Ty looked down through the water where his feet should be, buried up to his ankles in sand. He paid no attention to the blond, curly-haired toddlers digging nearby or the older kids with their boogie boards. He watched a wave come in and then wash out, burying his feet deeper. Another wave, and then another wave. He didn't move. It was like his anguish; it came in waves, washing over him. It was unbearable. Then it would subside and the pattern repeated itself, endlessly, day after day.
Ty checked his feelings. After a month, this was the first day that he felt just the slightest bit better. The waves still came but there was a period of time when everything was still and he didn't feel the grief. There was nothing familiar in his life anymore, no mother, father, friends, school or home. And he didn't know which way to turn next. He was afraid for his own safety and was strangely content to be in hiding.
“Hey, Ty.”
Ty pulled his feet loose and turned around. He smiled. Ashi was his anchor, the one steady thing in his life. It was late afternoon and there was something magical about this time of day at the beach. It was quiet and serene, with just a few stragglers still enjoying the day. There were happy voices, laughter, and the sound of the waves and seagulls. Ashi looked like a typical teenaged girl. Her long hair was swept up in a pony tail and she was wearing shorts with the waistband rolled over her hips, covering her bikini.
“Hey Ashi, going for a swim?”
“I come to get you. I am making dinner. I got new recipe from the internet. Will you help me?” she asked haltingly, as she picked her words carefully.
“Sure.”
He appreciated the fact that Ashi was helping him through this. He knew she didn't need his cooking assistance, but was trying to divert his mind. They walked up the beach toward a small, grassy dune and the massive house behind it. Almost the entire side of the house facing the ocean was comprised of glass windows and balconies. Inside, on the second floor, the huge kitchen was white and stainless steel, with the only color coming from outside, the bright, sky blue, ocean green and sand tan. It already smelled like one of the fragrant rice dishes with ginger and garlic, which were Ashi's favorite.
“The grill is hot and I do not want to touch the fish.”
She wrinkled her nose and handed him a pan with marinating fish. She followed him outside onto the deck with a bowl of marinating vegetables and tofu, set it on the glass table near the grill and went back inside. Ty started the food, settled onto a chaise and watched the waves. The scene in front of him faded away as he retreated into his thoughts.
His mind, as usual, returned to its two topics, relentlessly shifting back and forth between them. The first subject was the last day of his father's life. He endlessly relived every detail, every word of their last conversation. He thought about his father's smile, his telling them to have a good time, his father at his desk, looking at his open laptop. He thought about Vincent's exact words, going over and over them.
Then his mind went to a painful place. What if I had stayed with him that day? This wouldn't have happened. I knew it was dangerous for us. I shouldn't have gone out. I could have helped him. What was I thinking? We should have stayed together.
He felt a touch on his arm. It was Ashi. He had not noticed her sitting next to him.
“Not your fault,” she said softly.
Ty relaxed, noticing that his shoulders had hunched up and his whole abdomen had contracted in tension as he thought about that last day. He was glad Ashi was with him. Who else would pull him back to reality if she weren't here? Somehow she knew when he was sinking into guilt and she gently brought him back.
“You did not do it,” she added.
Ty nodded. Her words urged his mind toward its second topic that relentlessly circled in his brain. Yes, I didn't do it, but who did? Who killed him? Why? What could my dad possibly have that someone wanted? Information? What about the man with the ring in the elevator? Definitely not a college ring. It was the same as the man’s ring in London. Rex Deus. The rings have to signify they are Rex Deus. Did the Rex Deus want to kill him? Suppress information from getting out?
Maybe the two men who attacked me in Israel got to him. I should have told him what happened to me.
“Tell me what you think.” She corrected herself. “What you are thinking.”
Ty began to discuss his thoughts about his father's death, marveling at how much Ashi's English had improved after a little more than a month of study. She worked long hours at her books and DVDs since that day, the day that was the worst of his life.
