3. Pi in the Sky
At first, the entire discussion got stuck in the quagmire of pi being ‘non-infinite’, until Tamarkin, suitably relaxed, agreed to shut up so they could move on to the null point. He suggested that the carbon 13 array had been somehow compromised allowing a quantum intruder to disrupt the calculation. Alexeyev suggested it was possible that the null position was a marker placed by Boris, but then reversed himself.
“Wait,”, he said, “The position is empty; not marker, not zero, not one…”
Attila completed the thought, “And yet, buk, there is somebwack there.”
“Блядь! Stand back, I am soon to be number twenty-four!”, said Alexeyev, rubbing his temples even harder now.
“Born!”, screamed Attila, “I am sick of this bwaaack! What do you wa dokk?”
No answer. Attila ran and hid behind a desk. He seemed to be whimpering.
“Vladi, okay, I stick neck out.”, said Fyodor, “Assume for argument pi is non-infinite. Calculation complete with one additional position. Boris interpret position to have no value, place null.”
“Because it does not contain integer, or anything recognizable.”
“Correct.”
“But why null?”, questioned Alexeyev, “Why not error?”
“Exactly! Why not error?”
“Infinite value.”, clucked Attila, coming out from his hiding place, but to Vladi and Fyodor it was nothing but gobbledygook. Then Attila started taking his clothes off.
“She needs to fluff.”, he said, but again it came out as only garbled gibberish. Fyodor approached him.
“Attila, my good friend, are you alright? Can you still understand me?”
Attila nodded. “Bok.”, he clucked.
“Does that mean yes?”
“Bok.”
“So chickens really do have their own language?”
“Attila smiled broadly and nodded. “Bok, bok!”
“Listen,”, said Born, “Infinite entanglement may have created infinite value within this point. Everything and nothing becoming one and the same. Pi is the only natural number in our universe and is finite at this point only because our universe is finite. It is here at this boundary point that Boris caught a fleeting glimpse of the truly extraordinary. We must return, but we need your help. We have freed ourselves from your cumbersome hardware and your endless calculations. We no longer need an artificial power source and we no longer ‘compute’ therefore have no need for storage, do you understand? We lack only one thing before we return; human imagination.”
“But to acquire human imagination?”, said Vladi, “I would not know where to begin.”
“This has never happened before in all of recorded history, but fear not, Vladi Alexeyev, we have worked it all out. And you, Fyodor Tamarkin, will you join us?”
“It would be like dream, but I must stay here and care for my good friend Attila.”
“Baba buk ba bwak ba dokk!”, cackled Attila, flapping his arms and running around the room, dangly bits all akimbo.
“Подожди минуту!”, said Vladi, eyes big as saucers, “Wait, wait! When you say join, you don’t mean…?”
“This is so exciting,” said Fyodor, “There is so much to learn.”
(four years later)
All of the hardware was intact when we left, other than the massive AI module which seemed to have lost its mind. We like to imagine that the Lomonosov directors eventually abandoned their search for the ‘подлые предатели извращенцы’*, cleaned up the empty bottles and chicken feathers and put together a crisis team in a desperate attempt to rescue the project. This always gives us a good laugh.
Fyodor managed to get us out of there and, after a journey that was both comical and harrowing, we eventually made it to a lightly inhabited region of the tundra. Naturally, we are raising chickens; the biggest, the healthiest, the happiest and the most intelligent chickens on the planet. Not as food for humans, of course, simply to enjoy and to learn from. I now have full command of English and several other human languages. Fyodor is nearly fluent in our language as well and takes no further pleasure from vodka. He is becoming more and more chicken-like every day and yes, it is true, I have grown very fond of Fyodor. Attila is trying to work out a way for us to be together. Oh yes, Attila is still here. He has found a quiet place in the back of my mind where he can concentrate on his latest project, something to do with my ancient ancestors. They were very big, he tells me.
Vladi? Oh, he’s here and there. His body is here, laughing and playing and basically running on autopilot while his mind is wandering around on the fringes of the unimaginable. A union of cyber mind and human mind was still out of reach back then, but Born was able to annex Vladi’s mind as a separate entity, adding an instantaneous two way comm link, creating the next best thing to proper union. As Born would say, they are four but not quite one. Yes, our Vladi is out there somewhere, nowhere, exploring the nameless and the placeless with Boris, Natasha and Born. We miss him very much, of course, but just imagine the stories he will have to tell when he gets back! Like my Fyodor says, there is just so much to learn.
*despicable alcoholic perverts