It was five of us. Expat English teachers from a high school on the outskirts of Wuhan.
Our school being in a remote location, we were getting stir-crazy and needed a shot of bright lights, big city nightlife.
We met up around 8 in the evening outside our school’s front gate and piled into a beat-up gray Renault van; a “chicken van” as it’s often dubbed in China Expat nomenclature.
The chicken van made regular runs from our school to the Wuhan city center and was rickety and squeaked, creaked, bumped and thumped along as our driver, a middle-aged local, with minimal teeth and a scraggly flattop, grunted, growled and honked at everything moving as we sped by abandoned Soviet style apartment blocks, vacant factories, and an active chemical plant, its storage tanks glowing gold; its smokestacks spewing steady streams of milky exhaust into the tar of night.
The traffic flow, chaotic beeping, vehicular madness multiplied like swarms of bees and hornets as we neared the neon night of the city center.
Hard cyberpunk blasted from the van’s distorted dashboard speakers, and during the journey we debated prurient topics, like who you’d rather fuck: a morbidly obese fempat or a smoking hot, post-op Thai ladyboy.
(The ladyboy won, hands down.)
We cut onward into the municipality’s veins, by the black river, and saw shiny skyscrapers flanked by varying architectures of iron, and cruel, rectangular, brightly lit buildings backdropped in smog.
The streets were heavily peopled. Bikes, buses, cars, walkers, vendors; a myriad of human smells, hives of activity.
Here was the commerce, life and leisure of an economic colossus, a church of capitalism, an emerging superpower…
Cancel Culture | Kim Cancer Our Captain was a China vet, a grizzled Welshman, a muscular, crewcut, cleft-chinned former SAS.
The wild-eyed savage in his starched and creased Iron Maiden T-shirt, camouflage cargo shorts- his usual attire, despite the damp, 7 something Celsius winter weather…
The Welshman was showing off the green dragon tattoo on his upper right arm to our driver’s nodding approval.
The Welshman’s glaucous eyes, w/their drooping lids, crow’s feet, and his sneaky wry smile and fangled set of choppers told of time, the Commonwealth and too many sweets, and the cheeky, sprite geezer spit on the street and sparked a smoke as we disembarked from the van.
Wuhan’s downtown air was different, slightly sulfuric, and its temperature felt a tad warmer than that at our school’s sprawling hillside campus.
“You’re 62, mate?” queried Piggy, the chubby young Londoner aside the Welshman.
“Never underestimate the importance of a good night’s sleep and a proper shave…” the Welshman retorted, ejecting twin chutes of smoke through the flared nostrils of his long nose and nodding us in the direction of a nearby bar.
A muck-faced beggar in grayish rags, missing both legs, crawled by us on his forearms, prostrating along the street.
He beseeched us in a local dialect none of us could understand, but linguistic barriers couldn’t obfuscate his angle, and he clutched a tattered KFC coffee cup with a ratty, crudely affixed QR code for donations…
Piggy winced. Being new to China, and Asia, I could see it affected him. The only thing that affected the rest of us was olfactory. Fucker smelled like the floor of an abattoir.
“In China, the beggars are controlled by the triads. It’s a racket. Probably got his legs cut off for not paying off gambling debts. And now his wife’s a hooker, too, I bet. Pun intended.” The Welshman observed, seemingly attempting to calm Piggy, whapping the Pigger a playful elbow to his Buddha belly.
Cancel Culture | Kim Cancer Most China expats, after enough time in the PRC, had a similar gallows sense of humor as the Welshman…
“What, so since he’s got no legs he can’t slap on deodorant? He’s still got arms,”
chimed in American Randy, nose hair Randy, the chinless, the doomsday prepper, the flat-earther, the near midget with a walrus mustache, always in Adidas tracksuits, the raging asshole who could never put down his phone.
“I doubt deodorant’s the biggest of his worries…” I assured, testily, wanting a beer already.
二
We entered the bar through the baroque, towering, 3-meter-high ovular pecan brown wood entry door and made into the mist and volume of the establishment.
The place was a behemoth square-shaped venue that had an ersatz Euro gestalt-assorted oak veneer plinths with faux marble statues of Greek gods, a celestial ceiling, off-white walls with crown moldings, caryatids and Odesa corner onlays, and an array of prismatic overhead lights in rainbow spectrums, lasers, and strobes over the proscenium in the far left of the main room where a Filipino band played.
Our crew soldiered up to the reverse L-shaped drink counter and waved over one of the bartenders, an early 20s, tall Chinese goddess in black knee-high platform boots, hip-hugger green sparkly short shorts (revealing delicious rear décolletage) and shiny silver halter top that showed off her taut midriff.
