Cotton by Sandra Pavlic - HTML preview

Don't resist!” shouted a horrible man, who was dragging me somewhere. He was white, with moustaches, brown hair about 40 years old. A real old man! I tried one more time to get out of his hands. All for nothing.

“Kate! I told you something!” he shouted one more time. Then they covered my eyes with black scarf. I felt they were dragging me somewhere.  All of the sudden I heard a noise. They untied me. I found myself in ship's deck. I was free but couldn't go nowhere because I was already at sea. I walked to the back  and I saw the coast was far away. Not one person stood there. Or maybe they weren't there in the first place. There were a few people on the ship. Black people. We were all black people. Mostly man, but some female as well. They were all looking at me feeling sorry for me. It looked like they knew where we they were going. What about me? Am I going there also? Why were they looking at me so strange? In the evening we get a very poor meal. For me it was OK, because I was eating only bread for a long time. Just to survive. Time on the ship was passing very slowly. It felt a month but it was only just a week. It was warm outside and I wanted to sleep on deck.

“Where are you going Kate?” asked a watcher.

“I want to sleep on the deck.”

“No you won't. You will sleep where others are.”

“But it's warm enough.”

“Obey and go back to the rest.”

“Okay.” I was upset but went back under the deck. There was a big room with wooden beds where people slept. I found my bed and went to sleep. I couldn’t sleep because it was hot like hell and they wouldn’t let me go upstairs. I closed my eyes and hoped everything’s going to be okay.

“Poor girl,” said a woman.

The next day I again tried to sleep on deck, but I couldn’t. I wanted to throw myself over board! I don’t want to sleep there! At night you hear everything – people talking in sleep, snoring, some people smell because they don’t wash up,… and with them I must sleep, I don’t even speak to them.

Someone got seasick. I think his name was Joe. It was raining outside, so everyone has to be downstairs. Joe started to throw up, coughing, sneezing, heating and he had a hallucinations. He looked to others and me. He looked me as he wanted to say “poor child.” Some people were beside him – probably the ones who knew him. The Captain told some people to clean the room and he personally examined Joe. After a week it was still raining. More than ever.  Joe was feeing worse. He died that night. Some keepers came downstairs and lift Joe with his bed and throw him overboard. They said: “amen” and we repeated the word. Strange silence was that day. Everyone was mourning, even me who didn’t know Joe.

fter a month we finally saw the land. I was excited but I was the only one. I thought the nightmare was over. But I was the only one who thought so. Again they were feeling sorry for me. I started questioning if hell is waiting for me?!

The ship landed and some people were waiting for it. First ten people went down. Few man came to them and dragging them. The rest of us were waiting. Another ten went down. At land there were no more people. The closed the entrance and said: “You will have to wait a little longer.”

We waited for few hours and the next ten people went down the ship. I was with them. They opened the door and pushed us. I was thrown to the man not so old. I wasn’t resisting because I knew it won’t help so I simply walked beside him. He drove me to some family.

“This is Kate. Your new maid.” said the man.

“But she’s just a child. She must be ten at the most.” said the lady who seem to be very nice.

“I am 11 years old.” I corrected her.

“Quite!” yelled a man who brought me.

“No, she can speak.” said the other man – probably husband of the nice lady. And then the man who brought me left.

“We’re Jane and Paul. We have two children, a boy and girl. Their names are Mary and Ray.” said the nice lady.

“Your job is to work on field and help around the kitchen. Understood?”

“Yes.” I replied.  It doesn’t look that awful. Or I just thought so. So far they were nice. In the even I looked around where I have to be working. When I was walking on the road it seemed endless. It’s like space – it never ends! The field seemed abandoned.  They probably didn’t cultivate it. I wondered what would be growing here. I went to bed early and other maid brought me something to eat.

“Watch out girl. Jane is nice but is under influence of her brother. And he is very tough! Better keep out of his work.” she warned me.

“And who is her brother?” I asked.

“The man who brought you here. His name is Jake. Careful around him. If you don’t do well he can kill you.”  It gave me the creeps.  I wondered what could I do so that he can murder me cold blooded – as the maid said. The next day they were waking me up very early to work on field. First I ate a piece of bread and then I went to the field. Jake expected me there.

“So Kate, they said your place is here. Today you plough up half a field.” said Jake and showed me the equipment I am working with. I started working. In the morning it was okay, but then it get really hot. I am used to that kin fog weather but not to work but sit in the shadows. It was unbearable.  I was sweating everywhere – from forehead, armpit, legs, arms, nose, face,… I barely had the time to clean it up from the forehead. The time was almost midday and I wasn’t even in the middle of my middle of the field. Jake will be really unhappy! They called me for lunch.

