Tears of a Child by Louise Kinnear - HTML preview

Chapter 11

It is the last day of school today.  The teachers will be handing our reports to us today.  I know that I passed all my subjects but the marks on the report, does not reflect my true potential.  It is just enough to make sure that I am either average or above average.  I did not hand in my project for history and other subjects so I had to study hard to pass it just with my exam marks. My highest results are maths.  That is normal for me.  I wonder what Abby's report looks like.  That should be more or less the same as mine actually. I am excited to share the good news with mommy and daddy.  I passed the year and I am moving to a higher grade.  This is great news.  I hope they will be proud of the fact that I have passed.  I am sure they will be happy for me.  “Gabby… Gabby… Gabriella, wait for me.” Abby is smiling from ear to ear so she definitely also passed. “I did it; I passed even with everything that happened around us.”  She shouted with excitement.  I think it is more relief because she did not really study.  I had to force her to get her committed to just study to pass the year.  “I am so proud of you Abby.  See, I told you that you will do fine. Look at you, so happy that you are moving up in life hey?” I teased her.  She pushed me playfully and looked at me and said “It is thanks to you and mommy that motivated me.” I am really proud of Abby.  One thing I promise myself is one day when I am married and have children of my own; to help them just like my mommy helps us.  My mommy taught me how to study; she even wrote the work out for me in different colours.  My mommy is a true blessing in my eyes.  I think I am going home to tell her that.  She needs to hear just how much I love and appreciate her. Abby and I ran down the drive way hoping that one will enter the doorway before the other. I let Abby go first because she was so small.  I did not want to ruin her moment.  “Mommy, you are going to be so proud of me. Look here; take a look at my report.” She said while stretching her hand out, handing the report to my mommy.  I know how she did and Abby needed to hear that she has done exceptionally well.  I put my bag down on the floor.  I can see the excitement in my mommy’s eyes.  Her lips widen with a smile of pride as she grabs Abby.  “Well done Abby, you are a superstar.  See how all that hard work paid off?” she asked. I stood aside to take in this moment of tender pride. She held Abby so tight and Abby loved every moment thereof.  Abby is not very affectionate and hardly expresses any feelings whatsoever.  This is a moment to treasure.  I can wait as long as it takes to show mommy my report.  Abby is such a wonderful little girl.  I know that she cries herself to sleep when they fight and it gets too much for her to deal with.  I just wish there was more I can do than give her love and a shoulder.  She is a strong little girl and I love her with all my heart and soul.  We are not being brought up to express such loving words to one another. As I handed mommy my report, she looks in my eyes seeking the questions that scrambles my head.  “Gabby, you are doing so well in school.  I am very proud of you.” she said while holding both my hands in one hand.  This is the moment where I normally walk away but I think she wants to talk to me.  “Abby, why don’t you get undressed and I will ask Martha to make you something to eat.” “Gabby, I never took the time to thank you for making the peace between your aunt and I.  It is a huge relief that we can talk again and be in one house again. Thank you Gabby.” she said while the tears run over her angel face. I don’t think she knows how relieved I am. “Mommy, I love and appreciate you.  I don’t ever want to see you hurt and torn apart like that ever again.” I replied as I held her tight around her waist. I know that is not entirely true because if I have to tell them what happened in the bathroom, she will be entirely shattered.  She is going to feel as if it is her fault hence my complete silence. Today is one of the days that I just cannot wait for daddy to come home.  I keep on looking at the time.  It seems as if the time is standing still today.  I want to show daddy that I passed and he can be proud of me. I just want him to be happy.  Mommy made delicious dinner.  It is like Sunday lunch on a Friday night.  Mommy made white rice with tomato and onion gravy, sweet pumpkin, roast potatoes and roast chicken.  That is my favorite food.  There is nothing that compares with this dinner.  I heard the gate open and I watch my daddy drive pass the kitchen window to park his car in the back yard. “Gabby, I know that you are excited but give daddy a chance to sit down okay!” she said.  Mommy knows daddy better than anyone I know.   Mommy knows exactly what will cheer him up and what will twist his mood to bitter and cold.  She told me that daddy will be proud of us even though he might not say it in so many words but he means well.  I know he means well but sometimes a child needs to hear how happy they make their parents too.  It was always a shock to see daddy kiss mommy and then take his coat off.  