Peter and the Plastic Snowman began walking around the cave to see what there is, and what there was.
He let go of the Plastic Snowman’s hand. To his surprise, he did not feel suddenly cold as he had expected.
“That’s not me this time,” said the Plastic Snowman grimly. “It really is warmer down here. But for the moment I won’t melt, because I’m still plastic, thanks to you. You have still retained the aura you have, and you being with me means I haven’t changed my form. You have, by accident, extended my life in this form. But when you disappear from my sight, I will turn back to snow and will melt away in a very short time.”
“You will melt?” said Peter urgently. “Oh Plastic Snowman, what are we going to do? I can’t leave you!”
“Hopefully, if that idiot of a snowman has got sense, and the Council of Cloudland Snowmen ensure he makes that decision, you’ll be rescued,” said the Plastic Snowman reassuringly. “There’s no way they’ll leave you down here. This is against our sacred laws. In fact, it’s in our nature that we don’t let the children ever come to any harm. I’m sure by now even the other snowman you made now knows you’re here and shouldn’t be, and is now readying himself to come and get you.”
“I don’t like him. He got you into trouble.”
“But it will now be his job to get you out of trouble, whether he likes it or not. The Most Important Plastic Snowman would have had to have given that order. He might not agree, but he’ll have to.”
“But what about you? Will he get you out?”
The Plastic Snowman did not answer.
Peter understood.
But as he began to cry, he suddenly jumped as a noise echoed around the cave.
“UURRRGGGHHH!”
“What was that?” whimpered Peter.
“That,” said the Plastic Snowman calmly, “was one of the Monsters of Atoz.”
“UURRRGGGHHH!”
Peter then started to hold the Plastic Snowman’s hand tightly. “I’m scared…”
“You’ll be okay. The monsters won’t do anything to you. They are bound by certain rules that apply to both the cloudland and here, even if they don’t know this. And that, should, not include harming children,” said the Plastic Snowman reassuringly.
And then the monster that was making the noise appeared.
Peter froze in horror. It was as monstrous looking as it could be: it was large and round, had six arms, it had one leg but a wide foot, and… well, it really wasn’t that pleasant to look at.
But it did have two eyes.
Well, it did… it’s just that they were where you would expect the ears to be.
“URGH!” it said. “I’m the Urgh monster. Hello snowman. We’ve been expecting you as you’ve been a bad snowman. But who’s this?”
“This,” said the Plastic Snowman, “is Peter.”
“URGH! Plastic Peter?”
Peter was too scared to speak.
“No, just Peter,” said the Plastic Snowman.
“URGH! Er… Hello Peter. Hey, you’re interesting. The RARRGH monster likes to look after little creatures. She’ll look after you.”
“The… Rarrgh monster?” said Peter hoarsely.
“URGH! You can speak!” said the URGH monster. “Hey, Grrr’s very chatty. She likes a bit of gossip.”
Although terrified, the intensity of fear seemed to loosen its grip on Peter slightly. This was not exactly what he had expected from meeting such a horrible-looking creature, and he was now starting to get used to its appearance. “Don’t monsters… usually eat people?” he said meekly.
“URGH! We’re not going to eat you! You’re too… cute. And you are a human child. A human child. You know, I’ve never met an actual human child before. I’ve seen them drawn in one of our picture books, you know, that great story, Humans Love Underpants. And that film Vargy likes, Humans Inc. You know, we don’t usually get anything else down here apart from naughty, bad snowmen… and one or two other snowmen who aren’t really naughty, but just bossy. So we will look after you.”
“RARRGH!” said another monster’s voice. “Do I hear a little thing that needs my help?”
The Rarrgh monster was also hideous looking with big teeth, red eyes, and tufts of hair sticking out of a big round greasy purple body that appeared to be oozing yellow jelly. It had no legs and four tentacles, and generally slid about to move.
“RARRGH! Come along, my little dear. I think you should meet the rest of us. We’re really quite a nice bunch of monsters.”
*
Peter and the Plastic Snowman were led out of the cave and into another chamber that was lit by fiery torches that lined the walls.
Peter then suddenly put his hand on his mouth to stifle a scream. The chamber was full of monsters of all shapes, sizes, numbers of eyes, ears, arms, legs, tentacles, blobs full of something, whatever. They had them.