She had held his arm that day and not let him look out the open window. He was so appreciative, grateful that the sight of his dad's broken body on the pavement below was not his last memory of him. He was in an uncomprehending daze for the next few hours, not remembering much about that evening, but he knew Ashi stayed by his side. He knew the police asked him many questions about Vincent's state of mind. Ty insisted repeatedly that his father did not kill himself and they had to find the killer.
Did they believe or doubt him? Ty could not even remember. He knew he was up all night, with different detectives coming into the suite, looking for clues, taking pictures, asking questions. They let him know that the news was out about Vincent's fall and it was a media zoo down on the first floor. A bevy of policemen was assigned as security, to keep reporters and television crews away from the scene. Early the next morning, a detective tried to take Vincent's laptop, saying it was evidence. Ty managed to stop him, saying it was his own laptop. He knew the information stored in the computer was both private and invaluable.
Finally, everyone cleared out as the sky started to lighten. Ashi ordered breakfast. Ty dutifully ate and fell asleep while sitting on the sofa but it was a broken, fitful sleep, with fearful images that he only half remembered when he woke up. His eyes opened to the sight of Ashi watching the news with the volume set low. When she saw his eyes open, she quickly tried to click the TV off but Ty stopped her, telling her he wanted to know what they were saying. Every news channel was talking about Vincent's mysterious death.
They were reporting his fall from a six-story window, speculating on the possible reasons for his suicide. All sorts of rumors were being floated. Ty, not knowing what to do next, sat and watched them until he received a call from the lobby.
“Ty, this is Sam. They've got guards posted down here. You've got to tell them to let me up.”
In a few minutes he was looking into Sam's concerned face at the door of the suite.
“I came as soon as I heard. Ty, how are you?”
“I don't know. In shock, I guess.”
“The media is going crazy.” Sam sat in one of the armchairs and leaned forward with his hands clasped. “Somehow they know I was friends with your father and they've been calling me all morning, trying to get a statement. I suppose they're not letting phone calls get through to you either.”
Ty shook his head, trying to rouse himself out of his dazed state. “No...no I don't remember getting any phone calls.”
Sam glanced at the television, which was still on with the volume muted. “You've been watching this?” he asked rhetorically. He looked at Ty with concern. “Ty there's some things you need to do.”
Ty looked at Sam without speaking. He didn’t feel capable of doing anything.
Ashi leaned toward Sam's ear and said softly, “He need help.”
“Yes, yes I see that.” Sam rose and sat next to Ty on the couch, putting his arm around him. “I lost a very good friend, but Ty, you lost...”
“I don't feel anything, Sam. I don't even really believe he's gone.”
“You are in shock, aren't you?”
Ty didn't reply.
“Well let's think about what we have to do. First, we have to get you out of here and someplace safe. Have you thought about that?”
Ty shook his head.
“You're probably in danger. It's a good thing you weren't here when...”
“Yeah, Dad thought we were all in danger.”
“Your father rented a house and was planning to go there today to hide out. I think you should still follow that plan. There is a rental car reserved under your dad's name. You take it instead...you and Ashi. Get down to the Jersey Shore and don't tell anyone where you are going. Nobody.”
“The police? I'm sure they'll want to know where I am for their investigation.”
“Yes, you're right.” Sam rubbed his chin thoughtfully.
“What if I tell the police I'm afraid someone will try to hurt me too? After all, maybe I now have whatever the killer wanted.”
“They won't believe that. Right now they're thinking suicide. And, even if they did believe you were in danger, they'd insist on police protection. I'm going to get you out of here,” he said decisively. “We'll tell the police we're going out for something to eat and we'll pick up the car. After that, I'll tell them you're in hiding and if they want to contact you, they'll have to do it through me.”
Ty breathed deeply and sighed, thankful Sam was directing him, figuring out what he should do. His mind seemed to have shut down and he couldn't think of what his next move should be. If Sam hadn't come, he could picture himself still sitting on the couch of the St. Regis suite, days from now, watching the news.
“Okay, Sam. Let's get out of here.”
