Chapter 20
TRUE COMMUNITY
True Community is where a group of people help each other, sharing the burdens and sharing the joys. It is more than just a neighbourhood, or a housing development. True Community may take different forms; a network of people not living close to one another, like a church, club, or an association; or people living close together as in a small village, or urban enclave, or in a self-created community.
Care is so often now given by an institution, instead of a close-knit community. We are all too familiar with the moving out of older parents into a nursing home or some form of total care. The trick is to find a way for older people to live in a community that cares.
Creating community is not easy. When people live in each others’ pockets conflict is frequent. Methods of reconciling differences are necessarily developed or the community splits apart. However the rewards outdo the pain. Living in community, in comparison with living alone, is good for your health, as described by the authors of "Creating Community Anywhere."(9) And the authors outline many alternatives to living in the retirement home, including shared housing, multi-generational living, and getting a group together to build their own intimate community.
Then there are the so-called “intentional communities.” These are where people of likemind get together and create a community by buying land and building houses for each member family, with a common house for eating, recreation, child care, laundry, and other services. They all share in the democratic operation of the group, includ ing the cooking, cleaning and maintenance. Some take the responsibility of using their special skills like gardening or maintenance, others work on a rotational basis for the cooking, child care and whatever. "The Directory of Intentional Communities"(10) lists some 400 of these intentional communities in North America. See also "Builders of the Dawn" for intentional communities' descriptions.(12) These are not the “communes” of the 60s.
“Co-housing” (or Cohousing) is another form of living in community.(11) This is a form of intentional community that started in Denmark and is spreading throughout North America. It has four basic characteristics:
There are many references to co-housing on the Internet.13 The Cohousing Association of the United States lists about 150 co-housing enterprises in various stages of completion. California alone has 28, Colorado 12 and so on.
In Canada there is the Canadian Cohousing Network the website of which shows the following co-housing activities again in various stages of completion:
B.C.12; Alberta 2; Saskatchewan 1; Manitoba 2 and Ontario 5. For some reason there are none listed in Quebec or the Maritimes. They will probably catch on later!
Co-housing is not based on a particular idealogy or dogma and encourages a mix of demographics. Housing units are often arranged around a courtyard where children are free to play without the presence of roads and cars. Thus retirees can keep an eye on the children of those who must work outside the home.
One group developed a values statement which included “where each person feels accepted and valued as they are.”
In the normal urban environment you do not have the option of choosing your neighbours. However, in co-housing or intentional communities, the membership of like-minded people is set up in the beginning.
Some will not want to live in such close proximity to others, and will need their privacy. However, the satisfaction of mutual support, both psychological and economic, will for some outweigh the desire for being totally independent. This is especially true when one moves from a stressful, unsafe urban environment into the protection and mutual support of a “true community.”
For seniors it is important to seek the optimum living conditions among the many alternatives, rather than hanging on until no choice is left. It is better to be in a like-minded group where each is responsible for the other, than in a home or institution with “total care.” Someday we might HAVE to accept total care, but in the meantime, as long as we are at all mobile, it is important to retain some decision making, even over what to eat, and what to do to-day, and whether to look after Mrs. Smith down the hall, or in the next house. Total care sounds nice; you have no responsibilities, but this can be debilitating.
Look for away to live in community, whether an extended family, or a self-reliant community of some kind. We might have to create our own! Why not?