COMMITTED
As I strolled to the elevators I couldn’t help but feel a powerful thrush of euphoria run through my entire body. Then, I saw a lone nurse taking a much needed respite on a makeshift bench.
I was so ecstatic regarding Alexandra’s cure I leaped onto the nurse’s chest and then gave her a quick kiss on the lips. I wanted to make her day.
After the kiss I leaped onto the floor and then continued onward to the elevators. But there was a problem I’d bitten off a lot more than I could chew.
Gosh girls, look, that beautiful cat just kissed me! Wow, he’s so cute and muscular!”
Before I knew it every single nurse on the floor began to converge upon me. The elevator doors were still closed. I had to find a quick escape.
“C’mon, kitty, come over here and give us a kiss!”
That was all I could handle, I performed a cursory scan of the entire floor, spotting a stairwell just a few feet away from me.
Naturally, I leaped onto the exit door, ran down the steps as fast as I could until I reached the ground floor. I took several deep breaths then opened the door leading to the lobby.
None of the nurses had reached the lobby yet, making my exit of the Montreal Children’s Hospital that much easier.
I crossed Tupper Street, walked through Wino Park and then entered the Pepsi Forum.
Once inside, I walked to a nearby bench and then sat down. I stayed on the bench for an hour before I decided to head back home.
Thankfully, home was nearby. I reached my apartment building shortly afterwards. Just in case, I scanned the area in search of danger. Finding no danger I entered the apartment building.
As soon as I entered the apartment I went to the living room, sat on a Lazy Boy chair and then turned on the HD television.
I watched television until 1:00 A.M. I was alone in the apartment. My mother was never a party animal. However, she probably made an exception this one time. After all, she was graduating with a Bachelor of Arts in History.
My mother eventually returned at 2:00 A.M. I was too tired to argue with her. I assumed that she felt the same way about me. It worked out for the better for both of us.
I closed my eyes and fell asleep until 3:00 A.M. There was something bothering me though. After pondering about what it was I got a sudden flash thought.
Regarding our living arrangement both of our names were on the lease. Second, we had a mutual bank account; I had full access and withdrawal rights; not to mention our Visa credit cards.
The bottom line, one of us had to leave the apartment. My mother had already threatened to toss me out. The only way to effectively counter that threat was to have her thrown out first.
Knowing that my mother was mentally off base was an advantage. I decided to document every abnormal action and statement that she’d ever made.
I don’t want anyone to think I’m a back-stabbing kitty. I decided to have my mother committed; forcibly sent to a psychiatric ward, clinic or hospital.
But first, I had some important business with the Premier of Quebec. I felt a strong desire to help the student protestors, Citizens, landed immigrants and foreign students.
Many of the student protestors can’t afford the tuition hikes, and let’s not forget about the foreign students.
I found the Premier’s phone number on the Government of Quebec website.
I took hold of my cell phone then proceeded to call the Premier’s residence. Because of the hour I figured he’d be at home rather than at his office.
“Hello, this better be very important! It’s just after three in the morning and I was sound asleep until I heard the damn phone ring.”
“Yes, umm, Mr. Premier, it’s an honour to speak with you. But, umm, I’m calling about your inhumane tuition hikes. I understand that you’ve already finished all your schooling, so therefore the hikes don’t apply to you. Umm, furthermore, you’re not poor, actually, barring a catastrophe you’re set for life.
I request that you reformulate your calculations. If you must jack up tuition, please don’t be ‘astronomical’ about it.”
“OKAY, NOW IT’S MY TURN TO SPEAK, LISTEN TO ME SONNY-BOY: BOO-HOO-HOO! I’M CRYING MY BRAINS OUT!
DAMN IT! I DON’T LIKE TO BE AWAKENED WHILE I’M IN A DEEP SLEEP!
I DON’T LIKE IT WHEN YOU PEOPLE COMMIT ACTS OF VANDALISM!
I DON’T LIKE IT WHEN YOU PEOPLE OBSTRUCT TRAFFIC!
I DON’T LIKE IT WHEN YOU PEOPLE TOSS ARTICLES AND INTIMIDATE MY POLICE OFFICERS!
I DON’T LIKE IT WHEN YOU PEOPLE TRY TO FORM ILLEGAL MASS DEMONSTRATIONS AND UNJUSTIFIABLE PROTESTS WITHOUT GETTING PERMISSION FROM THE CITY!
I DON’T LIKE IT WHEN YOU PEOPLE BARGE INTO CLASSROOMS AND DESRUPT THE ORDER, FORCING CLASSES TO BE CANCELLED!
I DON’T LIKE IT WHEN YOU PEOPLE FORCE OTHERS, WHO WANT TO BE IN SCHOOL TO HAVE TO WAIT MONTHS-ON-END UNTIL THEY CAN RETURN TO SCHOOL!
I DON’T LIKE IT WHEN YOU PEOPLE MAKE US LOOK BAD IN FRONT OF THE COUNTLES TOURISTS WHO VISIT OUR CITY AND PROVINCE EVERY YEAR!
I DON’T LIKE IT WHEN YOU PEOPLE ARE TOTALLY INSENSITIVE TO THE PLIGHT OF FOREIGN STUDENTS WHO ARE PAYING A FORTUNE TO STUDY IN OUR PROVINCE, BUT THEY CAN’T STUDY AS LONG AS THERE IS NO SCHOOL AND YOU PEOPLE ARE TROUBLE ROUSING!
I DON’T LIKE IT WHEN YOU PEOPLE TOSS A SMOKE BOMB INTO OUR METRO (SUBWAY)!
I DON’T LIKE IT WHEN YOU PEOPLE FORCE US TO BEEF UP SECURITY THROUGHOUT VARIOUS SECTIONS OF OUR BELOVED CITY AND IN OUR METRO STATIONS (SUBWAY STATIONS)!
YOU PEOPLE ARE A BUNCH OF CRY BABIES!
IF YOU NEED MORE MONEY FOR SCHOOL, WORK! HOW THE HELL DO YOU THINK I BECAME PREMIER OF THIS PROVINCE, BY BEING A LAZY SISSY-BOY CRY-BABY?
HOLD IT, SONNY-BOY! DON’T YOU DARE HANG UP THE PHONE ON ME JUST YET, OKAY! I’VE GOT MORE BITCHIN TO DO!
YOU PEOPLE COMPLAIN ABOUT TUITION HIKES, SOME OF YOU ARE STUPID ENOUGH TO DEMAND FREE TUITION. WOW!
IF YOU PEOPLE WANNA BE CRY BABIES, FINE! I’LL SEND YOU ALL THE KLEENEX THAT YOU WANT, ON MY EXPENSE! I’LL PAY FOR THE KLEENEX, POSTAGE AND PACKAGING!
YOU TELL ME SONNY-BOY, SOME OF YOU PEOPLE WANT NO TUITION HIKES, FINE, WHERE’S THE MONEY GONNA COME FROM? IT COSTS BIG BUCKS TO SUSTAIN AN EDUCATIONAL PROGRAM IN OUR PROVINCE!”
Umm, umm ... umm, Mr. Premier, umm ...”
AS I GUESSED! YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY! SO, UNTIL YOU PEOPLE CAN COME UP WITH A VIABLE ANSWER TO WHERE THE MONEY WILL COME FROM, BE QUIET SHUT-UP AND I DON’T WANNA HEAR IT!
WAIT, I ALMOST FORGOT THE FINALE, WHICH BY THE WAY HAPPENS TO BE THE BEST PART OF MY RESPONSE; I’M GONNA LOVE RAMMING BILL 78 DOWN YOUR THROATS EVERY SINGLE TIME