Maureen, my younger sister was my mum‟s blue eye, but it wasn‟t my little sister‟s fault, she was younger than me. My mum poisoned her mind; my sister Maureen knows that now.
I see only one of my sisters now because I wrote this book; I didn‟t mean to hurt them. It‟s like looking back in time am on my own again, but I have made a lot of friends and I have my own family.
153
“Don‟t do it Kev.”
I felt low in myself, not eating or drinking properly and I lost a lot of weight. I should have felt happy but I didn‟t, it was getting me down. I hardly went out anymore when I should have been out enjoying myself. I plucked up the courage to go and seek medical advice, I phoned from the telephone box in Huyton and explained to the Doctor‟s receptionist how I felt, she was very helpful and told me not to worry and she made an appointment for me, for the next day.
That night, I didn‟t sleep properly as I hadn‟t for months. I was dropping off to sleep for about an 154
hour and then would wake up frightened. The night time was the worst for me. I was scared of the dark. I had night sweats, trying to close my eyes and think of nice thoughts. I longed for the first sunlight in the morning to break through the clouds and that made me feel a little bit happier.
I didn‟t tell anyone of my family of what I was going through I kept it in my thoughts not even telling my dad. I couldn‟t focus on the future of my life; I thought I was going mad. The life that should have been a happy one was not at that time. I was very happy living with my dad that wasn‟t the problem.
The time had come 10am approached the Doctor‟s surgery was a 20 minute walk; I had to pass my mum‟s house on the way. I remember looking over at her house, thinking that she should have been with me in my time of need, 155
like a mother should. I entered the Doctors and the surgery was packed, I waited my turn thinking of the upsetting feelings and thoughts I was going through. It was a long wait, but my name finally got called and in I went. I was shaking, stuttering and the Doctor told me to calm down and take deep breaths and take time to tell him what my problem was. I explained to the Doctor all of my problems, how I was in care, the Doctor told me I was depressed, I was shocked by this word “I can‟t be depressed,” I told him, “I‟m only young!” he told me I had been through a lot in my life and he gave me a course of tablets and offered me counselling, which I agreed to. I started to cry I don‟t know why, it was too much to take in for me, depression counselling. The Doctor was very sympathetic and told me not to worry and said I would get through this ordeal. I felt a bit better 156
for offloading, but still sad. I attended the counsellor two days a week Tuesday and Friday 10 – 11am. The counsellor was very calm and listening to all of my problems, she was a very nice person and she told me to tell her all of the things that were making me sad. I told her I was in foster and children‟s homes and that my mum had no time for me. The hours I spent with her made me feel a little better, she spoke in a very calm manner. It was like she knew what I was going through. I visited the counsellor for about a year, she helped me feel better but the bad thoughts were still there in the back of my mind like a permanent marker. I was weaned off the tablets and got on with my life, the best I could.
I was glad I went to the Doctor and the counsellor who knows what would have happened if I never. The counsellor told me not 157
to suffer in silence and told me she was there for me if I ever needed to talk.
158
“Recycling Roger”
“Another mans rubbish is another mans fortune.”
Getting back to my dad again he would go out with his mate in the morning to car boot sales, skips and find old battered furniture that people had thrown out.
He would bring them home get his hammer, nails, screws and drill out, to fix the tables and chairs and bits and bobs he would find I the 159
skips, the place was a mess, old wood shavings everywhere, screws and tools, etc. My dad would always come home with a pocket full of money and treat me to a chippy tea.
It never happened every week some good and some bad weeks. I remember one day he came home with a Persian rug that he had found in an alleyway it was soaking wet and I said to him
“Dad you‟re never going to make any money out of that, it‟s a show.” He screamed at me and said “I‟ll make money out of this, just watch.”
So he rolled the carpet out in the middle of the floor and hundreds of maggots were crammed in the middle of it, he got the hoover and hoovered them all up, scrubbed the carpet with washing up liquid and left it on the line for a week but when it finally dried it was like new and he sold it to a local antique shop in Old Swan, Liverpool for £30 which was a lot of money then.
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He came back and gave me a £5 note, I was made up and then I said “Dad you can sell anything,” and he did.
My dad also visited car boot sales and made a few bob on the stuff he had fixed, also he would walk around himself and grab himself a bargain.
I would sometimes go with my dad I would drive him there.
