2. The Edwards Branch Tunnel Legend (March 2010)
The Edwards Branch, a tributary of Briar Creek in east Charlotte, flows through a tunnel that is comprised of twin rectangular concrete culverts, which run underneath the Independence Expressway (US 74). This watery passageway is about a quarter of a mile in length. That’s 1,320 feet, if my division holds true. This tunnel loses sunlight once sixty feet inside. So, let’s see, that would be 1,200 feet of sloshing around in the dark.
Typically, the creek water is less than five inches deep. The main channel sinews through a series of alternating sand bars. In some mucky parts, it is almost like quicksand. Your boot goes in, you try to pull it out, and the deeper it goes in.
Oh, you cannot see through the tunnel from one portal to the other. It’s not a straight line. In fact, when one peers into this fluvial passageway, there is no light at the other end, only an eerie darkness. Needless to say, no one should enter without a pair of waterproof flashlights and waterproof boots. Well, actually, no one should enter, period, as it would technically be trespassing. So, please don’t attempt this! (The preceding was a mandatory statement from our perpetually worried legal department.)
Now for the legendary part of this tale (after all, it is in the title). Well, legend has it that back in 1976, a white guy with brown hair and a cinnamon-tinged handle-bar mustache stole some jewelry from the K-Mart on what was then East Independence Blvd. (As of March 13, 2010, the building that K-Mart occupied was still in existence, but boarded up, awaiting possible demolition.)
The quick-footed, slender robber ran out of the store, heading west towards the old Capri Theatre. He had about a 70-yard lead on the rotund, white, middle-age, just-ate-a-tray-of-yesterday-lasagna security officer. He was increasing his lead by a foot with every yard strided. And, at that rate, we could have a math problem here. But, relax; we don’t.
But, but, but, before he got to the movie house, he disappeared from view of the store cop. Now, where in this odd lot did he go?
Well, at the western edge of the parking lot is a creek. Apparently, the thief ran down into the creek. Since the creek bed was about eight feet lower than the parking lot, the thief appeared to disappear from the security officer’s perspective.
The thief then ran downstream in the creek until he saw the outflow portal of the Edwards Branch creek tunnel. This is where he entered the tunnel. He must have thought that he had it made at this point.
Mr. Robber then flipped on the flashlight that he had in his pocket and splashed his way through the tunnel. He had the flashlight in one hand and the bag of heisted jewelry in the other. He was sure that he had pulled off a grand and very clever escape.
However, at about the halfway mark into the tunnel, he heard sirens on both ends. Suddenly, his sense of elation sank to the dire realization that he may very well be caught at the tunnel’s end. His spirit went from imminent victory to certain defeat.
Nevertheless, the thief stopped for a few seconds to consider his options. But, then he heard dogs. German shepherds were already on his trail. He knew that he would be nabbed at one end or the other. What to do, he quickly wondered.
He decided to hide most – but not all – of the jewelry inside the tunnel. His flashlight spied a nook in a connecting pipe. He stashed the gold rings and necklaces on a concrete ledge inside this pipe. Then he trudged slowly in a deflated manner towards the inflow portal, where he knew arrest was unavoidable.
However, at about 200 feet from the eastern portal, he noticed some daylight above. It was a vertical shaft to a storm drain. He abandoned his resignation to capture and scurried up the shaft, which conveniently had footholds mounted into the concrete.
Once near the top, he managed to dislodge the heavy iron storm drain grate, and slide it aside. Then he hopped out, looked around, and walked down the sidewalk towards the Eastway Drive overpass.
He now felt again like he was going to get away. His mind was soaring. Euphoria was cradling his cranium. The sidewalk cracks were like hash marks on an American football field, and with each one that he passed over, he felt closer to the goal line. Touchdown – or paydown [sic] – was in sight. In his head, he could hear his girlfriend yelling, cheering him on. He was going to get away after all.
What our jewelry thief didn’t know was that a Charlotte cop had seen him as he emerged from the storm drain. The police officer slowly followed him in his blue-and-white Crown Victoria cruiser for ten seconds. Then he flipped on the siren and the lights.
The brazen bandit, suddenly startled, dashed to the left without looking. He was killed instantly by a speeding dump truck with bad brakes.