All of those discoveries went into the adult interviewing class discussion about when the self begins and how the self is formed. We base this search for the self, the existential search for the self on the following working definition:
The self exists as a conscious, independent entity which perceives the world, takes information from that perception, learns from that information, makes choices based on that learning, and acts freely on those choices. The self experiences the results of those choices, and the process begins again.
From the discussion in class at the middle school and our mental observation of the child at play, we realize that the becoming self learns and develops through interactions. Some of these interactions happen between the person and the material, the physical world. Many if not most of the most important and formative interactions occur with other human beings, other people who influence the way in which we see the world, the way we perceive the world in the first place. The first definable action of the self comes in the self's perception of the world. Everything follows from that perception and what the self chooses to do with it. Those personal interactions and influences go a long way in forming the perceptions we form of the world. These perspectives may result in meaning perspectives that can limit our relationship with our becoming self. Given their importance, we thought we needed to look at who those people were and are and how they affected our becoming self.
The interview students named anyone of a number of categories of those with whom we deal during our formative lives. The first and most powerful come with parents and/or caregivers. Other relatives came after that including and especially brothers and sisters. After that lots of other categories appeared: peers and friends, school (including daycare/preschool) and teachers, religious figures, police, role models of all kinds, and they often brought up the media as a powerful influence on them during formative and the current times of their lives.
No class had any trouble pointing to their parents and/or caregivers as the most important of all those categories, at least to their own minds and memories. Whether they felt appreciative of or aggrieved by those parents and/or caregivers, they all saw them as essential elements in the becoming of self. After we discussed the Smart Love notion of inner happiness and inner unhappiness, that importance loomed even larger. We all realized that even before the entity of the self becomes fully conscious of its self, our perceptions become formed even as we began our forming of the world through our perceptions.
Some asked what would happen to someone who held an inner unhappiness meaning perspective in an interview. Generally, we thought, it would seem harder for that person to present her/himself as well as possible given her/his comfort in the negative. On the other hand, it might make that person more relaxed because that person didn't have any high expectation. Other students discussed people they knew in their lives who seemed to show manifestations of inner unhappiness. Every time something good came up, those people would make something bad happen—every time. The idea of inner happiness and inner unhappiness generally seemed very compelling to those students, as compelling as to the middle school students, and as it was for me. Whether we think about our self or not, we stake a great deal on our sense of self, and the idea that some part of that self is unknown to us can feel unnerving. Interestingly, that matched with the fearful way people approached interviews.