Kris was staring at his glass of whisky quite intently. The golden liquid that had changed his life. Had made him a miserable pauper lout from the decent person that he used to be. He had known many people who had ruined their lives because of alcohol but they were all alcoholics who had abused their poison. His case was a strange one as he knew no one else who had suffered like him. He was a victim to a strange affliction caused by alcohol. A disorder that nobody could believe or understand. Alcohol would randomly trigger such psychological effects in Kris that it would change him as a person. It would drastically alter his personality in such a way that he would become a different person after the attack. He would retain no resemblance to the person that he used to be. The only aspect that remained with him was his memories.
He had been four different personalities in his lifetime. Four different lives. And today he was drinking so that he could change again because his last personality was the worst. He could no longer face his life as he had lost everything. Now, the only option left with him was to change and he knew that the only way he could change was to trigger the attack deliberately. He had been drinking every day for the past ten days in the hope that it would lead to an attack. So far, it had eluded him but he had a feeling that today would be the day it would strike him. He had a feeling in his gut that at the end of the day he would be a changed man. And this time hopefully, for the better. He poured himself a fourth glass of cheap whisky, the only kind he could afford, and waited patiently for the magic to unfold. As he was drinking, he started reminiscing about what he was and what he had become. He could vividly remember the night the first attack had hit him.
It was three years back, on the night of his friend’s birthday. Then, he was twenty seven and happy and was leading a quiet life with a well established business of distributing medicines. It earned him enough to lead a comfortable lifestyle if not a lavish one. He was devoted to his cute wife, Martha, who in-turn loved him and cared for him genuinely. He was respectful to people and generally followed rules as long as it made sense. That time, everyone liked him as he had a soft and endearing personality. He used to drink moderately and only during social occasions. On the fateful night, he remembered he was having a glass of Scotch and was enjoying the celebrations around him when he suddenly felt giddy. He excused himself and sped to the spare room at his friend’s place.
As soon as he lied down on the bed he knew he was in trouble. He could hear sirens all around and everything was spinning around him. He closed his eyes and felt that he was transported into some sort of a nightmare. He was visualizing things he had never seen before. Colorful images of ghost-like creatures which were constantly rotating. His past life was moving in front of him in fast motion and there were constant noises of ambulance sirens which seemed to be very near to the room. Then, things slowed down significantly and he was facing some sort of a countdown. He could see two distinct images in his visual imagination. One image was plain dark which would sometimes change into faces of his loved ones. The other image was a swirling collection of colours. As moments passed, the colours started overpowering the plain dark image and slowly and steadily the plain dark images were reducing. The colours were dominating his visual screen and as soon as the colours completely covered the screen, the sirens started again. The colours started rotating in his mind. First, slowly and then the pace increased as each moment passed. Kris eventually fell asleep as the rotation and the sirens subsided.
He woke up the next morning when his friend shook him up and greeted him with a knowing smile. Kris was still disoriented after the previous night and quickly excused himself to leave for home. He could not wait to reach home and make sense of last night. He was noticing that his hands were shaking while he was driving his car. He did not instantly realize that he had changed as a person. But over time, he started realizing that the night had altered him in a fundamental way. He had stopped taking care of his business. His wife was filing for divorce proceedings as he had started regularly beating her violently which he had never done before. His friends were deserting him as he had developed a fiery temper. He also became a more charitable person as he started distributing cash to the first needy person he met. He informed his parents that he was quitting his business as he no longer had any inclinations for it. His parents attributed his change to the divorce and they felt that the trauma of separation was affecting him severely and thus were supportive of his decision.
After a month of staying with his parents, he decided to become an artist. He felt urges to convert the images that he could see in his head into the canvas. Following his natural instincts, he bought himself a canvas and painting tools. He had never done serious painting before and the new experience was exhilarating. He painted half a dozen paintings in no time and was getting recognition of his talent whenever he displayed his paintings to others.
After six months of the first attack, he took stock of the situation. He knew that things had changed after the incident but he was not able to pinpoint alcohol as the trigger. He was leading a different life in the past six months as he had become a different person. He was noticing the minute and not so minute changes in his personality. Before, he was a very tidy person who wanted things at its place. After, everything in his room had become a mess. Before, he liked simple movies with simple messages whereas after he no longer enjoyed such movies and preferred complex and abstract movies. Before, he loved chocolate. After, he detested it. There were more than hundred traits that had changed after the attack. On the whole, he felt that his life had taken a turn for the worse as the separation from his wife had left a huge vacuum in his life. Before, he seldom experienced sadness. After, he was seldom experiencing happiness.