“Yes, I’m coming.” I left everything and went to lunch. I quickly ate because I had a lot to do. I went back to the field and worked one or two hours in the night, but I finished my job. All tired I went to my room to wash up, but unfortunately Jake was there first.

“A little faster next time, don’t you think?”  he scolded me.

“I’m sorry sir. I didn’t mean it…” I tried to apologize.

“Well, it was okay for first day. At least you accomplish your goal, right?”

“Yes, I suppose so.” I didn’t understand what he tried to say, because he was surprisingly nice. The next day I had to plough the rest of the field and then the seeding began. It was summer when first sprout came to day. By now I knew what to do. I must water each sprout separately everyday and nursing a neighbor’s baby.

It was a hot day. I worked on field when I heard noises from neighbors. I let go off the watering pipe and ran over there. It was the babies home alone and very hungry. I fed them and ran back to the field. Jake was there.

“What is this? Flood? Do you think water is free? Where have you been?” he yelled at me.

“I’m sorry sir. I heard noises…”

“Noises you say? I think so too yes. It will never happen again! You hear?”

“No, sir, never.”

It was only then that he noticed my suite. It was covered with milk.

“Do you steal?” he again shouted.

“Ne, it’s not what it looks like…” I tried to explain but he wouldn’t listen. He slapped me twice. Hard. It hurt a lot. I started to cry so he slapped me again – harder. He beat me until I stopped crying.

“Tears do not cut off your punishment.” he said and walked away.

I started crying again and some girl came to me.

“I watched you. Why do you cry? Because of Jake?” I knocked.

“I know, my uncle is very mean to people. You’re the new maid, right?”

“Yes, I am. So what if I am?” I was a little angry. I started watering the rest of the field.

“You don’t have to be mean, you know.” said the girl.

“I know, I’m sorry. Please don’t tell Jake. Please.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t. I’m not like that. My name is Mary.”

“I know, you said that when you told me Jake is your uncle.”

“He was beating you up? He doesn’t like black people.”

“Yes, no one does. What about you? Why do you talk to me?”

“I love people in general. Nothing special.”

“Yes, of course.”

“Look it’s best to put tears behind you. They probably aren’t the first one, am I right?”

“No, of course not. I cried a thousand times before.”

“Come with me to my hiding place. I’ll clean you up and soothe your bruises.”

“I can’t. The neighbor’s babies are home alone.”

“Did you know that before? Probably not. So you’re free for one hour. Come quick.” said Mary. I followed her. I trusted her. She is same age as me, has brown hair, blue eyes and about the same height as me. We went to her hiding place. It’s an abandoned shack. She had a lot of staff there.

“When I’m very sad I come to this place.”

“Really? Do your parents agree with this?”

“They don’t know where I am. One time I was here for a week and they didn’t even notice I was gone.”

“Strange. How come?”

“I guess they were very busy. You know, a little while ago we produced cotton here. But then my uncle went away and my parents didn’t do that anymore. Now my uncle is back and we have a lot of work to produce cotton again.”

“Yes I noticed the field hasn’t been cultivated for long time. So you live in your uncle’s estate?”

“No, on my dad’s. But my uncle has a big influence here.”

“How come?”

“I don’t really know. He gained respect somehow.”

We talked for about an hour and she soothed my bruises. I thought about why Jake has that much influence on people. Probably because he is strong, tall, knows what he’s doing and knows the punishment for wrong actions. I went to lunch and then to the neighbor’s. I was there until dusk. Parents weren’t home at all and the children were very hungry. They lay in bed and waited to be fed. Fortunately I was there to help.

t was a Sunday, which means that we all get up early and go to mass. In this church only a few black people went. I guess they were all slaves, just like me. I sat next to Mr. Jake. Everyone thought I belong there since he is my boss and he decides of my future.  After Mass there was a lot of people in the restaurant, and women have returned home. This time Jake went there, which meant that I was free as long as no one gave me work. Yet I must ask for permission from lady Jane.

“Of course my child, you must rest a bit. Such moments you must cherish, you know. Rarely Jake isn’t around. “ lady Jane said.

“Thank you ma'am. Thank you. May it be possible .... “ I was so embarrassed to ask.

“What Kate?” Jane asked kindly.

“Would it be okay if I play with Mary?” Well, I just said.

“Of course, Kate, why not. You deserve it. “ She said and called Mary. She was obviously delighted. Her closest classmate is 10 miles away. I went into my room. Indeed I did not dare go to her room. Mary took the two dolls and with them we played. Time has passed quickly, and Jake came home. Drunk of course. With Mary we hear him when he went into the kitchen. We went there as well. From the half-closed door we listen to what Paul and Jake were talking about.

