A RELIGIOUS CALLING
Roger will remain in Bairo Torre one more year, under the name Brother Benito Marcelino, to finish his novitiate. His intensive studies into the religious life and the significance of the vows he would make in the summer of 1954 became actually a hindrance to his spiritual growth and to his vocation. Towards the month of March, Brother Benito Marcelino went through a severe test of faith. Strong doubts about the existence of God threatened to halt his progress towards becoming a professed Brother and to rock the foundation of his spiritual strength. This time he confided in the Master of novices: Brother Prosper Victor, who wisely and successfully guided him through this difficult period through daily counseling.
BAIRO TORRE: PROFESSION OF VOWS
August 15 came, and with it the moment Brother Benito Marcelino had waited and prepared for all these years. On this day, he made the vows of poverty, chastity and obedience for one year, before a packed church of well wishers. After the pompous ceremony, his hero, Brother Charles Raphael, handed him his first “order”, in French, from Brother Léonidas, Superior General of the Marist Brothers. It said in part: “We, the undersigned… order Our Dear Brother Benito Marcelino, to go from our House of Bairo to Poughkeepsie, United States. After a dozen days spent with his family, he will report to Madrid (Cisne 3) where Our Dear Brother Domingo Andrés has prepared his trip to the United States…”
Brother Benito Marcelino left for his native Bierzo to see his relatives, this time as a professed Marist Brother. His stay in Fuentesnuevas was short, but very significant. He went to the Zamora sanatorium to visit his oldest brother Joaquín who had been wounded while serving in the Blue Division. When he saw Joaquín, Brother Benito Marcelino thought about the world famous writer García Lorca, for they looked very much alike. The visit was only for two hours, after which Brother Benito Marcelino had to leave. It was a very emotional farewell, but it was the last time the two brothers saw each other, for Joaquín died one year later while Brother Benito Marcelino was studying in the United States.
On previous occasions, Roger found farewells very difficult. This time, Brother Benito Marcelino’s goodbye to his mother was very emotionally charged, for, after hugging him and kissing him profusely, she sat down on a bench and started crying inconsolably and repeating the words “no te volveré a ver” (I will never see you again). Brother Benito left in tears. He was only one hundred yards away and felt the urge to run back and give her a last hug and big kiss.
Brother Benito arrived in Madrid and reported to Cisne 3, the Marist House where he would stay for three days, exploring the big city with another companion from Bairo Torre who was also going to Poughkeepsie, New York. It was the end of August and still very hot, but Brother Benito and his companion went to explore the city and its surroundings like two youngsters in awe of dazzling beauty. Brother Benito loved Madrid with its Royal Palace, its Retiro Park, the Prado Museum, the Plaza Cibeles and Paseo de la Castellana… He felt very proud of the capital of his native Spain and started imagining how his life would be if he could only stay and study there…
POUGHKEEPSIE, NEW YORK
However, Brother Benito was also excited about his trip to the United States. He and his companion, Brother Angel, finally boarded the plane to New York. They were both scared, for not only was this their first trip by air, but after twenty minutes of flying, the plane had to return to the Madrid Barajas airport for repairs. Passengers had to leave the aircraft and wait four hours before reboarding.
After nineteen hours, with a two-hour stop in northern Canada, the plane landed in New York’s Idlewild airport. Brother Joseph, who spoke French, was waiting for Brothers Angel and Benito, and then drove them to Poughkeepsie. Even though it was already dark, Brother Benito was so impressed by the highways with so many lanes divided by white lines that he included this information in his first letter to his relatives in Spain. To him, these highways represented a very well organized and progressive society. He felt amazement and comfort.
When they arrived at the Marist College in Poughkeepsie, at about ten o’clock at night, two old friends from Italy were waiting for them. Both Brothers were brought to the dining room where they were served a very copious meal. Included in the menu was a bar of margarine lying next to each Brother’s plate. Brother Benito quickly figured that, just as in Italy, the two bars of “butter” were their dessert. So after the meal, he told Brother Angel: “This is too much dessert for me. Let us divide the bar into two portions, one for you and one for me”. And so, a bar of margarine was divided into two, and both Brothers proceded to eat their own portion as “dessert”, while their friends were chuckling about their little prank, before informing the newcomers about the “real” use of margerine, which brought laughter all around.