Ty vaguely remembered showering, packing, and the three of them walking down the stairs and out one of the side doors of the hotel. There was a small crowd of reporters there too, but they seemed to not recognize Ty. They weren't expecting a middle-aged man with two teenagers.
Sam spoke to the cop at the door, who let them pass without a glance. A couple of blocks away they hailed a cab. On the way to the car rental agency, Sam told Ty he'd check him out of the hotel and that he'd take care of the arrangements for Vincent's body. The police wanted an autopsy but when it was released, Sam was going to make arrangements and contact Ty to plan a memorial.
The drive through the Lincoln Tunnel and down the parkway was silent and tense. Two hours later Ty slowed, turning off the parkway and onto the road leading to Long Beach Island. He crossed one bridge, then another and by the time he drove over the third bridge, with the island laying in sight below him, he felt all the tension leave his body.
He lowered the windows and let the warm breeze blow in, along with the smell of the sea and the sounds of the gulls cawing. They slowed down as they entered Surf City and made a left onto the main street, running the length of the island. It was only the beginning of June but they were having an unseasonable heat wave. Throngs of people headed down to the shore to experience the first warm weekend. There were people walking on the sidewalks in front of the little seafood restaurants, the surf shop, and the souvenir shop. They saw couples holding the hands of little toddlers, people pushing strollers. Ty spotted a pack of giggling girls in short shorts, halter tops and flip flops in front of one of the many ice cream stores. There was somewhat of a traffic jam as cars inched their way forward, while people crossed in front of them. Other cars stopped to let people out or pick up passengers.
They passed a wind surf shop and the bright, glaring lights from a mini-golf green and then the crowds, traffic, and stores began to thin. After a few minutes they were driving in the dark, with dim shapes of houses on either side of the road. With the illumination from the porch lights and brightly lit windows, they could see the roads that led off the main road were no longer straight and many of them were little more than sandy paths.
When they passed the sign for Loveladies, the houses were spaced farther apart and became grander and more elaborate as they traveled northward. Ashi peered in the dark and announced that she spotted their street sign. Ty pulled off the main road and stopped, letting the car idle.
“Whoa! Dad sure had good taste,” Ty said softly.
“That is our house?” Ashi asked, puzzled.
“That's it.” Ty said. He had been picturing a cozy little cape but this was a mansion. The house was the last one at the end of a dirt road, nestled in front of the dune that separated the ocean from civilization. It was three stories and much wider than it was high.
He had expected another stark, cavernous house like his home in New Jersey but when they entered the house and flipped on the lights they were pleasantly surprised. The living room was large, with a two-story, vaulted ceiling, and a long line of French doors, topped with another row of windows, but the furniture was large, casual and comfortable. They opened one of the doors facing the ocean and stepped out onto the deck. Moonlight was shining, lighting up the crests of the waves as they rolled in, one after another. The ocean breeze was warm that night and Ashi wanted to open the whole row of doors.
“Okay,” Ty agreed and they sat on the floor with their backs against the sofa, facing the ocean and watching the wind blow in, ballooning the drapes into different shapes. They microwaved some of the food they had picked up at the local Wawa and tore into nachos, ring dings and large, blue, slushy drinks.
When they were stuffed they leaned back and watched the hypnotic waves.
“What a day, right Ashi?”
“It a long day,” she agreed.
“This morning seems like such a long time ago,” Ty said sleepily. “I'm so happy to get away from all those reporters and people.”
“Away from hotel,” Ashi added. She turned to him with a serious look. “No TV, okay Ty?”
“No...no TV. I've had enough.” Ty slowly got to his feet. “I’m so tired. There must be ten bedrooms in this place. Let's check it out and pick out rooms.”
They picked up their bags, went up the stairs and wandered from room to room. Ty let Ashi pick first. She chose one of the smaller rooms. It was furnished minimally, with just a full-sized bed and night table. Everything in the room was white. There were French doors opposite the bed that opened onto a small deck, overlooking the ocean.
