As I approach Nathan on the beach he starts to change. His eyes shift from a sparkling green to a glooming, possessed black. Then his skin begins to boil and blister. I scream and run closer hoping to save him but then he starts to laugh evilly and I stop in my tracks. The rest of his skin begins to ooze pus and crack open; revealing bloody flesh, nerves, and veins. His skin starts to melt right off his bones until only his skeleton is left.
What he says after this is what haunts me the most, although I didn’t mention it to Virginia. Nathan’s skeletal remains turn to face me, and although his eyes are replaced with only hollow sockets I know he's looking straight at me.
“They’re coming for you!” he shouts as if he’s trying to warn me.
For a moment I can still sense my brother is with me and I make one last attempt to try to run to his rescue. Before I can reach him he starts to scream. His skeleton begins to shake and almost instantly completely shatters and all that is left of my brother is a pile of broken bones.
Now I have goose bumps on my arms just thinking about it. Something so nonchalantly mentioned by my shrink is something that has been terrifying me night after night.
“You never told me what this could mean, how do you interpret this dream?” Virginia asks.
“I don’t know what it means,” I say abruptly. I want to talk about something else, anything else. She continues to stare at me blankly as the minutes of our session waste away.
“Is there any reason your brother might appear to you this way, as if he was possessed or demonic?” she asks.
I’m surprised by her question. Demonic? Where does she get this idea from?
“No. My brother wasn’t evil if that’s what you’re asking,” I say.
Her expression remains. “Do you think by seeing Nathan like that it was a reflection of where you think he might be now?” she asks.
“Excuse me?” I ask defensively. Her attitude is becoming more intense and inquisitive. She shifts forward in her chair and rests her elbows on her desk to look closely at me.
“Why do you think he turned into a possessed figure in your dream? Is there anything you are not telling me about your brother?” she asks.
Her sudden shift in approach scares me. She’s usually never so pushy. I’m wondering where she’s going with this. Does she really think there’s a possibility my brother was evil while he was alive? She sits staring at me with wide eyes waiting for an answer. It’s now obvious she’s very interested in this dream and there’s a sudden curiosity about my brother.
“No. No! You didn’t know Nathan,” I yell, “he was a better person than all of us. Why would you think that he’s demonic? I don’t believe in that stuff and I don’t know why I saw him that way! And what do you mean “where he is now” he’s dead remember? My brother is no longer alive. So if you’re going to pass your judgments on anyone just let me have it!”
Tears are forming in my eyes. I don’t know why I’m being so sensitive, but now I’m upset that Virginia was able to affect me like this.
“I have to go now.” I quickly stand up from my chair and turn to head for the door.
“Zenny, I am sorry but we are running out of time,” says Virginia just before I reach for the door handle. I can’t help but turn to face her, the sound of her voice is cooing at this moment. I know I only signed up for a few more sessions with her but I'm not sure I’d be able to withstand any more of this.
“I really did not mean to imply that your brother was a bad person. I was just wondering how this dream can be interpreted,” she says while slowly standing up from her chair. She grabs the small black notebook on her desk that I saw her walk in with.
“I would like you to try something for me.” She begins to walk over to me holding out the notebook. “Keep a journal. Not for me to read. It will be for your eyes only so I do not want you to hold back any of your thoughts or feelings. Try to write in its pages daily about everything you experience. Will you try this?” She smiles kindly at me.
“Okay,” I say now calming down. I take the notebook from her hand and begin to walk out.
“Zenny one last thing,” says Virginia, she looks hesitant. “I think you need to try to find out why Nathan killed himself.”