CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Monday morning, things at the Youngblood’s changed. His dad seemed fidgety and sort of on edge. Reggie watched John spill half a tablespoon of sugar before it got to his coffee cup. John told Carole he didn’t sleep well last night and Reggie could see by looking at her, she didn’t either. When Carole asked him if he took his pill, he looked into space like he was ten thousand miles away and finally told her that it was giving him nightmares and he wasn’t feeling himself anymore. Carole suggested maybe it was time to make an appointment for the doctor recommended therapy, John got very irritated and told her he didn’t need that and to leave him alone. Reggie could see his mom was quite taken aback by his dad’s change of mood, but she didn’t want to push it.
Soon after his mom left for work, the phone rang. It was Joe. He told Reggie about an important conference next month about funding for a wildlife corridor in the Santa Monica’s. As they talked, Reggie knew that Joe’s research findings made a strong case for the need to build a bridge over, or an underpass under the freeways so mountain lions could move more freely in and out of the mountain ranges. Reggie believed that this would mean greater genetic diversity among the lion population and ultimately better health and preservation of the species. Joe asked Reggie if he could attend. The important official from the Department of Fish and Wildlife that Reggie met, would be there. Reggie got the details, told Joe he’d like to make it and would check with his mom.
When he got off the phone, his dad was standing right behind him and asked who he was talking to. He knew his dad probably overheard some of the conversation, so he told him it was Joe.
“What did he want?” his dad asked.
“He asked if I could attend an important meeting next month about building a wildlife corridor.”
“What the hell is that?”
Reggie proceeded to explain the benefits of a corridor...
“What, so we can have more mountain lions coming into backyards and killing people? Why are you wasting time with this? It’s not going to get you anywhere in life.”
“It’s not like that, Dad,” Reggie replied, seeing his dad getting redder in the face.
“Well, you seem to know everything don’t you? Why would Joe want you there?”
“Important government people are going to be there and I’m ...”
“Government people!” His dad shouted, ‘we’re going to spend taxpayers’ dollars on stupid shit like that? Besides, what has this government ever done for me and our people?” His rage continued after a short pause, “What is it with this guy Joe, inviting a school kid to something like that? What do you do with Joe? Has he ever touched you?”
“No, Dad, he’s a good guy and he listens to me.”
“Well, you listen to me, smart ass punk, I’m your dad, not Joe. I don’t want you to see him anymore. You can go hiking with me, that’s it! If he comes near you again, I’m going to pay him a visit, understand?”
Reggie could see that his dad was really pissed at him and knew that probably a lot was caused by the meds and the mood swings, but he could not let his dad rule his life any longer.
“Sorry, Dad, can’t do that—it’s my life,” Reggie said in the calmest, strongest way he could.
John glared in disbelief at his son’s disregard for his authority. He grabbed Reggie by the shoulders and slammed him against the wall.
“I told you, and hear me straight, you will never see Joe again, over my dead body!”
“We’ll see what Mom says.”
John pulled back his right arm, gritted his teeth and started to swing at Reggie’s face. He could see the ‘go ahead hit me’ defiance in Reggie’s eyes. Then Reggie raised his hands, clenched his fists and yelled back, “You better not hit mom again! We’ll leave you for good.”
John stopped his swing in mid-air, opened his fist and jabbed his finger under Reggie’s nose, “Get out of my face before I kill you.”
Reggie ran. Ran out the door and didn’t stopped running. He didn’t even know where he was going, just away from his dad. He kept hearing his father’s words in his head, but didn’t think he meant it. After a couple of miles of ignoring walk signs, several cars honking at him and one almost hitting him, he finally slowed down, caught his breath and recognized where he was. He found himself only a few blocks from the State Park where he and Jennifer first spent time alone together. He instantly missed her all over again, but he was sure she would not be coming back into his life. Sitting on the bench they shared, he pulled out his phone, saw that his mom had called, but he wanted to talk first to Jennifer. He wanted to know if she had met anyone and if she had figured out who she was.
“Reggie, how are you? I’m glad you called,” she answered in her usual upbeat voice.
“Fucking shitty,” Reggie answered, shattering the tone of the conversation.
“What’s wrong? I thought things were pretty good with Joe then with your dad coming home?”
“I didn’t tell you, but my dad has PTSD and he’s not taking his meds. He freaked out about Joe, told me I couldn’t see him and almost hit me. He’s turned into like…like a monster.”
“I’m sorry. What are you going to do? I wish I could help you somehow,” she offered.
