1 - First Step – Get Free
The First step is quite large. Please take the time to read more than once.
Are you free?
Are you happy with your present situation?
If you answered ‘no’ to one of those two questions, maybe this book can help you.
There’s a direct relation between being free and living a happy life.
To get free, you need to understand what is wrong with you. The obstacles that are stopping you from reaching freedom have been placed there by you.
Even if you don’t know how, you did it.
Reading this book is the proof that you want to work on yourself. You’re on the right path, stay on it.
A. Take care of the Bull Shit Spiral
Are you in the Bull Shit spiral?
To know if you are, answer these questions:
Are you feeling bad about your life?
Is it difficult getting up in the morning?
Are you in a state of survival for everything in your life?
Do you feel the need to forget?
If your answer is ‘yes’ to any of those, then you are in a spiral. And you should do something about it.
The Pharmaceutical industry doesn’t want you to think you can do anything about it. They want you to take some pills in order to change how you feel about the spiral. It’s a billions dollar business. And they want to keep it rolling.
Here I don’t say to stop taking your pills, what I say is that you should start to work on the problem in order to have the chance “someday” to stop taking pills. Always follow your doctor’s advice. Never stop any medication without the approval of your doctor.
The spiral is made up with those: Criticizing, denouncing, lamenting, moaning, protesting, bitching, deploring, grieving, imputing, refuting, ranting, reproaching, whimpering, whining, finding fault and making a fuss. I know there’s many more, but we’ll start with those.
Criticizing: If you feel good about making a negative statement. You’re into the spiral.
Denouncing: If you think that you are a victim or you think that someone else is a victim. You’re into the spiral.
Lamenting and Moaning: You need to lament and moan about anything and everything. You’re into the spiral.
Protesting: You think that it’s better to fight against something then to work for the opposite. You’re into the spiral.
Bitching: You like to say negative stuff about others. You’re into the spiral.
Deploring and grieving: You keep on remembering negative moments and the bad feeling attached to it. You’re into the spiral.
Imputing: You never take responsibility for your mistake. You’re into the spiral.
Refuting: You feel you need to make a point. You need to be the one who’s right (even if you’re not). You’re into the spiral.
Ranting: You like to rant. You’re into the spiral.
Reproaching: You feel the need to put the nose of someone else into their mistake. You’re into the spiral.
Whimpering and whining: You like to complain about your victim status. You’re into the spiral.
Finding fault: You need to look out for the bad in everything. You’re into the spiral.
Making a fuss: You like to create drama. You’re into the spiral.
There’s many more stuff like those that would bring you into the spiral.
If you want to know if what you’re doing is bringing you into the spiral, ask yourself those questions: “Do I generate anything good with this?” “Is this bringing anything good into my life?”
If you answer is yes, then you’re not in the spiral. If you can’t say if the ending result would be good or bad, then you’ll need to ask yourself another question. “Are you doing it with good intention or not?” Intention to do something good is not into the spiral. Many people will say they’re doing it with good intention, but the truth is far from that. They’re doing it under the cover of doing it for good reason. They’re into the spiral.
Let’s talk about the good reason that some people use to destroy your dream. Some people do really think those are good reasons.
Some will say: “It’s for your own good.”
They’ll say: “It’s to protect you from failure.”
They’ll say: “No one has done it before. You don’t have what it takes to do it.”
They’ll say anything just to make you quit.
Why they’re doing it?
They don’t want you to succeed. Your success will show them how deep they are into the spiral. And they don’t want you to get ahead of them in any way. Those people don’t deserve your time and energy.
Some of them do really think they’re doing this to help you. Don’t fight them.
When you find out that you’re into the spiral. You have reached the first step to become free from it.
It may seem simple, but it’s really hard. All your atoms will fight to stay in ignorance.
When you “understand” that you are in the spiral, it’s a big success.
Celebrate! It’s the start of your new life.
Stop doing it
Now that you know, you need to stop doing it.
It will be hard. Yes, good effort brings good results.
“Everything of value has a cost. Career and business success don’t come without a price.”
- Mark Levine
When you realize that you are living into the spiral, you need to stop.
Yes, stop and think about it.
Ask yourself if this is going to bring anything good? If you think it won’t then stop. Just stop.
It will feel strange. People will look at you and wonder why you stop talking or doing what you were doing. Don’t pay any attention to them. If they insist in knowing what you’re doing, smile and say nothing. You don’t need to justify and share the work you’re doing on yourself. And your silence will protect you from more negative comment about the work you are doing.
