Chapter 35
Jeffee Goes to Pima Community College
I have gone to so many colleges almost forgot one I went to. After I got out of the Army, I think I did one more or two more semesters of law school and then I dropped out of law school and started working for the City of Tucson in the Election Bureau. I still had a lot of G.I. Bill left and so I found a very clever way to use it. And I wasn't the only one; there were many veterans who abused the G.I. bill much worse than I did.
Back in the good old days of 1971, the federal government didn't have all the silly rules that they have today that limits the creativity of veterans to earn extra money through the G.I. Bill. Back in 1971 you could go or attend any school without making any progress towards a higher degree
Like today, if you have a bachelor’s degree, the only way you could get more G.I. bill money would be to go for a Masters degree. But because I was at in the good old days of 1971, I was able to go from having a bachelors degree at the University of Arizona and a year and a half of law school to the local community college and take auto mechanics and advertising and also business-related courses that I found a lot of fun with no intention of ever getting a degree and all the intentions of milking the G.I. Bill for as much money as I could.
I would go in the evening after I got off work from the Election Bureau. And like an idiot I would drive my little tiny motorcycle, my Kawasaki 250 CC motorcycle, on the highway for many miles until I got off at the exit that took me to Pima Community College. Not being mechanical, I didn't realize that you shouldn't ride a two cycle motorcycle many miles at a constant speed or you will burn out the engine. When I think back now, I realize I was pretty stupid when I was a lot younger, back then and didn't realize really what stupid was. Actually I'm exaggerating in the prior sentence as I'm still plenty stupid in many areas today, today my dumbness relates to technology like cell phones, computers, software.
One reason me and all the other veterans attended Pima College; actually was two reasons why me and all the veterans attended Pima College. First of all, you could take six college credits which would be like half being a full time student and you can get half of your G.I. Bill benefits. So for example if you're entitled to $500 a month for taking from taking a full student load; you could get half of your G.I. bill or $250 a month for taking six units. And get this – the cost of taking six units at Pima College my first semester was $20, I kid you not. So the average veteran would be making $500/600 a month. A Vet made more money if they had a wife and a bunch of kids. The G.I. Bill paid more depending on how many dependents a Vet have. This was a great source of income for many ex-veterans who really weren't that interested in school but were interested in making a lot of money and not having to work too hard to get it.
And here was another great reason for attending Pima College. Get this; you could not fail at Pima Community College if you did the required work. The grades given out by Pima College were As, Bs, and Cs, and incomplete. And you could only get an incomplete if you failed to do the required minimum work. Here's how idiotic it actually was: if the students found out the only required work was to take a midterm exam and a final exam, all the student had to do was show up for the midterm exam, writing his name on the exam and hand in the exam without even answering the questions and the same for the final exam. Since the student did the required work of taking the midterm and the final, the student had to get a C. Students had to actually keep a C average in order to keep the VA happy because they would demand the money back if you flunked all the courses.
I still remember I would go the first day of class and there might be say 50 students in the class. The professor or teacher would hand out the outline for the semester and basically it would show that of all the homework you're supposed to do when the exams were etc. Once most of these veterans got their hands on the course outline you wouldn't see them again until the midterm exam so the second day of class the number of students attending would probably drop from 50 to 20.
I was one of the students who actually did go because I took courses I thought I would find interesting. Because I had never taken any business courses, I wanted to learn something about business and I wanted to learn something about auto mechanics so I figured that this would be the first time I would have fun in college, not caring at all whether I got a degree or not.
I can still remember hearing students sitting there the first day of class figuring out how much money they would make per hour. The students would actually have to attend three hours of class for the midterm and final so they were making about $700 an hour. And if the student showed up for the midterm and final and that was all the required coursework then the student had to get a C, unbelievable but true.
I attended for several years out there and it got hectic at one point because I was working my Election job during the day then on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I was going out to the Police Academy to attend the police reserve classes from like 6 to 9 and then the other two days I believe Monday and Wednesday I was going to Pima College.
I still remember I was dating this really wonderful girl but it just didn't work out named Judy L and she would be so nice to me and she fixed me dinner many of the night as I would come right from work and I have to go to class in like an hour so I would just drive over to her apartment. She would fix me a nice dinner that I go off the class to this day. I regret that I broke her heart by not marrying her. She really loved me but it just wasn't right for me and that's the way it was I'm sorry Judy L.
I still remember we had this one classy guy who ran Austin's Furniture Store. He would run the most obnoxious commercials on television. They would run for like 2 to 3 minutes. He would throw and break furniture, say the most outlandish things, everything seemed totally crazy. His catch phrase was "es una ganga" or in English “that’s a bargain."
People either loved or hated Austin when he did those commercials. It really surprised me to find that he was going to be my teacher for the advertising class. And I remember one day one of the students asked him a question and I got one of the most profound and interesting answers I have ever heard in my life. The student asked Austin, why do you run those of noxious commercials? A lot of people will hate you because of those commercials."
Then Austin said some of the wisest words I've ever heard. Austin said I really don't care if people love me or hate me; I just want them talking about me. And then I learned one of the most valuable lessons in advertising and probably why people like Charlie Sheen go nuts and whatever because whether they think you're crazy or genius, you can make a lot of money just by having the people talking about you whether the talking about you is good or bad. Smart, smart man was Austin.
Let me tell you about one of the dumbest things I ever did while I was at Pima Community College. One day I just come from the Police Academy for whatever reason and I stopped by Pima Community College to register for new classes for the semester. I actually went to the registration wearing my gun and holster around my civilian clothes with blue jeans. And I violated one of the cardinal rules taught to us at the Police Academy and this shows you just how stupid I was about this.
I was afraid to leave my gun and holster in my car because I thought it might get stolen probably a reasonable thought. But my gun didn't have any bullets in it. There was nothing in my .357 Magnum. At one of the things drilled into us at the Police Academy was you should never wear a gun that's unloaded because it will do you no good if you need to use it and it may piss somebody off if they see you wearing it and they will pull out their gun that is loaded.
I was pretty stupid that night to be wearing a gun with no bullets in it. I didn't even have any bullets in the gun belt. Here's even a more ridiculously. Out walking around with my gun belt and gun in plain view of everybody, I must've walked past hundreds of students and not one student blinked an eye when they saw me walking around with a gun belt and gun. I'm willing to bet if I tried to do the same thing in 2011 I would have a SWAT team on me and shooting me right on the campus after 400 people called in to 911 saying some kind of maniac is walking around Pima Community College wearing a gun. Shows you how much times have changed.