Ash The Toilet
Inspired by the toilet in a little cottage we lived in in Bristol.
Once upon a time, there was a toilet called Ash. It was a very strange toilet, because it was made from very strange things. The water tank was actually a fish tank with a real fish swimming around in it. The pipes were made from old bicycle tyres. The basin was an old kitchen mixing bowl and the lid was a broken guitar.
The reason it was made from such strange parts was that it belonged to Professor S. Inventor (the “S” stood for “Super”). It was the first fully working toilet ever invented, and he had been very proud of it. “But I can't sell it like that, it's just made from bits of old rubbish”, he said to himself So he had put it at the back of his shed and kept his goldfish in it.
Now Ash and the goldfish had become good friends, as they had only each other to talk to. But recently, the goldfish noticed that Ash was becoming very quiet.
“What's wrong?” the goldfish asked.
“I just don't like sitting here at the back of the shed with a goldfish in me. I mean, it's nice to have you here to talk to, but toilets should be being used!”
The goldfish wanted only the best for his friend, but was a little worried by this – if anyone did ever flush the toilet, he would be flushed down the drain, and who knows what would become of him?
The toilet started to cry, and when the professor came to feed his fish later that day, he saw the tears and thought that the tank was leaking.
“Oh well,” he said, “I suppose I'd better take it to the rubbish dump.”
He felt a little sad, as it had been one of his first inventions. He pulled a pencil from behind his ear and wrote on the top of the guitar: “This is the first fully working toilet ever invented – signed Professor S. Inventor.” Then he took it to the dump, without even remembering to take the fish out.
The next day, the curator of the science museum happened to be taking her old toilet to the dump too, as she was having a new bathroom fitted. She noticed the strange cobbled-together toilet already there and read the writing on the guitar.
“Well I never!” she thought to herself. She was an expert on toilets, bath tubs, showers and plug holes, and knew all about the professor's works.
She asked the owner of the dump if it would be okay for her to take the toilet to display in the museum.
“It's just a bit of old junk,” he said, “but if you can find a use for it, that's one less piece of rubbish for us to bury in the ground.”
So she took Ash and the goldfish back to the science museum, where they were preparing a new display of toilets, bath tubs, showers and plug holes. She gave them to the engineer, who set to work adding them to the display.
After a few days, the exhibit was finished. It was all plumbed together and working, but the engineer had not connected it to the drain. Instead, when it was flushed, the water went all the way through and came back in to the tank at the top. The goldfish went with the water through the pipes, and he thought it was fantastic fun.
All the visitors to the museum thought it was wonderful, and the curator was pleased how people could see into the tank to see how it worked. One day, the Professor came to the museum with his children. They called him over to the toilet.
“How strange, it looks just like the one I threw away!” Then he saw the message he'd written on the lid and knew it was his, but to this day, he does not know how it had got there.
So next time you visit a science museum, look carefully and see if you can find Ash the toilet and the amazing flushing fish.