1.
My hometown was noticeably unchanged since the last time I had been there ten years ago. Even the hotel I was staying in was the same – the decor and paint never altered only the staff was new and thank goodness for that. As I unpacked my toiletries, I still wondered whether coming back for the class reunion had been a good idea. It unnerved me to think about the questions I was going to have to answer, that is, of course, should anyone recognise me. Above all, I hoped that Dario, Tate and Edie (oh sweet little Edie – not!) would not attend. Three people that had had such a huge effect on me, three people I had hoped never to see again in my life. Again I considered packing up and returning to my home and the safety of the miles between me and this place of painful memories. I hovered between the bathroom and my suitcase on the bed – do I pack or unpack? What did I have to fear? Nothing! I was single and a successful business woman, and I owned my car and house. The woman they had all known at school no longer existed and in fact, I should be proud to show them all the new and improved me. I knew and believed this; only I feared my reaction when or if I came face to face with the three people I less than desired (hated at times) the most in this world.
From the balcony, where I reclined with a bottle of water, I watched the sunset and calmed my overactive mind and its fears. It was still two days till the reunion, and the event would probably take care of itself without any help from me. I had a lot of reminiscing to do the following day when I planned to take a drive down memory lane to the places where I used to live and the spots I used to frequent.
After a satisfactory meal in the hotel restaurant and a relaxing hour or two on the balcony, I went to bed and settled for a restless night's sleep. Events of years gone by plagued me, washing up old history and familiar faces that revisited me, unravelling along with them the torments and frustrations that had led me onto the path of destruction that had nearly destroyed me.
The weather was cool for May in Worcester. I recalled stifling dry heat that used to irritate most of us as we sat in our classrooms sweltering away while trying to concentrate at the same time. I dressed casually and had a cup of coffee on the balcony. The view was magnificent; the mountains were so close I was able to distinguish between shrubbery and trees and was even able to see clearly water flowing from the mountain streams. During the "eat as much as you can" buffet breakfast I ate as much as I could from the usual hotel breakfast selection. The restaurant filled with the aromas of bacon, eggs and coffee, inviting our empty stomachs to feast there. I sat alone at a table by the window, the view of the swimming pool and the neatly trimmed garden was peaceful even with the hum of the general restaurant noises. The water in the pool slightly rippled from the breeze coming around the corners of the building, and I stared at it blankly, my mind wandering again.
After breakfast, I got into my rental car and started on my day of revisiting the places that had been such a big part of my life so many years ago. I drove past my old school, noticing the huge banner promoting the reunion – I shivered. I went past the house I had grown up in; the garden was now immaculate, definitely in better condition now than when I had lived there, but still the house wore the same colour of paint and had no additions or renovations. I slowly wandered through the centre of town noticing that the shops had mostly got abandoned when they had all relocated to the mall. Buildings were in dire need of attention – the town hall, the library, the police station - Oh dear, the police station - My bones quivered at the memories that washed over me, and suddenly I was right back in the past.
***
I puked all over Constable Pienaar's boots in the front garden of the police station. The evening long ago spent and the early morning hours resulted in those who were stupid enough to be seen, staggering through the streets in a drunken stupor getting afforded a ride in the back of a police van and escorted to the joys of a holding cell. For whatever reason, the constable that found me felt a heap of sympathy for me. I was so grateful it was not the same constable from my previous escapade.
'I'm slo shorry,' I spluttered through the vomit still hanging in my throat, spitting the last bits of slime out of my mouth. I tried to straighten myself up and stand like a normal person but my head was in another dimension unbalancing the rest of my body, and I was unable to plant my two feet together on the ground at the same time. I did try ever so hard, but it hurt my head too much.
'Whoa, there young lady. Just get it out of your system before I take you inside, don't want that stuff all over the charge office floor now do we?'
'Uhm...Yeesh oflicer.'
He left me alone there in the corner of the garden and allowed me to finish my retching and to empty the contents of my insides. It seemed to take forever. Once we were inside, I was led to the holding cell, and I was not alone in that horrid hellhole that reeked of urine. There were five other ladies – prostitutes and thieves – and I was no better than they were. My head was still spinning, and the stench gripped my senses to the point of throwing up the little bile I had left in me. I staggered to the toilet in the cell and bent my head over it, oh the horror – one of the ladies must have been menstruating as the bowl was full of blood and on top of it floated a used tampon. I had never smelt such a disgusting odour shoved so close up my nose in my entire life, and my gut retched to vomit, my mouth opened, but there was nothing left to emit, and instead I sucked the dirty smell of used blood into my mouth. I tripped backwards and fell to the floor, it was wet but not with water; it was wet with urine, strong yellow pungent urine. I lost consciousness right there lying in the putrid, stale urine of another dirty human being.
Keys rattled, and screams from a woman awoke me along with the sun shining through the small window of the cell. The smells of the lowest level of society grabbed me immediately, and I recalled some of the events of the previous evening. Partying, drinking, popping pills of various kinds and then ending up here. What a nightmare! The remaining woman in the cell watched as I scrambled to the bench, then laughed at me, calling me obscene names and throwing threats of the worst kind at me. Was I already in hell?
'Miss!' an officer shouted from the door of the cell, and we both looked at him.
'You there with the red hair!'
He was shouting over the yelling of the other woman who was begging and demanding that he release her too. I walked like a person walking the plank – slowly, hesitantly, with the urine infested puke smell hovering over me and clinging to me. The officer took a few steps ahead of me to avoid the smell and every person I passed held their hand over their nose in objection to the scent I was carrying. I got given the only possession I had – my wallet, and all it contained was my driver's licence and a fat help that was when I did not even own a car.
'Constable Pienaar told me to give you this card,' the officer said as he handed me a white business card with the address of a shelter nearby.
I nodded, took my wallet and the card and left the station. The sun was extremely bright, and I squinted, and the wind was fierce, mixing my matted hair into bigger knots. I had no idea where to go; I had no home thanks to the landlord that had kicked me out of my flat the day before. I had no friends anymore; all had deserted me – who wanted to be friends with a drunk that enjoyed a few pills every so often? I studied the card, what did I have to lose? And in my heart, I knew I needed help so very desperately.