Her hair was dyed, tied into Harley Quinn pigtails, and I wondered if she was an aspiring model or at least a luxury car show girl…
We complimented Harley on her winning of the genetic lottery, and she stoically tapped at her tablet while we ordered a bevy of beers, strictly Corona, none of the local piss, and whiskey shots, Jack on the rocks.
Each of us swiped our phones to pay, and we collectively ogled Harley Qing’s shapely derriere as she slinked off…
Cancel Culture | Kim Cancer We cut a path through the miasma of smoke, bar staff moving like missiles, rushing drink trays, and we dodged phone zombies, randomly arranged tables, and found a vacant booth in the corner, not far from a trio of pool tables.
Doomsday Randy was pointedly saying to Piggy: “It’s not that I’m homophobic!
I’m simply scared of gays. Like, an irrational fear, like I go to San Francisco or Dupont Circle and I’m thinking dudes are just gonna run up and buttfuck me, you know? I start to understand how women feel, you hear me?”
We scooted into the booth, eased into the pleather. A smiley young mushroom haircut waiter in a tacky tuxedo and oversized eyeglasses, arrived with our drinks and offered us a free plate of symmetrically laid slices of dark meats and cut fruits.
I sampled a strip of the meat and found it to have a bizarre, pungent, heavy taste.
Certainly not sapid.
Canadian Chad, in his black HIV sweatshirt and ripped up blue jeans, Chad the crazy long legged, lanky, gangly fuck, Chad we call the slender man, examined the meat with squinting, sapient eyes, and shrieked and gagged. Upper lip curled, prognathous jaw extended, he offered an unusual appraisal.
“Bro, that’s fucking dog! That’s fucking dog, bro! You ate dog! I know that smell from anywhere. They ate that shit in Korea. Only kimchi is…”
I couldn’t hear the last of his words because the music was too loud, but I could easily detect his distaste, and he made fake puking gestures and burst into sardonic fits of laughter, pointing and snapping smartphone photos of my snarled mien.
“Can’t imagine how much melamine is in that dogmeat. Your kidneys are fucked.
You won’t have them harvested, probably, so that’s a win…” Randy conjectured, snarling and yelling over the table, before he grabbed a slice of purple dragon fruit and began chewing it with his mouth open.
“Yerr… Only live once. Fuck Cujo,” I yelled back, and guzzled my Jack on the rocks to ablute my mouth of the taste and guilt.
Piggy was sweating, staring, his mouth agape, the pudgy punter practically mesmerized by the skimpy bikini dancer, a light-skin lovely with the big bulging Fan Bing Bing eyes of a green tea bitch.
Cancel Culture | Kim Cancer The vixen worked the pole on a birdcage-like podium opposite the bar, gyrating, thrusting her feminine geometry to the hum, bumps of the beat. Her lithe little body shaking in hypnotizingly lusty motions; her lissome movements full of gymnastic aerial V leg splits and bad bitch twerks.
“Welcome to Communism!” Chad the Slender barked at Piggy, slapping on the Pigster’s back in a congratulatory gusto.
“Fuck Communism!” Welshman bellowed, raising his shot glass and we clinked cheers and guzzled what I hoped to be genuine whiskey. It was genuinely smoky, peaty, if nothing else, and rushed into my bloodstream with rapidity…
三
Aside from the dancer, the bar was pretty pathetic, I gathered, scouting around.
Having been in Shanghai before and partied in bitching bars and clubs, this place was a joke. Felt like a simulacrum. There were hardly any ladies, other than a few scantily clad skeezers, sitting suspiciously alone at the bar.
The Welshman, noticing me checking them out, leaned over and whisper-screamed into my ear over the Filipinos’ blaring, shitty acoustic rendition of Taylor Swift’s “Bad Blood…”
“See that one over there, in the red? Those fishnets, the rack, the makeup like a geisha? My buddy working in town, he picked her up, sent me a photo. 1000 RMB
for the night. Said she was a screamer. Called her Moaning Lisa…”
“Said she was cock-eyed, though, so he fucked her doggystyle.”
“Probably why she’s wearing those shades.”
“Strabismus.”
“Whatever…”
“If all else fails, we head to a massage place. Get wanked off, have a dip in the jacuzzi. Not a bad way to finish the evening, I reckon,” the Welshman affirmed, chair-danced and sparked another smoke…
Cancel Culture | Kim Cancer Our mission was twofold: We’d come for fun. And for cunt.
