Back to CC
I leaned forward to try to tell the taxi guy this was the end of the road and we would like to get out now. He looked over at CC and shrugged his shoulders like I had spoken Japanese to him and they both laughed.
Considering I was paying the bill I found their intimacy a bit irritating but he this was Barcelona and I was happy not to be driven around a ring road for an hour first.
We had arrived at the beach after 2.00pm and we didn’t want to pay for chairs so we wandered down to the water side and dumped our bags behind us to lean on.
CC stripped down in seconds and took out a joint.
“You can’t smoke that here! Put that thing away. Why did you even bring it along?” I was horrified and suddenly her judgment was a danger to us.
“I thought you would like it” She looked so hurt and I had been getting very short with her this last week.
“No I don’t want a problem in public and no I don’t want to attract attention to us any more than you already do” I tried to sound logical and reassuring. She turned away. It was nice backside but that was all I was going to see for the next two hours. I looked left and she looked right down the beach but generally we looked like such a perfect pair.
It was like being married- well suited on the outside but full of cracks underneath.
Even in retrospect it is hard to fully know what changed or whether our instincts were mature enough to know it wasn’t meant to be.
What was strange was the ending of my relationship with CC was the beginning of my downward spiral with pot. What became very obvious was anyone with a pulse would have enjoyed the early honeymoon experience of sexual discovery and general fun with the added bonus of seeing new places. What perhaps was difficult was when things got into a normal routine and when reality kicked in the novelty wore off for both of us and we were better off alone. The day-to-day pressure of everyday life got the better of us and perhaps we took our relationship for granted and the cracks started to appear and were too much to rectify. Our relationship worked on many levels but practically speaking it could not survive the realities of everyday life and unfortunately after our lovely time in together we remain friends.
I cant say accurately whether we would have bonded so strongly had pot not been present, there was an undeniable truth to the fact that we spent a lot of time together most of which we were stoned. This was an important factor as the acceptance of being a pot smoker starts with the person next to you. Prohibition starts with the person your with and this applies to any activity, if your with a friend who has an allergic reaction to nuts suddenly nuts are off the menu. My initial appreciation about CC was not only the physical lust but the ability to open up and really talk for hours whilst we were high, we’d spend hours together talking about our pasts or future aspirations and this level of acceptance was enhanced by pot and the ability to relax and be myself and not be told this behavior is forbidden was very welcome and appreciated. This combination of double dopamine of falling in love with the added benefit of being allowed to indulge in an enjoyable vice was the magic formula for having a good time.
The cliché of sex, drugs and rock n roll was my undoing really can apply and I through myself head first into the temptations and would probably do so again. I don’t regret having done this it was really just the inability to make this last forever which was hard to come to terms with. It might have been the break up and the difficult adjustment to return to normal mundane life. Love is a form of madness and when combined with drugs the spectrum of emotions can be quite extreme and can give you great highs but equally extreme lows and this is all part of the growing process.
It is very rare to find a partner who really has a chance to see you in your most honest and exposed state, essentially physically and emotionally naked and then embrace and reward you. The love trick is almost the closest to a religious or spiritual experience when you feel the universe is rewarding you with primal satisfaction of sensory experiences. The affection and warmth is mutually reflected and having someone tell you how great you are is rare but always appreciated.
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