The next day was particularly confusing for Brother Benito. Accustomed to light breakfasts, he was astounded at how much the Americans ate: cereal in milk, bacon and eggs, plenty of bread, more milk, coffee… “No wonder they are so big”, Brother Benito thought. As for himself, he limited his intake to bacon and eggs with a piece of bread and a cup of coffee, in anticipation of a snack at around eleven o’clock. Ten minutes to noon, the bell rang for everybody to report to the dining room. The snack that Brother Benito was expecting turned out to be a light, but full meal. “If this is a snack, what will the “dinner” be at two or three o’clock?” he asked himself. Once more, he restrained himself from eating heavily, expecting the “big meal” within three hours as he was used to. As time went by, Brother Benito found out that what he believed to be a noon snack was in reality the big dinner, and resigned himself to wait for the afternoon “merienda” or tea. Finally, at six o’clock the bell rang to report to the dining room. Shocked at the opulent provisions on the table, Brother Benito did not know what to do. He saw everybody take advantage of copious servings, and he was actually hungry… Should he imitate the others in what he considered an act of gluttony and relieve his hunger, or should he contain his appetite until supper time at nine o’clock? He chose to help himself with small servings and to save room for the supper to which he was accustomed. Indeed, the bell rang at nine, but to go to the chapel for evening prayers, not to the dining room to eat. Brother Benito was hungry, but had to wait until next morning to satisfy his appetite, for after the evening prayers, all Brothers had to retire to the dormitories for the night. So, Brother Benito learned the hard way that different countries have different customs and hours of eating meals.
So far, the cultural shock was mild compared to the clash and agitation that some behaviors produced on Brother Benito. In the past, he had lived in protected environments, away from moral dangers. Showers were always taken with a maximum of decorum and minimal exposure that included getting into the shower with a bathing suit on, for the body was seen as a source of temptation and of sin. It took Brother Benito all the inner spiritual strength he possessed and a great deal of counseling from Brother Superior to overcome the moral revulsion he felt when, after physical exercise or softball practice, he went to the showers and saw everybody undressing without regard to anybody else’s presence. As for himself, he tried very hard to adapt to the new environment, and went as far as wrapping himself with a big towel after removing his clothes and before entering the shower, consciously keeping his eyes down and ignoring the others. He could not get over the shock of seeing religious men exposing their bodies with reckless abandon.
Brother Benito went to Poughkeepsie to pursue his studies as a scholastic Marist. His English preparation for the task at hand was rather limited. He had to enroll in regular courses in English, Mathematics, Philosophy, and History. The first months were difficult, but with the help of some Brothers who gave him private English lessons, he passed all his courses with flying colors.
The history of the United States fascinated Brother Benito. He came to appreciate and admire the courage of the forefathers who, braving untold sufferings, showed unyielding faith and fervent yearning for liberty. As he crossed the long, stretched-out bridge over the Hudson river on foot and contemplated the dormant low hills that surround Poughkeepsie, his mind would go back to that historic moment when the Founding Fathers of the Republic valiantly strove to reap the truly rich harvest of a nation that was to live in freedom. Their true genius, thought Brother Benito, was to build for posterity a respectable and secure home for liberty.
What’s more, Brother Benito felt compelled to delve into that remarkable period of achievement, ready to shout in all directions that supreme historic moment embodied in its people’s manners: helpfulness, warmly tempered by goodness of heart, openness, jealously nurtured by a sense of fair play, and resourcefulness, modestly fostered by simplicity.
Brother Benito soon experienced one of the salient characteristics he most admired among the Americans; that is, their generosity and their spirit of giving. He was touched by the visit the Brothers’ choir made to sing Christmas carols for the sick at the hospital across Marist College, and moved to tears of joy by the thoughtfulness of many people whom he did not know, and yet, gave him all kinds of Christmas gifts.
And that was not all. On week-ends, the scholastic Brothers were allowed to visit with their relatives. Aware that Brother Benito had no one visiting him, some families invited him to accompany them to dinner with their sons. Brother Marcellin’s family went as far as to invite him to spend two weeks in their house in New York City during the summer.