Looking around, though, there wasn’t much pussy to be found, at least of the free will variety. Very few debutantes here…
The bar was hazy thick in clumps of cigarette smoke and largely populated by small groups of local dudes drinking 3% alcohol beer, cradling their phones; many playing a drinking game that involved shaking a cup full of dice.
“All right, lads, let’s find fanny!” hollered the Welshman at the top of his lungs. He then guzzled the remainder of his beer, and we split into two squads, a team of two and a team of three.
The Welshman slid out of the booth, rose up and continued: “Don’t let any of the local blokes cajole you into drinking too many. It gives them face, like, ‘Hey, I have a white friend!’
“Have a quick shot or two, on them, and then break out. But don’t be daft and do a Wendell Brown.”
Deploying, weaving about the floor, the Welshman and I happened upon a table of non-hooker looking lovelies in short skirts. We locked onto our targets and approached.
They were probably half our age and would never talk to us in Britain or America-unless we were rich. But here, in Asia, we had a fighting chance, asserted the Welshman, saying how girls like that in the UK wouldn’t even spit on him.
“I’d lick up the water from off the floor of her shower.” I was saying as we neared the pussy, my face twitching with lust.
I’d instantly been enamored by the pussy at 11 o’clock, the shoulder length hair brunette, with the resting bitch face and those hyperborean cheekbones; the gorgeous maiden, coyly crossing her shapely satin pantyhose wrapped legs, staring down at her phone, twirling her wavy hair with her fingers.
Fuck, she looked like a total bitch, which made me want her even more, and I wondered what color panties she might be wearing up under that super-skanky microscopic skirt…
Cancel Culture | Kim Cancer But, closing in, a duo of chunky lizard-face local dudes cut off our path, smiling and patting us on the back, offering us shots, likely employing a common Asian continent cock-blocking tactic.
We reluctantly accepted, following their popped-up polo shirt collars to an adjacent table, wanting not to have a Wendell Brown.
After a shot, and pretending we didn’t speak Chinese, and them speaking minimal English, we shook their hands, politely stepped off, and disappeared into the bar’s stratosphere of smoke and were disappointed to find the pussy had vanished.
Even worse was that a pair of local police floated forth, menacingly, like ghouls, in front of us.
四
One of the cops was pointing his smartphone, taking pictures of us. The other greeted us in English.
“We must see your passports, please,” the English speaker, the younger, taller of the pair spoke, mechanically, in a British-inflected Chinese accent.
The older, shorter copper, the one wielding the phone, examined our passports, visa pages, and snapped smartphone pics of them with splenetic fervor.
We had valid passports, visas, so it wasn’t an issue. However, what happened next was unexpected, certainly at this bar.
The English-speaking cop, produced two small urine specimen cups from his coat pocket, handed them to us.
“Please provide urine samples. We check for illegal contraband,” said the young cop, in a coldly formal cadence.
Being a tad buzzed, I reached for my fly, was about to whip out my dick and piss right there. But the cops winced, and the English speaker waved me off, forming an X with his arms, and pleaded: “No! No! No! We take you to WC!”
Cancel Culture | Kim Cancer In the bathroom, Piggy, Randy and Chad were already there, looking something between pissed off and confused.
Drug tests at expat bars are common these days, in Xi Jinping’s China, but they aren’t too frequent in predominantly Chinese bars...
Chad was stuttering, trying Fabian tactics, something about a kidney issue, his blue eyes getting watery.
But his protesting was otiose. The coppers were stolid, unwavering, and ushered us one at a time into a stall and watched us each stand over a shit-splattered squat toilet and piss into their cups of truth.
“Please provide…” politely requested the younger copper, guiding me into the dookie booth, and when I broke out my little brother, he stared straight at it, smiled licentiously as my silver piss filled the cup.
A gaggle of other cops showed up soon after, all of them donning facemasks...
One of the newcomer cops, wearing blue latex gloves, disappeared with our warm, freshly bubbling piss while the English-speaking cop made small talk with us, mostly about basketball, then about Kobe, and who we blamed for the helicopter crash.
A few minutes later we were released. All of us, except Canadian Chad, the slender man, who was asked to “come to station.”
We didn’t ask why.
Leaving the WC, I saw the educator, towering above the police, cowering like a wounded giraffe, breaking into tears as the coppers encircled him.
The vibe at the bar completely killed, we decided to boogie, and head to the massage parlor early.
五
Cancel Culture | Kim Cancer The spa was a quick five-minute walk away, and on the way there, we spotted an apartment building, its residents emptying, panicked, many in pajamas, piling into cars out front, tires screeching as they tore off hastily.
“Might be another jumper.”
“Or a building fire.”