On the way we would pick up his mate John, he was getting on a bit as well, but they reminded you of the two old guys off “The Muppet Show.” Even though they were friends they always argued all the time but they always made up. I found it really funny. John would visit our house every single night, he and my dad would exchange
things
that
they
had
bought
throughout the day. John was a nice man, he was my dad‟s best friend, John kept my dad company although he would get on my dad‟s 161
nerves sometimes, they were really good friends and without John my dad would have been lonely.
I can remember when my dad first met my girlfriend he asked her did she need anything from the car boot sale and she said she would like a purse, as the zip had broken on her one.
That afternoon, my dad came to ours and he presented the purse to my girlfriend Kim, she looked at me and I looked at her, she didn‟t know what to say but said “Thank you Roger, its lovely.”
The purse was huge; it was mustard with a big silver clasp on the top of it, like something from the 50‟s. My dad stayed and ate his tea with us; he had steak in gravy and wolfed every bit of it down. When I took him home me and my 162
girlfriend laughed all the way home about the purse, the thought was there, that‟s the main thing.
163
Next Stage
I was bored just sitting around and doing the same old thing. My dad went to buy the daily newspaper, and when I started reading it I noticed an advertisement for budding actors to join a local theatre.
I joined the Liverpool Playhouse Youth Theatre.
It was hard for me but I thought I would make friends, I thought it would get me out of my shell a bit. I was scared because of what I had been through, but I joined. I was quiet at first which some of the other members found strange but as time went on I started to enjoy going.
Within time my confidence grew, it had to; this was probably the best choice I had made in my life so far. When you do acting they build up 164
your confidence which was something I was definitely lacking.
It was twice a week and I loved it. I did a lot of plays. It was great performing in front of lots of people. I didn‟t play any leading roles but I was part of a group and enjoyed just being there on the stage. It was scary but a wonderful experience it was where I could forget all my troubles. Being in character was the best part, I was playing somebody instead of me and I felt comfortable with this. I was there for about 3
years.
Apart from being a member of the Liverpool Playhouse, I joined another theatre in Liverpool, the Everyman Youth Theatre.
I was treading the boards. There was a guy from Manchester who approached me to play a character in a play he wrote. It was a twelve 165
week production, I had only two pages of dialogue, the play was called „Giving it up!‟
about drugs. I was made up. The character I played was a „look out‟ for the drug dealers.
I also joined a casting agency, which was run by a well known actor. I got some T.V work and finally got my “Equity Card.” This was a real boost for me. My insecurities were fading away.
I had a meaning in my life and time passed by happily for a change.
166
“Me as a young Thespian”
I got lots of work on T.V. and one of my best experiences was that of playing alongside well known Hollywood actresses and actors, of whom I cannot mention in this book due to legal reasons. It was a film about war time. The name of the film was “Till we meet again.”
I worked in a pub which was upstairs from the agency called “The Limelight.” The man who runs the agency and pub gave me a job 167
collecting glasses, cleaning, we were friends. I spent all day and night helping out for about four years.
There was lots of shows on in the bar area. I was in one of the shows called “Bookies Runner,” I remembered all my lines, I was amazed, it was a lot of pressure for me as I had the main part but did it well. I didn‟t know that the press were there from The Daily Post, I was mentioned in the paper the next day, and it read “The performance of the evening came from Kevin Slater, in “Bookies Runner.” I know it sounds silly but I was made up that I was in the local press. I had never been in the news in my life, so seeing a story in the paper, well I was so proud of myself, and my dad was too.
The man who ran “The Limelight,” is a well known actor who is from Liverpool he had two dogs and I used to take the dogs for walks with 168
him. I also went to his house in Wales; helping him do some work in his house. I still see him now and again, but he is so busy. If you‟re reading this, you know who you are - you helped me a lot, I could have been hanging around the streets but you let me go to “The Limelight” thank you. I had some good times there but the club sadly closed and so did the agency. The Liverpool T.V. star began to get more work on the T.V. The agency moved to another building run by someone else.
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I‟m now in another agency, the best in Liverpool.
It is run by Chris Smith one of the best Casting Agents in Liverpool
170
Police Stop
I had a little boy at the age of 25, he is so precious to me, I had a relationship with a girl, but unfortunately it didn‟t work out. I got access to my son, eventually after fighting in court for him; this was a heartbreaking experience for me.
I saw my son at weekends and did my best, we had good times together but he could be a handful, like most little boys. I took him to the park and swimming and we also played football in the street.
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One day I took my son to the museum, he was about 8 years old at the time and somehow he had set off all the fire alarms, my son denied that he done this, but just by looking at him I knew he had done it. I didn‟t know where to put my face and told him off, but he thought it was funny. I wasn‟t very good at telling him off. We still laugh about that incident to this day.
