I first time I set my eyes on her I was completely blown away. My thoughts turned, quite rapidly, to those of a sexual nature. Rather fortunately for me, that never eventuated. Maybe I had better explain that. It was back in the spring of two years ago. I had decided to get away for five days to Kos, one of the Greek islands. Things had been going fairly badly for me at work, back home in Christchurch, and I really needed to get away. Take a break. I jumped a cheap flight from Bournemouth over to Kos, and there I was, with beautiful sunshine, incredible beaches, and tasty food. Everything I didn't have back home. It was just what I needed. The only thing missing from that list was a lovely woman, and that was where I thought she might fit in. On my first day there I had discovered, by chance, what I thought to be the most beautiful beach I had ever seen. I had been walking around, taking in the sights, when I came across it. Just a kilometre or so out from the centre of the Kos town centre, heading north. I never did find out if that beach had a name, but for the rest of my stay, that was my home base. Beautiful golden sand leading into the bluest, cleanest, water that I had ever seen. The sun's reflections off the water gave it all an almost surreal vision of grace. When you find a beach like that, you look no further. Being on my own I was a bit penalised, in that I had to rent two sunbeds, with an umbrella. In any case, the cost was so ridiculously cheap, that I didn't mind. Each day I would try to get there early, before the flood of Germans arrived, so I could get a good spot on the sea front. The spring sunshine was so nice. The view was absolutely stunning. Straight out in front, over the shimmering water, you could see quite clearly, the Turkish mainland. The water was crystal clear, and always calm. Surrounded, as it was, by other Greek islands, and Turkey, the sea was never rough, even when the wind came up. I would just float in the cool water for ages. I forgot about my problems, back home, and concentrated on relaxing. I let the stress flow from my body. When the heat got too much for me, I would call over Dimitri, the guy running the place, and order a nice cool drink from the bar. That was the life for me. It certainly didn't hurt that many of the women there would sunbathe topless. That just added to the pleasure. Right there, in my favourite spot in the whole world, was where I met her, for the first time. My holiday was coming to an end, it was my last full day. It was the day before flying back home. Home, where I would have to return to the misery that was my job. I tried not to think about that, and just enjoy my last day at the beach. As usual, I had paid for a double spot. There was no other way. All the spots came with two sunbeds, and an umbrella in the middle, giving shade to both of them. Everywhere was geared up for couples. When you are single you really get stitched up, wherever you go. Hotels, beaches, everywhere. Everything comes with a penalty payment for singles. It was society's way of letting you know that they don't want you single. You must be coupled up, preferably creating another generation, who would then get coupled up, in their turn, and keep the cycle going. A society of single people would soon lead to a gradual extinction of the human race. Who would be there to keep the fires lit? Who would be there to ensure that everything was in place for the next generation, if there was to be no next generation? Being single was not only to be frowned upon. It was to be penalised. You needed to get the message. Society requires you to play your part, in perpetuating society. Find someone, procreate, play the game. Do your share. If not, you will be punished. Enjoy your single life, briefly, and then do that which society expects of you. Your role is not to enjoy your life, but to ensure that life itself continues. Society only functions with continuous growth, one generation following the other, with an endless stream of inconsequential people concentrated solely on creating the next generation..... of inconsequential people. The cycle must continue. Any deviation from your role in that cycle, and you will be punished. Penalised.
'Hey, mate, sorry to bother you.'
Roused from my musings, I looked up, to see Dimitri. Something of a Greek God, was Dimitri. Tall, very suntanned, with a beautiful face, and athletic body to go with it. I'm sure there is a bronze statue dedicated to him somewhere. He was standing over me, in all his glory.
'What's up, my friend?'
'Listen, you don't have to, it's just that all the sunbeds are taken, and this person was wondering if she could use your extra one.'
I turned to look behind Dimitri, and there she was. My God, she looked so beautiful. She was like a vision from another world. Tall, wearing a light semi see through beach shawl over her bikini, and a straw hat. Her face was stunning, caught in the Greek sunlight. This never happened to me. This was the stuff of films. Or dreams. Trying to sound casual, I replied to Dimitri. As usual, I made a right mess of it, in my state of excitement.