Brother Benito has nothing but good memories of that short, but busy vacation. He went up the Empire State building to admire the systematic street lay-out of that great city, so different from the irregularly planned streets of most European cities he knew. Brother Marcellin’s parents took him to Broadway to see My Fair Lady, to Jones Beach in Long Island to see the Boat Show, to Radio City to see the Rockettes, to Eversfield for a game between the Giants and the Brooklyn Dodgers, and to Coney Island to enjoy rides like the Cyclone that thrilled him half to death.
The trip to Coney Island was done by subway. To return home, right before the rush hour started, they entered the subway just at its point of departure, securing a seat for everybody, including Brothers Marcellin and Benito and one of their friends. After a few stops there were no more empty seats. At the next stop, three beautiful young girls came in and had to remain standing. Reacting to his Spanish and Italian up-bringing and to his desire to please beautiful women, Brother Benito invited Brother Marcellin and their friend to stand up and yield their seats to the young girls. Reluctantly, Brother Marcellin and the other companion joined Brother Benito to leave their seats and invite the girls to sit down. Before they had the time to talk to the girls, three older men rushed in and took their seats. A disappointed Brother Benito looked embarrassed at his two companions and apologized for his well intentioned naiveté. The girls acknowledged their kind gesture with a smile of gratitude, and that, at least, made the awkward moment a worthwhile try in old-fashioned chivalry that was rapidly becoming, apparently, a vanishing virtue.
The summers were very special to Brother Benito, for they represented not only a rest from difficult studies, but it meant a move from the campus to a summer house in the countryside, about twenty miles southwest of Poughkeepsie. It was an idyllic place to rest, with dozens of cabins on the slope of a low hill, with plenty of trees and vegetation, a place where to breathe the pure and fresh air of unspoiled nature, and a big lake to swim and go boating. Life at camp was very relaxing, away from the daily college routine and close to God through the enjoyment of nature. That, together with the yearly summer seven-day retreat, constituted for him a nearly perfect preparation for the next school year.
The first year Brother Benito spent in Poughkeepsie will remain vivid in his mind for years. His mother wrote to him about his brother Joaquín’s passing away in the Zamora Sanatorium in Spain. For the first time that he remembered, she complained about someone, namely two of her sisters who denied her the financial assistance that would allow her to see her son for the last time. As it was, her oldest son died without seeing her for the last time. This suffering woman could take much punishment without complaining, but she could not bear the pain of her son’s death without her at his side.
Less than one year after that, Brother Benito was stunned by the news of her own death. One day, Brother Paul Ambrose, the Superior, called him into the office and handed him his father’s letter telling him of his mother’s death. She was only fifty years old, but her life of silent pain and self-giving had finally taken its toll. Devastated by the news, Brother Benito burst out crying, and it took the Superior quite some time to comfort him.
Brother Paul Ambrose never opened any mail. He did not open it when Brother Benito received the news about his brother’s death. In both instances, the envelope exhibited the black signs of mourn ing. Why did he open this letter? Those who knew Brother Benito’s closeness to his mother acted very cautiously before letting him know. His mother had been dead for more than one month before his father wrote the letter informing him of her passing away. A great source of consolation for him was to read, in his father’s own words, the deep and sincere love he had for the woman who bore him eight children. Another source of comfort for Brother Benito was the prayers of the Marist community and the many letters of condolence that he received from friends in many parts of the globe, including the Superior General of the Marist Order, Brother Léonidas, and an Assistant General, Brother Charles Raphael. Even with all this manifestation of sympathy and care, it took more than one month for him to recover from the shock and start studying again. The scene of the last goodbye to his mother came back to his mind repeatedly. Her crying words “nunca te volveré a ver” were indeed prophetic, for he could not even attend her funeral, which was one of the largest of the region, second only to the funeral of the most famous “tamborilero” (tabourer), a fitting tribute to a selfless, dedicated and extraordinary woman.
The Superior General of the Marist Order, Brother Léonidas, had announced several months earlier his intention to visit the Marist houses, schools and colleges in the United States and Canada. His visit to Poughkeepsie was a definite uplift to Brother Benito’s state of mind. Brother Léonidas showed that he cared about the religious order he led, but also his personal attention to those who were directly under his jurisdiction, like Brother Benito whom he encouraged with his warm personality and his wise advice.
