CHAPTER NINETEEN
As the weeks of summer moved on, Reggie became more attached to Joe, further absorbed by nature and totally focused on mountain lions. He not only hiked with Joe every week, but he spent three-to four hours a week in the office as a volunteer. Reggie became adept at monitoring and recording the movements of the collared cougars and ravaged the agency’s library—taking home every book about Puma concolor. The only thing Reggie couldn’t do was to go out on field trips with Joe due to agency liability issues, but he told Joe one day he would.
When he had a break from volunteering or hiking, he thought about Jennifer—wondering if she was sorting things out. A part of him deeply hoped she would somehow get over her confusion and come back to him. A more realistic part thought, you lame, naïve jerk, she’s not for you. Then, he got busy again, thanks to Joe. And despite being mentally caught in the lives of lions, something was still missing in his life. Something in his heart.
One afternoon, Joe asked Reggie if he’d like to get more involved than just attending tomorrow’s public forum on banning rat poisons. Reggie jumped at the chance.
On the morning of the forum, Joe asked, “Since you know this material so well, how about if you present the portion about wild animal exposure?”
“Seriously?” Reggie asked. “Seriously!” Joe answered.
Together they quickly went over the slides and photographs for that section. When the smattering of citizens and government officials showed up, Reggie wasn’t at all nervous. Joe led off with the scientific segment and could see that Reggie’s troubled issues with school and his dad were melting away. Reggie was energized and excited.
Finally the slide of an emaciated rat came up, and Joe introduced Reggie and gave him a nod. Reggie started, “So, once the rat ingests the poison, the anticoagulant causes internal bleeding and the rat dies a slow death within several days.” Reggie could tell most of the audience nodded with satisfaction about getting rid of vermin.
“But unfortunately, many other small animals can also ingest the poisons that people put out.” Then, slide after slide came up with photos of live, then dead woodchucks and cute chipmunks and the audience started letting out sad-sounding oohs.
“Even animals closer to home,” Reggie proclaimed. As heartrending photos of dead cats and dogs flashed on the screen, Reggie said, “Our pets too can fall victim.”
“Then there’s the secondary poisoning,” Reggie continued as a slide of a dead raccoon came up, “as other wildlife eat the dead or dying rat for food. Here’s a photo of a young mountain lion who became infected with mange and dehydration and died because of eating a dead rat.”
By this time, the audience was wrapped in Reggie’s hands. He could see they were taken in by every word he spoke. Reggie was hooked.
After the presentation, many citizens came to the microphone and spoke up for banning such rodenticides. A government guy—a Mr. Callahan, came over and congratulated Reggie and asked him if he could attend another important meeting on the subject.
Reggie first looked at Joe who smiled then said, “Um. Sure.”
Joe looked at Reggie and felt he had just discovered his mission in life.
****
Reggie was feeling much better these days about his summer. His mom noticed how happy Reggie seemed. She too was in better spirits these days; despite the drag of two jobs and worry about John’s health and return home. John told Carole for weeks now that the doctor’s said he’s almost fully recovered, but until Carole saw him and could be with him, she wasn’t sure. The good news was that the Army would release him early from active duty and he would be home sometime before the summer’s end. But Carole also worried that John did not know that Reggie was researching cougars. She had promised John to get him off that ‘silly stuff’.
When Reggie first heard his dad would be home sooner, he said, “That’s great, mom, have you told him about Joe yet? It’s been weeks now and I don’t want Dad to get, y’know, jealous.”
“He’s aware that you were doing a trial with a mentor,” she said, hoping that would say enough.
“Mom, that’s not enough,” Reggie said, “you need to tell him I’m volunteering and studying more about mountain lions—I’m totally worried he’ll freak out. He wanted me to quit bothering with them remember?”
“I know, I will,” she said, knowing she shouldn’t put if off any longer, but was fearful of John’s reaction. She knew first-hand about John’s jealous rages. She remembered how much it hurt when he accused her of cheating.
“You know if you keep putting it off,” Reggie said, “dad may have a worse reaction when he gets home.”
“I know, Reggie,” she said,” “I will next time we talk,” realizing that Reggie’s relationship with Joe and his dreams of the future could be in jeopardy unless she somehow smoothed things over with John.
****
The very next Saturday when Reggie was off hiking with Joe, Carole summoned the courage to call John and come clean about Reggie’s new interest. She knew she had to get it out right away. John got angry right away.
