needs to hear a good love story, and because of that, please

share my book. Spread the word on social media and point people to where

they can get the book. And in the process, share your own love story. Inspire

others with a love that lasts, by sharing this book and your love story,

because the world needs to believe in love again.

Also, if you don’t mind, leave a review on the Amazon book page. I

would love to hear what you have to say about the book. And if you believe

others would benefit from this book, leaving a review would be a great way

to let them know!

If you want to chat more about love, or simply just share your love

story with me, I would be happy to hear it. Check out ways to connect with

me on the next page.

Thank you once again. I look forward to connecting!

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Neal Samudre is an accomplished writer, author, and dreamer. He believes

that dreamers hold the key to changing the world, and in his writings, he

seeks to inspire his audience towards seeing more to the world and changing

it. He also believes in the power of a well-groomed mustache.

Neal works with Rethink Creative Group, an organization built to change

the world with their creative resources, marketing, branding, and art. Neal is

also a frequent contributor for many nationwide publications such as

RELEVANT Magazine and The Huffington Post.

Neal currently lives just north of Boston, MA, where he spends his days

trying to inspire the world from his writing desk. He’s excited to spend the

rest of his life with his bride, and he’s incredibly happy that you decided to

listen to his love story. Connect with him on the platforms below:

Newsletter: http://eepurl.com/DxmI1

Email: neal@rethinkcreative.org

Facebook: www.facebook.com/samudrewriter

Twitter: www.twitter.com/NealSamudre

Blog: www.nealsamudre.com

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