Other well known personalities, who left a vivid impression in Brother Benito’s mind, came to visit Marist College. Cardinal Tsin traveled from China and spent a day with the Brothers. Cardinal Spellman delighted them with two visits during Brother Benito’s stay in Poughkeepsie. Many other bishops, including the Bishop of Manila, honored Marist College with their presence. In a way, this was very much like Grugliasco, Italy, where famous men frequently dropped by to make a call on potential future leaders.
There were also other activities that brought people to Marist College. Christmas time was indeed very special because of its deep religious meaning, but it was also singular for Brother Benito because Marist College became the center for a basketball tournament between the teachers of the various Marist schools, like St. Michael’s and St. Helena’s from New York, and the scholastic Broth ers. This was indeed a treat he had never experienced and will always cherish. To him, this competition, and others like it, defined as most friendly the American society he had grown to admire and love.
Brother Benito loved nature and the outdoors, that is why he liked activities that took him to the countryside. Every year in October, before the World Series, classes at the College were suspended and the students would go and harvest apples from big orchards whose owners had given the Marists permission to pick as many apples as they wanted. It was tough manual work, but to Brother Benito it was more than just work: it reminded him of the harvest of the grapes in his native Bierzo, and illustrated for him, once more, that spirit of giving he found so characteristic of the American people. After seeing all those groves of apple trees, he came to understand better the expression “as American as apple pie”…
Another trait Brother Benito came to admire in the Americans is their unique ingenuity. Marist College was in need of expansion and of new buildings. So, Brother Linus obtained from the State of New York a builders license and directed all constructions. The Brothers took turns to work as carpenters until all the buildings were finished. This is the way they built new dormitories, new classes, a new study hall, a new dining room and a new and very modern chapel. Only in America, Brother Benito thought, can anyone see this. As for himself, he loved to take time out from class to work in the building project when it was his turn.
With the completion of those buildings, some changes occurred at the College. Until then, only Marist Brothers were to follow courses at Marist College. Now, lay people from the neighboring cities, like Hyde Park where Mrs. Eleanor Roosevelt was still inhabiting, joined in to take classes with the Brothers. Also, Brother Paul Ambrose was named President of the College and assistant to Brother Provincial. To replace him as Superior of the scholasticate was Brother Kyrian, a rather quiet, holy and austere man, but not of great inspiration to Brother Benito.
These changes may have been providential, for Brother Kyrian became, inadvertently perhaps, God’s instrument to initiate Brother Benito into his future path. Prior to coming to Poughkeepsie, Brother Benito had seen television only once when Pope Pius XII proclaimed 1954 the Marian Year. In the United States, Brothers were allowed to watch television once in a while, particularly the Lawrence Welk Show with its Champagne music and the Lennon sisters, Brother Benito’s great favorites.
One day, prior to the Lawrence Welk Show, somebody had left the radio on so loud that it disturbed the study period. Since Brother Benito used to listen to the radio during the breaks, Brother Kyrian assumed that it had been him who had left the radio on. Without asking, Brother Kyrian told Brother Benito to retire to bed after study, while the rest could watch the Lawrence Welk Show.
Brother Benito obeyed the order faithfully, but with displeasure. This precipitated in him a crisis of a growing doubt in his religious calling and of trust in his Superiors. To complicate the situation further, soon after this incident, he received from Brother Léonidas, Superior General of the Marists, the “order” to report back to Grugliasco, Italy, to teach at the International Center after graduating from Marist College.
With that order, Brother Benito’s dream of going to Japan was shattered, and his doubt in his religious vocation deepened considerably. Unlike in previous occasions when he had troubles, he did not confide in anybody, did not seek spiritual guidance and did not care to analyze the causes of his difficulties with the vow of obedience. Instead, he went routinely through his daily devotional prayers that had failed to produce spiritual growth, because they had become all external practice and no inner religious life. What’s more, as doubts about his vocation became more pronounced, his life of prayer turned into a boring exercise more than a time of communication with God, and soon he started to visualize that talking to a woman would be more interesting than talking to God. He never considered the possibility that his troubles might well stem from his sense of pride and for having made of his expected missionary work in Japan an essential “ideal” of his life.
