I am an alcoholic. I worked for a Fortune 100 company, currently drive for a ride share service, and have been sober for over three years. My road to recovery was not easy, but it was also not as hard as many of you are experiencing now. I was a social drinker for many years and only binged once in awhile. This is quite normal if you do a search, there are many drinkers that will drink heavy on special occasions.
Eventually, those special occasions turned into daily social drinking after work and a continuation of drinking in front of the TV at home. I never drank on the job and usually tried to quit drinking at around 10:00 PM at the latest. Towards the end I drank until I was drunk and finally passed out only to wake up when my alarm went off to go to work. Then, situations occurred that caused some mental and physical anguish and I found myself leaning on my old friend the bottle for support with increased frequency. My doctor suggested I go on antidepressants and all they did was cause me to become suicidal.
So, I stopped and attempted to control my drinking which eventually began to spin out of control. I was mean to almost everyone and woke up sick every morning. Withdrawals are very dangerous and can be fatal, please seek medical attention if you have the shakes, nausea, or anything similar to a hangover on a daily basis. My doctor suggested I go to rehab and I balked at the suggestion.
Then, made an attempt at the self prescribed tapering method which only worked for about a week. Finally, I saw my counselor at work and voluntarily entered an inpatient substance abuse program for 28 days. I lasted two days and checked myself out and went home, I did not agree with the AA push and religious aspect of the recovery program. After arguments with multiple friends and family members I fell asleep. I woke up in the morning walked to the store and bought a liter of vodka. Came back home and almost overdosed and killed myself completely by accident.
My uncle and a friend picked me up and took me to their house. My aunt and uncle picked me up that evening and told me I must go back to rehab, reluctantly I did. Prior to going back to rehab, we went to the Emergency Room where they wrote me off even though I had a blood alcohol level of over .30.
Then, I entered the halls of inpatient rehab once more with a determined mind to follow the process and then stay sober thereafter. After 5 days of detox and another 23 days going to meetings, socializing, and creating a plan I went back into the real world. Back to my house, car, and work and everything else full of anxiety but not willing to drink. I was and am one of the lucky ones, I had loving friends and family standing by me during my darkest hour an hour where my life was truly in the balance.
This book is intended for those who want to go their own route and not attend meetings with AA or another organized group. Now, I am not saying don’t go to AA or Life Ring or any other meeting if that is what works for you.
However, it is something that I personally do not believe in and it was not going to work for me. Mainly because I am not flamboyant about being an alcoholic and I also do not believe pushing a higher power should be the way to go. Programs tend to push a higher power, when I believe that I am my higher power and the only thing standing between me and that first drink of alcohol.
They also serve as a constant reminder that you are an alcoholic or an addict and I believe this could be detrimental in many ways. This type of reminder can bring about bought of anxiety, depression, and suicidal tendencies because either you enjoyed your poison and are considering going back or the events leading up to seeking recovery are somewhat embarrassing and scary to think about.
For me, being reminded that I am an alcoholic tells me that I am a failure to myself and my family, etc.
So, the goal here is to accept you had a problem, acknowledge that you needed help, and move the hell on with your life. Hopefully, if you’ve had a problem and needed help you received the medical attention that you needed or are using this book as a guide to eventually seek help and join the ranks of many happy and successful sober individuals.
Finally, I will never say don’t attend a meeting, what I am trying to say is do what works best for you and I hope that this will give you ideas.