I am watching his every step of the way. As soon as he sat down, I was in the lounge to hand him my report. Abby was right behind me.  I took a step to the side for Abby to hand her report to daddy first.  I can see the nerves in Abby.  She is shaking like a leaf, but I am sure it is all for nothing.  Daddy’s face brightened up with a huge smile.  “Abigail has worked very hard the last term and we are proud to say that she is now promoted to a higher grade.” Daddy read.  He smiled from ear to ear and said “Well done Abby.  Well done!”  Abby was so happy she grabbed daddy around the neck and hugged him.  “Thank you daddy” she whispered in his ear, kissed him on the cheek and ran out of the lounge.  “Mmmm Gabby my girl, what have you got for us today?” he said.  I smiled as I handed him my report.  His one eyebrow lifted.  I felt nervous because that was never a good sight.  I bit my bottom lip as I started to get worried a bit.  “Gabby, is there something wrong baby girl?” he asked really concerned.  “No daddy, I am fine.  I did not hand in some projects because I knew there was no money to make it.  The results on my report are only my exam marks.  I had to study real hard to pass the last term.”  Daddy’s face dropped. He looked at me with concern “I am sorry Gabby, I will make sure you have everything you need to do projects.” “Thank you daddy.”  “Gabby, well done for passing.  I am sure it took a lot of hard work to pass the last term without the completion of your projects.” I nodded yes and hugged him.  After our dinner, I called Martha to do the dishes. I cannot believe that we are all home on a Friday night, sitting together in the lounge watching TV. We heard people screaming in the street, we all jumped up to see what was going on.  The commotion is about a robbery at the top shop. The police are looking for the robber.  I stood half behind my daddy.  Knowing that there is a robber on the loose scares me.  For once I am the one that is scared.  Daddy said that Abby and I must go inside because this is not a scene for children.  Abby was shaking like she does when mommy and daddy fights.  “Don’t worry Abby, everything will be fine.  The police will catch him.” I am just as scared but I won’t show it to her. She needs to feel safe.  It is getting late and I decided to climb into bed.  I heard a noise coming from the neighbor’s.  He was screaming for help.  His voice sent shivers down my spine.  I jumped up on my bed as I heard someone running like a horse up their driveway.  I could see him lying there, totally motionless. His eyes were open. He hardly breathed. There was a panicked knock on the front door.  “Please ask the uncle to take my brother to the hospital.  He has been stabbed.” The person begged.  I ran out of the back door and looked over the wall.  He was dead… the man that molested me got what he deserved. He is dead.  I looked at him for a while and prayed that God forgive me for hating him for what he has done to me.  He stole my innocence, he knew that what he was doing is wrong, yet he did it.  It is the man from the bathroom.  “Close the door” he said, “and I will get your kittens out.”  What did I know?  I was only a child that listened to a grownup.  Respect your elders is what my parents drilled into my memory box called the brain. As I turned around, he had his penis out of his pants. This pink thing standing up straight.  I could not move and could not help but stare at it. I wanted to throw up. “Do you want your kittens?” he asked.  “Yes, I do” I answered.  Thinking that he was going to get the kittens out, I did what I was told. What did a six or seven year old know? I did what I was told. “You need to suck on this and If you don’t then I am going to tell your father you did not want to help me get the kittens out” I cried as I bent down towards his penis. He lifted it up towards me and said “Suck it, now!” I did not want to disappoint anyone and I wanted the kittens out so I lowered my mouth towards his penis. “Suck it harder!" He demanded.  My mouth was not even big enough for it to fit properly.  He held my head down and forced me to suck on it. I started to make noises because I could not breathe.  He finally let go of me. He told me to sit behind the door and keep quiet while he played with himself.  I closed my eyes and prayed so hard for everything to be over. I had to sit there and watch him the whole time.  It seems like hours. My family were right outside the door but it felt as if I was stuck to the floor. There was white stuff that spurted out of the tip of his penis. He made funny noises and I just had to sit there. All I want to do is scream, run, yell but I froze.  I froze… Knowing that he is dead gives me inner peace that he will never get to Abby and she will stay innocent as I should have been too. I hated the man for breaking me inside. He was the cause for my sleepless nights. He was the man that haunted me in my dreams. He stole something from me that I would never be able to share with my future husband. I feel nothing for this man lying dead. He felt nothing when he forced my head down on his manhood.  Nothing... not a bit... zilch... may he rot in hell. He deserves nothing else. Thank you Lord for setting my soul free.

The best part of his murder… is my freedom!