“RARRGH! Hello everyone, I’d like you to meet this lovely little creature that brought a snowman down to us to serve his punishment from the Cloudland above. Little creature –”
“My name’s Peter,” said Peter.
“RARRGH! You’ve got a name?” said the Rarrgh monster excitedly. “That’ll make things easier here. Hey, we’ve all got names too. Urgy’ll introduce you to the gang!”
The Plastic Snowman and Peter looked at each other.
“URGH! First, let me introduce you to... the Arrgh Monster!”
“ARRGH!” said the Arrgh monster, jumping up and down, his eyes falling off his face as it did so. This did not seem to concern the monster, who casually picked them up and stuck them back on.
“URGH. This is the Bleurgh Monster.”
“BLEURGH! Hello Peter,” burbled the Bleurgh Monster, whose smile expanded across and beyond the width of its face, showing massive green teeth inside. Like a centipede creeping along on its hundred legs, it did the same as it rejoined the others.
“URGH. And here’s the Creearrrgh Monster.”
“CREEARRRGH!” the Creearrrgh Monster screeched, with the scream coming from the back of its throat, wherever that was. Then it started coughing, and walked away into a corner. It got out a handkerchief with one of its hairy paws and placed it over its tummy. Apparently that was where its mouth was.
“URGH. The Doorgee Monster.”
“DOORRRRGEEE!” The Doorgee Monster appeared to smile, although it was difficult to tell whether the smile came from a mouth or from something else.
“URGH. Meet the Eeeek Monster.”
“EEEEK!” it squeaked. “It’s interesting to see you!” The Eeeek Monster then ran away, eeking away.
“URGH. The Froogy Froogy Monster!”
“What?” said Peter, who was slowly breaking into a smile.
The Froogy Froogy Monster stepped forward. “FROOGY FROOGY! I like to… er, froogy,” it said almost apologetically, and began a little dance. This was quite a sight for a creature with twenty legs and ten arms.
“URGH. The Grrr Monster!”
“GRRRRRRRR!” It looked like a giant cup with legs. Its strange shaped body appeared to be holding several litres of liquid.
“The… Horrible Monster,” said the Urgh Monster uncertainly.
“HORRIBLE,” said the Horrible Monster, adding, “Yes, I know, it’s not very original. But I wanted to be called Hector, but the other monsters thought it wasn’t frightening enough.”
Peter though the Horrible Monster was the least horrible looking of the creatures that had introduced themselves to him so far, looking rather like a hippopotamus with dog ears.
“URGH. The Ik Monster.”
“IK IK!”
Peter sniggered. “But shouldn’t you be called the IK IK Monster?”
“IK IK. No,” said the Ik Monster. “I just wanted to be different.”
“URGH. The Jovial Monster!”
Something that looked like a lumpy ball with one eye and a small hole rolled in front of Peter. “Hahaha, hello Peter, haha and welcome to this cave of fun and thrills and spills and lots of things to lots of fun and frolics!” the Jovial Monster said, not unsurprisingly, in a jovial manner.
“Thank you,” said Peter. “But you didn’t say jovial.”
“No, because I don’t. I’m just very… jolly and happy. I’m very jovial, hence my name.”
“URGH. The Killer Monster!”
“What?” Peter did not like the sound of this monster.
“Killer…” it said very quietly and timidly, despite its fierce appearance of looking like a giant spider. It had just two legs, and it was standing up. It had large fanged teeth. “Did that sound scary enough?” it added meekly.
“URGH. That was better,” said the Urgh Monster. “Now, where was I?”
“That was the Killer Monster,” said the Plastic Snowman sarcastically.
“URGH. Oh yes. And now… The Lovely monster!”
“LOVVVVEEEELLLLY!” It certainly didn’t look lovely with a face so flat it looked like the surface of an iron. It even had a line of eyes around it. This face also appeared to be stuck onto a lion’s head but with the body of a giant mole. It screamed at the top of its voice.
“URGH. The… Monster Monster!”
This time nothing appeared.
“URGH. Ah yes,” said the Urgh Monster. “The Monster Monster is so monstrous he has to sleep outside. He doesn’t sleep in the Chamber. He’s too big.
“URGH! The Nigel Monster!”
“NIGEL!”
