V
After another drug-fuelled weekend, our pusillanimous subject woke up in a quandary. As happened often with such mornings his initial serenity upon waking soon descended into the most harrowing self-loathing and despair. He had forgotten what hope could bring but he felt compelled to converse with his old acquaintance once again. After an energising spliff he mustered the courage to pick up the phone and arrange another meeting. He hoped it would be more fruitful than last time and help him find closure in all earthly ways…
Upon hearing the hapless man's thoughts and his clear anguish at having to live an unproductive life, the philosopher pondered for an instant and articulated his deliberations thusly:
‘“Why are the lakes on fire?” the metaphor asked.
“Someone thought that the effect would look invigorating. So they poured oil into the lake and set it alight”, it was explained.
Burning like a Buddhist monk aflame with the fire of passion, fire of aversion, fire of delusion. A transitory state of affairs, detrimental to the surroundings in the short term but of little significance when all things are considered. When commenced, there’s no need to worry about the consequences. Spiral of life - many twists and turns but no beginning or end. Fate evolving, intertwining, taking a lung-full of smoke to its core. Don’t doubt the flaming desires within, just harness and caress them. Mother them until fully blossomed into flowery shadows of life. When dousing your instincts in salty water, make sure the taste lingers longer than any bitterness or regret. Speculation leads to self-loathing acts of denial - denial of future opportunities. If you question people’s actions, you question their considered ideas of current interactions and thus the interaction contorts with pain.
Kiss and make up, don’t be tempted to chew any lips that come close. Close your eyes and forget all cognition. Make meditation sexy and you’ll have peace of mind when your sexual urges take control. The Metaphor looked at the Explanation. The Explanation was deep in thought.
“Are you OK?” questioned the Metaphor. With a smile the Explanation replied:
“Yes, just thinking”.
‘The bemused man – weary from years of perceived misgivings and sentimentality of absurd proportions – looked up at his old acquaintance’s face and waited for more of an explanation. None were forthcoming as the philosopher stared transfixed at his notes only to look up to occasionally give the desperate man a faint flicker of recognition. The awkward silence continued as both men, deep in thought, considered how to react. It seemed as if both men had come about similar conclusions drawn from their lives but at seemingly different ends of the spectrum of bliss. Both minds were considerably clouded by excessive internalisation of thoughts and it would be an informed guess that both brains were constantly interchanging their relative positions from gloom to clarity.
Still slightly stoned, the suicidal entity responded first by a burst of laughter, closely followed by the philosopher’s loud guffaws. The following pangs of laughter steadily increased and both men re-infected each other with unexplainable mirth, their bodies contorting in a way someone in Tanganyika or maybe a silent movie from long ago would have. It was hard to distinguish who was laughing hardest, the suicidal entity's manic laugh often got drowned out by the philosophers incessant chuckling crescendo. To an observer, this madness could have seemed like a jovial meeting between 2 good friends. Were these people 'friends'? Were they comrades aboard the voyage of life drifting fortuitously close to the edge of the abyss? Their inner tension resolved to break free and engulf their senses and this was what resulted. Both men refused to stop laughing.
Finally, the philosopher stopped laughing amid joyful sighs. He waited for the suicidal entity to regain his composure.
“I suppose there are always ways of cheering yourself up” exclaimed the suicidal entity “That’s why I take drugs. I always seem to end up worse than before though, in deeper despair. It’s not nice feeling that way, knowing any feelings of happiness are only temporary and being in such a depressive state I want to end it all!”.
“Your anguish is felt by a lot of people. Anguish when faced with your future possibilities and past indiscretions. Suicide may make your anguish cease but it will be permanent. Do you really want your existence to end? Or do you really want to end your suffering? These are two separate questions by the way. There lies some solace”. Pondering this, the suicidal entity could only muster:
“I think I’ve given up having any hope. I no longer care enough”.
“We can all be defeatist! Wouldn’t it be better to make the most of this experiment called life? There are infinitely more ways to not be who you are than there is to be you here now. I urge you to read more philosophy. It may not stop your feelings from being extreme but at least you can understand that existence is worth everything to us. In spite of valuing existence men will still think of ingenious ways to self-destruct but try to buck that trend. Sometimes I too often think that nothing really matters. When I contemplate about the possibility of a major cosmic event obliterating the Earth and all life within its atmosphere, I too am persuaded to say that we’re all insignificant, everyone as insignificant as each other. When I think about how life is the self-replicating simulation within this simulating universe and how the human genus will be outlasted by simpler cellular organisms, I too am liable to construe that there is no meaning to life; we are just energy of the universe getting swept up in a localised environment before ultimately expanding forever outwards, dissipating into nothingness”.
Again there was silence as both men reflected on what was said. What was a coherent utterance to one was a complete incomprehensible blurb to the other. Though the suicidal entity now knew that the philosopher understood his inner torment probably better than he did himself. He pondered on what to say as he knew there wasn’t much else the philosopher could tell him.
“So what do you recommend I do now?”, he said.
“Well I’d recommend carrying on your treatment, get yourself a job or something to spend your time on. Keep in touch if you want but I’d prefer if you could resolve your issues without me from now on, I can detect myself having problems of my own. So goodbye for now.”
“OK Goodbye. You’ve been a great help”.