'Sure, my friend, no worries. She is welcome to the other sunbed. Hey, one is enough for me, what would I do with two anyway? It's not as if....'
As if sensing my flustered state, the beautiful woman intervened.
'I will pay you half the cost,' she said.
'Sure, that's alright, don't worry.'
She put down her bag, and slowly took off her shawl, revealing her bikini clad body. At the sight of her sensual body, a surge of excitement went through me. I could feel things stirring down below. Things could get embarrassing, very fast. I knew I had to get control.
'I'm going in for a swim. Make yourself at home.'
I took off my sunglasses and rushed into the water. The cool water did the trick, and I managed to get things under control. Hopefully she, or no one else, had noticed the bulge growing in my swimming trunks. Thank God I never wore speedos! Looking back at the beach, I couldn't believe what had just happened. Normally it was hard work for me to meet women. Now, one had been presented to me on a plate. Without having to do anything, a beautiful woman was now lying on a sunbed next to mine. In that situation, conversation was unavoidable. She was mine. I knew I would have to play it cool. I would be very casual, not really standoffish, but definitely cool. I needed to be on top form. I walked out of the water, feeling good. I had just turned 35 years old, and my body was in good shape. After these days on the beach I had a good tan, I was cooking. I could do this.
'Hey, the water is fantastic. A bit cool, but with this scorching sun, it's really refreshing.'
'I don't really swim much, but I probably will go in later.'
'I'm Nick, by the way.'
'Hello Nick, my name is Lianne. I just got in from Bournemouth yesterday. What about you, where are you from?'
'Hey, guess what? I flew in from there, too. I live in Christchurch.'
'Really? Actually I live in Poole, out the other side of Bournemouth from you. How long are you here for?'
'Unfortunately, I am off back home tomorrow. Just been here for five days, all up. How long are you here for?'
'A week.'
I couldn't help being a bit dismayed at the bad timing, although back home, we were only living about 20 kilometres from each other. If things worked out well, we would be able to continue it all back there. I realised that nothing would be happening in Kos, the timing just wasn't right, but I could definitely set something up for the future. I had something to work towards. I had a project. She lay back and started reading a book. I wouldn't interrupt her. I was playing it cool. I took my book out of my bag, and pretended to read it. Really, I was sneaking glances at her, as she lay there. Lianne had a nice body, not really brilliant, but incredibly sensual. Some of the other women around me looked better. Plus, some of them were topless. On the other hand, Lianne was here with me, the others weren't. I would work with what I had. I thought back on my excitement, at first seeing her. Why is it that in a flash I had gotten so excited? What had I been expecting to happen? It's not as if we were going to make love there and then. Where does this instant, unstoppable desire come from? Maybe it's not just society that wants us all to be coupled up, and permanently procreating. Quite probably, it is built right into our genetic make up. Survival of the species is dependent on us getting together, having sex, and creating another generation. Over the centuries it must have become built into our DNA. Seemingly it is something we have very little control over. We are going about our day to day business, thinking of nothing but the task in hand, when, out of the blue, with no more prompting than that of seeing a sexy woman, we can think of nothing but sex. There was definitely something primitive about the whole process. Something very basic. However, stealing glances at Lianne, I still did want to have sex with her, no matter whether that was just my DNA talking, or some primeval instinct rooted deep in me. It just wasn't going to be as immediate as my body had first imagined. I could still feel stirrings down there, the controlling instinct definitely hadn't forgotten his objective. Now it was up to me to control those primeval urges, letting them loose only at the appropriate time.
'Lianne, do you want to go out for dinner, this evening?' I blurted out.
Damn! So much for playing it cool. A wave of panic came over me, as I realised that I had really played a big card. A refusal here, and it was game over. There would be no meeting up, or having sex, back home. Why had I said that? Roused from her book, she looked over, at me.
'That sounds lovely. I must say, it seems like there are a lot of places to choose from.'
A feeling of relief flowed through me. I had really risked the lot there. Why was I so inept at these things? She was sitting right there, there was no hurry. I had plenty of time to work up to the big question. Anyway, with a lot of luck, it had gone well.
'That's for sure. The town is full of them, and from what I have seen so far, they are all pretty nice. I love Greek food. What about you?'
