“Kitty, you‟ve made it. Keep going to that waterhole. We won‟t be hovering over your head anymore,” said a vulture.
I looked up at the sky only to see the vultures fly away.
Although it could‟ve been a trick of sorts I believed them.
I continued walking towards the waterhole one gruelling step at a time. Beads of sweat were now dripping down my face and body. I simply couldn‟t lose any more water otherwise I‟d likely go into shock. Thereafter, I could expect nothing but death. In that case scenario the vultures would probably return.
Finally, as I got to within a few feet of the waterhole I took notice of the animal bending over and drinking. It was a beautiful golden-coloured horse. And what a site it was.
I leaped onto the edge of the waterhole and began to lick as much water as I possibly could in as little time as possible.
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After I finished having my fill I noticed that the horse was eyeing me. He wasn‟t sure of my intentions, so I began to converse with him.
“Excuse me, but forgive me for asking you, why are you way out in the middle of nowhere? Horses like you aren‟t supposed to be here.”
“I‟m a burro. The BLM (Bureau of Land Management) was chasing a bunch of us burros and boy did they scare us. Luckily, I slipped away behind a large mound. I knelt down and stayed put. Incredibly, three BLM choppers flew overhead and no one therein took any notice of me.”
“Oh, I know who the BLM is they‟re the Bureau of Land Management. They do tons of good work for our country.”
“Not for us burros. We call them the Bureau of Land Murderers. Bison and burros don‟t like the BLM. In fact, we hate them with extreme ferocity. We don‟t like to be rounded up, shot at, corralled or intimidated.”
“I‟m Chip Miller, what‟s your name?”
“My name is Thomas Burro. My family has been in this country for centuries.”
“Thomas, I have Canadian blood running through my veins.
But, when I‟m here I often tell people I‟m a North American cat.
When I go up to Canada I‟m from Canada. So, I guess I‟m kind of a mixed up kitty.”
“Chip, I‟m a native Nevadan. That‟s where the big chase began. But thankfully, as you can see, I‟m free as a bird.” Chip, we better rest up for a while. We must stay still and not move if we hear an airplane or chopper overhead. However, if a chopper gets too close for comfort we have to haul ass. Look, just in case we‟re forced to split up run over in that direction. You see those trees on the horizon. That‟s Pendleton, California a small town where a kitty can fit in. There are several horse ranches on the outskirts of Pendleton. I‟ll squeeze myself into one during the wee hours of the night. No owner will complain of my presence. I‟m not branded, no one owns me and I‟m of good stock, as you can clearly see.” Thomas and I rested up until late in the night and into the A.M. hours. We awakened at 3 A.M. fully refreshed but very hungry.
“Thomas, what do you want to do? We‟re starving, and we simply can‟t stay here. There‟s no food, only water from a questionable waterhole. Normally, I‟d never drink from this kind of a waterhole, but desperation controlled my behaviour.” As we were conversing we were rudely interrupted by a humming sound coming from above.
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“Thomas, listen up! I think there‟s a giant dragonfly buzzing overhead. I think it must be twenty feet long or more.
It sounds really menacing. What should we do?”
“Heck no, Chip! It‟s not a freaking dragonfly it‟s a Special Operations Chopper (SOC)!
Chip, don‟t hit the deck, run like freaking hell!” Actually, the first thing I did was poop onto the ground then I urinated. To make matters worse, I was so stunned that I instinctively leaped onto the nearest person beside me. I ended up on Thomas‟s back.
I held onto him really tight and then I pulled and pushed on his hair as a jockey would do. He responded by running as fast as he could.
While making our attempted escape I wondered about which of us was wanted by the BLM; me or Thomas. Well, the answer to my wonderment came without delay.
“Thomas, slow down to a halt! The BLM will give you complete amnesty and a safe and uninterrupted passage to Canada or Mexico if you turn in that kitty riding you.
I just want to warn you that the kitty is wanted by the Federal Government violations for serious port of entry violations and other serious crimes. There‟s a reward of ten thousand dollars for his capture. Thomas you should do the right thing. Stop running and turn the kitty over to us. I promise you won‟t regret it.”