“Well, you did. Remember I told you I was going to go on a Vision Quest? I went last week. It’s sort of an ancient Native American spiritual journey—like the meditating you wanted me to try. But instead of being in the now, it’s like looking for a guide for the future—a power animal.”
“For you, a mountain lion, I’m guessing,” she said.
“Yeah, the lion symbolizes discovering your life purpose, but on the quest I had these dreams or whatever, that were kinda freaky.”
Jennifer asked what they were about and Reggie described the mother and cubs being chased by this large male and told her it seemed very real.
“What did you feel like?”
“I felt afraid, and helpless, like I wanted to protect them, but couldn’t.”
“Were you in their space?” she asked.
“I felt like I was there, but I couldn’t communicate with them. That big lion was powerful, but I sure didn’t receive any guidance from him.”
“Reggie, maybe there’s message you need to listen to. Did you ask Joe if he had any knowledge about vision quests?”
“That’s what’s really weird,” he said. “He told me that P1, the dominant male in the territory was actually near the place I had my vision quest.”
“Holy shit!” Jennifer exclaimed. “No wonder you’re freaked.”
The way she understood him, the way they could talk about anything, helped Reggie feel calmer. Jennifer truly was a great friend. Wanting to catch up with her world, and at the same time afraid to ask about how she’s doing relationship-wise, he asked, “How’s your art coming along? Have you done any more still lifes— I loved that one with the oozing avocadoes.”
“Ha. Great, actually. I won a school award for a woodcut I did—a figure study of two heads. The art curriculum here is awesome and I’ve made so many cool friends.”
Reggie couldn’t hold back his curiosity about her possible romantic relationships any longer. He blurted, “You mentioned Terri a couple of times, but how come you never post his picture on your Facebook?”
There was a pause on the other end before Jennifer said, “Reggie! Terri is a girl! She’s my closest friend. There are a lot of pics of her on my Facebook. She’s the one wearing the owl-frame glasses and bushy black hair kind of like yours.”
Reggie did remember seeing a picture of her with that other girl. They were arm and arm in a close-up—laughing and sticking out their tongues. The other girl’s tongue was pierced with a black stud.
“Oh! That was Terri? The one with the tongue stud?”
“Yeah! Cool or what?”
“She’s almost as cute as I am,” Reggie kidded. Inside, though, he was filling up with sadness. They looked like a couple, a couplecouple, but he still felt too afraid to come out and ask her, so he said, “Jennifer? Are you ever coming back to school in California?”
“I don’t know, Reggie, my parents have enrolled me in both schools and they have opposing views.”
“That’s crazy, what do you want Jennifer?”
“Honestly?”
“Honestly!”
After a long pause, Jennifer said, “I don’t want to hurt you, Reggie.”
“I think I know what you’re going to say, and it’s okay. You know you can always be honest with me.”
“Reggie, with Terri and the school and everything else, there’s just so much more for me here, but I will still come back to
California to visit.”
Reggie knew she was trying to avoid the subject that both of them needed to discuss and resolve. He took a deep breath and took the plunge. “Are you and Terri a couple?”
A long silence preceded Jennifer’s answer. “Yes, Reggie. She’s very sensitive and gentle and I love her and she loves me.”
Another long silence, and Reggie said, “Congratulations. You worked it out and I am happy for you guys.”
“Really?”
“Really!”
“Reggie, thank you for being an understanding friend. You know they say friends can be closer in some ways than lovers can.”
“Hey! You’re a great friend, too—gay or straight. I will miss you, Jennifer.”
“You won’t. I’ll visit you. I promise.”
“I’d like that. I better go. Keep painting and say ‘hi’ to Terri. Goodbye for now.” Reggie clicked off his phone, looked up at the sky, and felt like he was going to cry. But the relief of it all kept the tears from forming.
Rubbing his face to shake it off, he grabbed his phone again and listened to the voice mail from his mom.
“Are you okay, Reggie? Call me. I’m here with your dad—he’s pretty upset, please call when you can.” Click.
Reggie called back. No answer.
Thinking of the incident with his dad, he called Joe.
“Hi Reggie, how you doing?” Joe asked.
“Not good, my dad’s getting worse.”
“Want to talk about it—I’ve got a few minutes before I head to a meeting?”
“Nah! Not really.”
“Maybe you’ll feel more like it when we meet on Saturday.”
“Joe?” Reggie said hesitating, “I need to tell you my dad doesn’t want me to see you anymore. He said he will hike with me.
He told me he may have to pay you a visit someday.”
Pausing, Joe said, “That would be a big disappointment to me, Reggie, but if that’s what your parents want, I’ll understand. I’d be happy to meet with him. If I can help you in any way...”