“Another maid with a flamethrower, trying to juice the insurance cash to pay off her gambling debts.” Randy chimed in, rambling.
Randy’d taken a fancy to the maid in Hangzhou, had written her in jail, tried to visit her before she was executed via firing squad...
Next to the spa was a dead body, a migrant worker, from the looks of him. You’d see that in the city center, here and there. Dead bodies lying around before they eventually got scooped up.
An aerial drone buzzed overhead, right by us, speakers on it screaming something in Chinese, but it flew too fast and was too garbled to comprehend...
The spa had Grecian pillars in the doorway and flashing red lights, floral patterns on the awning, and the signage above had the spa’s regal name, emblem. A short red-carpet was unfurled on the sidewalk, leading inside, like a hairy tongue.
I’d been there once or twice. It was a colossal place, with a locker room, showers, a sauna, steam room, jacuzzi and small swimming pool on the first floor; the second floor a cavernous lounge area with puffy, comfy leather kick-back chairs, each having its own wraparound TV, plus a decent buffet restaurant, and a third floor filled with private massage rooms, VIP suites.
Many travelers to Wuhan stay the night there, instead of a hotel…
We entered the lobby. The floors were beige, fake marble, and a Frenchy style crystal chandelier dangled from the ceiling; red ribbons hung all over the walls, and a 3-meter-high, 2-meter-wide fish tank with various varieties of goldfish swimming about was situated near the entryway.
A poster with a list of services and prices hung above the sales counter, where we were greeted by a buxom, nubile attendant in a resplendent red flowing evening dress, who booked us in and scanned our Alipay payments with a vulpine smile.
Cancel Culture | Kim Cancer Piggy, Welsh, Randy were escorted to the elevator, up to the sauna by a leggy raven-haired beauty in a tight-fitting gold one-piece miniskirt bearing the spa’s escutcheon, and Piggy, right behind her, stared directly at her tight ass, slobbering and following it to the elevator like a syzygy.
Another golden one-piece miniskirt beauty, even hotter, this one practically all leg, led me, by myself, to another room, down a separate corridor, on the ground floor...
Legs asked me, in English, if I was a Jew.
“No, I’m Italian-American, but people sometimes think I’m Jewish because of my big nose. My ancestors are from Italy, Milan, came to America years ago.”
“I like Jew,” she said, chuckling, “so clever. Too bad you not Jew.”
“Anyone can convert, I guess. Even you. You could be a Jew. A Chinese Jew. You’d be set on Christmas,” I told her, but my joke flew over her pretty head, and her temperament cooled.
She brought me to a room that was like a hotel suite, waved me in and promptly disappeared. The room was spacious, with fancy light fixtures and had a king size bed, 55-inch flat screen TV mounted to the wall and a small fridge. The ceiling and walls were all mirrors.
A minute later another leggy, identical gold miniskirt gal stepped in. This one not half as pretty. Her head was abnormally large, and she had tiny opal eyes shaped like bent crescent moons.
However, her hourglass figure, her lower body, in particular – her hips, thighs and round ass- were most certainly enticing. Her nose and chest were both rather flat, though.
She spoke perfect English and told me her name was God.
“Would you like to sleep with me? 900 RMB,” God cooed, running her hands over her runway chest, working down to her ischium, cupping her childbearing hips and swaying slightly.
I’d rarely paid for sex and wasn’t going to pay her.
“No, that’s okay. I just want a massage, nothing more.”
Cancel Culture | Kim Cancer God’s face contorted, first in surprise, then something that appeared hurt, then irate.
“You don’t think I’m beautiful?” she sniffed and coughed and crossed her arms, appearing as though she’d let loose a runnel of teary waterworks.
“No, you’re beautiful. Seriously, you’re great. It’s not you. It’s me. I only came for a massage. You’re very pretty, you really are.” I pleaded to her, trying to lift her spirits.
For a second I felt bad about not paying her, genuinely bad about it, but then I wondered why I honestly felt bad about not wanting to have sex with this prostitute, this “chicken woman,” this slapper…
God stomped off with an expression that was something between hurt and confused. Perhaps I was the first foreigner not to hire her “services…”
The imbibing I’d done at the bar suddenly kicked up a notch, the floor feeling uneven.
A handsome young Chinese man with a shaven head suddenly appeared like he’d walked through the wall.
Heavily tattooed, and a meathead, I worried he’d come to rough me up for hurting the hooker’s feelings, but he was chill and friendly and led me up to the sauna, and we chatted in Chinese about basketball.
“Kobe, numba wan!” he repeatedly exclaimed, in English, coughing and spitting on the floor as we walked down a tessellated hallway, and he showed me into the lungs of the locker room.