Ty chose the master suite and climbed into bed, thinking he'd be asleep in seconds. He immediately fell into a deep sleep but woke up in what felt like minutes, wide-awake, thinking. And thus began his mind's unceasing vacillation between the two topics that would haunt him: the last day of his father's life and who had wanted him dead.
After hours of sleeplessness he got out of bed and took Vincent's laptop out of its case. He logged onto Facebook and saw he had nearly two hundred new messages. He recognized many of them as being from kids in his school. After reading three of these messages, asking insensitive questions about how his father died, Ty sighed and gave up trying to read them all. He scanned down the list and spotted one from Jenna:
Ty, are you all right? Where are you? Please, please, please write back.
Ty replied with a quick email, telling her he was okay, adding that he was exhausted and would write more later. He finished:
LOL. - Ty
Instead of “laughing out loud,” it was their private sign-off that meant “lots of love.
The next morning Ty went downstairs and found all the doors still open to the ocean breeze. Ashi was sitting on a chaise in her pajamas, with her feet tucked up under her, watching the waves. There were a few people out on the beach, walking, collecting shells, or jogging. Whenever someone glanced her way, Ashi smiled and waved.
Ty sat in the chair next to her, silent. It was not a mistake to come here. There was something about the ocean that brought peace with it.
Ashi smiled at him. “So wonderful, Ty,” she whispered, her eyes alight.
“There's nothing like the beach,” Ty agreed.
“I never see ocean before. Last night, first time.”
Ty's eyes widened in surprise.
“I love it.”
****
They spent many days exactly the same way. Sitting on the deck in the morning, Ashi would close her eyes and meditate while Ty would stare at the waves. They would run a couple of errands or go to the grocery store. Then, long, lazy days at the beach. Ashi didn't just play on the beach. She kept her books with her and studied constantly under her umbrella on the sand. When she walked the few feet back to the house, she'd work on the computer or watch DVDs. It was as if she was single-mindedly focused on learning English and her forays into the ocean or her quiet times sitting on the deck were just breaks from her studying.
Ever since Ty was young, words like “genius” and “brilliant” were bandied around about him. Now, with Ashi, it seemed he finally met his match. He was used to explaining things to people and observing a blank, uncomprehending stare. For the first time, he felt that same stare on his own face when she explained things to him. She was sharp, noticed everything and her thoughts were like flashes of lightning. Only once did Ashi mention the fact that it was somewhat odd that they were living together. She broached the subject one morning when they were sitting on the deck.
“Your father ask me to stay with him. He think I good for research.”
“Yeah, after your teacher's death we both thought you might be important for his investigation,” Ty answered.
“But now Vincent is not here and there is no research. I go back to Bhutan?”
Ty sat up, fully alert. It had crossed his mind a few times that her proper place might be back with her people but he never fully examined the thought. He always pushed it to the back of his mind. His first instinct was to shout out, “No, you can't go back.” The thought of being alone in the big house on the beach was awful. He imagined how lonely it would be. And, he acknowledged to himself that it would be spooky to be by himself, alone in the beach house. But he also thought it would be selfish to demand that she stay.
“What do you want to do, Ashi? Do you want to go back?”
“I go back if you think I need to go back,” she said, avoiding an answer.
“But what do you want?” Ty insisted. “Do you like it here? Do you want to stay?”
“Ty, I like it here very much. I see so many things. Many, many things I never can dream about.” She hesitated before she admitted, “I believe I come here for a purpose.”
“Really? What purpose?”
“I see many people walk in sleep here. They look like they awake but they sleeping. I not sleep. I awake. I help people be awake.”
“Oh, I see,” Ty said, but he was not sure he really understood what she was saying.
“That why I learn English. I can help.”
Ty didn't question her further about helping people. He was only concerned with the relief he was feeling that she didn't want to go back.
“I like I am here with you too.” Her dark eyes held his, searching.
Thinking about how she liked being with him, his heart gave a little leap.
“Good. Ashi, I’m happy you want to stay.”