“So Paul, where you said Kate is.”

“Come on Jake leave her for one day in peace. Can’t you see that girl as old as Mary. You just torture her, that’s all. Beside you’re drunk and I’m afraid you would do something bad to her again.” said Paul.

“What I had already done to her?” Jake asked.

“You know how many times have you beat her.”

“Hey, this girl deserves it. Look at her. She’s black. Don’t you see? Black women deserve to be tortured, you know, “Jake shouted at Paul.

“Please don’t do that. She’s also a human. “

“Human, right. She’s inferior. You know. Moreover, blacks are a good workforce. “

“Well, she is still a child,” begged Paul.

Jake hit him.

“You didn’t know I dare to hit you? Do not worry, I dare everything. And believe me, you are not the last, that I hit today. “ said Jake.

Mary and I exchanged glances, then start running to my room. Jake went to us shortly after we were in it.

“What are you doing here Mary? Go away! “said Jake.

“No uncle. I’m not going! “she cried to him.

“Yes you are. Now! In your room! Do not be friends with her, she is a bad company. “Jake yelled.

“No she’s not. She is a really good friend to me,” she was on my side.

“She’s black! Enough! Go now. “Jake insisted.

Mary sat down on the floor in front of the door and said, “I'll be here. As long as you're not going out, I will be right here. “

“Okay, but do not say I did not warn you.” This time I felt he stopped yelled at Mary and now will get me.

“So Kate. You rude negress. You think she'll be converted, ha you were wrong. “Before I can say whatever he was already in front of me. He said something else, but I didn’t listen to him, because I felt awful.

“Can you hear me,” Jake yelled at last.

“I hear, I hear ....” I fought back. But unfortunately in vain. Again, I was beaten up so much that my blood began to flow. I tried to keep the tears, but I couldn’t. I was hurt too. My heart hurt and my whole face was painful. Finally, Jake pulled the waist of trousers and beat me with it.

“Never hang out with white people!” he told me last and went out of the room. I burst into tears. This time more than ever before. This time, I didn’t even worry how Mary must have felt when she saw it all.

She quietly left the room. After a while Stash appeared in the room. She had the first aid kit with her. She had also the pot of cold water and some ice.

“Poor girl ...” she said.

“I know you warned me Stash. But really, I did not do anything wrong. I really didn’t. “

“I know child, I know.” she comforted me.

“If you only know how everything hurts. I am really so inferior because I'm black? “I asked.

“No one is inferior due to the color of their skin. Do remember that. No one! “

“How do you know Stash?”

“You know, my parents died when I was little. Then I was inferior because of this, because I did not have parents. But not in this family, somewhere else. “

“Have you been beaten up  Stash?”

“No, Kate. Never. “Stash said. For some time we were silent. She did what Jane ordered her to do. Later Jane also appeared in my room.

“Mrs. Jane, do not look at me. Please look away. “ I was embarrassed.

“Kate, but do not be like this. I'm here to help you. “

“But how. You must be the same as him. Of course you are. You have the same blood. “

“Kate, please. Who set you up against the whole family? “

“You know who. I’m not allowed to speak to no one. Never. From now on I'll keep quiet.  I don’t trust people anymore, “I said and turned away. Jane sat down on the bed and turned my head toward her.

“Kate. Do not talk like that about people. We are not all bad as Jake is. In addition, Paul should have him stay away from you. "

“I know  he tried. We heard what they were talking. “

“And what was it?”

“Nothing, Jake hit him, then Paul shut up and let that man come here to beat me. Icing on the cake was Mary was with me. “

“Yes I know. Don’t worry, I will make sure that this will not happen again. “Said Jane.

Otherwise, she gave me some hope, but still not enough. Every day was the same song. More and more he was drinking, forgetting his duties on the farm and every day he found me, and then beat me, so I had bruises all over my body. Slowly I really have to get used to this life. This was my destiny and nobody can change it. Otherwise, Jane said that she would change things, but don’t have enough courage. Her brother has too much influence over it.

he day to pick cotton approached. This was the end of summer. Just last night I was beaten by Jake again so that I won’t make problems the next day. This time he beat me up so much I couldn’t get out of my bed. This morning I was waken up for breakfast. I was all puffy from the previous days, I had a lot of bruises, not just the face but all over the body. I still get all hurt and I could hardly get out of bed but I came to breakfast. Of course it was my time to even serve breakfast. Then I find it difficult to sit down at a table to eat it.