In that confused state of mind, and more out of a sense of gratitude for what the Marist Order had done for him than out of love for his wavering religious vocation, Brother Benito renewed his temporary vows for that year of 1958, went through the graduation ceremonies in June when he received his B.A. in mathematics, and prepared to return to Grugliasco, not so much to fulfill his vow of obedience, but to repay, in small measure, with his teaching, the education he had obtained from the Marist Brothers.
When the time came for goodbyes, Brother Benito felt very sad and cried profusely, for he had made many good friends who had made his stay in the United States most comfortable and memorable. Moreover, he had grown to love and admire this land, bound by the forefathers to an order of rule without despotism, expressing herself with the enviable voice which has always been hers: the bulletin of the vote. The internal debate that was consuming him at the time could not erase the wonderful memories and practical lessons he had learned in his four-year visit to a country that he greatly esteemed and highly valued.
GRUGLIASCO, ITALY
Brother Benito arrived in Grugliasco towards the middle of July, 1958. The students of the International Center were vacationing at Bairo Torre. They would have to remain there until the middle of October, however, because the Chapter General that meets every eight years to elect a new Superior General and conduct other business was convening in Grugliasco at the end of the summer. Brother Benito reported to Bairo Torre to start his duties as a teacher at the International Center.
Representatives from all over the world descended upon Grugliasco for that solemn gathering. After several days of meetings, discussions and resolutions, they elected Brother Charles Raphael as Superior General of the Marists. Brother Benito and the students moved to Grugliasco the day before the end of the Chapter General to be present at the “Te Deum” Mass (Thanksgiving Mass) and the Inauguration of the new Superior General, a very moving moment for Brother Benito, for he had always admired Brother Charles Raphael and had continuously corresponded with him.
The next day, early in the morning, the new Superior General called Brother Benito to his office and gave him his new “order” to prepare papers to report to South Africa for missionary duty after a two-week vacation with his family in Spain. Brother Benito’s reaction showed neither enthusiasm nor disappointment. He simply smiled and continued the conversation for a few more minutes, without revealing his persisting doubts about his vocation. He figured that by reporting to his new post in South Africa, he would repay the Marists part of the big debt he felt he owed them. His teaching duties at the International Center ceased immediately, and the next day, he joined the Spanish delegates in their return trip to Spain. The news of the unexpected vacation filled Brother Benito with joy. Aware that he would feel the pain of his mother’s absence, he cherished the opportunity to express, personally, to his sister Esterita the debt of gratitude that the family owed her for the patient and dedicated care she had provided their parents since she was only thirteen. He also relished the happy thought of embracing his father and thanking him for the touching letter he sent to Poughkeepsie informing Brother Benito of his mother’s passing. When he arrived in Fuentesnuevas, doubtful and insecure about his own future but anxious to see his father, his sister Esterita and his youngest brother Enrique, Brother Benito decided to enjoy this vacation to its fullest, within the bounds of his professed religious life. So, one rainy night he thought it proper to join a group of friends, about ten young men and women, in a rather lively walk to Ponferrada to see a movie. Conscious of his religious example to the community and wanting to avoid any unnecessary talk of scandal, he put on a friend’s suit so he could really enjoy the movie without arousing suspicion. They returned to Fuentesnuevas singing all the way under the rain. They all had great innocent fun. In spite of all the precautions taken, Brother Benito’s disguise did not fool everybody. The next day the whole village knew of the night’s expedition to the movies; however, no bad tongues were heard.
The two weeks went by very fast. Brother Benito made a short trip to Túy to visit his old friends. From there he set to travel by train back to Grugliasco, but on the way he stopped to spend two more days in Fuentesnuevas. He made another stop at the Marist Brothers’ Mother House in Saint Génis Laval near Lyon, France, to report back to Brother Charles Raphael. The Superior General reminded him, gently but firmly, that he had two weeks vacation and that the extra time spent with his family violated his permission. However, he forgave Brother Benito with a friendly smile and a blunt order to avoid repeating the transgression.
