F
Finding Love
Love takes on some new meaning for people in Singleship and it is not about romance. It is about being more aware of the people around us. This kind of love is very new for some. Happy singles spoke about this kind of love as being a big part of their lives.
Let me break it down:
This kind of Love takes your time, empties your pockets and generally makes you do things for other people that could be bad for you.
When you do stuff for other people in the spirit of this kind of love, and do it a hundred times (and you are outrageously happy about it) that is the love you need for Singleship.
This is not romantic love. This is Mother Teresa of Calcutta type Love, sisters sharing a kidney, adoptive parents and grandparents. We see new stories about Doctor's Without Borders, and millions of other folks out there fighting the good fight and smiling through it all like kids on Christmas morning or beggars at a feast.
It is not easy for them. There is nothing very pretty about it. It all work. No hearts. No flowers. There are no diamonds or lobster dinners it is not romance, it is love.
This does not mean there are no gifts with this kind of Love. Happiness is the gift. This is a lofty idea indeed and you are not supposed to be the next Jesus or Buddha or some kind of modern preacher or prophet.
Prophets & Preachers share, even push their message on others, but keep this Singleship Challenge mostly to yourself.
You should not try to be the next Mother Teresa of Calcutta. Start small. Be a good listener first. Seek the simplest positive exchange. If you can start with tight lips, the rest is easy for you. You just want the world to be a better place.
Take a moment and dog-ear this page. This is the definition of Love for you in Singleship. Forrest Gump said it best, but for a different reason:
"I am not a smart man, but I know what love is."
Do you?
You might write the question on some of those yellow office notes and stick them in odd places around your living space: on the coffee can, your computer monitor, on a light switch or, at the very least, stick one to your bathroom mirror. On the outside chance your Singleship has not caused you to stop bathing, listen to the water tumble over your sleepy body each morning and contemplate those immortal words from our glorious Prophet Gump.
Do you know what love is?
Happy single people do.
You never need to say one word to represent or experience this kind of love. If you speak more than this phrase: "You are most welcome friend," you are not doing it right.
The idea of Love occupies a space in your heart and brain that may not feel so good while you are single. This goes double for people with fresh heart scars from a broken romance or marriage. Love in Singleship fills some of that space nicely.
Newspapers usually hold a spot for a human interest story somewhere in the middle of the local news section. You may see stories there about a group building hiking trails, folks feeding the homeless, a baby saved, or lost puppies found. These articles are about love. Read them. Try to figure out who is making the sacrifice. Is it the charity? The kid who did a walk-a-thon? Is the piece itself trying to get you, the reader, to take action or evoke an emotion? I write this now because most of the singles I met that were happy spoke about this love and there was nearly always confusion about the word for unhappy singles.
As an example one low-point scorer said:
Question: What is love?
Answer: Duh! I guess I don't know.
I am single over here!
Most unhappy singles save the "L" word for big romantic moments. Don't do it. The problem, of course, is there is not a better word for this love in the English language. The word itself creates the confusion.
A says: "He said the 'L' word."
B says: "Did you say it back?"
A says: "No. I said I am enjoying our romance."
B says: "Why?"
A says: "I am not sure."
See it does not really work. Love is the best word. Some singles use it only to punctuate romantic moments, but in Singleship, you should use it for other things. Happy single people spoke about it this way, 'It's for saving lives and healing people.'
This is the kind of love that makes you really cool in Singleship. It is the same kind of cool that you may use to attract romance into your life someday. If you have never experienced this kind of love, it is a hard thing to understand. This is the kind of love that makes the world a better place.
Understanding it is part of your study and it fills a part of that empty place nicely.
When you are not feeling love, and you are single, do something for someone, not to someone.
Recognize the various charity groups, shelters, and relief organizations as basically springing from selfless acts: the yellow wrist bands, pink ribbons on lapels, MIA bracelets, groups collecting canned goods to fight hunger, organ donation, and the Red Cross. Love. Love. Love. Thinking this way will tune your perspective, widen your objectives and change your expectations for this period in your life. You will not have to go far to find this love. Remember all the billions of other people? They are trying to feel this love too. It is probably close by you now.
The examples of love I have given here have a purpose other than to weaken your resolve to impulsively respond to television ads about hungry orphans, disaster victims or fund cancer research (but consider them, please!). It is not here for you to start considering religion either. It is simply that I want you to examine love as a different kind of goal.
Love in good Singleship is not a life altering, connection to another person, but a life altering connection to humanity.
This is a simple, bold, and bright idea, but it is not a rule. I didn't make it a letter prompt because no one can make others feel this way. No one should try to do it. It is here for you to know about. You can seek to make the connection or not, but you can’t fake it. If you can make this leap and rethink the meaning of the "L" word to include something else other than pouring it over your lover like honey. When you are in Singleship and you desire romance use the word romance. When you need unconditional love, use the word love. Simple right? We will get to lust, and love in later pages.
Write something tonight about two or more examples of this love.
How does this make you feel to receive this kind of love. Would you know how to give it to someone else? Does this feeling tell you more about who you really want to be?
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