Contents

Forward: Note from the Editor

Introduction

first story

the bizarre

0 baby!

Olive Garden of Eden

Butterfield’s birthday

yard work

the receipt

a little latitude

a halo is merely a hat that lets the rain in

the super gay story

the moth

milk carton kid

well-done

Dr. Fart

Thelma without a Louise (the big sleep)

fugit inreparabile tempus

socks to be you

the ubiquity of kissing

misfortune teller

ome is where the eart is

the trip

Mother Jemima

Dear Stacy

Dear Derrell

Dear Reader

Charlie Brown’s high school reunion

finite jest

the penis crisis revisited

the clams finally came

I dreamt a little dream of me

Heaven

happy birthday, dear

rrrrrr rated

the butterfly

the road to Ithaca

the pot calling the kettle annoying

the thread

telescoping things out

if you must work

Letter to Nabisco

Kinematics

Labor Day (a story)

2019/2020 (part 1)

passing thoughts

2019/2020 (part 2)

dream homes

suicide school

reading into things

Lance, the human Hot Pocket

retaken

tom bo li de say de moi ya, yeah, jambo jumbo

a Valentine’s Day story

how I almost died 4 U

the weirdo connection

flush

aaaaarrrmageddon

the Emperor’s new words

a chance meeting with Adolf

guy on a plane

the butter quote

a grave situation

a showerly basis

take me back to the ballgame

Phil

left and leaving

his name is Earl

one terrible image for you

Love Street and Compromise Way

the shower question

Nature 1, Lance 0

seeds

the Zeitlin effect

how Miss Granch stole the 4th of July

his road to ruin

13C

systemic stupidity

simple

Detective Ferguson needs a hand

blood

Trevor sees a sunrise

in yodeling and in health

that’s when it hit me

Easter in the time of COVID-19 (the lion tamer)

unexpected heroes of the pandemic

COVID-19 Update: The First Sunny Day

The 2020 COVID-19 Commencement Address

COVID-19 Update: Not Everyone is a Hero

COVID-19 Update: Neighbors

COVID-19 Update: Getting Hosed

COVID-19 Update: the Realtor

COVID 19 Update: Mold

COVID-19 Update: Online Shopping

Rudolph the Brown-Nosed Reindeer

Nap Lapkin turns down a mission