Peter just burst out laughing when he heard the name, but calmed slightly when he saw this monster. Despite almost looking like an alien from space with its green slim body, large eyes and thin mouth, it was wearing glasses. And for some reason, these glasses just seemed to take the fierceness away from its appearance. “Really? The Nigel Monster? You’re really called the Nigel Monster?”
“NIGEL! And what’s wrong with that?” said the Nigel Monster, sounding rather offended. “I’m one of the best monsters in Atoz!”
“Really?” said Peter, still smirking. “Why is that?”
“NIGEL! I… nigel things!”
Peter had to turn around and force himself to stop sniggering. For a short time he had forgotten about the fact that he was still in a far worse situation than worrying about whether he was going to get nigelled or not.
“URGH! Can we have order please?” said the Urgh Monster, as all the other monsters began talking among themselves. “We have a little thing here who we have to make comfortable!
“URGH. The Oooooh Monster!”
“OOOOOH!” said a creature that looked like a flatfish, but with eyestalks sticking out at the front. Its mouth was also on a stalk. The way it had said oooooh sounded as though it had just seen a delicious chocolate cream cake.
“URGH. The Pig Monster!”
“PIG!”
Peter couldn’t help himself but make a grunting noise like a pig. The Pig Monster – which, surprisingly as the Monsters of Atoz went, actually looked like a pig, but with scales. It thought Peter’s grunt was really amusing. “Haha! That sounds very funny! Never had anyone do that to me before!” It then proceeded to make a grunting sound like a real pig. “Very good. I must try that more often.” It then casually took off one of its arms to scratch its scaly back before putting it back on.
“URGH. Next, the Quarg Monster.”
“QUARG!” it quarged from somewhere. This monster didn’t appear to have a nose and mouth, but its three eyes within the top half of its feathered body blinked all at once.
“URGH. You’ve already met her – the Rarrgh Monster.”
“RARRGH… Oh, he’s really sweet you know. I’ll make you a chocolate pie later.”
“URGH. The Ssshhhh Monster,” said the Urgh Monster quietly.
“HELLO!” bellowed the Ssshhhh Monster. “I’M THE NOISY ONE OUT OF US HERE!” Peter could only see an enormous mouth on two long hairy legs.
“URGH. The Tea Monster.”
“TEA!” shouted the Tea Monster enthusiastically. “Who wants tea?”
“OOOOOH! I’d like a cup please. Two sugars.”
“TEA! What about you, Grrr? You never say no!”
“GRRR! Yep, you can pour me a bucket after I’ve finished drinking this lot in my open tummy.”
The Tea Monster then proceeded to shake its big belly, open its mouth at the top of its head and appeared to regurgitate some tea, which duly landed into some cups and a bucket that suddenly and conveniently appeared on the floor.
“URGH. Now me of course. No introductions necessary.
“The Varg Monster.”
“VARG!” it varged. “VARG! VARG! VARG!” This one looked like a giant sea anemone, its eyes from time to time poking through on long stalks to look around before disappearing from sight and back into its body.
“URGH. The Wollawollawolla Monster!”
“WOLLA,” it said defiantly.
“URGH! WOLLAWOLLAWOLLA MONSTER!” shouted the Urgh monster, “say your name properly! We have a non-snowman non-monster guest here!”
“MONSTER!” boomed a voice from outside, which shook the cave and caused tiny little stones and dust to fall from the ceiling.
“URGH! Not you Monster Monster! Anyway, you’re late! I meant YOU, Wollawollawolla Monster!”
“WOLLA. I don’t want to!”
A creature that looked remarkably like a fridge with two little arms and legs added in disgust: “Being called Wollawollawolla is just an exaggeration. One Wolla is enough, thank you very much.”
“IK IK! Hail brother!”
“URGH. As you wish. And now…”
The Urgh Monster went silent.
Peter then uttered, “the… Xylophone Monster?”
The monster that had stood forward looked rather disappointed. “XYLOPHONE. Awww, how did you know my name?” It certainly didn’t look like a xylophone – it looked more like a tuba with its head poking out of the bell, and had two thick blue-green arms, and on the end of each were ten-fingered hands.
“URGH. The Y Monster!”
“Y am I here? Y are we having this meeting? Y isn’t dinner ready?” said a creature with an incredibly tiny head, a fat body covered in tentacles, and making slurping noises as well as saying ‘Y’ a lot.