“You mean that’s the guy who was filling his head with that silly shit about mountain lions?” John shouted into the phone. “I can’t believe this after you told me you’d get Reggie off that nonsense.”
“John, please! It was just random that Joe was qualified and selected by the agency as a candidate to mentor Reggie and you should know that he has never been happier and more directed in his life.”
“You’re letting a stranger direct his life?” John asked with so much anger it wasn’t a question. “I’m his father!”
“It’s not that at all,” she tried to explain, “Reggie’s finding …finding his own way.”
“Shit, Carole,” he yelled, “I didn’t risk my life in this fucking war to hear my son’s finding his way back into the woods like a dammed Indian.”
Carole wanted to tell him he wasn’t being fair to Reggie, but she heard the anger in his voice. She knew the jealous anger from before and she was scared for her and for Reggie, so she went mute.
“Carole, are you still there?” he asked.
“Yes, John.”
“We’ll have to straighten things out when I get home,” he said in a more measured tone, “I need you to work with me on this.”
“Carole?”
She held her breath. One part of her wanted to tell John to think more about Reggie’s needs. The other part felt for John’s circumstances. She knew she could not sway him now. At least, she thought to herself, she told him about Joe now and would have other chances to explain things.
“Carole?”
“Yes, John we’ll talk.”
****
When Reggie returned later that day from the hike and his mom had returned from work, the first thing he asked her was whether or not she talked to dad about Joe.
“Yes, I told him, Reggie.”
“Good, what did he say?”
“Well, let’s say he was less than enthusiastic,” she replied to downplay his reaction.
“By the look on your face, Ma, he was more than angry. Did you stand up to him?”
“I told him that Joe was helping you.”
“Was he okay with that?”
Carole could not come up with the words.
“You mean everything doesn’t work out with just a snap of your fingers?” Reggie said.
“I will keep trying to work on him, I promise.”
“You know, ma, I’m not going to let dad stand in my way anymore,” he said walking out of the kitchen, leaving Carole standing there with nothing left to say.
****
Although Reggie was increasingly worried about his dad’s return, he was determined to go his own way. He was, for now, dealing with that worry by immersing himself in what he was not going to give up. Reggie’s favorite research subject was; Indigenous American Peoples and the Mountain Lion. He became very knowledgeable about Shamanism and Animism, where Native Americans believed that all nature is alive and every object and creature has its own soul.
Reggie knew many that tribes of the Southwest considered a vision quest a rite of passage into manhood for boys his age. A Shaman or Medicine Man would help the boy prepare for a journey. He’d go alone into the wilderness to connect with his inner self, just like Jennifer told him how mediation helped her. In a vision quest, he could either have an actual encounter with a Power Animal or have a vision of him; who would then become his guide and guardian.
****
Reggie knew he had to make his own vision quest. It would give him the strength to be his own man. He would talk to Joe.
On their next Saturday hike on the Backbone trail in Pacific Palisades, Reggie came right out with it. “Joe, would you help me prepare for making a vision quest?” he asked.
Turning around on the trail to face Reggie, Joe gave him a big smile and gestured toward some big boulders where they could sit and talk.
“Been reading about Shamanism, ay?” Joe asked, “Sure I’ll help you but I’m no Medicine Man. What brought this on?”
“Nothing really,” Reggie answered, “except this feeling that nature can be a bigger force in my life.” Although he was thinking more about personal power.
“I don’t know exactly how I can help, but don’t you have any relatives on your dad’s side who are more familiar with tribal customs who could guide you?”
“Nah. That’s just it. Both my dad’s parents are dead and didn’t have any brothers or sisters. I never even knew another Indian, even back at my old school in the mountains.”
“Yeah. It’s really too bad,” Joe offered, “Living in the city with all the pressures of school and growing up. What kid today has got the time and interest to connect with his family roots—computer games and action heroes grab all the attention.”
“I care about it. Only problem is my Dad wouldn’t be too happy if he knew about it, but he doesn’t have to know if my Mom won’t tell him.”
“Are you thinking about the whole ritual? …that total solitude thing …the three-day fast … the sweat lodge and all?”
“Nah!” Reggie replied, “My mom probably wouldn’t go for that, but like an overnight by myself, to see what happens—I think if you support it, my mom will go along. I bought a guidebook and it covers the basics anyway.”
