The next week seemed long, so long. I was mostly left alone in this time. Because I spent all my time with Constance, I was not very well connected with my canine kin. And because I spent all my time with Constance, her parents and siblings found it hard to be near me. For this reason I was alone, left to my own devices, left with my own questions, and no Constance to share with me her answers.
I began to ponder myself, my life, my purpose, more than ever before. Until now my purpose had been found in Constance, in keeping her warm, in body and in spirit. My Identity? I had been Constances's companion. Her super intelligent, special, loved and cherished miracle. From waking up to going to sleep this is what I did, and all of my learning had been for this purpose.
But what now? Who was I now? What was my purpose? I wish I could tell you that I found the answers to these questions in this time. But I did not. The week passed, and at the end of it I found myself empty, exhausted, and none the wiser. I was losing weight, my body was stiff, my eyes as pout-full as they've ever been.
And then it occurred to me. Without my Constance, my guide, my guardian, I knew that the answers to my questions would not come so easy. I could lay on her bed, I could retrace her steps, I could remember her words for all my life, and at the end I would be no further, no closer. From now on, such answers would need to be hard won, they would need to be earned.
No longer could I lay in the arms of my beloved, my keeper, and have her speak to me the mysteries of life, and fill my heart with love. Instead I would need to venture on out into the world, to seek, to discover, and to earn true and hard won insight into who I am, and why I am here. That night I slept soundly. That night I had peace. And for the following nights afterward, as I recovered my strength and prepared for what I was going to do.