Chapter three
Weeks had passed and Rachel was loosing weight at an alarming rate. Kelly was being very helpful around the house and Hayden visited more often. Eric got into a lot more fights at school as well. Rachel almost wished she had never told them.
Rachel still hadn’t decided wether she would write back. She hadn’t written to Adrian in a while and she felt that she needed to, he did write back after all.
She tore another page out of her diary and began writing.
To Adrian
It’s me again, Ricky. I don’t know why it took me so long to write back. Eudora told me you were coming to Namibia in a while.
So I wasn’t really specific in my last letter, I’ve got cancer. A lot has happened since I told everyone. The cancer is really eating at me in more ways than one.
It was great of you to write back, I was hoping you would. I also did my hair blonde in high school. I thought it looked great, till it all broke off the next week.
I have difficulty sleeping sometimes. My dreams depress me. Don’t we always think death would be the easiest thing? Cancer feels like an appointment with death. I hate the way it makes me feel so powerless.
This might sound strange but for the first time in my life I feel mortal. Don’t we all feel immortal? Like death happens to everyone but us.
If anything, my cancer made me think more about the other side. What makes you think about the other side?
Write back
Rachel folded the paper and put it in her purse.
She was going to mail it later. She stood up and walked towards the mirror. She looked at her frail figure and pulled the loose hair out of her head. It made her think of her life, her impending death. It made her think about God, about Jesus and the cross.
She hadn’t talked to God in a long time. She couldn’t believe it but she hardly remembered the last time she prayed. Rachel knew she had to talk to God, she just didn’t know what to say.
She kneeled to pray.
Heavenly Father
I know I haven’t talked to you in a while, I don’t know were we lost touch.
I need your help Father, to deal with this. Give me courage Lord, and your grace.
Rachel’s voice was shivering. She took a heavy sigh and continued.
Hear me Lord, I plead. Lord Jesus, remember me and not my sins. Forgive me, forgive me.
In Jesus name I pray
Amen
Rachel looked up to the ceiling and smiled, she couldn’t explain the peace she felt even to herself. She opened her eyes and knew her prayer was heard.
_____________
“You’ve got mail, certain Rachel carver. I take it you finally broke up with Isabella.” Said
Adrian’s secretary as she walked into his office.
Adrian looked up from his desk and smiled.
“Please tell Beniamina to bring me coffee on your way out.” He replied, opening the letter.
She flashed him a cheeky grin as she turned around to leave.
Adrian walked over to the door and closed it. He started reading the letter as he walked back to his desk. After reading it, He decided to write back.
He grabbed a paper and pen, stopped to think, and started writing.
To Ricky
You didn’t tell me how old you were. Then again, it doesn't really matter.
Adrian stood up and walked to the window, he thought long and hard about what he was going to say next. He walked back to the desk after a while and picked up his pen.
What you wrote really made me think about life, death, God. The other side does seem more real when you’ve got an appointment with death I guess. I never saw cancer as an appointment with death till I read your letter. I guess I don’t define these things or ever really think about them.
Adrian stopped writing to think. He didn’t know what to say next, he’d never been put in such a position.
I don’t really see death as something that happens to everyone else, I see it as something we all try to elude.
You know, everything we do is to stay alive. That’s why we work or study, right?
Adrian giggled and continued to write.
By the way, my name is actually Adriano but Eudora calls me Adrian and now you too. I don’t really know what makes me think about the other side, Heaven or hell.
Tell me more about yourself
Write back
Adrian put the pen down and leaned back in his chair to think about the letter. He started asking himself questions he had never before asked.
His thoughts were interrupted when Beniamina came in with the coffee
-----------------------------
It was getting more difficult for Rachel to get out of bed. She had received Adrian’s letter but hadn’t written back yet. The chemo was a nightmare for by now she was almost bald and had grown deathly thin. Her father thought she should fly to Houston for treatment but her doctors didn’t think traveling was such a good idea.
Kelly would bake her cup cakes almost everyday and Hayden would skip school at times to help her around the house. She decided to write back to Adrian eventually, she had to find the strength.
She tore another page from her diary and weakly began to write.
To Adrian
I’m still alive. Don’t mind my sloppy handwriting.
It’s getting harder for me to use my arms [or legs for that matter].
Next week’s my birthday. A few months ago I never thought I’d live to see my 25th birthday.
She stopped writing to laugh at the thought. She hadn’t noticed it but she was crying too, soft tears that almost didn’t feel like her own.
I feel like I weigh a thousand tons. It seems to be all that occupies my thoughts these days. I don’t mean to depress you. Enough about that, why don’t you tell me something you bet I don’t know. Don’t have much fun facts to share, unless terminal cancer sounds interesting.
She laughed even harder as the tears ran down her face more violently.
I guess I miss the days I loved being me. I remember myself so many years back. The moment I graduated from high school, I was off to America with my friends. We had this idea that we would make it big in Hollywood, ha.
That never happened though, we ended up spending a year auditioning for millions of roles we never got.
After that year I was off to law school in S.A. I was done last year so I decided to practice back home in Namibia this year. You know the rest by now I’m sure.
She grabbed a pillow to lean against. She was overwhelmed with fatigue but she wouldn’t let herself sleep. She had to write that letter. She didn’t want to admit it to herself but it could have well been the last letter she would ever write him. She forcefully picked herself up and fixed her glasses.
I was engaged to be married once. My fiancé went to the mall to get the groceries, I was reading a novel that day.
Rachel stopped writing; the pain of that day was coming back to her like a cold breath of air. She didn’t want to remember that day, she promised herself she wouldn’t.
He never came home. He was caught in a drive by shoot out and you can imagine the rest I’m sure.
I pray a lot more than I ever did. I guess I want to know what will be next, don’t really need any more surprises.
Write back
She placed the letter in an envelope and wrote his address on it. Hayden had promised to mail it that afternoon.