The images of what I had seen were flashing in my mind throughout the weekend, leaving me tossing and turning in my bed with only hours of sleep.
Saturday and Sunday seem like a blur. All I can remember is listening to my mother ramble on about this new guy she’s dating. I caught pieces of what she was saying like how his money negated the facts that he was too short and bald. But I couldn’t concentrate on anything besides what had happened that night by the palm.
I guess I’m willingly grasping on to the experience. I feel like the moment I stop thinking about this it will disappear as if it never occurred. As frightened as I was that night, now I don’t want any of it to fade away. I don't think my life is supposed to end yet and I won’t rest until I find out what really happened.
I arrive at school on Monday understandably distracted. I expect the backlash from Lindsay, Saul, and all of their friends, but surprisingly I have no concern about what they might say. I walk onto campus planning to count down the hours until my classes are over and I can head back to the enchanted hill.
As soon as I walk into the classroom the morning chatter amongst the students immediately stops. Every head turns to look at me, including my teacher Ms. Aldridge; who looks inarguably ticked off.
I don’t think I’m going to get out of this so easily. So I decide to play dumb, keep it casual.
I glide my way down the aisle of desks to my assigned seat while trying to think of a story I could feed these prowling lions.
As I walk to the back of the class all their eyes follow me. Even “Lazy-eyed Caitlin” has her gaze fixed on me. Sometimes it’s hard to tell where she’s looking but this time her eyes twitch and slowly adjust to evenly glare at me. I hope that’s not a permanent fix. I think her crooked eye gives her character.
“Good morning everyone,” I say uneasily, smiling and acknowledging each set of eyes before I sit down in my seat. Everyone remains silent. “Ron I see you got your braces off…nice,” trying to break the awkward silence.
Ron, a classmate who has never spoken to me then decides to ask me, “Are you on drugs?”
Everyone starts to laugh and I turn to see Lindsay in the corner glaring at me, unexpectedly quiet right now. I look over at Saul and he’s laughing the loudest. I guess he didn’t have to try very hard to make me look bad in front of everyone; I did this on my own.
“None that I’m aware of,” I respond quietly.
Perhaps I should blame a drug-induced trip for causing this situation. All they could possibly know is that Lindsay had found me speaking to a tree, and let’s be honest there were enough drugs at that party to easily support the idea of an intoxicated hallucination.
“That’s enough class. It’s time to focus on things that are worth our time,” Ms. Aldridge scowls at me, “and Ms. Zenny Moone, please see me after school.”
***
After school ends I meet with Ms. Aldridge and Mr. White in his office. Mr. White informs me that the headmaster has shared my permanent record with the rest of the faculty.
“I knew from the moment you stepped into my classroom you would be a nuisance,” Ms. Aldridge begins, “and if you think I will sit back and allow this behavior to continue with the chance of you corrupting my other students then you are severely mistaken. Now that I know what you’re capable of I will be sure to keep my eyes on you. You can be certain that these “glorified tales” you so easily spread will never be an issue at this school, because in all honesty Ms. Moone, you are simply a liar. And if necessary I will be sure everyone knows this!” Her tone quickly drifts into a shout.
“Whoa,” I say. That was a little dramatic for my taste.
“Please calm down, Ms. Aldridge,” Mr. White stands up from behind his desk. He looks as surprised as I am by my teacher’s escalating reaction.
Ms. Aldridge takes in a deep breath and turns quickly to gaze out the window. I guess this ends her featured monologue.
Little does she know that her supposedly perfect students have surpassed the process of corruption and have already begun taking others down with them.
“Zenny, we are aware that an off-campus situation may have happened this weekend where you were demonstrating questionable behavior,” says Mr. White. “Now because this happened outside of campus we’re unsure of what to believe. We’re giving you the benefit of doubt and taking this as a rumor.”
Ms. Aldridge grunts with her back still turned away from us. He ignores her.
“But this doesn’t mean we aren’t concerned. If there are any other reports of you misbehaving we may have to ask you to leave Saint Esther’s,” he says. “I called your mother this afternoon to let her know of the situation and suggested you might need further counseling sessions to resolve a deeper problem you may be having.”
“How do you know I’m in therapy?” I ask quizzically.
Mr. White is quiet for a moment and stares at me intently. “I believe your mother mentioned it while we were talking. You should get home now. She sounded worried over the phone. Hopefully this will be the last time I have you in my office.”
I slowly stand up to leave. “I’m not going to be a problem anymore,” I say to assure the both of them.
Mr. White nods at me and smiles hopefully. Ms. Aldridge continues to stare out the window with her arms folded protectively across her chest like she’s watching and waiting for a big storm to hit.
I leave Mr. White’s office feeling anxious. It appears I reek of vulnerability, because as I walk down the campus hall I turn the corner and come face to face with Lindsay and several other students staring back at me.
