MISTAKE #4: BEING INCONSISTENT WITH RULES AND REWARDS
Being inconsistent with household rules and what we reward makes things so much more difficult for us and our dogs. Almost nothing can be more confusing or damaging to our dog friends than simply being inconsistent!
How can they trust us if they really never know what’s wanted or expected of them or what will be rewarded or punished? Often we ourselves train our dogs to be persistent in demanding what they want because we’ve taught them that if they just keep asking, we’ll give in.
How will they feel comfortable and safe in their pack? How do they know what their job is? And believe me, all dogs need jobs that are aligned with their purpose, talents and skills. That way they are useful, important members of their pack.
Our dog’s first most important need is to feel safe. Your job as their pack Leader is to create a safe and stable family group by providing discipline. Discipline tells your dog what the rules are and what their job is. That allows them to focus on fitting into their family.
If your children don’t know the household rules and have no boundaries or limitations, they can get into trouble really quickly! They become a nuisance and a danger to themselves and others, and most people don’t enjoy being around them. Plus, they wind up feeling lost and unhappy. The same is true of our dogs.
Just as we do, they really need clarity in their lives and clear boundaries, and if we create an environment with clarity, it fosters stability and trust as well as respect. We’ve already talked about why that’s important.
Our dog friends learn very quickly. They learn who they have to listen to and who they don’t , they know who’s a “softie” and who is always going to relent or bend the rules if they just keep asking. So if we keep giving in, we actually teach them persistence!
They get very good at persistence because if they keep asking for something and they’re rewarded by getting what they want, then they know that we’re going to cave at some point if they just keep it up!
They also know when we’re not clear and they really don’t like it because it puzzles them. Being unclear and wishy-washy regarding our intentions is very dangerous in the dog kingdom. You need to decide up front what rules are appropriate and necessary for the harmony necessary in your household and your relationship. You want to discuss how to teach those relationships and rules so that they’re clear to your dog. It can be very helpful to enlist the assistance of an animal communicator and/or a dog trainer. Then you want to make sure that everybody in your household, or whoever is around your dog, understands what the rules are and agrees to uphold them consistently.
So the question becomes: is there something out of balance here? Any time you have the feeling that something is wrong or not working the way you’d hoped, you need to reevaluate your rules and what actions you’re rewarding.
One of my clients had a male beagle who controlled every aspect of his household and his human. He created a dangerous situation with visitors because he was uncontrollable, and no one liked him except his human. And she was constantly making excuses for him. He was demanding, fussy, irritable, and he dragged her around on walks going where ever he wanted to go, when he wanted to go. He often would pull her so hard she would fall down! He howled incessantly and wouldn’t shut up. He was awful!
And you know what? He was simply doing what his human friend had taught him to do. My client felt that because she loved him so much, she should allow and encourage him to just “be himself.” She felt more comfortable when somebody was there to tell her what to do, so her dog was happy to help her out. She was facing a serious issue within herself about this, where in her whole life she’d let others control her life – first her parents, then her husband, then her children. And now after her divorce, she was living alone, and her dog got to tell her what and when and how to do things.
When she understood that what she was doing was actually cruel because she wasn’t setting appropriate boundaries and household rules for him, she got with the program. She had to re-teach him how to behave and she enforced household rules. She had to stop giving him affection and attention when it wasn’t deserved, and he got no rewards unless he did what she wanted him to do.
Wow, that was really hard for her to do, and her dog didn’t like it either, let me tell you! The good news is that he began to pay more attention to her, he started listening to her, he stopped howling like a nut when things didn’t go his way, and he started feeling better. His health even improved!! And her children didn’t dread coming to see her anymore because they all got along better with his new manners. In addition to that, she received the unexpected bonus of feeling better about herself, and she even started asserting herself more in her life and at work!
Remember, fitness and fun with proper rules and parental guidance make for very happy, healthy dogs – and happy owners.