“Commander Williams, you‟re a freaking liar! I‟ve heard more than I can swallow about your treacherous lies!” shouted Thomas.
“What, Thomas, Commander Williams? I thought he worked for the U.S. Border Patrol?”
“No, this hard ass has a multi-purpose job. He even has a post as Director of Guantanamo. I heard he enjoys torturing humans, but cats are his specialty.”
“Thomas, you‟ve got ten seconds to slow down. I‟ll give you some lea-way to make a complete stop. This is it, Thomas.” After the ten seconds came to pass the BLM began to fire at us. It was very terrifying as Commander Williams ordered a rapid fire assault. Bullets were zooming past us but sooner or later one or more bullets would either hit me or Thomas. Therefore, I gave Thomas the best advice I could.
“Thomas, listen up very carefully. I want you to run in a zigzag manner. Just imagine that you‟re an elk being chased by a cheetah.”
“Thanks for the beautiful advice, Chip. You‟re one heck of a swell kitty.
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Now, Chip, it‟s my turn to give you some expert advice.
Crouch down like a jockey. This will reduce wind resistance. We should pick up a bit of speed this way.”
I did as told and believe me we did pick up some speed.
Thomas continued running as fast as he could. We were very close to Pendleton and a beautiful congregation of trees. All we had to do is enter the town. Thereafter, it‟d be much more difficult for the BLM to catch us. Not to mention, the legal ramifications of entering an American town during deep sleep hours. The citizens of the town would throw a fit.
As Thomas continued running something quite shocking happened. Because the BLM chopper, well, I mean Commander Williams was so intent on capturing us, he‟d forgotten about the dangers of flying at an excessively low altitude.
The BLM chopper crashed into a telephone pole. Immediately thereafter, a horrific explosion rocked the area. Although Thomas and I were relieved that the BLM were no longer on our tail, we also knew that we‟d be blamed for the crash. Under no circumstances could we be captured or discovered.
“Thomas, let‟s go into town. Over there on our right is city hall. We can sneak inside and gather our thoughts for a while. What do you say?”
“Chip, I love you ever so deeply. But as you know, I‟m a horse. I can‟t just stroll through any American town or city without being noticed. You on the other hand are a cat. You have much more leeway and flexibility in this area.
Chip, for me there‟s only one place to go. I must enter a horse ranch immediately and mix in with the other horses. You see, I can smell horse manure from afar. I‟ll follow the scent.
Chip, you and I must split up immediately.
Listen, new sirens emanating from afar are sounding and sooner or later Pendleton Police will be patrolling the area for a horse and a cat.
We said goodbye and then I leaped up onto Thomas‟s face and gave him a big hug and an Italian style kiss on each cheek.
A moment later we were on our way. Thomas didn‟t waste much time. He followed the scent of horse manure disappearing into the dark of night.
Now, I was all alone. No relatives or friends nearby and confused about where to go. City hall no longer seemed appealing because it was too close to the entrance of town.
On my right was the beautiful Pendleton Park, though. It was dark and I didn‟t detect the presence of any humans. At least for the time being, humans were my number one enemy. And because there was a bounty on my head they (humans, not all of them but many of them) would transform into salivating monsters 39
ready to get a hold of me. They love money like no other creature on Earth.
After passing the park sign I scanned the area very carefully just in case. The lights in the area were dim. That worked to my advantage.
But as I began my earnest walk into Pendleton Park I couldn‟t help but notice the sirens getting louder and louder.
But what terrified me the most is that new sirens appeared from the north of town. It meant that Pendleton Police were joining the search. Thomas and I had been pursued by the BLM from south of town.
I ran deep into the park, stopped and then scanned the area again deciding to leap into a wooded area to my right.
Thankfully, the trees and plant life therein was thick. So much so, if it‟d been elsewhere I would‟ve been tempted to call it a forest.