“URGH. Don’t be so grumpy Y Monster. Finally… the Zarg Monster!”
The Zarg Monster had the least fearsome appearance of all the creatures. In fact, it had the head of a cat with the body of a sausage dog, along with six legs and two arms. “ZARG. Hello Peter, how do you do,” it said in a perfectly clipped British accent. “I say old bean, it’s so wonderfully glorious to see a new face down here in these old caves…”
“URGH, yes, thank you Zarg Monster. So, there you have it. We are the Monsters of Atoz. A - TO – Z. Atoz! And we are the Carers of the Cloudland!”
And all the monsters started shouting out their names, making quite an echoey din inside the large chamber.
Peter turned to his Plastic Snowman, who shrugged his shoulders. He seemed just as bemused as Peter. Compared to their audience, they were both lost for words.
Once the noise had gone down, the Urgh Monster then stepped up to the Plastic Snowman. It was at least twice the size. “URGH. Okay Sunshine. You know why you’re here. Well, no point in wasting time.”
The Urgh Monster than took the Plastic Snowman’s hand, and was surprised. “Hey, why aren’t you snow?”
“FROOGY FROOGY. That’s because of the child. In his presence the snowman is plastic. But once he’s out of sight he goes back to snow,” said the Froogy Froogy Monster.
“LOVVVVEEEELLLLY!” screamed the Lovely Monster.
“CREE- ahur – ahur – ahur - ARRGH!” coughed the Creearrrgh Monster.
“SSSHHHH!” hissed the Ssshhhh Monster, before shouting at the top of its voice, “BE QUIET!!!!”
Peter looked at the Plastic Snowman alarmed, then turned to the Urgh Monster. “Where are you taking him?”
“URGH. To the place where all the bad snowmen go. To the generating room to provide extra monsterpower in keeping the generators going.”
“Those are the generators that keep the Cloudland in the sky and provide us with our special powers,” explained the Plastic Snowman.
“RARRGH. Don’t worry Peter,” said the Rarrgh Monster kindly. “We’ll take very good care of you. You know, I just did some research on early 21st century human children. From where you come from you enjoy doing a lot of wees. We have plenty of toilets.”
“IK IK. You haven’t done your homework, Rarrgy!” said the Ik Monster. “It’s not WEES, it’s WIIs!”
“RARRGH! That’s what I said!”
“IK IK! WIIS! It’s something called a game boy computer thing!”
“And plenty of chocolate, chips, and something they call Quick food for this boy, who I’m sure is gameboy for all of this.”
“OOOOOH! Fast Food!” corrected the Oooooh Monster.
“I’M GOING WITH THE PLASTIC SNOWMAN!” shouted Peter as the monster noises started to build up again.
“Peter, NO! You shouldn’t!” said the Plastic Snowman.
“Plastic Snowman, you’re going to melt if I’m not there next to you!” said Peter.
The Monsters of Atoz were still noisy enough to allow Peter to say something without being heard. “And besides, you said the rotten snowman’s coming. Maybe there’ll still be a chance to rescue you too!”
The Plastic Snowman’s face – made up of two big black buttons for the eyes, the carrot for the nose and the ten little red buttons for the mouth – was suddenly more serious than Peter had ever seen it before. “Peter – I cannot and must not be rescued. It would be breaking all the rules that we and the monsters follow. Should any of us do so, goodness knows what would happen to Atoz and the Cloudland! Besides, I don’t have the power, and even that snowman won’t have the power to get me back too. I’m just too big and bulky.”
“But it wasn’t your fault!” said Peter, his eyes welling up again. “The other snowman is coming! He can explain everything to the monsters!”
The Plastic Snowman looked up. “If he is following the Snowman code, he should. But he has already broken one of the lesser rules. It would have only got him a warning. Instead, what he did has sent me here.”
“And if he does, can’t he stay and you come back?”
“I don’t know,” said the Plastic Snowman. “Such an act has never happened before. But as I said, I have no powers to come back.”
“URRRRRGGGGHHHH! Quiet every thing!” shouted the URGH Monster. “Come on, let’s go!”
“I want to go with my snowman!” said Peter, almost in tears.
“RARRGH! Let him go Urgy. We need to keep him happy,” said the Rarrgh Monster kindly.
“URGH. Okay Rarrgy, he’s your responsibility.”