The only aspect that provided comfort to him was his paintings. The reviews provided by other artists were mostly positive. They criticized the lack of technical knowledge but without exception everyone realized his talent with colours. He could add dimensions to colours and create visuals that would leave people open-mouthed with delight. His paintings were now the only area of his life that kept him going.
He had also started drinking more as he believed alcohol provided him inspiration for his paintings. One day, while he was having a drink alone at home, the attack struck him again. He looked at the glass of whisky and finally made the connection that it was alcohol which triggered his attacks. He crisscrossed his way to the room and fell into the bed with a thud. The nightmare had begun. This time, the attack was even worse than the previous one. He felt that he was falling down deep into a never ending abyss and was virtually hoping for a crash. Strange music was playing inside his head, a hypnotic rhythm which kept repeating itself. Suddenly the music stopped and a scream started as if his subconscious was ringing the alarm bells. The scream kept increasing its intensity until he felt his head would explode. The nightmare lasted for more than an hour until he finally fell asleep.
The next morning when he woke up, he was a changed man. His thought process had changed. His perspective had altered from the previous night. His focus was distorted and his observational skills were diminished. He also felt more relaxed and the rate of his heartbeat was also perceptibly slower from his previous avatar. At first, Kris did not realize the change in his personality. But after a few months, he slowly started realizing the deep and structural changes that he was going through as a human being. After the attack, his paintings skills had completely vanished. He was painting like a ten year old with no propensity to wield the brush.
It all hit him at once. He was first shattered that he had lost the ability to paint and later he slowly started piecing together the jigsaw puzzle. Finally, he pieced together the facts and understood that the attacks post drinking were causing him to change as a person. He promised himself that he would never drink again. But by this time, he was feeling completely depressed. His well-wishers., especially his parents, were wondering how a capable person like him had morphed into a crazy ball of despair. After his initial display of painting prowess, he was hoping that it would help him sustain his life while providing a channel for his suffering. Now all hopes seemed lost. For around a whole year, he was completely unproductive. He had stopped talking to people, slept for around fourteen hours every day, and whiled away his time watching TV, mostly cartoons.
Kris’ parents were utmost concerned about the mental state of their child. Infact, even Kris’ father was falling into depression after seeing his son’s deterioration. The only person who managed to keep the atmosphere lively was Kris’ mother. She was always looking for ways to cheer up her husband and son. One evening, she prepared Apple cake for his son as she thought it was his favourite. She went into his room and lovingly fed him the cake with her own hands. Kris, no longer liked Apple cake as his preferences had changed since the last attack, but his eyes welled up with tears as he ate the cake. His mother carefully wiped his tears and hugged him for what seemed like an eternity. Kris suddenly felt a surge of power and energy by the affection shown to him by his mother. It was an act of unconditional love that mothers are known for universally. At that moment, he decided that he would stop disappointing his loved ones and would start providing a direction to his life.
He took the classified sections of the newspaper and carefully scrolled his eyes for a job opening in the advertisement section. He concentrated for half an hour but he could not seem to find a job of his liking. Finally something caught his eyes. It was an ad for a land sale. He instinctively felt that he should pursue this opportunity. He had savings accumulated from his pharmaceutical distribution and the land owner was asking for an amount which would take up half his savings. It would be a significant risk for him but he decided to go with his intuition and pursue the land deal. And anyways, he was also sick of the inaction of the past year. Finally, there was an opportunity for action and he would not let go of this opportunity. He called up the number that was displayed on the ad and fixed up an appointment with the land owner. He felt a surge of excitement. At last, he was getting out of the rut. When he informed his parents about his intent to purchase the parcel of land, they were wary at the beginning but eventually relented after seeing Kris’ excitement.
The next day, Kris met the landowner at the site of the property to discuss the terms of the sale. After five minutes of routine conversation, Kris had an intuitive realization that something was amiss with the behavior of the landowner. He concluded that either the land owner was swindling him about the legality of the property or he was utterly desperate to sell the land. He immediately asked the land owner probing questions about any legal issues in the property. The owner satisfactorily answered all the questions and even showed him the legal documents pertaining to the property. This then meant that if he had to rely on his intuition, the landowner was desperate to sell the land. He decided to again rely on his intuition and offered the land owner 30% of the rate that he was asking in the ad. Kris expected the land owner to laugh at the ridiculous offer and was scared that he would be shooed away for being so naïve. Instead, the landowner gulped and almost begged Kris to increase the offer considering the market rate of the land. This was the moment when Kris realized that his intuition was indeed right. Only a person in desperate need of money could contemplate selling the land at such cheap rates. Kris, initially pleaded lack of funds with the owner but eventually relented to increase his offer marginally. The owner heaved a sigh of relief and readily shook hands on the revised offer. Kris later realized that the owner was heavily in debt and had to sell the land at such distressed rates to avoid bankruptcy. After the meeting, Kris readily made arrangements to purchase the property. Within a few days, the site was registered in his name and the documents were transferred.