On another occasion I took him to the library and my eldest sister had bought him a toy gun, which he had with him. I didn‟t like him having the gun so I took it off him, I put the gun in the glove compartment and told my son he could have it when he goes back home. We then went into the library, for a few hours. We left the library and headed to the car park, where we decided we would go to Sefton Park to kill a few hours there. We were driving along the road then all of a sudden there were four police cars, 172
two in front of me and two behind, flashing blue lights, I couldn‟t believe it, didn‟t know what was going on, the police car in front had a sign on it saying “Police Stop!” I pulled over and police got out of their vehicles and were pointing their guns at me, my son was sitting next to me, he was scared. I was asked to get out of the car and asked to lie on the ground, to which I did. I got handcuffed and was asked did I have anything in the car that I shouldn‟t have, I replied “No.” I was worried, my nerves were getting the better of me – one of the police officers said “A member of the public had seen me with a gun in the car outside the library?” I replied “Yes it‟s my son‟s toy gun; it‟s in the glove compartment.” The police officers searched the car and found the gun and told the other officers who were pointing their guns at me that it was a toy gun found and not a real 173
gun. The police officers then told me to stand up and told me I could go and that everything is fine and said they were just doing their job following up an inquiry. I got back in the car and I was a nervous wreck but I just looked at my son, he thought it was funny but he was scared.
My dad adored my son, my son would visit my dad daily, and my dad would buy him special treats like mars bars and things. My son and dad grew really close and when my son used to visit as my dad got sick, he would give him his medication and keep him company not because he had to but because he wanted to. Also my sisters loved my son, when they would visit and my dad wanted to go shopping they would take my son with them and my dad would buy him all sorts.
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Just before my dad passed away he gave my son his gold ring and my son was made up, I know he will treasure it forever. When my dad died my son found it hard as he was really close to him, but in time he grew to accept it.
My son has since grown up and he is bigger than me he has his ups and downs but he is doing well.
175
On My Own Again
I was single for a while, going out and about with my friends to pubs, but only drank a small amount of alcohol, as it didn‟t agree with me. I did have a couple of bad experiences with alcohol, and one night when I got home from the pub I knocked my dad up out of bed, because I forgot my key and wanted to be sick and my dad wasn‟t impressed at all, he was shouting “You bastard,” all over the street, usually I would go mad but I was in no fit state on that night. My dad had a stair lift as he was 176
old and when I got him out of bed it took him ages to get his slippers on and then go to the stair lift, which seem to take ages getting down the stairs, by the time he got to the door he was really angry, but this just made me laugh which made him even angrier.
I woke up the next day and felt ill, and swore I would never get drunk again. From then on I was careful with my drink.
I take after my dad in a lot of ways, I‟m always looking for bargains, I love car boot sales, and I can‟t walk or drive past a skip without having a peek in.
I love going to Pound land, the stuff in there you can get is unbelievable, the note pad and pen I am writing this book is from Poundland, this book will probably be sold in Poundland ha, ha, well, its in my blood anything for a bargain. I 177
love to grab a good bargain and always look for them in my spare time.
I did meet a few girls and enjoyed the experience but nothing too serious. I just wanted to have fun and nothing to tie me down again, as I was enjoying being single, doing my own thing. I just lived day to day visiting family and friends and going places I wanted to go and not having to please anybody but me. I always looked forward to the weekends to see my son.
When I saw my son I used to spend all my money on him and then had to borrow money off my dad. I wanted to build bridges between me and my son but it was hard as I wasn‟t living with him. He was my first child and only two years old when I moved out. It was horrible, something I don‟t want to go through ever again. I love my son very much.
178
College Sweethearts
I wasn‟t working and I was bored, I wanted to do more acting as I was already in an agency. I saw an advertisement in the job centre for this scheme doing drama; it was right up my street.
It was a college called “Jarvis.” I did drama and music there, I played loads of parts and had a laugh and made a few friends. I was there for about 3 months when one day I saw this girl who had curly blonde hair, she was nice. I just used to say hello as I walked past her and she would say hello back that was it really. I did 179
acting workshops and lots of plays. Kim did what I was doing but with another tutor, she acted and sang as well.
Kim sang a song by Madonna and that is when I knew I fancied her, but she was with another guy on the stage and I got jealous and asked her to do the same with me one time, to which she did. I would meet Kim in the canteen and have egg, chips and peas ready for her when she entered and a hot mug of tea, she likes her food.