My position gave me a bird‟s eye view of goings-on throughout the area. Additional choppers soon converged on the crash site. In addition, vans and other vehicles appeared.
My watch indicated 5:00 A.M. In all the mayhem I didn‟t notice the appearance of dawn. The sun was getting ready to make a steady rise. This would cause the entire area to lighten-up.
Not only would I lose my visual advantage, the situation would become potentially fatal. I didn‟t think that the BLM or any other agency involved in our capture would have mercy me or Thomas. Thomas and I were likely to be gunned down on sight. No trial or investigation. As far as the authorities were concerned, we were as guilty as sin. Maybe, we‟d be blamed for numerous other unsolved crimes too.
There was a gnawing hunger within me. Although I was also quite thirsty there was a water fountain nearby.
After waiting patiently for thirty minutes it became apparent to me that I had to move on.
I scanned the area, and then ran to the water fountain, leaped onto it, pressed the control button and had my fill.
I leaped onto the grass and then ran to the other side of Pendleton Park. I‟d noticed that the downtown core was located there.
As soon as I left Pendleton Park I crossed Elm Street and then entered Bridgeport Street. This street took me straight to the downtown core. Along the way I made it a rule to scan the area after every two hundred steps that I took. There were many potential dangers nearby. Being on the alert was of the utmost importance.
When I got to within a block of the downtown core I heard the sound of dog paws pounding on pavement. When I turned to see 40
where the pounding came from I noticed a Rottweiler running towards me.
I pondered about fighting it but decided on fleeing instead. I figured the Rottweiler didn‟t know I was a wanted fugitive. Maybe he was a cat hater, worse yet a cat killer?
As soon as I turned to run away the Rottweiler stopped in his tracks and spoke to me.
“Chip, please don‟t run! Thomas gave me a message to convey to you. He found a beautiful horse ranch. He says that you should live with Robinson, that‟s me, for a few days. There‟s nowhere to hide. The state police and the FBI have been added to the „manhunt‟ to capture both cold-blooded killers.” As I pondered about what to do a flash thought lit up in my mind. The fact is I had no alternative but to take Thomas‟s advice. There was simply no place to go.
“Robinson, are you the real McCoy?”
“What, I don‟t understand what you mean?”
“I mean, are you really ready to take me in as your friend?
What do you want in exchange?”
“I just want you to love me. No one has ever loved me. My first owners chained me up all day and night to a tree regardless of the weather. See, come closer and you‟ll believe me.”
I approached Robinson cautiously, not sure whether it was a trap or some kind of a trick on his part. But when I got close enough to him I saw a horrible gash on Robinson‟s neck. There was only one way to get that gash. Robinson was telling the truth.
“So, what happened to make your owners free you?” As of last year, the City Council of Pendleton passed a city ordinance making it illegal to chain a dog outside all day and night, especially lf the elements were hostile. Maximum time is four hours except during the night, and it can‟t be raining or hot and humid.
Dog owners can fence in their dogs if they choose to.
However, this city ordinance was twofold. Dogs running around freely in any yard must be located behind a sufficient barrier for obvious reasons.”
“Robinson, I notice that you live in a yard with a white picket fence around it.”
“Yes, I carefully opened the fence door before running out to meet you. As you can see perfectly well, the fence door is wide open.
Look, please come back to the yard with me. I‟ve got tons of food lying around. Like, umm, do you enjoy eating pizza? What about German Chocolate Cake. I‟ve got plenty of both. No doubt, you can smell both.”
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“By golly, I‟m starving. Robinson, if you feed me just this once I promise that I‟ll love you from the bottom of my heart.
No strings attached or any conditions whatsoever.
But wait a minute! You told me that your first owners treated you badly. I can see the horrific gash on your neck.
Your skin actually grew into the chain. I know for a fact that you had to have surgery to remove the chain link. Each and every chink in the chain had to be removed individually.
Now, back to the point; what about your new owners? What are they like and how do they treat you?”
Frank and Samantha Garland are in their late seventies.
