9.
I hauled my heavy heart around like a ball and chain as the weeks following Callum’s death slowly plodded along. Filming had thankfully ended and instead of looking for work I chose to give up my flat and move back in with my parents and back to the comfort of my old bedroom. Having my parents by my side most of the day helped me put one foot in front of the other until the day was over.
With help, every day from the minister and many of my Christians friends, the anger I had slowly dwindled and I slowly allowed God to heal me rather than try and heal myself. I understood God had needed Callum, and I had to wait my turn until we could both be His angels together. It was still difficult to put into practice the idea of God’s plan but every day I grew stronger, and every day I gave a little more of my pain and anger to God handle.
Six months had dragged by when Jeska phoned me.
‘Hello darling, how are you?’
‘Trudging along,’ I replied.
‘You ready to work again? There is a small part in a Christian short film. You won’t have to audition; the part is yours if you want it.’
I contemplated this for a few seconds before I answered, ‘Yes. I think it’s time. Send me the details. Thank you so much, Jeska.’
After numerous meetings with the producers over a two-week period, we finally began rehearsals. I was slightly excited to be working again, but there were just too many reminders at Faure Studios to be truly motivated. I tried to avoid walking past that studio door where Callum had waited hoping I was at the audition. I never went to the restaurant either.
On a very hot day in February, I made my way to the studios – filming had commenced. At a four-way crossing, I stopped to allow the car on my right to proceed first as was the law. Once the car passed me, I accelerated to cross the intersection. I heard a loud crash, glass shattering and the sound of metal crunching together. I felt a warm liquid running down my face and tasted it in my mouth as it accumulated in my throat. My eyes wanted to open, but my eyelids refused. There was an intense pain coming from my abdomen and yet it was not sore. I was aware that I was lying sideways on the seats but made no effort to pull myself upright. I heard the sound of voices and sirens but acknowledged none.
My eyes eventually obeyed and flickered open, but my vision was clouded in darkness. I felt my heartbeat slow down and then it shuddered to cause a sensation similar to a bursting bubble that floated inside my body moments before everything hushed. My soul knew in the next few seconds that it would meet Callum again, and my motionless heart rejoiced in the knowledge that we were to be together for eternity with Jesus.