After the Urgh Monster had heard the whole sorry tale, he looked disgusted at the Tall, Thin, Plastic Snowman. “URRRRGGGGHHH!! Because you were so selfish, and whether it was your fault or not, you put this child’s life at risk! You should be down here!”
“I should,” said the Tall Thin Plastic Snowman sadly. “And I’m sure I will be once this is done. But it needs the two of us to combine our finger-snapping powers to instantly get back to the Cloudland. This rock is very thick, you know!”
“URGH. Then send more snowmen to get enough power to bring this child and the snowman back up!”
“There’s a problem with that. Actually, there are four problems,” said the Plastic Snowman firmly. “First, that is illegal. I don’t think even you could convince your fellow monsters that it would not be seen as an invasion. Second, once Peter leaves, I will start to melt. I will be virtually gone when such help arrives. Three, I’m too big to go with the snowmen and leave Peter behind for rescue afterwards. Four, from what I can feel from my senses, a new day will be starting on the human earth in an hour. Peter must be returned to his family by then.”
“No, Plastic Snowman!” shouted Peter, “I want to be with you! You’re my best friend!”
The Plastic Snowman looked hard into Peter’s eyes. “Peter, not so long ago I saw you as a very wise, very mature little boy. You were acting much older than your age. Think like that again for me. Please… act this way now. You know there’s nothing else we can do.”
Peter knew the Plastic Snowman was right, but –
“If only we had a transmatic matter displacement nebuliser,” said India airily. “This would provide the same power and energy as one snowman’s click of the fingers.”
“You what?” said the Tall Thin Plastic Snowman, astonished.
“And where on Atoz are we going to get one of those things and how do you know they even exist?” said the Plastic Snowman derisively.
“I… just read about one of those in what humans call… a children’s comic… when I was doing some research into how to look after children.”
“URGH. I think we’ve got one.”
“WHAT?” all three snowmen shouted back together.
But Peter didn’t seem so surprised. He had seen so much of the unexpected down in Atoz and up in the Cloudland. So why shouldn’t these monsters have a transmatic… thingy?
“URGH. Quarg?” the Urgh monster shouted across the storeroom chamber. “Have we got a transmatic matter displacement nebuliser somewhere on the shelves?”
“QUARG. I believe there’s one on shelf 3426C, but I think it’s broken,” shouted the Quarg Monster back.
“URGH! Come on, let’s go and get it. That shelf’s only two minutes away!”
“Well,” sighed the Plastic Snowman to Peter. “It is a large storeroom.”
In fact, it only took them a minute to get to shelf 3426C, which was situated five metres up. But this was not a problem for the Urgh Monster – he simply stood on his leg, and then his body started going upwards, his leg getting longer and longer. He then reached out with two of his arms and grabbed a large flat box, about the size of a small table surface.
They rushed back to the Quarg Monster, who began to put it together. This took just a minute. The monster then got out what Peter thought looked like the kind of unusual patterned curtain he would find in someone’s living room, but was told by the Plastic Snowman that it was, in fact, the instruction manual.
“QUARG! Ah, I see what’s the problem!” the Quarg Monster shouted excitedly after looking at a red stripy zig-zag line on the manual.
“RARRGH. Yes. The problem is… YOU!”
The Rarrgh Monster was back. She was not alone. Alongside her were the Arrgh, Creearrrgh, Doorgee, Ik, Lovely, Pig, Tea, Varg, Wollawollawolla, Y and Zarg Monsters.
“RARRGH! We know what you’re up to, and you are breaking several of our laws to do this!” screamed the Rarrgh Monster. The oozing jelly from her greasy purple body had turned into a disgusting shade of brown to indicate her anger.
“URGH! Not true! The child’s safety is more important than anything else! It is within our natural laws!”
“RARRRGGGHHH! I TOLD YOU, I WILL LOOK AFTER THE LITTLE THING AND KEEP HIM HAPPY!” screamed the Rarrgh Monster. She then slid one of her tentacles behind her back and produced a white dish which contained something brown. “RARRGH. You’d like some of my lovely chocolate pie, wouldn’t you sweet thing?” she said in a very sickly sort of sweet way to Peter.
“No,” said Peter defiantly. “I want to go home.”
“RARRGH! This is your home! This was your home the moment you came here! And I will see you stay here!”
And just as one of her tentacles flashed out to make a grab for Peter, a thick blue-green arm with a ten-fingered hand grabbed it.
“XYLOPHONE! You will not harm the child!”
The other monsters had arrived. There was suddenly a lot of noise as the Arrgh, Creearrrgh, Doorgee, Ik, Lovely, Pig, Tea, Varg, Wollawollawolla, Y and Zarg Monsters that supported the Rarrgh Monster squared up to the Bleurgh, Eeeek, Froogy Froogy, Grrr, Horrible, Jovial, Killer, Nigel, Oooooh, Ssshhhh and Xylophone Monsters, who were all clearly on the side of the Urgh Monster. Monster Monster, of course, was just simply too big to get involved, and remained in the generating room to keep stoking the furnace.
