Before we move on to today’s exercises let’s have a summary of what we’ve looked at today…
Just because your partner show's you affection - it doesn’t mean that she immediately wants sex with you. Stop trying to initiate sex at the slightest show of affection. Start giving and returning affection just for the sake of it instead.
Remember that an affair is not the answer to your lack of sex problem. Okay, a little bit of flirting here and there is acceptable, but please mull round in your head today the thought that having an affair can be incredibly damaging, especially if you have children. Try and observe the ‘look but don't touch’ rule.
Being an egotistical maniac is not attractive.
Answer your partner's questions. Give her proper answers, not just "whatever", or "I don't know". And don't brush off those "are you okay?" questions. Your partner cannot read your mind and answering properly shows her some respect, and you need this respect in your relationship in order to get more sex.
Remember that asking your partner derogatory questions about her period will not help what is otherwise a really unpleasant time of the month for her.
Quit being a doormat. Don't get walked all over by everyone, including your partner. Banish your insecurities and find a happy balance.
Is your partner really a controlling, manipulating old whingebag? Could it perhaps be that she is trying to create a loving home and relationship for you both instead?
Likewise you can't be a manipulating, controlling old whingebag yourself too. You've got to keep this in check. You don't always have to be in control, and you certainly don't always have to be right, especially if you want more sex.
Resentment can go both ways, it's difficult to hide and it can kill sex in a relationship. If there is something that you resent your partner for then you need to have a conversation with her about it. Likewise if you think there is something that your partner might resent you for, then firstly keep a check on it and then do something about it, and if that fails and the resentment is still there then you need to talk about it with your partner. It’s all about the communication.
Quit keeping stuff from your partner.
Who are you putting first? Your children, or your partner? One very important concept that we'll get to in later days is the time thing - you need to spend quality time with your partner, just the two of you, if you want to get connected enough for sex to even be on the cards.
Asking your partner if she is “in the mood” for sex? is not an effective seduction strategy. Sorry chaps but you are going to have to work harder at it than that. It's all about the oxytocin levels - more oxytocin = turned on partner.
If you and your partner have just had a baby then you need to exercise some patience please. Your partner will more than likely be tired and have other things to worry about for a while. So watch for those good, positive signs that things are improving again and come back to this course then perhaps?
Don't take being rejected by your partner for sex personally. Start letting the water fall of your ducks back.
Day 3 Exercise’s
Exercise 1
Today’s first exercise is about keeping a watch on your inappropriate touching please. Let's say that your partner wants a cuddle with you, or goes to give you a kiss. I'd like you to just take this for what it is please, its more than likely not a request for sex, it’s probably just a desire to have some non-sexual contact with you. Don’t touch your partner inappropriately as a result of this touch request, and don’t try and initiate sex as a result, just be patient and hang on in there. You will get there.
Please try and remember today what I said about having an affair, it is absolutely not the answer to your problems. Okay fair enough a little bit of office flirting is acceptable, but think really hard before you take it any further. When you are at work or generally out and about observe a 'look but don't touch' rule.
Exercise 2
Today I want you to try really hard to keep the egotistical maniac within you under control. Remember that it's not attractive.
Exercise 3
If your partner starts quizzing you today, asking you questions such as “does my bum look big in this?”, or asking that dreaded “are you okay?” question. Then do something different today - actually answer the question. Do it nicely, do it calmly, show your partner some respect and actually give her a proper, well thought out answer.
Exercise 4
If your partner does happen to be within her monthly cycle at the moment then please remember what I said about asking derogatory questions about her period. Asking “is it your time of the month?” in a nasty, unpleasant, questioning kind of a way is not going to get you any sex the moment her period does finish. If it does happen to be your partner's time of the month then give her compassion and space.
Exercise 5
Today I want you to take the doormat off of your head, or, if it's inscribed on your forehead instead, then go scrub it out. Start grabbing your insecurities by the ear one by one and throw them out. Be a man both at home and at work.
Exercise 6
If you detect that your partner is whingeing at you, or moaning at you to get something done, or she's coming across as controlling and manipulative towards you, then take a step back from the situation for a second. Think about the words that she is saying. What might her purpose be in what she is asking you to do? Might it be that she is just trying to create a better relationship for you both or a better home? Try not to react negatively, instead put yourself in her shoes for once.
Exercise 7
Likewise today I'd like you to try practising what has just been preached - if you think that any of your behaviours could possibly be controlling or manipulating I'd really like you to try and keep these in check please.
Exercise 8
The next exercise is all about resentment. Today I'd like you to keep an eye out for this unpleasant “R” word. And that's resentment on both yours and your partner sides. If you think that this issue does exist then make a commitment to yourself to read the “communicating better with your partner” appendix, and then challenge yourself to step outside of your comfort zone with your partner and talk it through sensibly together.
Exercise 9
Watch yourself when you are communicating with your partner today (and from here on in). Is there stuff that you are lying about or keeping from her? If so why? Why can't she know those things? Ask yourself if it really matters if she does know?
Exercise 10
Today I want you to think about who you are putting first in your relationship please. If you have children then this is especially important. Spending time with your children is important yes, but then so is your relationship with your partner, and so is having a sex life with your partner. If you aren't spending enough quality time with your partner tonight, just the two of you then try working out with your partner how you can spend more time together. Start the conversation with something along the lines of “I'd really like to spend more time with you...”, “can we talk about how we can make that happen?” and go from there.
Exercise 11
Quit, from here on in, asking if your partner is “in the mood” for sex with you. It is not an effective enough seduction strategy.
Exercise 12
If you have a young baby in the house then, today (and for a while to come), do please remember that it's pretty unlikely that your partner will have enough energy for sex with you, potentially for quite a while. From here on in, until things look as though they are improving - stop pursuing your partner for sex.
Exercise 13
I'll repeat again that at this stage I don’t think its sensible to be trying to get some sex - it’s simply too early on in your learning process, but if you do try then make sure that today you do something a little bit different - don’t react badly if your partner is rejecting you for sex.
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