The dominator model of human nature also carries with it another subtle even pernicious quality. Once we have adopted a meaning perspective that makes us part of this sense of human nature generally and in our own nature specifically, we come to believe unhappy things about ourselves that hinder our lives and our learning. When people with such beliefs hear the expression or sense the existence of "high expectations" about them, they may perceive that it sounds and feels like a threat.
Early in my teaching, I discovered that many, if not the overwhelming majority, of my students lived with a meaning perspective that encouraged them to see themselves as inadequate and rather stupid—or just plain dumb. My first response to those feelings caused me to feel that the one thing these folks I saw as trapped inside such a meaning perspective wanted would come in some access to liberation. If I opened that access to them they would enter gladly and regain their freedom as people, as whole beings. They would empower themselves with this freedom through choosing access to that freedom. They would speak the "Yes" to that desirable state. In that the face of that "Yes," the seemingly powerful energy of the "No" meaning perspective would simply fade away.[86]
Using Frankl's idea, I thought I would make my high expectations of these and all my students, of everyone I met, the core of my perception of them and my actions toward them. In responding to those expectations, to the critical moments they would produce, they would critically reflect on their negative meaning perspective. In that examination they would discover that the limitations they felt about themselves, the burdens that held them down, had been taught to them if not driven into them in them but had had always been a lie. They would then feel and express themselves in ways that expressed their inherent human power within. No such luck.
The power of the meaning perspectives we hold about ourselves can feel so essential to our very survival as an identity and as a life that we will reject the idea of other choices that weaken or eliminate the meaning perspectives we feel vital. That can hold true even when those meaning perspectives and that identity cause us to feel very bad about ourselves. It may not make sense on first encounter because of other meaning perspectives we hold about such things, but our ego and our sense of identity can prevent us from entering into empowerment and a return to the essentially healthy and powerful becoming self.
We generally look at identity and ego and as full of pride if not arrogance and superiority. Our identity says, "Because I have this great job and own lots of material goods," and our ego completes the thought "I am better than others." We see ego and identity in inevitably negatively qualitative terms. That's not the case. They have a more very practical function than our sense of their quality allows us to realize. Our identity forms some sense of being in the world which it gives form to our way of seeing ourselves, the world, and it defines our conduct and abilities. Our ego defends us from our vulnerability and fears. Our identity and ego make us feel visible and safe. Those functions do not imply any necessary sense of superiority for any reason. Safety can occur in other ways and a sense of our material being can come in many forms. When we form an identity that says, "I am slow. I am stupid" or anything like that, we do so because we have been trained to do so. We also do so because we have internalized it. In that way, we feel identified with these meaning perspectives, and they define and give form to our material selves. That form and definition feel essential to survival. Our ego takes up the defense of this identity and tells that world and ourselves, "I am less than others, so don't expect too much from me," which sounds unhappy to an outsider, but it makes our identity feel safe from the fear and vulnerability of failure, of no identity at all.[87]
For a person in this state of mind and being, holding on to the meaning perspective of inadequacy, the idea of "high expectations" comes as a demand and a threat. In a critical moment when cognitive dissonance feels like it assaults our identity, our ego responds by saying, "That's just the way I am. I can't change. Don't ask me to." Our identity fears dissolution and rejects the choice or choices it can actually make to clarify and improve its apprehension of itself. In truth, nothing about us, not identity, not ego, and certainly not our becoming self has anything to prove or has to prove anything. Our whole being always has choices to make to express ourselves in ways that allow us to become more and more fully realized. When we make new choices that might feel opposed to our established identity, we may feel insecure and even threatened. Ultimately, new choices made in the spirit of the becoming self, will always allow us to realize our strengths.