'Actually, I haven't eaten it much. Maybe you can advise on what to get?'
'Hey, sure. I'm your man. To be honest, it's pretty hard to go wrong. It's all pretty good. Where is your hotel?'
'Just two streets back from here. This was the first beach I came to.'
'Wow, you really picked a good hotel. I think this is the best beach on Kos. I have to walk for about 15 minutes to get here. Not that I mind, I always do plenty of exercise, so I just consider it part of my workout.'
She looked so sexy, laying back with her sunglasses on, and her straw hat. As I stole glances at her, I could definitely feel that my body hadn't lost interest in her. My primordial instincts were still ensuring that the game would continue. Part of me felt like a puppet, controlled by other hands. It struck me just how basic our primal instincts really were. Shelter, food, and procreation. A hotel room, a good meal out in the centre of Kos, and going to bed with Lianne. Life in a nutshell. Still, I had to admit, it all sounded pretty good to me. Obviously those are the instincts that have been driving us for thousands of years, but, all things considered, it didn't really seem that bad. Maybe mankind's instincts were well founded? We dressed it all up a lot, especially in our affluent age, but at the end of the day, that has been what we have been doing since the time we lived in caves. We were really just cavemen with cellphones. Our caves had become houses, our hunting was now done in the supermarket, and our procreation was decided over dinner, with a nice glass of wine. With all our progress, and new technology, we were still driven in the same way our forebears had been. We were still guided by the exact same instincts. But, on the other hand, why not? They seemed to be working. Eventually, the afternoon came to a end. People were starting to pack up, and leave the beach. It was time to head back to our hotels.
'Bye, Lianne. I'll see you at 8 o'clock, then.'
'Ok, I'll see you on the quay.'
We had both packed up our things, and we then headed off to our hotels. We had arranged to meet in the centre, on the quay, to go out for dinner. On my walk home I couldn't stop smiling. What a score! I had just been lying there, when Lianne was brought to me. There had been no hard pick up lines, no weird internet dating sites, in fact, no work at all on my part. This was going to work well. Back at my hotel I got myself cleaned up, and put on the best clothes I had brought with me. I wanted to look good. Would this be our first date, or our second? It didn't really matter anyway, no action would be happening here, in Kos. That would have to wait for when we were both back home. I headed into town early, and found a bench down on the main quay, where the tourist charter boats were. The boats had all returned from the day's trips, and the harbour looked spectacular. The centre of the town opened out onto this sheltered harbour, really presenting a beautiful sight, with all the boats at their moorings. The evening sun reflected off the water, creating the most beautiful mediterranean postcard sight. The centre was full of tourists, coming and going. Everyone seemed to be happily enjoying themselves. Easily done, in such a beautiful place. In the surrounding streets, which were very narrow, and mostly closed to traffic, there were dozens of restaurants, and bars. It was all very Greek looking, and just such a pretty picture. To make it look even better, there she was, walking down the quay towards me, and waving. What a beautiful sight!
'Hi there, Nick! You look nice, all cleaned up.'
'Thanks, Lianne. You look stunning!'
She was wearing a white dress, very light and delicate, swishing around as she walked. Her shoulders, and legs, were uncovered, showing off her smooth skin.
'Thank you, that's very nice of you.'
'Let's wander up here. There are plenty of places to choose from.'
I put my hand on her arm, and guided her across the street. At the touch of her skin, I felt a wave of excitement flow through me. I would have loved to kiss her, there and then. However, I knew I had to slow things down. I didn't want to ruin things by moving too fast. That was a bit of a bad habit of mine, throwing myself in at the deep end, only to find I had misread the situation, or maybe ruining things by pushing things along too quickly. This time I was going to be Mr. Cool. The patient man.
'Oh Nick, this place looks lovely, what do you think?'
'Yeah, it sure does. Let's do it!'
The place was a Greek Taverna, one of the many, decked out in traditional colours, with a lot of beachy paraphernalia hanging on the walls. The wooden tables and chairs spilled right out onto the street, where they were covered by a light wooden structure, from which hung small Greek flags. It did look nice. From my limited experience on the island, anywhere would have been fine. The food was brilliant everywhere. The locals were also incredibly friendly. We found a table, and sat down.