The Urgh Monster quickly took advantage of the covering noise. “Urgh,” it said to the Quarg Monster. “Quargy, can you fix that transmatic matter displacement nebuliser?”
“QUARG. I sure can, but there’s one thing I need, according to the instruction manual. Look!” He pointed to six green blobs under a red horizontal line.
“URGH. I don’t believe it!”
“RARRGH! LET – GO – OF – MY – TENTACLE!” screamed the Rarrgh Monster, and with a fierce tug and shuffle, she managed to free herself from the Xylophone Monster’s grip.
“RARRGH! Urgy, I’m taking over as Head of the High Council of Atoz. You will surrender yourself to me!”
“URGH! No chance! Things – stop them! This human child has to be returned!”
And then came the weirdest battle that Peter had ever seen, even when compared to those that he saw occasionally on the TV, when he shouldn’t have, of course, because he sneaked down the stairs to look through the door to have a peek at what his parents were watching when occasionally getting a drink.
Being monsters, the two sides were not kicking or punching each other as such, or using anything that looked like a weapon. In fact, Peter found the way that they were doing battle rather fascinating. Tentacles, extra heads, shouting (ZARG! NIGEL! OOOOOH! DORGEE!), enlarging eyes and ears to outstare or outhear the opposition, Monsters firing ooze, blobs of hair, green stuff that Peter thought looked like nose bogey, and limbs that appeared to detach themselves from bodies but returned themselves to their owners. Steam of different colours flew out – green, yellow, indigo – and some had their own smells: banana, diesel oil, milk, and many that Peter didn’t recognize or even want to know. Or smell.
Individual battles found monsters crashing into the shelves with many of those shelves toppling, spilling boxes and emptying their contents all over the floor. Monsters were falling in apparent pain after being varged, froogy froogied, jovialed (HO! HO! HO!), and xylophoned. Some lost their voices for a short time after they were ssshhhhed (very loudly, of course), and others leapt around saying their names followed by an exclamation of pain: “LOVELY! OUCH!” “IK! OOYAH!” “AARGH! Arrgh!” after they were tea-ed by the Tea Monster pouring hot tea over them. The Horrible Monster had a novel way of attack: he just hectored them and they leapt away, annoyed.
In fact, from what Peter could see, none of the monsters were doing any real harm to each other; if they were, then their powers of recovery were remarkably quick. It looked like it was going to be a battle that would only end as to which monsters were going to be left standing after they had tired each other out.
Peter looked to the snowmen, but then noticed that India wasn’t there. Then –
“WATCH OUT PETER!”
The Plastic Snowman had grabbed his arm and pulled him to the side as a brown thing of some kind went whizzing past where he had stood a second ago.
Two of the monsters on the Urgh Monster’s side – the Grrr and the Nigel – were standing close to Peter, the snowmen and the Quarg Monster, who was frantically setting up the transmatic matter displacement nebuliser into position.
“QUARG! URGY! IT’S READY! But I need those fuel cells!”
The Urgh Monster – after having urg-ed the Pig Monster onto a high shelf containing several small green boxes, upon which it sat motionless and carefully balanced on the edge for thirty seconds before it recovered, then fell, then bounced on the floor three times before standing up again: “PIG! I still wonder why I never thought of making that noise before!” and grunted - then ran to the Rarrgh Monster, who coincidentally had successfully rarrghed the Oooooh Monster into a corner where it had been stuck to the wall by some particularly sticky green jelly she had oozed out.
“RARRGH! And now you, Urgy! I’m going to have you stuck to the wall by some particularly smelly jelly!”
Her face contorted as some deep purple jelly oozed out of her round body. It smelled awful.
“URGH! No way, Rarrgy! I’m going to urg you to the highest shelf in this storeroom and keep you there until you say sorry and accept the word of me – the Head of the High Council of Atoz!”
“RARRGH! You’ll never take me there!”
The two monsters were now circling each other. All the other monsters had stopped fighting to watch.
A tentacle zipped past the Urg Monster’s left eye. Quickly, he opened his mouth and fired a blob of something orange and gooey. It only just missed the Rarrgh Monster, but splatted onto the cave wall, leaving a large orange mess which seemed to attract some honey bees from somewhere.
Then the Rarrgh Monster scooped off a little of her jelly and threw it. It landed on the Urg Monster’s right eye (where you would expect an ear).
The Urg Monster roared with fury and leapt high in the air and landed almost right on top of the Rarrgh Monster, but the Rarrgh Monster saw it coming and jumped to one side as the Urg Monster landed – SPLAT – next to her. At first, the impact of the landing appeared to make the Monster spread out on the floor as if it were a blob of thick liquid, but the next moment the goo formed back into the Urg Monster’s regular shape.
