Losing my Shadow
A few bizarre events got me thinking lately.
First of all, I have lost my shadow which can mean two things: either that light is showering me from every angle equally, or that my body is transparent thus allowing the sun beams to pass through it. I tend towards the second explanation. After all, the first one is practically impossible and looks more like a paradox, while the second one despite its hyperbolic nature does have a basis. As a poet once said, ‘intense grief dematerialises the body’. There is no reason not to believe it. Nevertheless, there is something strange in all this: I was not sad when the indescribable event occurred, not the least. As a matter of fact, I was immensely happy to have recently married the woman I love and to be getting a promotion soon. So, why feel sad?
As if that was not enough, one day I woke up, went to the bathroom to wash up, and a look into the mirror made me realise in absolute fright that my reflection was gone! I saw nothing but the empty room in my mirror image. Despite the fact this commonly happens to Vampires, I can assure you I have nothing to do with those nocturnal and blood-thirsty creatures.
My wife, who is a chemist, reassured me by promising that nothing of all this would ever affect our relationship. According to her, my body had become a natural light reflector under the influence of some unexplainable disorder. She asked me when was the last time I had been exposed to radioactivity. I told her that as far as I recalled, never. Sheinstantly changed the subject and asked me where I wished to go on vacation that year.
After all this, it comes as no surprise that one day I woke up and was invisible. My wife reacted to the event with an unfathomable enthusiasm and I soon realised why. The fact I was invisible served her fantasies well during our sexual encounters, since not seeing me before her eyes made it possible to imagine that I was anybody.
“Isn’t it high time I visited a doctor?” I kept asking her. “No! I prefer you this way!” she replied half in jest, half in earnest. And when my deafening silence made her feel my suffering and fright, she said: “Don’t worry! It will soon wear away and you will be visible again! See the funny side of it. Try to enjoy it. Think about all the things you can do by taking advantage of your invisibility. For instance, why don’t you rob a bank?”.
This is why I married this girl! She had always had great ideas but I was good at improvising too. Being invisible could be of help in other activities. For instance, it could serve as the perfect cover-up to go in for any kind of lasciviousness and sexual liberty. Voyeurism, pawing and raping could integrate well into my daily repertoire. And since we are talking about fantasies… so be it! Why should I not fulfill mine?
Therefore, full of expectations and with no sense of guilt whatsoever, I began to apply my plan. Nevertheless, at that point my personal calamity culminated. As I reached for the door to open it, my hand failed to stop at any material obstacle and slipped outside through the wooden surface like fog. I did the same with my head and the rest of my body. I went out without opening the door. So, my body was lacking any materiality. It was impossible to grasp objects, to touch, to stroke. On the other hand, I could pass through the walls like a ghost. When I ran to tell my wife in agitation, there it was the second shock for the day. My wife would not hear me when I talked which indicated that, along with my materiality, I had lost my voice too! No matter how hard I desperately tried to scream into her ear, nothing occurred…
Now, I lay in my own house like a disarmed ghost. I can hear, see, think. These are the only functions I have left. This is my existence. It is impossible to communicate with my wife who, not being able to understand what happened to me that made me vanish like that, has already found emotional and sexual comfort in the arms of a common friend. I cannot bear to watch them but I am afraid to venture out; besides, where to go? I shudder at the thought that even a light breeze can disperse what is left of me…