The locker room was humid and hot as an oven; floors were moist and hard.
Beads of sweat trickled down my lower back, and I peeled off my Boy jacket, was handed a key attached to a stretchy red plastic wristband…
六
Cancel Culture | Kim Cancer I undressed, put my clothes in the locker, slapped on slippers and had a quick shower. Steamy water cascading over me, “Bitches Ain’t Shit” by YG started playing in my mind and I sung the words loudly.
I stepped out of the shower, wrapped a towel over my waist, bumbling and stumbling in a dipsomaniacal duck-walk by the jacuzzi bath where I spotted Piggy and Welshman.
“What up, bloods?!” I yelled at them.
Neither replied, and they looked at me like they’d eaten a lemon.
I’m not black and neither are they, which is why I found it fun to call these vampire pale, crumpet eating, tea sipping, stiff-upper lip Brit fucks hip-hop slang like “bloods.”
Walking past them, I heard Welsh mutter something about, “septic…”
Everywhere, in the showers, stepping in and out of the sauna, pool, steam room, were Chinese men in vapors, birthday suits. Unkempt, hairy dicks, nuts wiggling and dangling, bare asses hanging out…
Most of them were like walking chimneys, voraciously smoking cigarettes, which, given their nudity, I couldn’t help but wonder where they kept the cancer sticks and how they managed to light them; most were coughing, crepitating loudly as they gathered about the premises, hacking up massive phlegm flams, spitting on the vanilla tiled floors.
I was handed the standard spa uniform (pajama-like shorts and a shirt) by a haggardly middle-aged male spa attendant, the guy’s voice sounding like he’d swallowed a chainsaw. I slipped out of my towel, into my duds, and noticed Chainsaw Voice peter-gazing.
Chainsaw Voice chuckled and quipped to another spa worker, a scowling, slightly older guy, saying something about how “just Africans are bigger…”
I wandered into the dimly lit lounge area and was met by another obligatory, young leggy lady attendant, standing dutifully, radiating in the caramel patina; this babe a busty nymphet crowned by a glittering bluish black, blond-highlighted curly mane that flowed like moonlit river currents to her slim waist.
Cancel Culture | Kim Cancer I gawked at her décolletage on full display, sympathizing with her breasts’
struggle, their fighting the seam of her xanadu blouse.
Tits asked if I’d like an oil massage.
It was tough to refuse, her inviting me and all.
“From you?” I asked her, and she coyly smiled, demurred and led me by my lonesome into an elevator which rocketed me to the third floor.
The elevator’s platinum doors whooshed and slid open to the image of a marble-skinned honey, her ceraceous, heavily whore-painted face showing strains of senescence.
Despite a somewhat high odometer, she was still sparkling in short-short amaranth shorts, and matching tank-top emblazoned with the spa’s rose-wrapped emblem.
MILF stood tall in super-high, silver heels and received me with a necromantic smile revealing rotten teeth, and I quickly noticed that her breath smelled like an unflushed toilet.
She checked the number on my wristband, and led me wordlessly, perfunctorily, her heels clicking and clacking into the trachea of the massage maze.
The hallways looked like Rothko paintings and were curvilinear bronchi, branches of rooms, each w/faux mahogany door, each door having I-shaped small windows, many of them occluded by white towels, and nearly every room alive with TV
sounds, stertorous breathing and coughs.
I was led into a dimly lit unoccupied room. It had hotel style accoutrements- a small bed with only a vanilla-colored top sheet, and a plastic red rose laid on its singular pillow.
A small bathroom was cut into the room’s lower left lobe, and a 45’ flatscreen TV
mounted to the umber wall faced the bed; under the TV was a creamy white minifridge.
An impressionist style oil painting of red roses hung in the right main of the room, atop twin carved wooden chairs and low table with a dirty ashtray. The room stank strongly of mosquito coil incense and cigarettes…
Manky Mouth MILF flicked on the TV and clanked off and out and another beauty entered the room, a younger, late 20ish, shorter girly; plumper, darker yellow skinned, the type many Asian dudes wouldn’t like- too much meat on the bones, I’d gander.
But for me, as a lecherous laowai, she was a keeper. Gorgeous. Shorty’s thick luscious, generous thighs and bigger than average Chinese bosom protruded proudly in her skintight one-piece black mini.
Her ebony eyes were huge, had arched serifs, and something like a golden aureole shone, lambently, atop her raven mane as she entered the doorway.
She was robotic at first, greeting me in formalities as she walked in, but seeing I was a foreigner, she was taken aback, literally stepping backwards, frozen for a second in shock, asking me in Chinese if I could speak Chinese, saying that she didn’t speak English.
