Seven Secrets Of Millionaires by Stuart Goldsmith - HTML preview

Chapter Nine

The Secret of Happiness

“To Allow Yourself to be Happy is the Greatest

Wisdom There is.”

Since we have been discussing happiness in the last chapter, I

thought I would just toss in the ultimate secret of happiness for you as

a sort of free bonus!

Yes, that Holy Grail which has eluded wise men throughout the

ages, is yours, free in the closing pages of this book!

You might like to know that the secret of happiness can be

explained in just eight words and is, in fact, quite mundane. It does

not involve meditation, drugs or self-flagellation. Each of the eight

words is worth one million pounds, but here they are, free:

Tomorrow, Today, Live For Better

Working a Whilst

What? You can’t make sense of that? I gave you the words for

free, but the correct order is going to cost you plenty...

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Pause, whilst the anagram-freaks try to work it out for

themselves....

Got it? No? Okay you’ll have to read on...

Now the price for my arranging the words for you is about ten

minutes of your time to read this section carefully, because it has

important implications for your happiness.

The first thing I want to say is that the human psyche - your psyche

- is a very delicate thing indeed - and can be badly damaged,

particularly during your early years, by what would outwardly seem

to be ‘not very much.’

Put another way, your mind is an incredibly delicate and subtle

mechanism - a finely tuned and highly sensitive instrument. So

delicate is this wonderful apparatus, that it is flat-out impossible to

grow up without some damage to its mechanism.

Moderate damage is normal and severe damage is common.

Please read that last sentence again.

I would say that 100% of people - that’s everyone - has moderate

damage to their psyche, and about one in three have severe damage. I

am talking about damage caused by a normal upbringing, not an

abused upbringing. Thankfully abuse is not the norm, but more

importantly, the psyche is damaged by numerous small incidents

throughout your childhood where you didn’t get exactly what you

needed, exactly when you needed it.

Parents are, after all, people. They are neither omniscient nor

telepathic. They do their absolute best, working from the basis of their

own damaged psyches.

And so the cycle continues...

Now the point here is that because everyone is damaged, this

means that everyone exhibits symptoms of ‘mental disturbance’

during, and often throughout, their lives. I’m talking 100% of people

here. Such symptoms include:

1. Anxiety.

2. Depression.

3. Sleeplessness.

4. Irrational fear/panic attacks.

5. Feelings of worthlessness, insecurity, pointlessness.

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6. Suicidal thoughts.

7. Substance abuse (particularly alcohol which is a wonderful

anaesthetic for the harshness of life).

8. Irrational anger/impatience/irritation.

9. Worry.

Because everyone experiences some or all of these on a scale of

mild to severe, everyone pretends that they don’t experience these

things and we all play this ridiculous game in which we pretend it’s

just other people who have problems, not us.

I have talked to hundreds of people from paupers to billionaires.

Scratch the surface and what do you get? The same old human-being

we all are. The damaged psyche resulting in some or all of the

negative symptoms I have listed.

I find this immensely comforting. The real problem about feeling

down on life is when you think it’s only you who feels like this, and

that everyone else is having a great time counting their loot. If you

can really take on board what I am telling you here, that everyone is a

seething mass of insecurity, angst, unfinished business and emotional

turmoil, then I think that helps a great deal.

It’s called ‘the human condition’ and comes about as a result of us

all having such an immensely delicate psychology. We are about as

equipped psychologically to handle the ‘slings and arrows’ of life as a

butterfly is to handle a force ten storm.

Every human on the planet is brave beyond measure. Forget

‘bravery in the face of enemy fire.’ That’s just one sort of bravery and

anyway, most soldiers didn’t have a choice about going over the top.

I’m talking real bravery of the sort you show every morning. You get

up and face the world again. You against the world. And it’s as much

a battle today as it ever was. Labour-saving devices make very little

difference. Do you have lots and lots of leisure time because you own

a ‘fridge, a washing machine and a dishwasher? No? I thought not.

It’s the same old struggle by the same old human beings.

There is a danger in writing (and reading) a motivational, go-get-

’em, kick-ass 'secrets of the millionaires' book because it encourages

the sort of polarisation I was talking about earlier. You can easily

think something like: “Yeah, it’s as I suspected, everyone else is

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happy and making great money, it’s only me who cannot achieve

anything of note. I’m all alone. Everyone else is so happy and well

adjusted...”

I’m telling you now, in as plain a way as I can say, that everyone

on the planet is more or less screwed-up because of the way we are,

and the way the world is. You just cannot avoid the damage.

You have to accept it, patch up what you can and live with the rest.

So what can you do to increase your chance of happiness?

Live Today

The first part of the key to happiness is to live today.

That means you must try to live in the present moment,

experiencing what is happening right now to you, good or bad.

This is it. This is your life. This is not a dress-rehearsal. But the

twist here is to set this in the context of everything I have just said.

Recognise that angst and upset are part of the human condition,

experienced by everyone. This is just what it is to be a human being.

We are all like this.

