Chapter 8
CELEBRATE CHANGE
Some guidelines are helpful when major changes are made, or thrust upon us. Retirement is a sudden change when we have worked all our lives in a structured environment. The job defines us, then suddenly there is no job, and no time structure. What to do?
There are four stages one must go through when entering such a major period of change:
1. Check “What’s going on?”
2. Establish the security base
3. Set the roles and goals
4. Plan effective action
Remember Stephen Leacock’s expression “He..flung himself upon his horse and rode madly off in all directions"? And the expression “Ready, Fire, Aim!”? Well, to cope with any new and major change, first, stop and reconnoitre, ask yourself “What’s going on here?” This is the period of chaos that takes place during the initial period of any major change. Allow it to be. Take your time. Look around before you make any false moves.
You have read about executives who, when parachuted into a big company, make a tour of the operations to find out what is going on, before they take over their full responsibility. Don't get on your horse and ride off in all directions.
In a divorce, death or major change in life, stop and reconnoitre before making any significant decisions. Retirement, for some, is one of these major decisions.
In this first stage, "What's Going On?", there might be a grieving period to be dealt with. Again, allow it to be, that is part of the process, but keep it within limits, then get on with life.
The next stage, once you have found out what is going on, is to secure your operating base. This means your income, your health, and your relationships.
I went to a psychiatrist one time to help sort out my life. She had some words of wisdom about coping with change that I thought were amusing but had a good ring of truth about them. She said “..the bull in the pasture first of all secures his turf, that is, his food supply, then deals with his enemies; then, and not until then, can he make love to the ladies.”
So, secure your pasture so your dependents as well as yourself can survive.
Now, the third phase in the process of adjusting to major change is to set the role and goals, to define a kind of purpose for your new life. It is not enough to just let things happen. Happiness grows along with personal progress and growth. Vibrant living is the by-product of an active and purposeful life.
Finally, the fourth step in the adjustment to change is making the foregoing effective, giving it expression. Remember the bit from Tennyson's poem Ulysses (see