“Thanks. Maybe my Mom can turn him around,” Reggie added.
“Okay, you let me know and if you can’t make that corridor meeting next month, that’s okay.” “Yeah, I’ll let you know. Joe?”
“Yes, Reggie?”
“Remember when you told me about your tracking of P1 to the cabin the night of my vision quest?”
“Sure, what about it?”
“Did you ever find some dead cubs?”
Pausing, Joe answered in a somber tone, “We did.”
“When?”
“We did a pass through in Tuna Canyon with our mobile radio tracker and found the dead cubs the next week.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
Stammering for a good answer, Joe replied, “I...I didn’t want to get you really upset about your nightmare and spoil your love of these magnificent animals, I guess. I’m sorry.”
“What do you mean?”
“Reggie, it’s hard to explain this kind of behavior on the part of cougars but the cubs were killed by P1.” “No!” Reggie yelled in disbelief.
“Sad, but it’s infanticide—a fairly rare phenomenon, but sometimes cougars and even domestic cats, kill their young.” Reggie did not respond.
“Reggie?” Joe called out.
“Why would they do that?” Reggie asked.
“The ‘why’ can’t be explained in human terms, but usually it’s the male killing cubs sired by a rival male—you know how territorial the males are,” Joe answered. “Mothers will sometimes fight the males to the death to protect their cubs.”
“Did you do DNA testing? What did you find?” Reggie asked.
“We did...”
“And...?”
“The cubs had been previously tagged by us and we knew who the mother and father were and we did saliva testing on the remains and it was P1 who killed his own grandchildren.”
“Grandchildren?” Reggie responded. “You’ve got to be kidding.”
“Unfortunately not, Reggie”
“But his own grandchildren?”
“Our best hypothesis is that he wanted to stop the female from nursing and bring her back into heat.”
“Geez!” Reggie responded, “Are you saying the female is, you know...”
Hesitating, Joe answered, “Yes, P13 is P1’s daughter.” “Fucking monster! How could he do that to his own daughter?” “Reggie, you know that’s how it works in the animal world.
Thank god she’s okay. We’ve got her roaming her territory now.” “Joe? I gotta go. Talk to you later.”
Reggie felt his stomach start to churn and the burn came into his throat—the feeling before he vomited. He bent over the grass, waited for it to erupt, but it was only dry heaves this time. After a few minutes his stomach settled and he tried calling his mom again.
No answer. As Reggie remembered, his mom was not working tonight.
He replayed her voice mail. She sounded alright, but what if she was covering up?
He started to run. What if dad hurt her again? He thought. He was pretty angry.
Ran through streetlights. Ran in front of cars. Made it home.
Could not see their Subaru parked anywhere.
Ran up the stairs and stopped at the door.
No voices. He opened the door. “Mom?” “Dad?” No answer.
Running into the bedroom, no one was there.
The closet door was open. He looked on the floor. His dad’s gun case was unlocked and open. It never was unlocked. There was the .22 and the 30.06. His dad never let him see his gun case, so Reggie didn’t know if any other guns were missing.
He tried calling his mom again.
She picked up.
“Where are you?”
“At the VA hospital with dad, are you alright?”
“I’m fine, what happened?”
“When I got home, I found your dad sitting at the kitchen table drinking beer with his hunting rifle next to him. As soon as he looked at me he started to cry. He didn’t stop even after I held him. He was shaking and scared…”
“Did he say anything?”
“When he finally stopped crying he told me he almost hit you when you argued. He said he was a rotten father and should never have come home.”
“He’s really hurting, isn’t he?”
“It even got worse,” she added, “so I took him to the hospital. That’s when you must have tried calling me back. They gave him some medication and he began to relax to the point of drowsiness; he’s been sleeping quietly for some time.”
“How did it get worse?”
“He got sort of paranoid, I guess. He wanted to bring his rifle with him. He kept saying someone was out to destroy his family. He had to protect us. And I worry, he might try and kill himself like his dad.”
“That fucking war! He’s got to get rid of those guns.”
“Reggie!”
“No, Mom those wars—that’s the cause of all of this, they fight to kill over there and they come back and see the enemy everywhere. Their minds get totally messed up!”
“Reggie, that talk doesn’t get us anywhere,” she scolded. “But you’re right, I should have told the doctors about the guns.”
“That’s just the problem, Mom, no one talks about it—we’re worse than wild animals.”
“Reggie. Stop. Dad seems to be waking up. I’ll call you later. Put one of those Marie Callender pot pies in the microwave okay?”