Get Rid of the Blames in Your Relationship
As far as placing blame in relationship is concerned, it is sometimes much easier to see your partner’s faults than those of your own. One of the biggest issues with couples that point fingers to one another is that most of the time, the two parties are right or both are just wrong. All persons have their own flaws and some ways that they try to defend themselves, pushing away other people from them. These defenses for protecting yourself become much stronger once you get close to another person, with old feelings triggering ways in you that you do not expect or are not even aware of.
If you want to improve your relationship and make it thrive and last longer, the key lies on knowing and challenging these defenses that you have. Instead of adapting the blame them mentality and choosing to focus your attention on the flaws of your partner, why not look at your own limitations first?
Avoid Building a Case
Once a conflict arises, fueling the fire is easy by using all types of proof of the character flaws of your partner. A single morning of accidentally overcooking the egg can already lead to a full blown case of your partner not attempting to learn how to cook where you catalog all incidences when a similar situation happened. Case building is one of the biggest issues in all relationships. Try to avoid doing this if you do not want your relationship to be always crowded with different cases day in and day out.
Drop It
When the blame is already going back and forth, with things getting out of a control, it will no longer be possible to resolve who is really at fault. During such arguments, there is actually no winner. The battle could have been won, but the war is lost. Just try to keep your perspective on the important things. If your aim is to get close all over again, it will not hurt to just drop the past, put your guard down and be nice to one another.
Unilateral disarmament might be the initial step to get back the loving and easy flow of feelings between the two of you.
Calm Down
Relationships can trigger ways in you that you rarely expect. A lot of things can set you off, particularly when your defenses are in full gear. Once you feel triggered, try to focus and relax before you react. Fighting with the fire will not do you any good. Managing the temper of your partner will be easier when you calm yourself first before you approach him/her.
Communicate Your Feelings
After you have calmed down and gave your partner a chance of expressing their own perception, that is the time for you to explain how you felt with no need to feel victimized or place the blame. Stay away from using generalized statements or victimized language if you do not want things to go from worse to worst.
Once you changed your blamed them mentality, you give your relationship the best chance of staying passionate, equal and fulfilling.
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