The work you are doing, it’s all for you. Don’t waste energy trying to explain it to others. You’ll need all your energy to keep yourself aware and ready to stop the spiral. And if you still want to help, give them this book.
One more thing you could do to help yourself is to have a note book. Write about each time you stop the spiral. You write down how you stop it and the reason why you were going to do it. This note book is for you only. Reading it will help you identify the problem and stop it from coming back again.
One of the ‘magical powers’ of the spiral is that most people think it’s ok to be in it. You have the supreme power to choose. The spiral can’t force you to follow it.
In the beginning, you’ll only identify the spiral after the fact. To stop into the action, you’ll have to work on yourself. Yes, the most feared word of all. “Work”
Each of us is stuck into the spiral to a different level. We can’t compare our amount of work. As hard as this may become, you’ll have to do it alone. No one can do it for you.
You’ll know the job is done when you’ll stop even before taking any action into the spiral. You’ll stop consciously within your mind.
Once you know you can stop it. Celebrate; you have reached another big step into being free from the spiral.
Break Free from others influences
You have identified and stop the spiral in the first two steps. This is great!
At this step, you will now look at the spiral in what others are doing.
You have to stop others from involving you into their spiral.
Don’t let the spiral take you back in.
Don’t try to stop others from being in the spiral; you can only stop them from involving you in it.
Think about yourself first.
You can’t change others if they don’t want to do it.
You can help others that are already involve in taking care of their spiral, but the job need to be done by them first.
In time, you’ll see that you’ll meet people that are doing the same work you’re doing. You’ll find easy to build a relation with them.
A sad reality:
“The people stuck in the spiral will blame you for it. And even more, when they find out that you are working on breaking free from it.”
The fact that you keep yourself away from the spiral will make them blame you for their involvement in it.
Don’t defend against them. Let them be and hope they will understand someday. You can’t do anything for them. If you try to defend, it could bring you back into the spiral.
Fight against the urge to fight because you want to save someone else from the spiral. Like I told you before, give away this book. Let them take action to save themselves.
When you finally realise that you can stop the influence from others,
“Celebrate”
You have reached another big step into being free from the spiral.
B. Take care of your reaction
Now that you can identify, stop yourself and stop others from taking you back in the Bull Shit Spiral. You’ll still have to work on your reaction to what’s coming to you. You can’t stop it all (even if you try very hard).
Most people will be “ok” until they come face to face with something that will shake their reality. If you’re having problem with what the outside world is throwing at you, then you’ll have to work on it.
We don’t have full control of what’s coming to us, but we have full control on how we react to it.
Understanding how you feel according to what’s coming to you will help you changing the way you react. You could use a new note book or you can use the same you used in the step “Stop doing it”.
Use it to write the situation.
- Note how you feel.
- Note how you react.
- Identify if it could take you back into the spiral. Or if it did.
- Think about a way to prevent the spiral from coming back into your life from those moments.
At this point, if you can find people working on themselves (as you are). You can ask them for idea to prevent the spiral. Helping each other on this road to freedom will help everyone.
Your reactions are closely involved with your instinct.
As long as you don’t take the time to understand your reaction, you will not have any chances to change anything. You’ll keep reacting with your instinct.
I’m not telling you to get rid of your instinct. I’m telling you to work with them so they don’t end up taking you back into the spiral.
C. Be your own outside observer
When you have cleared most of your unproductive reaction in your life, then you still have to be aware of what you’re doing.
It’s easy to fall back into old habits.
It’s easy to get back into negative energy.
“The acceptance of full responsibility encourages you to become aware of your beliefs.”
- Joe Vitale
Breaking free is a job that will go on for your entire life. There’s too many ways to fall back that you can’t let your guards down.
One good way to be your outside observer is to take one hour a week. You have to be alone in a peaceful place. During that hour, in your mind, you get back to all the actions you took in the last week. If you find out that you have nothing to think about, it means that you’re not really aware. Note everything and then get back to think about it.
Another good way would be to build a power team with some people you trust. This team can be from 2 to 10 peoples strong. It’s up to you. But you only need one person with you to make this power team work. Each member of the team should have done some work on themselves before getting in the team. Each member of the team will share one thing about his work. Share with honesty. It’s a mutual trust association. You need to do this with people that are on the same track as you. As a team, you try to find the better way to resolve what is brought to the team.