Why? Because from baby to teenager we had thousands of needs,

most of which were met, many of which were not. Each time a need

was not met (particularly from early childhood) it caused

psychological damage, sometimes mild, sometimes serious.

The brain is highly adaptive and most damage can be routed

around in order to allow the organism to continue functioning, albeit

at a slightly reduced capacity. We develop coping strategies the most

effective of which is just good old-fashioned, plain avoidance - we

simply avoid the people and situations which cause the emotional

pain and this stops us living life in all of its full colour.

When I say "live today" I’m not talking about some blissed-out,

tree-hugging hippie who tries permanently to empty his mind in order

to contact the ‘now.’ I’m talking about experiencing today with all of

its upsets, angers, joys and sorrows. Just riding the wild bronco of life

and not letting that sucker kick you off.

And when, as I often do, you experience a moment of intense

pleasure, I want you to think to yourself: “This is as good as it gets.”

And it’s true. These moments are as good as it gets.

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Life is hard. Just as hard today, in its own way, as it ever was.

Perhaps not as hard on us physically, but a lot harder on us mentally.

That’s why we’re not a lot happier now than in 1400 - to pick a year

at random.

So I want you to snatch happiness when it comes to you, like a

drowning man or woman seizing the proverbial straw. This is what it

means to 'live today. '

The alternative is to ignore the minor day-to-day happiness and

always be thinking some version of : “I’ll be happy tomorrow,

when...” (I have money, I get a girlfriend, I move from this bad area, I

get myself a new car...)

You won’t.

Or to think: “How can I possibly be happy now when...” - and then

insert your own unique bit of current misery, angst, depression,

anxiety, panic or fear. The error here is to think that one day you’ll be

totally free of these things, and then you can be happy.

You won’t. It’s how we all are - riddled with this stuff. It’s what

makes us all human. It’s what it means to be human. I’d go so far as

to say that a person without a smattering of these things would be a

flat, lifeless and intensely boring automaton. It is the degree of your

angst which is important.

Zero makes you dull as ditch water.

A sprinkling makes you human and still allows for a lot of

happiness. A moderate level makes you interesting, quirky and able to

cope mostly with life, but like a semi-active volcano, side-shoots of

lava keep erupting and causing turmoil in your life - you need to

spend some time fixing the damage, otherwise you may erupt one

day.

A lot, and you are mostly immobilised in life and unable to

function. Happiness is denied to you and all of your efforts should be

expended in therapy to repair the worst of the damage, before you can

go on. You are constantly depressed, frightened and anxious.

As an analogy, imagine a football team in immaculate, Persil-white

strip, nancying around the field avoiding getting grass-stains on their

clean white socks. They would be a bit of a disappointment, really.

They don't want to get too involved in the game in case they get mud

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on their shorts or a bruise from that big, nasty old ball. Who wants to

watch them? Who cares? They are not fully engaged with the game.

A football team whose players are muddied, bruised and riled are

an altogether more interesting spectacle. They’ll be fighting with

passion and determination, taking daring risks, sometimes winning

some ground, sometimes losing some ground, but always entirely

absorbed in the game and playing right now in the present moment.

But a team who are injured, demoralised, cold and wet need to do

one thing - retire from the field, get some serious rest, bandage their

cuts and recuperate. There is no point in their playing any longer. In

fact, they can’t play. Their minds are not on the game, but fully

absorbed with their pain and humiliation.

So, you see, the trick is to grab the happiness, now, in spite of any

current misery from your worry list.

A Brighter Future

The final part of the key to happiness is: “Whilst working for a

better tomorrow.” So the whole secret is:

“Live Today Whilst Working For A Better Tomorrow.”

Why not write this out on a 3” x 5” card and put it somewhere you

will see it each day? It’s not a bad idea.

First, you grab every single morsel of happiness which comes your

way, despite your perfectly normal negative feelings which you now

know are part of the human condition and which everyone

experiences.

Next, you must realise that everything you are today and

everything you own today is a direct result of your past decisions.

Decisions which you took, either consciously, or by default. Nobody

else is to blame here. But once again I find this immensely

comforting, because the power is in your hands to change the future,

you don't have to wait for someone else to change it for you.

If your present life is a result of your past decisions, then the future

is created by your present decisions, and boy is that true!

So you should be constantly working and scheming so that your

future (which will come around soon enough) will be even better than

your present. And you do this in spite of any angst and turmoil you

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might be feeling, just as you do it in spite of the fact that you have to

breathe air and sleep seven hours each night.

Now if you recognise yourself in the ‘moderate’ or ‘severe’

category of emotional turmoil, then part of the process of planning for

a better tomorrow involves working on yourself, perhaps through

therapy, counselling or talking to trusted friends. By the way, you

cannot do this alone or through introspection.

Think of this as urgent repairs to the ship’s hull, without which the

boat is in danger of going down. Only a fool would try to sail in such

a boat without spending some time in dock to patch things up.

Perhaps you’ve been in denial about the condition of this leaky old

tub? Have you been bailing like a demon for the last few years whilst

battling on through stormy seas, just about keeping afloat? This is a

judgement only you can make.