“Sure,” I told her in Mandarin.
Relieved, she cracked a smile, and told me how she didn’t think any foreigners spoke Chinese.
“Why? Because we’re too stupid?” I inquired, mischievously twitching my eyebrows and sniggling.
“Yup, something like that. Chinese is very complicated. Even I don’t speak it well,”
she exclaimed, sniggling back, and I admired her probity.
She ordered me to disrobe, completely, and flip over onto my stomach, and I immediately complied with her commands.
I asked her name, and she said she only had a number.
“8…”
Cancel Culture | Kim Cancer 8 slipped out of her black/pink stilettos, revealing her true height, and she climbed onto the bed, started working me over, rubbing my back in semicircular, palpating patterns.
Her touch was divine. Her fingers conducting electricity, her energy coursing, pulsating, afferently, washing over me like tides, illuminating me, and then setting my soul into an ocean of peace.
Her voice, too, was like music; her girly, baby-doll timbre and southern Chinese accent, totally lacking the sibilants, was so fucking cute.
We chitter-chattered, made sequacious small talk about the usual things Chinese wanna know, American food, (did we eat hamburgers for breakfast), how much money I made, (are we all rich like on TV), if I had a gun (yes, in America, everyone has a gun and someone shoots at you anytime you open the door or go outside so you better have a gun and shoot back, I jokingly assured her, and she slapped my shoulder for my cheek…)
Her touch was not only angelic, but it was strong, powered by her 55 KG
bodyweight, and she hit every pressure point in my back, dug into my thoracolumbar fascia like the pro she was.
Drifting southward, she cupped and squeezed my gluteus maximus, nurturing it.
But then, 8 whispered in my ear for me to lift up to my knees and assume a bent over, doggystyle sort of position, which she demonstrated next to me on the bed, my mouth watering as she pointed her big, circular, meaty globes towards the ceiling.
“Why?” I asked, thinking if anything I’d want her bending over like that.
And 8 demonstrated why, scooting up next to me, and slipping a surprise finger up into my ass.
“Ack!” I screamed and slapped her hand away. I hadn’t come for a rectal exam.
She laughed like my protestation was a risible remark.
“It’s good for the health, me touching up there,” 8 asserted, her expression turning sour. “Come on, let me do it!” she insisted, her face getting pouty.
Cancel Culture | Kim Cancer I guessed she enjoyed fingering dudes up the ass, and I guessed many dudes were into that finger in the butt shit. But I wasn’t.
Nothing against it, but, for me, I prefer putting things up others’ asses.
(Only things I like around, entering my ass are bum guns and tongues. I must admit to enjoying the rimming of my asshole via water or a spongy warm lick...) I flipped over, onto my back, and gazing down her shirt, at her twin peaks, I sprouted a stiffy.
“They’re big…” I muttered, mesmerized by her jiggly, pendulous cleavage.
“Wow, you’re big too! Foreigners really are larger…” she marveled, peering down at my tall, chubby, pulsating white cock that’d sprung up accusingly at her face.
I pointed down at her monkey and asked her if I could fuck her. She shook her head. I asked her if she’d suck my dick. She shook her head harder, made an X
motion with her arms and said in English: “NO, NO, NO!”
Disappointed, dispirited, I shrugged and told her to resume the massage. The night was turning out to be shit.
However, she lifted my mood by squirting rose hip oil into her right hand, and reaching down, grabbing hold of my johnson, and gently jerking, choking and pumping it.
With her free hand she tenderly touched over my balls and then caressed and tickled numbers from my pelvis, to my stomach, north to my pecs; 8 gracefully running her jagged acrylic nails over my skin, softly, so softly; playfully teasing my nipples, and the tension, sensation of her delicate touch gave me gooseflesh.
Gripping my dick, her hot, greasy hand felt like it was made of feathers. It gliding along my manhood made me tremble, turning my heartbeat tachycardiac.
What jerkoff technique she had… It was impeccable, her spiral motions, the pressure of her grip, her teasing the top of my shaft; it was masterful.
Who better to receive a hand job from than a masseuse?
Instinctively I ran my left hand over her creamy yellow thighs, which were smooth and velvety. I traced my hand up and felt on her bullet-shaped tits, pushed and
Cancel Culture | Kim Cancer liberated them carefully from her pink pushup bra, freeing them out and over her neckline, and heard her sigh when they escaped into the air.
I sat up and took hold of her pointy, supple tits, sucking, nibbling and licking on 8’s silky golden flesh, tasting a tinge of her salty sweat mixed with a rosy, piquant perfume, or maybe bodywash, and she moaned and whispered “feels good” into my ear as I suckled.