'What do you recommend, Mr. Kos expert?'
'Absolutely everything! Let's order one of everything on the menu. That way we won't miss out on anything.'
Lianne laughed, and gave me an incredibly cute smile. Her lips were perfectly shaped, and incredibly erotic.
'It's a shame you are leaving tomorrow. You could have been my guide here. It's all so easy with someone who knows their way around.'
'Yes, it is. It really is a shame. Hey, why don't we meet up, back in Bournemouth? I know it's not the same, but I know a few good places back there as well.'
'That would be lovely. I would like that.'
I tried to look cool, as a wave of delight passed through me, lingering in my loins. I felt like jumping up and yelling:
'Yes!'
However, I remained composed, and just gave her a little smile.
'The food will definitely not be as good, though. Let's eat!'
We ordered various plates of Greek delights, and had a wonderful meal. Her shoulder length, brown hair, really set off her face well. Her green eyes sparkled as she talked, and smiled. She looked so pretty, sitting there in that Greek Taverna. Certain moments in life are really special. A photo never gives them the credit they deserve. Maybe it was also because of the fact that my work life, back home, was in a total state of shambles. Maybe it was just the effect of being in Kos. Whatever the reason, that dinner with Lianne, in that Taverna, was just such a special evening. The memory of it will linger with me forever. Sitting there with her, I had the feeling that anything was possible. Happiness could invade my soul. I could return to Christchurch, confront all my problems at work, and break out of the unhappy situation that had been dogging me. With a good woman, like Lianne, at my side, everything was possible. We chatted until late. The time had just flown by. Eventually, we knew we would have to call it a night, even though neither of us wanted to. We walked back down to the quay, to say goodnight. My mind was racing. How would I play this. I knew a kiss was called for, but how big a kiss? I didn't want to overplay my hand, but on the other hand, I wanted to show how much I liked her. In the end, it was Lianne who took control. She leaned in, and kissed me, lightly, on my cheek.
'Bye Nick, see you back at home.'
'See you, Lianne. It has been so nice to meet you.'
She wandered off, with me staring after her. My Greek break had really come up trumps. I was refreshed, relaxed, and had found Lianne. I was ready to go home. I could face whatever life threw at me.
Back in Christchurch, the days passed incredibly slowly. I couldn't wait to see Lianne again. Since I had been back, it had rained every day. It was so bleak, and miserable. And cold, really cold. My problems at work just seemed to be the same as before my holiday. Then I wondered if maybe I should just quit, and start all over again, in another office. Probably, there was no fixing the bad relationship I had with my colleagues. All things considered, it was probably for the best to just start again. Why not? At the end of the day, it probably wouldn't even be that hard to find another job. Maybe even with better pay? Actually, just the fact of coming to that conclusion really helped my feel better. In the end it hadn't even been that difficult. The problem was easily fixed. Was this the Kos effect? Or was it the Lianne effect? In any case, my holiday in Kos had brought me good counsel. It had given me time to reflect on what I should do to fix my dismal situation. Having accepted the idea of quitting, and starting a new job, I felt free of all the disquiet that I had been holding onto. Now, this was the Lianne effect, of that I was sure. It was funny how office politics worked. People pairing off, to attack a third person, or grouping together, to ravage the others. Even though we were all dressed well, and working in a modern environment, the behaviour we followed was really quite basic. The dominant ones feeling they owned the place, and had the right to denegrate others. For no other reason, seemingly, than the fact that they could. Probably that attitude would have made sense when we were all fighting each other, for a limited supply of food, and shelter. In a primitive setting, it would have been a necessary instinct for survival. When, however, you worked in an office, shuffling bits of paper, what was the need of this primevil beating of the chest? Did man still need to show how strong he was, even when he was wearing a white shirt, and a blue tie? What sense did it make? What was the gain in it all? Man's progression just seemed to be one of having an easier life, with all modern comforts, but, deep down in our souls, we were still just primitive beings, acting in the way of our ancestors. Modern society had been thrust upon primordial man. The hunter and collector now worked in an office. Instead of hunting prey to eat, necessary for survival, the hunting was now of a malicious, sadistic, kind. The prey was those presumed to be weaker, or not