Brother Benito continued to Grugliasco where he remained until his papers to transfer to South Africa cleared. To accomplish this, he had to report twice to the South African Embassy in Rome. He soon discovered that being a Spaniard and a Catholic was a hindrance rather than an advantage to achieve residence status in a country torn apart by racial strife. The process he had started in November to obtain permission to enter South Africa ended favorably in April.
During his trips to Rome, Brother Benito stayed at the Marist Brothers’ house there and took advantage of every possible opportunity to tour the city. He visited the Vatican Museums, Saint Peter’s Basilica and its glorious Michaelangelo’s Sistine Chapel, the unforgetable Colosseum, the Catacombs, the various Fori, and, for contrast to these ancient and historical monuments, Mussolini’s dilapidated “Altare alla Patria” (Altar to the Country).
The most indelible moment of his presence in the eternal city was his participation in a public audience with Pope John XXIII. Brother Benito was about five feet away from the Holy Father and was overcome with emotion. Nothing will erase the memory of that memorable experience. The third trip Brother Benito made to Rome was in May. Since November he had been waiting in Grugliasco, supervising nightly studies and teaching religious classes daily. Now he was in Rome to undertake a long trip to a country unknown to him, a country condemned by much of the world for its racial policy of apartheid. The only favorable aspect of the journey was his desire to serve as a Marist missionary with some Brothers whom he knew from his studies in Grugliasco and in Poughkeepsie.
JOHANNESBERG, SOUTH AFRICA
The plane left Rome and made a stop in Kano, Nigeria. As it was landing at Kano’s modern airport, passengers could see the Nigerian peasants working in the fields and some of them announcing the arrival of the aircraft with a long and curving horn so that they would all stay away from the landing field. At the airport itself, long green lizards were running everywhere, scaring passengers who did not expect such an unwelcome reception.
The stop at Kano was delayed a few hours for repairs of the aircraft. Some passengers ventured into the old city of Kano, but others who had not been vaccinated against malaria, remained confined to the airport area. To visit the old quarters of Kano without having been previously inocculated against malaria meant a daily visit to the Department of Health in South Africa. Brother Benito was thus forced to stay in the airport, which proved to be a wise decision because it became so hot towards noon, that even the inside of the air-conditioned main building was warm.
Brother Benito lodged for two days at the Marist house in Johannesberg. During the main meal, one Brother, bothered by the way Brother Benito was eating, asked him:
-
“Brother, do you ever use the knife?”
-
“Of course, when I have to,” replied Brother Benito.
-
“Why do you think they put a knife at the right side of the plate?” continued the Brother.
-
“To cut meat. I only have rice on my plate now”, said Brother Benito.
-
“Here we use the knife to push the food onto the back of the fork before taking it to our mouth”, continued the Brother, determined to give Brother Benito a lesson in South African etiquette.
Before continuing his journey by train to Pietermaritzberg in the southern province of Natal, Brother Benito learned how to eat everything with the fork on his left hand, the knife on the right with the food on the back of the fork as in South Africa and some other English countries. It had become obvious to him, by now, that whenever he entered a new country, he always had to learn the local customs and behaviours in rather painful ways. He felt, nevertheless, enriched by such experiences.
PIETERMARITZBERG, SOUTH AFRICA
The train that was to take Brother Benito from Johannesberg to his destination left late in the evening and arrived at Pietermaritzberg early next morning. It seemed a very long and tiresome journey, for even though he had a private room with a bed, and had a very good dinner in the dining room, Brother Benito could not sleep at all and was not able to see much of the land he was going to call home for some time. Only at dawn was he able to view with awe the beauty of the landscape of lush and green vegetation.
Waiting for Brother Benito’s arrival were two of his old friends from Italy and the United States, Brothers Agustín and Javier. They quickly introduced him to the other Brothers and explained to him some of the local cooking, like porridge, that was very different and to which he had not been introduced while in Johannesberg. The day flew by very fast amidst laughter and reminiscences. When Brother Benito got to bed that night, he found two thin nails between the sheets. He immediately put two and two together, and correctly guessed that his friends had played a prank on him to jolt his memory back to the time in Grugliasco when Brother Domenico would sting his arm with a needle. The next time they met, without a word, they all burst out laughing.
The next day, Brother Benito was given hi