John gazed out across the uneven bland roof tops that he knew so well. The place seemed to fit him like an old suit of clothes. This was home, always had been, and now it seemed, always would be. John climbed steadily up onto the ledge of a low wall which surrounded the edge of the building; he was caught by surprise as a strong breeze tried to force him backward. He regained his balance and looked down, fifty maybe sixty feet to the concrete pavement below. He suddenly felt dizzy and thought for a moment that he would fall before he was ready and so he quickly focused on the grey horizon letting the dizzy spell subside. It was going to be another miserable, uninviting day; it really was a good day to die he thought.
The wind blew through his untidy hair, his face unshaven and spoke of hardships, dark circles around red eyes talked of too much drink, not enough sleep and tears, many tears but that would soon end, very soon now.
It was strange how emotionless he felt now that he was here, cold resolve, a struggle conceded, and a life that had been a struggle, from birth to… well death. He stood at the end of his life now almost in a mist, a daze of pain, a noisy persistent pain that would not leave him alone, but he knew that soon it would.
“A long way down. Isn’t it?” A voice startled him and once more he was afraid that he would lose balance and fall. Why, he wondered should he worry about that it was his intention after all. He thought about it for a moment. Then he realized that at least this was going to be his choice, he was in control of the situation and he wasn’t going to relinquish it, this was his show, his time, his decision and he wasn’t going to let it slip away. No, he would choose the right moment not fate. Not this time, not now, not ever again.
“I know a thing or two. I would say that you would have five or six seconds to regret your decision before…SPLAT.”
John looked around at the voice; it seemed to him to be irreverent at this solemn occasion like laughter at a funeral and he wanted to show his contempt. A short man leant over the edge looking down. He seemed for some reason odd and certainly out of place with his environment, with his hippy dress and rude attitude.
“You know, it is a strange thing suicide. The most important and final decision of your life made at a time when you’re least able to make any decision... The mind…” he looked up at John and shaking his head tapped his finger on his temple “Is not right.”
“Look who are you, go away your not welcome here.” Said John intent on solitude in his final moments on this earth.
The stranger continued like he never heard “I suppose someone will have to scrape up the mess afterwards.” The stranger replied twisting up his face in revulsion.
“Look mate just piss off. You’re not helping.”
“I am not here to help, what made you think that? Couldn’t give a monkey’s”
“Well in that case why don’t you f….”
“Awful bloody mess, I mean, someone will have his day ruined having to clean it up.”
“Do you mind, that it, will be me?”
“Well that’s debatable, I mean won’t you cease to be you once your smeared all over the pavement, should have more consideration, jump in the river or something less messy.”
“Are you some kind of nut? Why don’t you go and play on the motorway or something and leave me in peace?”
“Of course you might get lucky, or is it unlucky, I never can quite tell in these cases…”
“What are you talking about?”
“You might survive with terrible injuries, broken back or worse broken neck.”
“What are you talking about man, its sixty feet onto concrete, no one would survive that.”
“Maybe smash your skull open, disfigured and brain damaged, terrible.”
“I can’t believe that I’m cursed with you at a time like this, who the hell are you? What do you want with me?”
“Got any money? I mean you won’t need it where you’re going.”
“You insensitive bast…”
“I’m insensitive! I’m not the one about to leave a mess on the pavement down there for someone else to tidy up, haven’t you considered their feelings, and what about the trauma inflicted on the poor sod that finds you?”
“Go away, just go.”
“So you haven’t got any money then? Is that why you’re jumping? Maybe a lost love? Or are you just lonely?”
“None of your business.”
“Are you gay? Afraid of coming out of the closet in case you’re ridiculed and shunned by your family?”
“No I’m not GAY…”
“Well what then?”
“None of your business now GO!”
“Well I thought that I’d watch, if that’s all the same, haven’t seen a jumper before.”
“NO, it’s private, I want to be alone your ruining it, it’s not supposed to be like this. I wanted peace and solitude for my last moments.”
“Well I think I will stay and watch anyway, don’t mind me I’ll just… I suppose that you wouldn’t wait until I fetch my camera would you? I bet I could get a few quid for a shot like that.”
John looked at him with incredulity and shock, his mouth opened but words failed him.
“No, I expect not, just a thought. Well, are you going to do it now then or what?”
“I…I...” John thought about it but it wasn’t how he had planned it, it seemed somehow sullied and un-pure, it was like the mood of the moment had been broken and he somehow lost heart with it. He also wanted very much to disappoint this weirdo. He wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction, this wasn’t a spectator show. This just wasn’t how it was supposed to be damn it.
“Perhaps if you were a bit more comfortable, sat down and just kind of, slipped over the edge it would be easier.”
Anger flashed up through John, he leapt down and caught the man by the scruff of his neck he contemplated throwing him over then jumping, but he knew deep down that he couldn’t do that, not even now in his darkest hour. The man just smiled up at him, a warm smile, he was unafraid as if he could see into john’s heart, his very soul. It made john shiver.
“Does this mean you’re not going to jump then?” There was disappointment in the mans voice, and from somewhere, laughter filled the silence, a loud persistent laugh that echoed across the roof tops. John hadn’t laughed for eternity but the ridiculousness of the situation called for nothing less.
“Well then friend, its time to move on.” John looked to his right. A bright light flared up blocking out everything.
“Sorry but you see, long ago, you did jump, you’re dead my friend, You have been playing this out over, and over again for a long time, but now that you have decided not to jump, now is the time for you to cross over, now is the time, look someone is waiting for you.”
John looked into the bright light and saw his wife and child waiting with smiles and outstretched hands. John felt confusion.
He looked down into the face of the strange man and then he remembered the fall, he remembered jumping to be with his wife and daughter again. He released the man and walked shakily towards the light and the love awaiting him. Just before he stepped into this light he glanced back one more time. “Who are you?”
“Just a friend, just a friend.”
The small group stood alone on the roof in the dark, it felt too all, that a dark cloud had been lifted. A small man smiled.
“It is done, he has crossed, no more haunting.”