CHAPTER THIRTEEN
THAILAND. I realize I have a new beginning that can go either way. On the crossroads so to speak where daily decisions will forge the path I lead. It is very calming to be isolated from the general population to ponder these thoughts. My mind is slowing down without having all the constant stimulation of what you should do and what you are doing. We all grow up with expectations of what we should do with responsibilities of forty-eight years of life, but what we really need and require stays hidden because of what we are told and what society believes. We entrap ourselves in the progressive wheel of life. We feel wrong by doing what we want because it may not be what others may want for us.
In a few days I will be heading up north on my own without guidance to Chiang Mai, and then to Myanmar for my visa, then returning to my house in Bangkok to plan future endeavors. At this time my future lies in front of me although I cannot say I have a certain plan at this point. Talking to others about future choices can be refreshing but also can go the other way as others interject their opinions. Should I contact others or go at it solo to experience my own thoughts and not feel directed by others? Time will tell and I believe I will know the right time and have the strength in myself to move in the proper direction.
For seven years I have battled with alcoholism that has slowly brought me down. I can think of alcoholism as a bad thing, which is a true observation, but I also have to see it in a positive light. Without it I possibly would have gone on with a course in life that was not my choosing. A prisoner of success, money, and broken relationships. I was fortunate enough to see the “dead end” sign