But apart from the psychological work, there remains the real

down and dirty work required right now, today, to make your future

better for you and your family. I guess this is what separates the

winners from the losers. Winners know they have to work now in

order to get ‘lucky’ several years down the line and reap the rewards.

Losers want the rewards right now and cannot make the link between

now and the future. They have what I have often described as a

‘Bunteresque’ view of life (from Billy Bunter), hoping that something

will turn up.

You can’t live like that and be successful. You have to live your

life on purpose, not by random chance. I cannot stress enough the

importance of working for a better tomorrow despite any strong

reasons why you feel you can’t, such as:

1. The terrible state of the world.

2. Your deep emotional scars.

3. Your age (you feel it’s too late).

Work gives direction, meaning and engages the brain. Idleness rots

you from deep within.

I feel this is one of the most important issues and one of the

hardest for me to write about. I guess the reason you bought this book

is because I’m just a few steps ahead of you on the path to wealth,

happiness and freedom, and through my writings, I pass along my

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views of the scenery, what you can expect and how to negotiate the

obstacles you are about to meet.

The final thing in Pandora’s box was... hope. And when you are

working for a better tomorrow, you are reaching into that box for that

last, most precious gift.

Conclusion

Immense wealth is within your grasp - but it won't be a simple

ride.

Millions of people are wealthy and although it isn't an easy thing to

get rich it is far from impossible.

Many chatter that they want to be rich, but few people have

researched the factors required to achieve this. There are, indeed,

several 'secrets' known to those who have fought their own way to the

top of the mountain. If you have some aptitude and are willing to

listen, you can learn these secrets for yourself and follow those 'lucky'

ones to the dizzy heights.

The first thing you must have is a firm belief that being rich is

okay. If you harbour any socialist leanings, then these will eventually

sabotage your wealth-creating efforts, ensuring that you remain poor.

You must have a dream to act as a guiding beacon to lure you on

when the going gets tough and the way ahead is dark. You cannot get

rich by randomly selecting a field of endeavour for which you have

no aptitude and even less interest. This is a ten or twenty year project;

it cannot and must not be a ten or twenty year prison sentence. So

you must do whatever it takes to unlock your secret dreams and

passions. Hopefully others will share your passion and you can

engage in commerce with them and make your fortune whilst having

the time of your life.

One little trick used by all highly successful people is to have a

battle-plan, sometimes called an action list or goal list. Life dreams

are usually large and unwieldy and so the wise person knows how to

break up these dreams into bite-sized chunks of a suitable size for our

limited minds. Winners set goals, losers never set goals. It's that

simple. Despite reading this advice fifty or a hundred times, still

some people will not write down their goals.

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Having written your goals and broken the large tasks down into

simpler steps, now you require discipline to keep you on track,

working through the list. Winners have this discipline. Losers wander

aimlessly, become bored or distracted, have low frustration tolerance,

give up easily and drift away. If I had to pick one single secret as the

most important, it would be to cultivate a sense of discipline because

from this, many other things follow.

When setting your goals, make sure you keep firmly in mind that

everything you obtain in this world has a price tag attached. You

must be willing to pay the price, otherwise you are only window-

shopping and this means you are not serious about life, just browsing.

Until this point, mostly this is theory. Now it is time for action.

Above all, successful people are men and women of action. They

get their sleeves rolled up and get on with the task at hand.

Unsuccessful people procrastinate and always want to do it

'tomorrow.' Of course, tomorrow never comes. The two main reasons

for non-action are laziness and fear. The fear is usually fear of success

or fear of change. We are all lazy, we all fear change. Winners are

able to push through these negatives. Losers succumb to them.

Before you start out on this journey, you need to have a clear

idea about how much is enough, otherwise you have no destination

and your search becomes an endless quest. If you are not clear about

your destination, how can you ever know when you have arrived?

Also, making money, no matter how enjoyable, has a price tag

associated with it. Ideally you want to minimise the time you spend

doing this and so you must have a clear idea of how much you want.

There is no point whatsoever in amassing riches, never enjoying the

fruits of your labours, and dying a wealthy man or woman. Money is

an enabling force, not an end in itself.

Finally, the journey is everything as there is only one, macabre

destination which we all share. The last stop on the line is Grim

Reaper Halt. Life is a process, not a product. So no matter what your

current level of wealth, it is time for you to start mastering one of

life's most difficult lessons and that is to be happy right here, right

now whilst working towards a better tomorrow.

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This book has been an attempt to get you to decide which of two

paths in life you want to follow, and then for you actively to choose

that path and live with your decision. One path is hard and stony. It

rises steeply above you towards a distant mountain top. There is no

guarantee of happiness on that mountain, but something calls you to

it.

The second path is not so steep. It meanders through the valley,

taking in some interesting scenery on the way. It leads nowhere in

particular, but the journey is an interesting and pleasant one.

There is no right or wrong path. Legend has it that both paths

eventually converge in a mysterious dark valley from which no

traveller has ever returned...but that's just a legend.

Choose your path wisely. But do choose, do not drift.

I wish you the very best in your journey.

Stuart Goldsmith

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