They‟re the best humans I‟ve ever come across. They‟re retired professionals. Frank was a college professor and Samantha was a registered nurse. They feed me the best food and I have my own doghouse.
But Chip, although the Garlands are very nice and sweet to me I need some „animal talk‟ if you know what I mean.”
“Yes, Robinson, I know exactly what you mean. Every animal that has ever lived around humans gets that gnawing feeling in their gut. We each need some time to speak to other animals.
Some animals need to speak to their own species.
Robinson, an animal can go nuts if it‟s never allowed to speak to other animals, ever. But I see you‟re doing quite well.
Your social skills are very well polished.”
“Yes, Chip, my skills are very well polished. But that‟s because I speak to other animals at least several times a week.
Some animals are very intelligent and friendly, like you.
Please, Chip, come back with me. I know it‟s early in the morning but I know that you‟re very hungry. After we eat we can sleep for several hours. Then, I‟ll introduce you to the Garlands. Actually, they may take you in indefinitely.” Although I appreciated the offer there was still something rattling my mind. Actually, it was an important question; will the police identify me?
I returned to Robinson‟s yard and continued following him to his doghouse before munching out on a very delicious pizza and also three slices of German Chocolate Cake for dessert.
There was nothing to do thereafter but sleep. And sleep we did. I was rudely awakened at noon to a heated conversation between the Frank Garland and the county sheriff.
“Frank, listen up very good. I want you to warn your wife and dog about a murderer on the loose. Actually, there were initially two of them, a cat and a horse. The cat was the commander and brains of the duo. The horse, named Thomas was gunned down an hour ago. We spotted him trying to slither himself into a group of horses on the McNamara Ranch. He went down instantly.
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I repeat it‟s the cat that we‟re really after. He‟s mean and tough. And, he‟s a cold-blooded killer responsible for wreaking havoc on The U.S. Border Patrol and the BLM.
Frank, here‟s a composite of the kitty. DO NOT try to arrest or lure this kitty onto your property. Just call 911 and tell the switchboard operator that you‟ve spotted the „killer cat‟. She‟ll know exactly what you‟re talking about.
Oh, one more thing. There‟s a #25,000 reward for any information leading to his apprehension or killing. The FBI will compare DNA samples thereafter, of course. They have some of his DNA locked up in a safe place. In other words there will be no reward unless there‟s a positive DNA match.
Frank, be careful. Wendy Whitmore, the old witch called 911
a few hours ago. She claimed to have seen the killer kitty enter your yard with another person. She couldn‟t quite see who the other person was. Now, do you mind if I perform a cursory check of your yard. And, you and Samantha can perform your own cursory check in your home and garage.”
“Sheriff, that sounds just right. I pride myself in being a friendly man. However, my friendliness has its limits. I‟ll never harbour a fugitive or a killer of any sorts. So help me, if I see this killer kitty anywhere in this city, I‟ll personally call you, regardless of the hour. Can I do that?”
“Frank, you and I grew up together. Of course you can. And the same goes for your wife and dog. There‟s nothing in this world I‟d love to do more than catch the killer kitty and give you the reward on the same day.”
The conversation ensued getting spookier and spookier for yours truly. Thankfully, the sheriff and Frank were positioned just in front of the white picket fence. The exit of the doghouse was located on the other side enabling me to slither away from the danger. I was upset at not being able to thank Robinson for his generous hospitality and to wish him luck.
Unfortunately, if I‟d done that I would‟ve been spotted.
It was 12:15 P.M., hot and humid and the California sun was taking a vengeance on the population of Pendleton. I‟d made up my mind right there and then to flee northward; in essence, I was northbound.
As I started my trek away from the Garland home I couldn‟t help but notice how utterly calm it was. Except for the conversation I was fleeing there was a spook in the air.
But then, my suspicions came to pass. Apparently, there‟d been a public announcement of sorts on television, radio and the Pendleton city Website warning its citizens to stay indoors until the fugitive killer cat was either captured, killed or was no longer in town.
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I crossed Lambert Street, scanned the area and decided to take a left. I was going north.
