*Disclaimer: Events as depicted in this story actually happened. The author does not recommend this type of behavior and cannot be held liable if you ever find yourself in the same situation and proceed to be a dumbass as he was. He is also going to ask a lot of your imagination in this one. Brace yourself.
Yesterday was just a day like any other. The sun was out and I was roaring down a back road with the radio blasting. It couldn’t have been any more wholesome if I was eating apple pie as I drove. In retrospect, I would have been safer eating apple pie as I drove.
*Disclaimer: The author is not suggesting you eat apple pie while driving.
That’s the thing about muscle memory- a type of procedural memory that allows a certain motor task to be performed without conscious effort; you never know when it’s going to kick in.
*Disclaimer: The author had to look that up. While this poses no immediate threat to you, the reader, we certainly don’t want you to think he’s more intelligent than he is. Although, when you’re done reading this, it’s probably nothing to be concerned about.
And kick in it did.
*Disclaimer: Disclaimers really fuck up the flow of a story. Sorry.
That’s the thing about muscle memory, a type of procedural memory that allows a certain motor task to be performed without conscious effort, you never know when it’s going to kick in.
And kick in it did.
For you to fully understand, I’d suggest you take a quick peek at the video for “I Would Die 4 U” by Prince. You know the little hand movements he and his bandmates are does while singing? I started doing them. I don’t ever remember learning them, but there I was at 75 mph doing them. Over and over.
Not only that, but I started doing the entire dance.
*Disclaimer: No, he didn’t. Only a few parts... and not well.
After one particular shimmy, I realized I’d shimmied right over to the passenger seat. While the shimmy was all Prince, there must have been a little James Brown in it because while my right foot sat in front of me, my left foot was still on the gas pedal. And I don’t remember how it got there. Fancy footwork was afoot. (Which is a hell of sentence.) All I know is that my left foot was going to take full advantage of the moment. The left foot never really gets a chance to accelerate/ shine, so it went for it.
It pushed the pedal down. Hard.
Do you think Price gave a shit? Hell no. He was just getting rolling. s was I.
*Disclaimer: Sadly, Prince is dead, so therefore could not possibly have an opinion on the matter.
You might want to watch the video again to get an idea of the pointing, finger licking, and hair flipping that was going on in my car at 90 mph. I didn’t realize that Purple Rain had made such an impression on me, but there it was. I actually ripped my shirt open. Buttons were lost in the transaction. If Apollonia herself had seen me drive by, she would have jumped in her car and given hot pursuit.
*Disclaimer: No. No, she wouldn’t have. That’s a hard no.
For those of you who regularly visit my webpage, you might think this story is similar to one I told about what happened when I heard “Feelin’ Stronger Every Day” on the radio while driving. It’s not. It’s totally different.
*Disclaimer: No, it’s not. It’s almost identical.
*Disclaimer: Driving in a car with Mr. Manion is not advisable.
*Disclaimer: He’s probably going to post the song lyrics now.
I’m not your lover
I’m not your friend
I am something that you’ll never comprehend
You, I would die for you
-Prince
*Disclaimer: Told you.