6.
I needed the bathroom, so many glasses of orange juice had to come out at some point, and there was no way I could hold it in any longer, so I had to make the trip reluctantly. I had wished to spend the entire night glued to my chair. As most women do, for whatever reason, we go to the bathroom in numbers. Sharene and Jordan's wife Elisbe thankfully joined me. We made it to the toilets without too many hellos along the way. Relieved and a few pounds lighter we exited the bathrooms and walked smack-bang into Tate and Edie. Time froze for a second as we stared at one another in surprise. Sharene and Elisbe were soldiers at my side instantly. Edie paled dramatically and reached for my arm, but I pulled away immediately. Her eyes welled up with tears, but Tate remained frozen. It felt like school all over again as everyone went deadly silent, waiting for my reaction.
'Yvaine, can we talk?' Edie stuttered through her tears.
I expected a different reaction from myself. All the years of pent up anger, ideas of revenge and imagined scenarios of this exact moment dissipated, and I was calm and in control of my emotions and the situation.
'No. We have nothing to talk about,' I replied assertively.
'Come on Yvaine, don't be childish, we're all grown up now,' Tate threw his words at me.
By now a large audience had gathered.
'Tate, excuse you for pointing out the obvious! I have the right to speak or not to speak to either of you, and I choose not to. What happened in the past is what you have to live with, I am done with the past. You and Edie, however, do not have to be a part of my future.'
Edie reached for my arm again, and I refused her advance once more.
'Please Yvaine, please forgive me, forgive us.'
Tate was about to say something and Edie shushed him. Tears were ruining her make-up – she had a lot of it on.
'If you truly need to hear the words to move on then yes, I do forgive you. Goodbye now.'
I turned my back on a sobbing Edie standing alone as Tate left her to get a drink from the bar. The world had lifted from my shoulders. I felt strong and refreshed. I had never guessed I would've triumphed, but I realised if I had God with me then who could be against me? A round of applause went out from the onlookers, but I shook my head and walked back to my seat. Sitting down Sharene and Elisbe were babbling like school girls re-enacting the scene for their husbands.
'I cannot believe it went that way. I dreamed of the worst possible outcomes; blood and bruises included and yet I was so calm it was incredible. It's such a fantastic feeling to have that behind me now.'
'It's just like your Gretha said, you are here to forgive,' Sharene said.
I nodded. When I felt I'd had enough, as much as I had unexpectedly enjoyed myself, I said goodbye to everyone at the table with affectionate hugs and promises to keep in touch. I took in a deep breath of the frosty air and smiled at myself as I stood on the steps of the entrance hall. I was very proud of who I had become right then and there.
'Hello,' a voice said, and Dario was suddenly standing next to me.
I'd forgotten about him; I had in fact forgotten about him. It was a case of déjà vu meeting him for the first time again at the same spot.
'Dario!' I exclaimed.
'Can I get forgiveness too?'
'You heard all that? I haven't seen you all evening.'
'Hiding in the shadows too afraid to speak to you.'
I squinted at him in the dim light. He looked different, cleaner or more decent, perhaps gentler, or perhaps it was just the light.
'Since when are you afraid of anyone?'
'Since I grew up. Can we talk somewhere, or have you nothing to say to me as well?'
'I'm tired, maybe another time. What is your number? I will be here for another week or two, perhaps then.'
Why I did not treat him the same as Tate and Edie, I was too tired to try and figure out. I punched his number into my phone, checking for any messages from Luanne at the same time, then left. In bed, I mulled over the evening and felt extremely pleased that I had ended up going to the reunion. The hole in my heart had finally been stitched up. The horrid feelings I'd not been able to get rid of had finally been buried beneath the stitches of the hole. The rest of my past, the part with Dario, I knew I was now capable of discussing as a mature adult without any reservations or bitterness. I also realised I needed to tell him I forgave him too.
***
By the time the school nurse let me leave the sick room, the school was over. Exhausted, I walked home, but before I got even halfway down the road, Dario pulled up alongside me in his car and indicated for me to get in. I did, but he didn't drop me at home. Instead, he stopped at a liquor store and from there we went to his flat. From then on, I was incapable of functioning or controlling my emotions without the use of vodka and whatever alcohol I was able to get my hands on. At nightclubs I gladly helped myself to pills of all sorts, encouraged to fix my loneliness and sadness by Dario.
I somehow made it through the exams, but the discussion with my parents over my future was disastrous. I was not prepared to study anywhere or anything, and they insisted I go to college. The result was that I was told to leave the house, and I landed up on Dario's doorstep, where I was free to feed my addiction as I pleased. I spent my days high and drunk, selling anything I could get my hands on since I was unable to keep a job for longer than a month or two. I sank so low I even broke into my parents' house on a few occasions to steal things and sell them for pennies so that I could appease my addictions.
Dario came home one evening and informed me that he was leaving Worcester, but that I could stay in his flat as long as I paid the rent. I was mortified. Again I was being dumped by the person closest to me, at least, this time, it wasn't my boyfriend, but, this time, it was my addiction support. He had introduced me to this life of degradation, and now I was supposed just to carry on by myself. He was the only person I was able to call a friend if you could call someone like that a friend.
'How do you think I am supposed to pay this rent?'
'Well that is not my problem now is it? You will have to keep a job for longer than a month I guess.'
And I tried to do exactly that, several times, and the same situation repeated itself – arrive late and hungover and after the third warning I was fired. I only had money for my desired needs, which were alcohol and the weekend pill popping and, needless to say, my hygiene and personal health went for a loop to nowhere. Without Dario I went further downhill so fast, it was frightening. Even my parents had by this time publicly disowned me, and I had not a friend in the world. The last straw was when I got kicked out of the flat and ended up at the shelter house. But this is where Gretha came into my life saving me from death.
***
At first light, I was at the shelter house having a cup of tea with Luanne telling her how the evening had gone. She was so delighted for me and was eager for Gretha to wake up so I could retell the story. Once Gretha had woken up, I repeated my story, and she smiled and squeezed my hand timidly with the little strength she had left.
'God good,' she said in her weak, wispy voice.
I laid my head on the pillow next to her and cried. Why had I not tried harder to keep in touch? I could've spent so much more time with this wonderful woman. She went back to sleep again, exhausted from simply listening to my news and I felt sorrow and happiness all at the same time. I was happy that I had forgiven, and I had released that bitterness, but she was leaving us soon. I knew it was going to be very soon too.
'I think she feels she can go now. Now that your life is in order,' Luanne said sadly.
'Don't say that, my life is not that important.'
'You have no idea how she felt about you. You were the daughter she never had. She loved you so much, yes she loves me too, but not like she loved you.'
I burst into a mass of choking sobs.
'Then I was a terrible daughter for not trying harder to contact her this past year. I should not just have assumed things.'
'You're wrong. She knew you'd show up one day. She knew you loved her like a mother.'
I had no words and simply cried my shame away, or tried to.