I‟d managed to walk three short blocks before hearing a couple of choppers fast approaching. Naturally, I felt a rush of terror in my heart. Who the heck else could they be searching for other than yours truly?
I spotted a nice looking house nearby. It must‟ve been a four or five bedroom and the lawn was green and well-manicured.
But what I liked most were the two gargantuan trees therein.
There was much shade underneath them and if need be I could perch and hide. Furthermore, there was a double garage, the doors were conveniently open and within one of them was a full-sized fridge. I could smell specs of food and drink emanating from the garage.
I dashed towards the large tree on the left, hid behind it and then squashed my body flat on the ground as to not be seen or noticed. I was so damn terrified I even quieted my own breathing. My body became so silent I could hear my heart beat, and believe it or not I could almost hear the blood passing through my veins and arteries.
A pair of attack Blackhawk choppers hovered just above the treetops over the neighbourhood. They hovered in place for a couple of minutes before someone therein made a public announcement through the amplifier.
“Respected citizens of Pendleton, we have managed to triangulate the location of the killer kitty. We know he‟s somewhere on Lambert Street between Elgin Boulevard and Smith Street. We recommend that you stay indoors unless it‟s absolutely necessary. We have composites posted on every telephone poll in the city. You can receive additional information on television, radio or on our website.
We‟ll inform you as soon as an apprehension has been made.
This is Mayor Ralph Jefferson speaking.”
I was terrified at the thought of being a marked kitty.
Worse yet, they knew what I looked like. A tiger can‟t change or even modify or alter its stripes. I had no access to makeup or paint.
But there was a gnawing thought running through my head.
I‟d forgotten something very important. It related to my chances of escape. I just needed more time or a memory cue before it was too late.
I stayed put until the Blackhawk choppers left the area. In all the commotion I forgot to look behind me. The tree I was hiding behind was almost in the direct line of view of the living room, which by the way had several large windows for the occupants to peer through.
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Thankfully, I didn‟t spot anyone therein. In fact, the area was too quiet and too still. Not a single light in the whole house was turned on.
Something was up. I glanced around the surrounding area, and then the sky. There were no dangers in sight. It was time for me to make my move. I was now hungry and thirsty. I basically needed a buffet style meal without any interruption.
Thereafter, I needed to watch some television. Sleep would be the last thing I‟d do.
I cropped up my ears and squinted to get a better fix on the interior of the house. It took me roughly two minutes to realize that there really were no visible movements or vibrations therein. Although there were scents in the air they were a bit faded. Perhaps they were a few old, I thought to myself.
Like a predatory cat eyeing its prey I froze for a few seconds and then chose a target.
I slowly approached the front door with my eyes fixed onto the lock. As soon as I was within striking distance I leaped up onto the lock and then held onto the doorknob with my right paw and proceeded to pick the lock with two of the claws on my right hand.
Thankfully, it only took a few seconds to get the job done.
As soon as I heard a click I turned the door handle in a clockwise direction and then pushed in a backwards direction.
Afterward, I leaped onto the ground. Now, the door was slightly ajar. I slowly pulled it open a bit further, entered the house and then closed the door behind me.
A sweet scent shot up through my nostrils reaching deep into my brain. The occupants of the house took care of it quite well. But I wasn‟t after air freshener or carpet freshener. I was after food and drink. Well, if there was some cash lying around I guess I would‟ve helped myself to it.
Knowing that there could still be danger therein I made certain to move stealthily like a jaguar strolling through a forest floor.
The first thing I noticed however was a small chandelier above me. On the right and a couple feet in front of me was a beautiful Oakwood table with a beautiful vase on it. But what caught my attention the most was the mirror on the wall adjacent to the vase and Oakwood table. It‟d been quite a while since I saw my own beautiful face and body. I figured now was the time to reconfirm my own beauty to myself.
I leaped onto the Oakwood table and then looked deep into the mirror. Something wasn‟t quite right. I couldn‟t put my paw on it. What was it about me that‟d changed? I wondered.
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