One day although me and Kim were just friends I knew through the college that there was going to be a teddy bears picnic and for children to bring the best dressed teddy and they win a prize, it was in Birkenhead Park, Kim asked me to come along and bring my son. So I did, Kim was in a play called “Goldie Locks and the three bears,” she played Goldie Locks, she was good and my son was made up as he actually thought 180
she was Goldie Locks. They got on okay, but had to take it one step at a time. The day was really enjoyable and I was glad that I went. My son enjoyed it too. It was time to go home and I gave Kim a lift home, she was made up but she did feel embarrassed as she was still dressed as Goldie Locks.
There were lots of interesting people at Jarvis, some quite famous. It was a really good experience to be at Jarvis and I learned a lot whilst I was there.
It is fate when two people get together as really I wasn‟t meant to go to that college, I had just got my Bronze Medallion to become a lifeguard, and was due to start a job, however I had hurt my arm through a fall and was unable to take the job on, so I took the chance to do acting again and am glad I did because otherwise I wouldn‟t have met Kim.
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Me and Kim spent more time together and we both took my son out on occasion, but took it slow, we had some good times. But one time Kim was really nervous as we took my son on the ferry and he was near the edge and wouldn‟t come away but in the end he listened to me and came and sat on my knee.
Kim invited me to her mum and dad‟s house in Kirkby for a meal, I was so nervous because her mum Margaret was a Social Worker, she understood me.
We all sat round the table and I got passed the salt, as soon as I shook it the top came flying off and the whole jar of salt was sitting in the middle of my meal, it broke the ice, we all laughed. I used to visit Kim at her mum and dad‟s, they made me so welcome, we used to sit 182
and watch T.V. but we did go through a stint of going to the pictures, etc.
183
Fresh Start
A few months later Kim and I decided to move into a house together, rented of course, we had nothing, we got furniture off family, I borrowed Kim‟s dad‟s car to get furniture from family members, it was raining all day, a horrible day to move, but it had to be done, I was driving in the rain and the window wipers moving backwards and forwards, the next minute I crashed the car into a meals on wheels van, I panicked so gave a different registration number and name and got off quick, the guy was pretty 184
old. When I returned to the car it was only the light that was broken so I had to buy one from a car scrap yard.
I finally got the light and walked in Kim‟s parents house, with it, I walked over to her dad Norman, who wasn‟t pleased, I was stood there with the light in my hand and a trail of oily footprints from the front door to the kitchen, I had made a real mess of the carpet, the scrap yard is full of oil and mud, and this was all over the carpet right through to the kitchen. I didn‟t think to wipe my feet. I couldn‟t stop laughing with my nerves trying not to let Norman see me laugh, I could feel tension, tears rolling down my face, I couldn‟t catch my breath, I walked out into the hallway so Norman couldn‟t see me laugh as it was making the situation worse.
Margaret, Kim‟s mum resolved the matter, like water off a ducks back. The light on the car got 185
fixed and the carpet was scrubbed clean, then we left and went home. Norman was okay with me after this, I didn‟t blame him for having a go at me. The carpet was in a real state.
We moved into a house, two up, two down, it was in Wavertree, somewhere that was unfamiliar both for me and Kim, we didn‟t really like it there, but we got on with it. We set up home as best as we could, we didn‟t have much. I and Kim had spoke about having a child together and after settling in we tried for a baby, 9 months later we had a beautiful daughter called Charlotte. Kim moved back home for support from her mum and dad who were really good parents and I moved back in with my dad.
This was a good move, we couldn‟t settle in the house we were in. Our daughter was doted on by her grandparents, they loved her so much and Kim‟s mum, Charlotte‟s “Nan” really looked 186
after her well, doing the dirty nappies and making up the feeds. Kim‟s dad, Charlotte‟s
“Granddad” loved to make her laugh and help teach her to walk, and Scott Charlotte‟s Uncle would also make her laugh and help out when he could. Charlotte was doted on by all the family including my dad as well; she had a special place in his heart too. My sisters all visited as well, it was good to have family gatherings at Kim‟s parent‟s house. The video camera would be out all the time so you had to make sure your hair was done and you looked presentable. Our Charlotte was a thriving toddler when we decided to get a house together so we could be a proper family. The house was really big but we had been with a letting agency for a while and so we just took the first option.
It was the scruffiest house in the street but we were renting and we tried to keep it up to a good 187
standard, I painted everywhere the best I could.
It had big bay windows and when it was cold the wind used to howl through them, as the house was really old, over 100 years old and the windows had not been replaced, they still had old sashes in them. There was no central heating and we still had old lead pipes