Re: DanimalLecter85’s accusation that I’m not a “hardcore” Chicago sports fan
NO ONE is a bigger Chicago sports fan than me! NO ONE.
This is how I roll…
I’ve got season tickets to Bears, Cubs, Blackhawks and Bulls games. All nosebleed seats.
I go to Bears games, no matter the weather. I paint my face and body in team colors. I go shirtless in 7 degree cold.
I’ve watched NFL Films’ documentary of the ’85 Bears 341 times. I’ve memorized every word of the “Super Bowl Shuffle” and can do the dance.
I follow more than 1700 current or former players and coaches on Twitter.
There’s a Cubs tattoo on my right arm and a Bulls tattoo on my left. I’ve got the Bears logo tattooed on my left pectoral and the Blackhawks on my right.
I’ve got ten authentically autographed framed Michael Jordan posters hanging in my apartment, including 1982 North Carolina Tar Heel Jordan, 1985 gold chain wearing Jordan, 1988 prematurely balding Jordan taking off from the free throw line, 1992 Dream Team Olympian Jordan, 1993 first 3-Peat Jordan, 1996 72 game winning Jordan, 1997 “flu game” (“sick game” to Chicagoans) Jordan being carried off the court by Scottie Pippen, and even 2003 final comeback Washington Wizard (gasp!) Jordan.
My TV is always tuned to ESPN, dusk to dawn. I leave it on when I sleep. I also listen to ESPN radio in the shower, on the way to and from work, and during lunch break when I’m not arguing with my Packers fan co-worker.
I have 4 TVs in my living room so I can watch multiple games.
I have William Perry’s likeness finger painted on my refrigerator.
I bid on eBay for sports memorabilia. Amongst other collectibles, I’ve got a game jersey of Brian Urlacher’s that I had framed. You can still see the sweat in it.
I shook Dick Butkus’s hand.
Every afternoon I watch YouTube videos of Harry Caray singing “Take me out to the Ballgame” and I sing along with him.
I bow my head in reverence to photographs of George Halas.
I cried and remained in a fetal position for 48 hours following the Bears’ 2007 Super Bowl loss. I made death threats to Steve Bartman on three occasions.
I’m afraid of Billy Goats.
I’m on a committee to get Shoeless Joe Jackson into Cooperstown.
I curate Wikipedia pages about Chicago Sports.
I named my cat Bronko Nagurski.
I know every name of every scout and position coach the Cubs have had in the last thirty years. I have superstitious rituals I do before games.
I’m the commissioner of several fantasy football and baseball leagues.
During games I yell at the TV or radio, throw things and punch walls.
I destroyed my TV after the 2011 Bears’ Jay Cutler on the exercise bike game playoff loss.
I call in to sports radio talk shows daily.
I stream Chicago Blackhawks’ minor league affiliate games online.
My Chicago Sports related apparel includes: 73 hats, 121 jerseys, 4 coats, 16 sweatshirts, 23 sweatpants, 29 shorts, 7 tracksuits, 3 watches, a Bears leather jacket, parka, and over 46 polo style shirts and t-shirts. I also own several pairs of team socks, wristbands, leg-warmers, and underwear. A couple scarfs, a sweater vest, and a fleece too...
I drove 15 hours nonstop to see Michael Jordan play minor league baseball.
I see Tim Floyd in my nightmares.
I tell my children that Walter Payton died because God needed another running back. And I believe it too.
I sleep in Chicago Bears pajamas, blankets, and bed sheets.
I trim my mustache to look like Mike Ditka’s.
I go to Bears training camps. I go to preseason games and stay until the end of the 4th quarter.
I watch all seven rounds of the NFL draft and once received a personal tweet from Mel Kiper Jr., complimenting me on my mock draft.
I will be buried in an NFL officially licensed Bears team coffin, wearing a Bears helmet, pants, pads, cleats, and autographed Mike Singletary jersey and placed on my heart will be a signed Jim McMahon gameball from the Pro Bowl in 1986.
I
AM
HARDCORE.