Kris felt deep satisfaction as he held the property documents in his name. He knew that he was back in the game and felt proud that he was recovering from the abyss that he had fallen into. He then decided to talk to his father about the potential action steps to be taken on the land as his father had a fair idea of real estate. After analyzing all options, he concluded that constructing a residential apartment in the land would be the best choice as there were a lot of commercial spaces and offices around the property. He intuitively felt that people would prefer residing near to their office place and save on the commute time. But since he had no construction experience, he decided he would have to hire a contractor to construct the building. He immediately placed an ad in the newspaper to hire the services of a contractor.
The next week, he received a call from a gentleman who expressed interest in taking up the services. Kris scheduled an appointment for the same evening at a coffee shop near to his home. At the coffee shop, he saw a young man in his mid-twenties who seemed to be looking for someone. Kris ignored him as he was expecting the contractor to be a middle aged person. But he was utterly surprised when the young man approached him and asked for him and introduced himself as Mark. Kris would have normally rejected the young man immediately looking at his youth and perceptible inexperience. But something within him was stopping him. It was his intuition again. And by now, he had developed great respect for his intuition. He gave Mark a chance to explain his capabilities and was not disappointed.
Inspite of his youth, Mark showed a lot of clarity of thought and understanding which extremely impressed Kris. And since this would be Mark’s first project he was offering his services at a 60% discount to the market rates prevailing for contractors. Kris, hid his excitement and expressed that he was skeptical of hiring Mark due to his inexperience. Immediately, Mark offered a further 30% discount to add to the earlier discount. Kris could not control his glee and burst out into a smile. He hired Mark on the spot.
With his remaining savings, he started the construction of the residential apartment along with Mark. Mark proved to be a quick learner and was hard working and honest to boot. With his dedication and intelligence, Mark was able to complete the construction quickly and cost effectively. It took no time for Kris to realize that he would be sitting on handsome profits once the apartments were sold. He thanked his stars for the luck and his intuition for the insights. He vowed never to drink again as he did not want to risk losing his enhanced intuition.
As Kris had expected, there was huge demand for the apartments from the office goers who preferred the convenience of a nearby home. The apartments were sold out in no time and in the process made Kris extremely rich. Kris had never seen so much money and did not know what to do with it. He paid Mark an extra bonus for his hard work and reserved the rest of the money for his next project. All this while, he had resisted all temptations to drink. These were the best times of his life and he did not want to ruin it. He was also glad that we able to make his parents happy again. The only person missing in his life was his ex-wife Martha. Kris still missed her a lot and was cursing his previous version for being such a stupid fool.
With this experience of constructing an apartment, he realized that real estate was his calling and was now on the hunt for the next property. He diligently started researching and came to know that there was a particular property that was being coveted by all the major real estate players. The property was in a central location of the city and many property developers in the market recognized the value in the property. But somehow, all the developers had failed to negotiate on the price with the owner of the property. The owner was an old widow who had just lost her husband and was planning to relocate to her daughter’s home as she did not feel comfortable staying alone at her home. For this reason, she was looking for buyers to sell her home to. This news had created a lot of buzz in real estate circles as the home was located in a prime locality.
The property had attracted the attention of the major developers in the city and they were vying to meet the widow to purchase the property from her. Interestingly, none of the developers were able to convince her to sell the land. Kris again intuitively felt that a commercial property built at the widow’s home would sell like hot cakes and decided to give a shot at purchasing the property. The profits that he had made from the residential apartment would be more than enough to purchase the widow’s home and construct at it. Without scheduling an appointment he directly approached the widow’s home and rang the bell there. A servant opened the door and Kris was led inside to the hall after he mentioned the reason of visit. It looked like the servant was used to entertaining strangers looking to buy the property. A few minutes later, an old lady entered into the hall and introduced herself as Mrs. Thomas. Kris struck a conversation with her and talked to her about her daughter and her grandchildren.
