Releasing An Emotion
Emotions can be very strong and seductive. You can feel out of control when you experience a potent emotion. An emotion can grip you at light speed and you may have little awareness of the successive steps that led to your thoughtless words and actions. With repeated emotional experiences in relationships, workplace dynamics, and your daily life, you will have more awareness, and the experience will seem to slow down. You will have more free will to be conscious of your actions. That is when a pattern can be broken. I used to get very angry and yell at my girlfriend when we disagreed. I always felt very justified in expressing myself this way. I felt that I had a valid emotion to express. Recently, after lot of reflection on taking responsibility for my emotions, the energy of anger appeared in a disagreement with her. This time, I used breathing techniques instead of yelling at her. Also, my ability to use positive words in that moment helped douse the flames of our argument. A pattern that had been in place for years had been broken by taking responsibility for my emotions and responses.
Follow these steps during a negative emotional experience:
Emotions are very temporary. According to neuroanatomist Jill Bolte-Taylor, author of My Stroke Of Insight, the chemicals of an emotion are flushed from our system after 90 seconds (2008). However, we experience a cascade of additional negative emotions if we choose to continue to feed the stories in our minds that are causing them. Starve the negative emotion of fuel and it will die. If the inner dialogue continues, choose to watch it instead of identifying with it. Notice the petty tone of the internal voice and recognize that it is ego and not love. Continue to breathe into the area and ask the question “Am I Willing To Let This Go?” until the emotion subsides.
Laughing, crying, sighing, yelling (preferably not at someone), moaning, and singing also physically expel emotions like a reflex. There are formal practices using these techniques in the companion workbook. Releasing emotions starts with subtle work. Throughout the day, many kinds of experiences could cause you to hold your breath slightly and constrict. Just notice, relax into it and breathe. For the heavy duty emotions, the physical reflexes can be used intuitively. Remember not to feed the stories in your mind, as you don’t want to train yourself to be a releaser and not a solver.
Reflect:
What stories do you tell yourself in your head that refuel negative emotions?
(ex: I know better than he does what I should be doing with my life, how dare he tell me how to live my life.)
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What could you tell yourself to end the internal dialogue during an emotional cycle?
(ex: I am responsible for my own emotions. Blaming others won’t help me.)
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