Okay, well done, we made it to the end of day 4. I’m really hoping that you aren't feeling too battered, bruised or worse, fed up. Tomorrow we start getting to some positive stuff, we start getting to the things that are going to build you back up, so hang on in there please, keep going with every single bit of this course, no skipping. Let’s get summarizing today before we move on …
You need to be making sure that your partner feels safe in your relationship, so; be around, open up a bit and show some emotion occasionally and tell your partner that you love her nice and often please.
It's more than likely that your partner is not withholding sex from you out of spite.
If you are reminding your partner that you aren't having sex as much as the national average, then STOP IT. NOW!
I made the suggestion that if you started helping your partner out around the house, helping her out with her, probably very long, list of chores, that she'd then have more free time for you, and that she would also be way more open to the idea of sex with you.
If you are going to ogle other women then do it subtly, so that your partner does not notice that you are doing so.
Control your drinking. You being a total drunkard is not going to help you get any more sex.
Have some of your own interests; try not to be too similar to your partner.
I introduced the idea that unfortunately your partner is not going to get turned on by you wandering about in the nude. Boo.
Your partner may not take well you rejecting her over football, cricket, or whatever other interest tickles your fancy. So it's well worth having a careful think about the impact that you rejecting her over this interest of yours has on your sex life.
Your bedroom (and come to think of it, your house too) needs to be a relaxing, romantic place in order for romantic sexy thoughts to be allowed to enter your partners head. With that in mind you need to make sure that you aren’t using your bedroom floor as a dirty clothes storage facility please.
Quit doing stuff in front of your partner that is going to totally put her off of you; picking your nose, trumping, chewing your fingernails and spitting them out on the floor, making that horrible noise you do with the back of your throat like you are going to spit a wonderful mixture of flem and snot onto the floor, etc. You get the drift I'm sure.
Keep your promises. If you've told your partner that you'll do something then damn well make sure you get it done.
If you're not with your partner, and you're talking with someone else about her - then talk about her as if she was there with you.
Today we talked about treating sex as less of a race to get from zero to penetration in as quick a time as possible, and how, if you are doing this, it has the potential to be putting your partner off of sex for next time.
If you are lucky enough to be getting some sex at the moment then try your best not to fall asleep immediately afterwards. Try some cuddling up and snogging rather than turning over and snoring away immediately after you've come.
You and your partner have more than likely already decided on whether you are both okay about having sex during her period. If you are both okay with it though make sure that you don't go getting funny about any blood produced as a result.
Day 4 Exercise’s
Okay, we’ve summed today up. So let’s look at the exercises that I’m going to suggest that you do today please. These will try to get you thinking about what you’ve learnt some more and will get you implementing them…
Exercise 1
The first exercise for the day is one that is going to help your partner feel a little bit more emotionally safe - and it is this - I'd like you to do a little opening up today, ideally when you are giving your partner some of your time. It's not tricky - all you'd have to do tonight, at dinner maybe, is just to sit with her and chat. Perhaps she'll ask you how your days been, if she does tell her stuff, perhaps stuff that you wouldn’t normally tell her. Maybe someone or something bothered you, go tell her about it, try telling her how it made you feel. Just open up a bit and let her in with some of the stuff that you say.
Exercise 2
Today I'd also like you to allow the thought of helping out more at home to enter your mind please. Observe the whirlwind that is your partner, see what it is that she does to look after you, your home and your children. Whilst observing - have a think about what she's doing. Is there stuff that she's doing that you could help out with perhaps? If you are feeling really brave perhaps you could make the suggestion to your partner that you could take something off her hands, that you could help out with something. Try the words “Is there anything that I could do to help?”
Exercise 3
Whether you are out and about with your partner today or not - when you see a fine lady that you'd like your eyes to give some attention to for more than 30 nanoseconds - look, by all means, but do it subtly. If you partner is with you then try and look so that she doesn't notice that you’re looking, and if she isn’t with you then practice looking like she is with you.
Exercise 4
This exercise only really applies if you drink too much, and I'm sure that you’ll know if this is you. Tonight perhaps try cutting down a bit on your drinking and see how it helps matters. All we're looking to do here is to get it so that your partner doesn't get totally turned off of you because of your over excessive drinking issues, and so that you can hold a decent conversation with her.
Exercise 5
Have a think about your hobbies and interests today. How similar are your interests to those of your partners? Is your partner your only interest? Your only hobby? If so perhaps at least have a think about what other stuff you enjoy doing? Perhaps you used to go mountain biking a lot when you were younger, maybe start that again. It's just an example, I'm sure you can think of plenty of your own, so just have a think about this one and see what you come up with.
Exercise 6
Having just talked about your own hobbies and interests I'm going to sound like I'm contradicting myself here, but it's all about happy balance. So, today please, whilst you are thinking about your own hobbies and interests can I ask that you have a careful think about rejection, ie you rejecting your partner for sex having given preference to your hobbies and interests, ie football, cricket, rugby, etc. Think those key words ‘happy balance’ again.
Exercise 7
Today go take a look round your house, specifically at your bedroom. Are there any of your dirty clothes on the floor? If there are then go pick them up, in your partners mind they do not belong there. Take a look at your side of the bed. Is there stuff there that's been gathering dust for 200 decades? Could some or all of it be moved without ruining your existence? Is there stuff that you could do to de-clutter thereby making it a more relaxing and romantic environment for your partner? If so go do.
Exercise 8
Today remember what I said about the gross stuff please. Keep an eye on your habits, be that extra bit cautious, consciously think about stuff that you do that might be grossing your partner out, and then don't do it in front of her. From today onwards - just stop it.
Exercise 9
Have a think about the stuff that you are promising your partner that you'll get done. Have you promised something recently that you haven’t then gone on and done? If so try and make the time today to get it done, even if it's just one of the things. Do you have a system that helps you remember the stuff that you've got to get done? A to-do list? Perhaps you just need regular reminding of things. To-do lists can be as simple as a piece of paper that you keep in your pocket with your hand scrawl on.
Exercise 10
Today, if you're talking with someone about your partner, and she's not there, then talk about her as if she were there.
Exercise 11
If you are lucky enough to be getting some sex at the moment then the next time sex occurs try slowing down a bit. It is not a race, do something different to what you normally do. Personally I'd suggest that you stop for a while, until you get more knowledgeable. It won't be too many days before I start giving you some daily tips on how to improve things, so maybe just hang on for a bit, wait until you know more.
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