After an hour or so of routine conversation, the lady began discussing the sale of property. Mrs. Thomas asked Kris at what price he would be comfortable in purchasing the property. Kris’ intuition suggested that the price would be an important parameter for Mrs. Thomas in deciding the buyer. So, he decided to quote the prevailing market price rather than haggle for a discounted price. At the offer, Mrs. Thomas looked at Kris intensely for a while and then offered her hands. She had accepted the price. Kris could not believe his luck. He had been awarded with something that the major and experienced developers were coveting. He asked her the reason for accepting him as the buyer and not the other developers who had even more resources at their disposal. She replied that without exception all the developers who had approached her had considered her vulnerable and wanted to take advantage of her old age. Even though she was aware of the market price, the developers perceived her to be ignorant of market conditions. She said that Kris was the first potential buyer who had treated her with respect and offered her the proper market price. And that was all that Mrs. Thomas was looking for. Within a week, the transaction was consummated and Kris was the proud owner of Mrs. Thomas’ home.
Immediately he contacted Mark and asked him if his services were available again. Mark gladly assented and in no time got to work on the construction of a business centre at the property. As expected, the response for the property was phenomenal and again resulted in windfall profits for Kris. His quick growth in the real estate market had generated a lot of respect for Kris and he was considered as the one to watch out for in the future. Kris was exalted with the success that he had secured in such a short period of time. Even in his wildest imagination, he had not expected to earn so much money. He had never felt happier in his life. He recollected how depressed he was a couple of years ago. The magical moment when his mother fed him the apple cake had turned his life around. His intuition was also pivotal in getting him to where he was. But the more successful he was the more he felt that he was missing Martha by his side. He had kept track on Martha to see whether she had remarried and was glad that she had not. He considered calling her but could not muster the guts. He was ashamed of having abused her in his previous avatar and felt that he could not face her anymore.
Kris was also keen to continue his winning streak in real estate. He had organized a huge celebratory bash to mark his arrival in the big league. All the reputed people in the real estate industry were invited for the bash. He also wanted his parents to soak in the success and was looking forward to the bash with immense enthusiasm. When the celebrations began, he saw everyone enjoying their drinks and having a good time. Many people even asked him why he was not drinking. He resisted his temptations to drink but eventually caved in. He rationalized that if he drinks for one day it will do him no harm. And anyways, the celebrations were very important to him and he wanted to enjoy it to the fullest. It was worth the risk.
When he took the first sip he felt his whole body relaxing. He had forgotten how good it felt. He involved himself in the celebrations with full gusto and poured himself another drink. While he was having the third round of scotch, he suddenly felt intuitively that he was committing a grave mistake and had gotten carried away in the celebrations. He immediately threw away the remaining drink and hoped that he would not have to suffer another attack. Unfortunately, it was not to be. A few minutes later his head started feeling heavy and giddy. He knew he had to crash to a room quickly or the invitees would feel that he was suffering from a bout of fits. He quickly approached Mark and asked him to find him a room in a nearby hotel. Mark was diligent as ever and quickly placed Kris in a room. As soon as Kris crashed into the bed, he realized that this attack would be the mother of all nightmares. He was blinded with intense pain on his temple and felt his heart pounding rapidly. The next few hours he had to go through intense headache and suffering before the pain subsided and he fell asleep.
The next morning, as Kris woke up, he understood he had changed. He groaned loudly and slapped himself on the face for getting carried away and breaking his promise. Just when things were finally working out so well for him he had ruined it. The previous night’s attack had left him extremely fatigued and exhausted. But he consoled himself that this time atleast he had a lot of money and he would be able to cope up in his life. He would not be crushed with sorrow as he was the last time the attack had struck him. Yes. He would have to cope up with the change. He was a changed person and he had to deal with it. At that moment, he looked out of the window to get some fresh air and on an impulse, started counting the cars that were running on the street. He had never done this before. He had never been a numbers person in his life but now all he could think of was numbers. He was analyzing the distance from the bed to the bathroom. And at other times, he was taking two random numbers and multiplying it. Before he used to think in terms of images and words but now he could think of nothing but numbers. The amount of time it would take him to have a shower. The number of buttons in the remote channel. He suddenly realized that now that he had changed he would no longer have the enhanced intuition that served him so well. As if on cue, he starting counting the number of times his intuition had helped him in the previous version of his life. He then started calculating the amount of money he held in various bank accounts which was again a first in his life. He was surprised to feel that he no longer felt excited about his real estate business. What he had felt was his calling before no longer interested him. He felt more excited in drowning himself in numbers and making sense of the world through numbers.