While squeezing on, tonguing her tits, I angled a free hand downwards, went up her skirt, reached under the cotton sheath of her panties and stuck my index finger through the slippery silk folds of her pussy, up into her piping-hot, teeny tiny tight pussyhole.
Amazing how small it was. The snuggest, tightest I’d ever felt. I could only imagine how it would’ve been, how it would’ve stretched on my big white dick… It’s true what’s said about Oriental pussy being the world’s best…
8 squirmed, squealed, and swatted my hand away. I relented and reclined, lay back into the bed. I figured we were even. Touché.
Just feeling her snug snatch, her sizzling bitch heat, her luscious love tunnel, fucking blasted me into overdrive.
I was hugged in a heavy blanket of warmth and happily tingled all over, and the speed, voracity of her pumping on my cock reached a furious crescendo.
My toes curled, and I clutched 8 tightly, braced myself for the inevitable.
“Waaaaaaaaaa!” I gurgled and gasped, neck veins popping, and my dick let loose, spit comets of cum, chemtrails, ropes of splooge, blasting an enfilade, spraying, soaking and painting her black hip-hugging dress in jizzy Jackson Pollock pearly white streaks…
“Oh my god!” she muttered, milking my member diligently, caringly, giving it emphatic finishing tugs, draining it, pulling it a couple more times for good measure, even after I’d finished shooting.
“You jerk!” she hissed in faux odium, and she slapped me on the chest, playfully, knowing she’d have laundry to do.
“Your liquid is hot…” she observed, wiping me and then herself down afterwards with a hand towel, her juicy titties dangling and bobbing about as she tidied up.
8 raised a white bath towel over me, fixed her dress and went to the bathroom to wash her hands, and then quickly left the room to change.
I turned my attention to the TV, watching a replay of a pathetically lopsided NBA basketball game full of lackluster defense and gratuitous 3-pointers. For a second it looked like the crowd was full of corpses…
The news ticker read: “Flying Tigers versus Euthenics”
Panning around the room, I noticed a few fissures- long, vein-like cracks running the length of the wall. Fucking prefabs…
When 8 came back, she’d changed into a looser fitting raspberry-colored dress and was wearing a teal surgical mask.
She sat behind me on the bed, cross-legged, cradled my head in her lap and massaged my temples and lightly scratched my scalp.
It was harder to understand her muffled speech, but I comprehended most of it, and we talked about food. I told her I liked to eat exotic Asian delicacies, like scorpions and tarantulas.
She mentioned a market that sold snakes, foxes, and civets, bats and various colorful critters.
Being new to Wuhan, I’d yet to go, but wanted to, and I asked her if she’d take me.
To my surprise, she said “yes,” in English, flung out her phone and added me to her WeChat.
A phone on the wall, near the door, rang and beeped, signifying our time was up, and I slapped her fleshy ass as she rose.
8 laughed, blew me a mock kiss, told me to message her on WeChat, and hurried out of the room.
I held my index finger under my nose, the one that’d penetrated her, and sniffed it, deeply, joyously, breathing in its tangy smell, then licked off its pungent juice…
Delicious…
Cancel Culture | Kim Cancer Sighing loudly, gathering myself, and stretching out like a starfish on the mattress, I felt magnificent after such a special massage.
“Fucking hell, I never understood strictures against ‘full-release’ massages… A penis or pussy is simply a body part… What makes it so different from a finger, hand, foot or neck, really?” I mumbled, my words touching air.
八
On the TV was a news report of a virus at the market we’d just spoken about. But the TV said it was under control, those affected were in hospital.
Looking at the newscaster, a late 20s, 30ish short-haired primp and proper lady with a Beijing accent, I wondered if she was human.
After a quick shower in the bathroom, I slipped back into my spa wear…
Leaving the room, I spotted a middle-aged man slumped over, passed out in the hallway, a puddle of indeterminate liquid next to him.
I stepped over him, avoiding the liquid as best I could.
Around the mouth of the elevators, the aging beauty from before was nowhere to be seen, and I elevatored down to the lounge area.
Most of the punters in the lounge were passed out, motionless, a few were coughing up a storm.
Piggy was the first of our crew I spotted. He sat languorously, looking ashamed and was being talked to by a male attendee from the spa, himself in a golden lounge shirt and shorts with the spa’s insignia emblazoned over the chest and leg pockets.
“You have two. Pay double. Two. Two. Double the price…” said the attendee, politely, but firmly. His servile smile was foreboding.