part of the dominant group. To a certain extent, the noble instinct of hunting for survival had been debased. It had been turned into an unnecessary bloodlust, for no other reason than that of showing the dominance of the strongest, at the expense of the weakest. I would no longer play their game. I would no longer be primordial man's victim. As soon as I could, I would find another job, hopefully with nicer people. Just arriving at this conclusion brought me a sense of relief. Knowing that I would be leaving, that I would no longer be the brunt of primitive man's bullying, made we feel like my old self again. A holiday in Kos, and meeting Lianne, had helped me reflect clearly on my work situation. It felt like I was getting my life back on track. I was letting go of the grip of unhappiness, and planning my future. At the end of the day, it had really been me who had allowed primitive man to dominate me, by my acquiescence. Without my submission, primitive man really had no dominance. He could only play his part, if I, too, played mine. The thought of that brought me some relief. If I wasn't exactly happy yet, I was on the verge of happiness. Happiness was now a possibility. Now I was ready to move ahead with my life, and my plans involving Lianne. I could see a pleasant future coming to bloom. Finally the long week passed, and Lianne returned home to Poole. I had been practising my phone call to her for a few days. I wanted to get the right combination of letting her know how interested I was in her, but without going overboard, as I often did. I needed to retain a certain amount of detachment. We arranged to meet, on the banks of the river Avon, just down from Christchurch Castle. My idea was to have a pleasant walk along the river, and then pop into a restaurant, maybe a Greek one. All along very romantic lines, I thought. I was sure she would fall at my feet, after such an enjoyable evening. Saturday evening rolled around. I was looking forward to seeing her again. It didn't really matter that it was raining, although it certainly put the dampers on my 'walk along the banks of the river Avon' plans. Instead, after sending a couple of messages backwards and forwards, we arranged to meet in a pub, The Kings Arms. It all put me in a bit of a fuddle, to be honest. I had planned the outdoors meeting, to facilitate the greeting kiss. On the river bank, two lovers meeting, and exchanging a kiss, seemed like a smooth way to work in the kiss. It was the right thing to do, in that romantic setting. In the noisy interior of an inner city pub, on open display to all and sundry, such a show of affection might be out of place, and put one or the other in a bit of an embarrassed state. Possibly even both of us. Walking to the pub, under my umbrella, it all seemed to be slipping away, somewhat. Under the Kos sun, it had all gone so agreeably. In the heat, wearing light clothes, and being in the holiday mood, everything seemed to flow better. Conversation had come easily, desire had been ever present, and the pathway to the bedroom had seemed to be lit by invisible candles. Now, here, heavily bundled up against the cold and rain, meeting in the incredibly unromantic environs of an English pub, that pathway seemed to be lined with thorn bushes. Still unsure about how I would handle the opening greeting; kiss, or no kiss, I entered the pub. Lianne was already there. Or, at least, it looked like her. Without her skimpy white dress, she looked different. At first glance, sitting there in a heavy set of clothes, she somehow didn't look anywhere near as attractive as she had, in the semi nudity of Kos. Luckily, she was at a wide table, so the kiss dilemma was pretty much off the menu. It would be too far to reach over the table for a kiss. At least that problem was solved.
'Hi there, Lianne! How are you? You look pretty tanned.'
'Hello, Nick. Good thanks, how are you?'
My God! She looked so miserable. I sat down, and looked carefully at her face. She really wasn't a great beauty at all. Had I ever really looked at her face before? Or had I been so aware of her body, that I hadn't really noticed her face? Now that her body was heavily covered, against the cold English weather, I felt like I was seeing Lianne for the first time. Without the constant feeling of desire, dictated by my body, I was now judging her with the thoughtfulness of my mind. How could someone seem so different, in two different settings? Did we evaluate people based on where we met them, and then re-evaluate them in another situation? Was it purely that my sexual desire had taken control in Kos, and I had seen Lianne solely based on how good her body was? Now that I didn't have her almost naked body to contend with, I viewed her from a different perspective. I'm afraid to admit that she came up a bit lacking, in that regard. Her face was quite ordinary, and, coupled with her unhappy expression, she didn't look terribly attractive at all.
'I'll get some drinks in. What would you like, Lianne?'