He turned on the TV and was flicking through the channel when he came across a business channel. He was suddenly intrigued by the stock tickers that kept whizzing by on the bottom side of the channel. He had seen it in the previous lives as well but it had never intrigued him before. Now, he was completely fascinated by the numbers that suggested so many things to people who understood what it meant. At that moment, he realized what his new calling would be. The stock markets. It was a treasure trove of numbers which could be understood and analyzed. He was seized by enthusiasm to convert the numbers into meaningful information and stock markets would be an adequate platform to pour his energies into. He immediately called up a stockbroker friend of his and fixed an appointment to know more about the mysterious world of stock markets.
The next day he met his friend and tried to understand the mechanics of stock market. The meeting went on for hours but it could not assuage his thirst for knowledge of it. When the meeting was about to conclude, Kris decided that he would start trading in the markets from the next day itself. As he was about to leave, his friend warned him about the pitfalls that could entrap the self-assured and asked Kris to be cautious. Kris nodded and smiled and told him not to worry. That evening, Kris began analyzing reams of data regarding the price movements and business financials of companies. The more he researched the more he was confident that he would master the game. His analysis suggested to him that the markets were up for a huge bull run and he could make money by buying stocks. He tested the waters by investing a part of his savings in the market. And as luck would have it, the markets increased significantly and landed Kris a neat profit. His first moves in the stock market provided Kris a huge sense of exhilaration. Bolstered by his initial success he decided to invest all his savings into the stock market. And the markets obliged. In 3 months he had increased his net worth by 30%.
He had fallen in love with the game of stock markets where profits were the way to keep points. But something within Kris was not satisfied. His initial success had increased his confidence and he wanted to amplify the gains that he was making in the markets. He researched and found out that stock futures could be used as lever to magnify the gains that he was making. He realized that he could magnify the results by 5 times by using futures. Had he used futures from the start his gains would have been 150% rather than 30%. He decided that without further ado he would start purchasing stock futures and make more profits than he could imagine in his wildest imaginations. He was already very rich. With the money he had made in real estate and stock markets he could retire and lead a luxurious life for the rest of his lifetime. But he felt that it would be no fun when compared to the excitement he felt in the stock markets. The next day he allocated 50% of his net worth into stock futures and waited for the cash to roll in. A week went by and he made further profits which were now magnified by the leverage he was using. Kris could now see nothing but numbers in front of him. He was constantly calculating various permutations and combinations in different scenarios. In essence, for Kris, the money he was making no longer mattered. It was the thrill of winning the game of stock markets that truly excited him. The more money he made the more he felt like a winner in life. He called up his stockbroker friend and informed him about the success that he had garnered in such a short period of time. When his friend realized that Kris was playing in stock futures he tried to convince Kris about the dangers of it and how he had personally witnessed clients getting ruined by the game of Futures. But Kris scoffed at him by telling him not to envy his abilities to make money in the markets and kept the phone on his friend’s face.
But the stockbroker’s words proved to be prescient. A few days after the conversation, a huge terrorist attack took place which created pandemonium and panic in the markets. Kris was dumbfounded. He was betting the markets would move up but due to the attack the markets collapsed by 25% within a week. Kris was frozen by the change of events and he was sitting on huge losses which would virtually wipe out 98% of his net worth. He received a call from his broker who informed him that he was closing all his positions as there was a huge negative shortfall in Kris’ account. Kris was left with no option but to sell the luxurious condominium that he was living in and use almost all of his reserves to clear the shortfall. Unfortunately, as soon as he cleared the shortfall, the markets recovered dramatically. Had he not been over-leveraged he could have the staying power which would have reduced his losses to a meager 20% instead of 98% that he had to endure.
After this turn of events, Kris was a shattered man. He had lost everything. From being extremely successful he had become a pauper. He felt hopeless and depressed. He kicked himself for not paying heed to his friend’s words. He was back in his parent’s place, had lost almost all his money, had lost the love of his life and was completely devoid of energy. He hated his life. All this while, he was so absorbed by the markets and was enjoying the ride so much that he had avoided drinking lest he change again. But he had realized that he was so blinded by numbers that he had forgotten everything else. The numbers had made him blind to words and other people’s feelings. His friend’s words of warning kept haunting him every day and troubled him deeply. He hated himself for being so foolish. His self-hatred led him to deciding to change as a person. And that