Piggy wasn’t responding, was only shrugging his shoulders, staring at the floor, guiltily, and his sweaty, sebaceous face had him looking like he wanted to click his heels and be back in London.
Cancel Culture | Kim Cancer The attendee stalked off; rage clearly visible in the angles of his obsidian eyes.
I sat down next to Piggy, asked what’s what.
Piggy grunted. His eyebrows were like diaresis, and he leaned over, said to me quietly, voice trembling:
“Ah, mate, I was being massaged by this bird, and another bird comes in, also fit. I couldn’t resist. They both… gave me an unforgettable massage. But we’ve not been paid yet, so my Alipay is low. Didn’t stop to think they charge double. I reckon I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to bargain.”
I saw across the room, and the aforementioned attendee, a lithe young man, was puffing a cigarette intently, and looking our direction, ominously. With his crewcut and bent teeth, he had a countenance stinking of anger.
He was on his phone, yelling into it, glaring directly at us. Another couple of young male staff, these two taller, bigger, soon joined him; the newcomers in plain street clothes; one of them with a weirdly sloped head.
Knowing this wouldn’t end well, I played the plenipotentiary, and smiled, waved stink eyes over, swiping my phone at him.
His countenance instantly shifted from frown to polite smile, and he hurried over, by himself, his raptorial partners in the corner looking on, baring their fangs…
I told him Piggy was drunk, didn’t know what was what, and that I’d pay his tab, and apologized for any misunderstandings. “No problem, no problem,” he assured me, scanning my QR code, grinning and shaking my hand.
He sauntered back over to his compadres, both of whom were now wearing facemasks, and waved them off and himself disappeared into the smoky darkness.
On the TV Piggy and I watched a sick man on a stretcher being carried by paramedics in hazmat suits, into a waiting ambulance. A guy a few seats away broke into a coughing fit. His mouth was frothing spumes of blood, nacreous mist…
“Might be a good time to bounce…” I said to Piggy, who shook his head, ebulliently, in agreement.
Cancel Culture | Kim Cancer I texted Randy, not sure if he’d respond. But he did. Instantaneously. Like an arrow from a bow.
He replied with a message about how he was gone. And that soon there’d be diseased corpses shot from missile launchers, atop concentration camp hospitals, from Wuhan, Hubei into Japan and Vietnam.
“It’s weaponized. A purge. Population control. Cull the elders, spur the birthrate, liberate Taiwan, a masterplan from the mandate of heaven. You know the CCP
killed Kobe… Next is Lebron… You won’t see Winnie anywhere for a week.
Guaranteed… I’m ghost…”
Randy would often rage about random conspiracy theories, get too sloshed, and generally be a disputatious motherfucker, so I didn’t put much currency in his message. Crazy bastard might be sleeping on the street again. Ah well.
I was about to text the Welshman, but he stumbled over, reeking of baijiu.
“Life is fug. Fugacious. Fucking fugacious,” Welsh was coughing himself now, snot trickling from his nose.
He held a white tissue; on it were what appeared to be rosebuds drawn in blood.
“What’s your gambit, mate?” he slurred, tilting his head, standing over me, humming a Monty Python tune.
“I’m thinking we bounce. Look at the dude over there.” I pointed at the guy I’d seen coughing blood, but he was gone.
“Let’s go, fellas.” I stood up and led the Brits to the lockers, where we dressed.
The usual locker room attendants were nowhere to be seen, so we showed ourselves to the throat of the hallway, elevatored to the ground floor, which was also vacant.
We made our way out into the icy air of the night, and on the street, we spotted a few elderly men, shabbily dressed, splayed out on the sidewalks, motionless.
A lady in a nearby apartment building threw a hissing cat from her second story window. Miraculously, the animal landed on its feet, was unscathed, and took off running.
Cancel Culture | Kim Cancer A fleet of ambulances screamed by, followed by a PLA tank. A helicopter roared above.
I booked a Didi, which showed up after only a couple minutes.
The car was a coal black hearse, its windows darkly tinted.
Climbing into the mothering heat of the hearse, we heard Eminem’s “Stan”
playing on garbled speakers, and the driver, a hook-nosed Uyghur in a skull cap and burnoose, silently nodded hello.
I got another text from Doomsday Randy:
“It’s SARS, newly modified. 5G, karma from the concentration camps, where it’s been tested... Eschatology 101… The infiltration… GET OUT.”
The Uyghur Didi driver reached over the driver’s seat and passed a black garbage bag to us.
I opened it and found a pile of 3M facemasks.
He again nodded to us, silently, in the rearview mirror.
His face in a pool of dark light, he gunned the engine.
Cancel Culture | Kim Cancer