“Nothing today for you Kate. Today you  stay without breakfast, did you hear? “Jake told me. I understood him and went to my room. Many times he done that, so I'm well accustomed to this already. After some time Mary came into my room with a piece of bread.

“Here you go, Kate. Eat a little. “

“No thanks. When Jake says that I better work hungry, then I will. “

“Kate, don’t be so hard on yourself. Take a piece of bread. You will be able to work better. “

“Thank you Mary. I just hope that something will not go wrong again. “I was sad.

“Don’t worry, it will not. We'll take care of it, right? “

I nodded. She’s right and it is very important day today, I have to eat. Today we harvest cotton. The whole family will be harvesting, not only me, the neighbors will come to help. In the end they throw a party only Stash and me will not attend. This is not an appropriate place for maids, maids will have to go to sleep for another day of working. Who brought me here, to this end of the world? Neighbors came and we went to the field. Each had one end of the field, and of course they gave me the biggest one. But still. I tried several times to harvest. But I couldn’t.  I was still hurting from all the previous days. Neighbor came to me.

“What's wrong with you girl?  You can’t pick up anymore?“

“No, but I will manage somehow.”

“I see you’re in a lot of bruises. What are they doing to you?”

 

 

“Nothing, really. Leave me alone ... “I defend myself.

“I know that may not concern me. But I know everything. That was Jake, right? “

“No, not really, I fell down the stairs when I crawled to Mary. That’s not a big deal. “

“Ah, fall, I think so too yes.” Neighbor said thoughtfully.

“What can I do to make it stop?”

“Well, it was nothing. I really fell down the stairs. “

“You say I remove steps and you will never fall down again?"

“Madam, come, leave me alone. You see what I have to do. “I turned to work but she was already on the other side.

“Are you convinced that nothing can be done?” she insisted.

“Yes, sure.”

“How it was when you fell down the stairs?”

“You know, painful, ...” why you keep poking me?

“Painful, yes. I imagine I know how it is if you got a strong hit. “

“But no one slapped me, I'm alone when I fell down the stairs.”

“Yes, yes. I know you are alone, but ... “Again I turned to the other side.

“You see, my lord gave me this work until dawn and I have to really work.” I tried to go out of this conversation.

“If you don’t do it, you will fall down the stairs again, right?” She still didn’t stop.

“Oh no ma'am. You really don’tt know how to be quit? “I was direct this time. She already went on my nerves, but I did not know what to do to save myself from her.

“I'll stop, when you admit that Jake did it.”

“Yes it was him. Now can I work in peace? “

“Of course. And I'm going to go talk to him. “

“No, please don’t.” I asked.

“Of course I am. That’s not how to work with slaves, let alone with the girls. “

And she went. I was not able to convince to the contrary. She just turned and went. Now I know I will be beaten again. You never know how much, but I know I will. I shouldn’t have tell her. Never, ever. How stupid I am. How could I do that? Now I have to give all of myself to work really hard.

I was the first who succeeded my part of the field, so I was sent by Jake to help others. Of course I had to do it without objection. In the evening we all picked up the whole field. Children and maids, went to bed, the adults had fun outside, whit of course lots of alcohol.

he time was around midnight. All has been quiet. I thought, thank god, Jake has gone to bed already. But I was wrong! He came into my room. At he sneaked quietly to my bed. I'm already half asleep. I turned. There he was. Half-naked. With him he had a stick.

”Do what  you have to. I knew that I will be beaten again. “I said and pulled back the sheet. Then it happened, something that I really did not expect. He told me: “Shut up.” He gave me handkerchief in the mouth so that I could not say a word. Then he started ... I felt it everywhere ... I was quite scared. I'd like to scream, but I couldn’t ... I tossed and turn but it didn’t help ... it was even worse because he beat me because I resisted ... I felt it inside and it hurt like hell. Suddenly he stopped…. In the end he said: “You asked for it.” Before he left the room he tied me up, so I coulnd’t go nowhere for help. I cried crocodile tears. They ran as in streams. Neither I did not dare to go to sleep. I was scared of next day. Will it be the same, or different? The children are going to school next morning, so he will have much more time for me… Oh no…

It was dawn. Finally. The night was so long. That morning, earlier than usual, Mary came to my room.

“Kate, what happened?” she was schoked.

“Nothing much Mary. Really. “

“Well, the bed is quite wet. Did you cry? "

“Yes I did. But nothing significant. You know today is two years that I no longer have parents and I am therefore a little sad. “

“God. If I knew how to  console you. “

“It's nothing you can do. Going to school right? “

“Yes, I am. In fifth grade I know. “

"Yes I know. I would go fifth grade as well if I was still in Africa. "

“Really? Nice. I’ll teach you something when I have the time, okay? “