The Rarrgh Monster then tried to fling some of her jelly again at the Urgh Monster, but this time she missed, the mess instead hitting the Ik Monster, who slopped to the ground. “IK IK! I’m stuck!” it screeched.
The Urgh Monster then looked up. Then he ran towards one of the shelves to get to a particular box.
He opened the box. There was nothing inside. No fuel cells.
“URGH!”
“RARRGH!” said the Rarrgh Monster, approaching the Urgh Monster. “Whatever you thought was in that box isn’t there to help you! Now I’m going to goo you and make you stuck!”
“GRRR!” said the Grrr Monster in alarm to Peter and the snowmen, “If the Rarrgh Monster goos him with her jelly and he doesn’t recover in ten seconds, she will become Head of the Atoz High Council! And her jelly is gooey enough to make sure he will be stuck for more than ten seconds!”
The Urgh Monster suddenly looked resigned to his fate. Whatever was in that box, if it was something that could have won it the challenge – it was not there.
“RARRGH! Look forward to being a mere minion of a monster who reports to me!”
The Rarrgh Monster took a deep breath, and –
SPLAT!
What looked like a large snowball had landed right on top of her, and the impact was such that the RARRGH Monster stayed down – for more than ten seconds.
There was suddenly all sorts of cheering – well, gurgling, grouching, screeching, all kinds of noises that were clearly in appreciation of the victor – and the URGH Monster lifted up its six arms in triumph.
But Peter, the Plastic Snowman, and the Tall Thin Plastic Snowman were not cheering. They realized where that snowball had come from. Or rather, who that snowball was.
“But… I thought India was plastic? I thought as long as I’m with you, you’re plastic!” said Peter tearfully.
“He was,” said the Plastic Snowman solemnly. “But we snowmen can also make the choice as to whether we are snow or plastic in front of the children, even down here. India must have chosen to go back to snow. Clearly he was right. Snow seems to have an effect on the Monsters. Slows them down, they’re not used to the cold. Look, the Rarrgh Monster’s only getting up now.
“India chose to climb up onto a high shelf to get the Rarrgh Monster. He jumped down to save you. Clearly he had a deep fondness for you.”
“He even believed he had become my new Snowman… and I told him that!” said Peter crying. “It’s all my fault!”
The Rarrgh Monster looked dazed and was shaking with cold. She unstuck a large branch from her sticky body – one of India’s branchy arms.
“RARRGH… you have beaten me Urgy, and so I remain your servant,” said the Rarrgh Monster quietly and she staggered to join the rest of the monsters.
“URGH. And you’ve used your challenge, Rarrgy,” said the Urgh Monster commandingly. “You now have to wait your turn before you can challenge any of us again to become Head of the Atoz High Council. That may not be me, of course.
The Urgh monster then turned to the Quarg monster. “URGH. There weren’t any power cells left for the transmatic matter displacement nebulizer. The box was empty,” it said sadly.
“QUARG! I didn’t need any fuel cells! Rarrgy’s particularly potent chocolate pie mixture has more than done the trick. It’s even better. We should have enough additional power to help send you all home.”
“Including the Plastic Snowman?” shouted Peter excitedly.
“QUARG. Yes, including the Plastic Snowman!”
“HOORAY! Oh, fantastic! Plastic Snowman, you’re getting out of here! You’re going back!”
“I am indeed, and I am pleasantly surprised that we have to thank the Raargh monster for making it possible,” said the Plastic Snowman with a wry smile. “So hopefully I’ll be going back to settle some business.”
“URGH. And now, Peter, Snowmen, It’s time for you to get back to your Cloudland. What do you need to do?”
“We need to stand on the top of that shelf over there,” said the thin tall snowman. “We don’t have the ability to jump down here in Atoz. Can you monsters get us up there?”
“URGH! Monster Monster!”
“MONSTER!”
After a few boxes had been shaken off the shelves thanks to the vibrations of the Monster Monster’s voice, a giant furry hand at the end of a long, hairy arm was stretching into the storeroom and towards the snowmen. They all stepped onto it, and then the arm seemed to stretch even further and upwards, lifting them onto the shelf. “URGH. It would have taken me, Grrrgy and Nigelly a lot more time to have done that,” said the Urgh Monster happily.
“Thank you Urgh Monster for your help,” said the Plastic Snowman happily. “Say goodbye, Peter… Peter?”
But Peter just remembered India and was getting tearful again. He really hadn’t wanted him to go this way.
Along with all the different monster noises that they always gave before saying something, all the monsters – including the Rarrgh Monster – all cheerfully, in their own monsterish ways, said goodbye.
The Quarg Monster powered up the transmatic matter displacement nebuliser. “QUARG! Let’s do a countdown. When I shout zero, I will push down the lever. At the same time, snowman, you click your fingers!”
“QUARG! FIVE… FOUR… THREE… TWO… ONE… CLICK!”
The lever on the transmatic matter displacement nebuliser was slammed down, and the Tall Thin Plastic Snowman clicked his fingers.