'Gin and tonic, please.'
I fought my way to the crowded bar, and got some drinks in, just a beer for me. Then we got down to chatting. I really couldn't believe it was the same person that I had met in Kos. Maybe if I were to see her naked, the former flame of attraction would burn again. With no urgent desirous messages emanating from the lower parts of my body, it was just up to my mind to evaluate her. In all honesty, the opinion my mind was formulating was not very complimentary to Lianne, at all. She was prattling on about when she was a kid, but I could hardly concentrate, being so immersed, as I was, in my comparisons of the two Liannes. The before, and the after.
'Why? What happened?' I asked, trying to focus on what she was talking about.
'My stupid mother. She was so unfair to me, when I was young. It was always my sister that got all the attention.'
'When you were a kid?'
What the hell was she on about? When she was a kid?
'Yes, Stacey always got the best gifts, and all mums attention.'
'Is she younger than you?'
'Yes, five years.'
'Actually, Lianne, that's pretty normal. It happened to me, too, growing up. The youngest in the family is just about always spoilt. I have a sister, six years younger than me, and she was always daddy's little girl. His little princess. He never did anything with me, or my brothers, but he always had time for her. That's just the way it goes. It's always like that with the youngest child.'
Who was this person? Where had Lianne, my Lianne, disappeared to?
'I remember a time when I was ten years old, mum gave a necklace to Stacey, but she didn't give me anything. It just wasn't fair. She was always the special one.'
Her eyes were burning with rage. Just recollecting this memory brought back floods of anger to her. Her face was contorted with anger towards her mother, and, probably, jealousy towards her sister. A necklace? I doubted that it had been part of the crown jewels. No doubt it was really just some cheap trinket, of no more value than a couple of pounds, at the most. Who was this person? How could anyone hold onto such anger, over such a trivial thing, for so long?
'It hadn't even been her birthday, or anything. Just out of the blue mum gave her that necklace. She is still mum's favourite, even now. Everything she does is just so perfect.'
'How is Stacey going now?'
'She's married, and just had her second child, a little girl.'
It was all starting to make sense. Obviously, their mother would be doting on her sister's children, like any good grandmother. When they were kids, Stacey had had more attention, because she was the youngest, and again now, because she has given her mother two grandchildren. It didn't really seem like a big deal to me. The fact that the younger sister had achieved so much, whilst Lianne was still single, I could maybe understand a bit of jealousy towards her sister. A bit of envy over her sister, now having a full family was understandable, but holding onto anger from some slight from when she was ten years old? This person was crazy. I just couldn't get over the intensity in her eyes, as she recounted the story about the necklace. Her eyes had been burning with anger. To feel such intense rage over something that had happened over twenty years ago, bloody hell, that was holding onto anger! At that moment I realised that I would never be giving in to my body's desire towards Lianne. She was just so flaky, that I didn't want to get embroiled in any of her rubbish. I was in the process of sorting out my problems at work, and I really didn't want to get enmeshed in a relationship with someone this screwed up. I needed to have a period of tranquility in my life, and that wouldn't happen if I got involved with Lianne, no matter how much my body was attracted to hers. Primordial man, with his basic urges, and desires, would have to give way to modern, evolved man, and his good common sense. I felt something akin to a wave of satisfaction go through me. It felt good to be so sensible. Maybe I had evolved? It crossed my mind how fortunate I had been to have met her, in Kos, on my last day there. If we had been on that island together any longer, there was no doubt in my mind that we would already be in a relationship. Obviously these things can be ended, but I was never any good at even starting relationships, let alone ending them. All I had to do now was draw back, and end things, before they started. I had to get out of there, and get Lianne out of my life. This was not going to work for me.
'Hey, it's been great meeting up, again. Wouldn't it be fantastic to always be on holiday? Somewhere like Kos, eh? Anyway, look, I have to get off to a family dinner. Let's keep in touch. Bye, for now.'
I got up, and headed for the door, without giving her a chance to say anything more than a quick goodbye. She must have got the message, because I never heard from Lianne again. I certainly wasn't going to instigate any more contact with her. My primordial urges had almost gotten me into a relationship with a total lunatic, but I had dodged the bullet, and proceeded with getting my