“So, Zenny,” Lindsay speaks, “everyone is really curious, are you on drugs?” I look around at the faces in the crowd and their expressions remain serious.
“You know I am actually taking a pill that helps me tolerate ignorance,” I say, “but I’m starting to question its effectiveness.”
I move forward to try to make my way through their huddle but Lindsay and a few others defensively step in front of me. She is so close to my face I can feel her breathing down on me.
“We don’t want people like you at our school Zenny Moone,” she says. “This is a school dedicated to spiritual devotion and is filled with warriors for Christ who want to bring people to God. With people like you here it defiles everything this school stands for.”
I immediately burst into laughter.
“Lindsay…c’mon,” I say.
I hear gasps throughout the crowd.
“Excuse me?” she says.
“I’m not using drugs,” I defend, “and if you actually want all the druggies taken out of this school then you would hardly have any students left. If you really are all warriors for God you might just be the most hopeless army I’ve ever seen.”
“At least I’m not a psychopath!” Lindsay fires back. “Why were you talking to a tree last night Zenny?” she asks trying to bring back the focus of her assembled hate group.
“I wasn’t talking to a tree.”
“Oh really? That’s strange because when I walked up to the hill I could’ve sworn I saw you looking directly at that palm tree having a full-on conversation with it! Troy was there too and he saw the same thing I did so don’t try to deny it.”
“You didn’t let me finish,” I start.
This is it. My chance to unleash another story, but I know I have to be cautious. What could I say in a school of so-called “Believers” that will protect me from being called a liar, crazy, or even from facing the possibility of expulsion?
I pause for a moment.
“I wasn’t talking to a tree… I was talking to God,” I say.
“What?” and “Huh?” are the only words I hear being murmured within the crowd. I know I’m taking a long shot but I also know that these people pretend to be saints. How can a saint question the divine powers of their God without looking like a blasphemer?
“Trust me I was just as shocked as all of you. I had actually gone up to the hill to just get away for a while and then I started praying; asking God to forgive me for my heinous lifestyle.”
They all begin to nod like they understand and agree, as if my requesting forgiveness for my sins was long overdue. I ignore their silent insult.
“I prayed to the great almighty Lord, “God, I wish that you would help my classmates accept me for the person that I am and soften their cold, bitter, judgmental hearts and turn them into loving human beings,” I say.
I look around as everyone stands in silence. Even though Lindsay is now giving me the evil eye it seems they believe what I’m saying and are waiting for me to continue.
“Then suddenly, and I know this sounds crazy, but God spoke to me. He told me to forgive those who have been mean to me because they just don’t know any better,” I look Lindsay in the eyes as I say this. “He also said that as long as I continue to love Him He would answer my prayers and that all of you would soon realize that I’m a spectacular person.” I see Lindsay roll her eyes, but she doesn’t say anything.
“So God was talking to you through a tree?” asks a classmate.
“Yeah, I guess that tree is kind of magical and it has these spiritual powers like it’s a direct link to God. I mean haven’t any of you realized that it’s the only palm tree in the forest, don’t you think that’s a little weird? There’s something special about it,” I declare. “Believe what you want but all I’m asking is that maybe some of you…” I pause wiggling my index finger at all the faces surrounding me landing it on Lindsay, “should start having a little faith.”
“That palm tree was planted months ago. It’s a memorial for a professor that died at the university across town,” one of my classmates speaks out.
“Really?” I ask inquisitively. I think I’ve just received a clue.
“And I’m in charge of checking up on the palm to make sure no one vandalizes it or starts to try to have some weird relationship with it,” says Lindsay accusingly.
“Maybe you were talking to the Professor’s ghost,” one classmate laughs.
“Well it was still a spirit she may have been talking to,” says another person, “and I heard that the Professor was a dedicated Christian. Maybe it does have some sort of connection to God?”
Everyone starts talking at the same time. Sharing their theories and thoughts on why they do or do not believe I talked to God.
“Who was the Professor?” I shout trying to get an answer but everyone is now arguing loudly amongst each other. With all of them distracted I manage to walk around the mob and leave behind a baffled crowd.
Questions flurry through my mind as I rush off campus to make a quick stop at home before I head back to the hill.
Did I really see the ghost of this Professor they spoke about? Why did this palm tree look so similar to the one on Nathan’s postcard? Has this all transpired from divine intervention like my own story had claimed?
I consider the warning I had received from Mr. White not even twenty minutes ago. Now here I am again, stuck inside a hole I have dug and fallen into.
Have I crossed the line in bringing a white lie into a tale told to a group of religious followers? I guess there is a chance it could be true. Just like always I find myself trying to discover the good in any situation. Only this latest story may get me into more trouble than I can handle.