“We can try, but I don’t think she’ll go for you spending a night in a sleeping bag on the forest floor,” Joe said.
“I think she might,” Reggie said, “As a young kid I used to sleep all the time overnight in a tent in our backyard—and it backed up to the San Bernardino forest. I know my way in the woods,” Reggie said.
Joe gave Reggie an understanding nod, gestured up the trail and said, “Let’s think about it.”
A few yards up the path, Joe stopped in his tracks and said, “I’ve got an idea! There’s our Agency lean-to cabin deep in La Tuna Canyon where we’ve done tracking studies—it’s at the edge of a sycamore grove looking down at a well-travelled wildlife path leading to a spring.”
Reggie’s face was lighting up.
Joe continued, “The cabin’s raised up on stilts with a door and a screened front so you can be in the woods, but totally safe, what do you think?”
“Cool,” Reggie said as he shook his head, bouncing his mane of hair.
“I’ll see if I can arrange for it next weekend,” Joe said, “and talk to your mom …by the way, when’s your dad coming home?” Reggie’s face went from excited to surprise to trouble in an instant and he replied in a low voice, “In a couple of weeks.”
By Wednesday, Joe had cleared access to the cabin and called Reggie to say they could both hike to it during the day on Saturday and he could pick him up Sunday morning. He told Reggie to lay it out for his mom, then he could talk to her afterwards if she seemed okay with it.
“Mom?” Reggie said, after she returned from her afternoon shift at Wal-Mart, “Joe arranged for me to stay overnight in a cabin this weekend in La Tuna Canyon and I’m really psyched!”
“Oh,” she said dragging her ‘all day standing legs’ and plopping on the couch, “That sounds fun, have him call me and go over the details.”
After Carole had a bite to eat and took a catnap, she woke up in a start and knocked on Reggie’s door. “Did you tell me you were going to stay overnight in a cabin?”
“Yeah. Joe arranged it,” Reggie answered.
“Will Joe be staying with you?”
“No, Ma that’s just it. I’m going on a vision quest and you have to do it alone.”
With a ‘what the hell’ look on her face, she asked, “What’s that?”
Reggie pulled out a thin book from his backpack and plopped down a copy of ‘Vision Quest: The Native American Journey to the Self through Nature.’
She thumbed through the book and stopped at a drawing of a Native boy sitting inside a ten foot circle in the woods There were drawings of grizzly bears and eagles floating in thought balloons above the boy’s head, then she said, “I take it you’re serious about this?”
“Dead serious,” he said. “I have to do this, Ma. You were the one who encouraged me to honor my Native American roots, despite Dad’s hang-up. And, you know how much being in nature means to me.”
“Jesus, Reggie. I don’t know. What’s going to happen on this quest?’
“It’s a rite of passage that boys have to go through to become a man and find a path in life. You know how important that is?” She paused then said, “Yes, I do. But alone in the woods?” “Ma, come on. You know I’ve spend many a night in the woods. I can handle it.”
“What does Joe think about this?”
“He believes in me and supports me. It’ll be in a safe, locked Agency cabin and he’ll pick me up Sunday morning—there’s nothing to worry about. Call him now, Mom, he’s expecting you to.” Carole called Joe that night and found that he was, in fact, very supportive of Reggie’s vision quest. He explained the location, the locked cabin and assured her he’d be safe. After the call, she went and told Reggie, it was okay. This time he gave her the crushing hug.
****
On Saturday morning, Carole found Reggie with a huge smile on his face, sitting next to his backpack with a sleeping bag rolled neatly underneath it.
“Good morning, Reggie, looks like you’re all ready to go,” as she noticed he hadn’t left his dirty breakfast dishes on the table as usual. “You didn’t have breakfast yet?” she asked.
“No, mom. Not hungry,” he said.
After Carole made the coffee and sat down munching a piece of toast, she spoke, “What are you bringing to eat on your overnight?”
“Just water,” he answered.
Staring at his crumpled thin backpack and figuring Joe must be taking care of the food, she wrinkled her brow and asked,
“You’re not bringing anything?”
“No, Ma, a vision quest requires fasting,” he said.
Reggie could see the worry reappear on her face and Carole could see the intense determination harden on his. She wanted to hug him because he was her boy and because he was no longer a boy. “You sure you don’t want to bring a can of Pringles?”