I called the counselor and told him that he needed to get James out of the house. I wasn’t leaving this time; I had already tried that one. Nope, it wasn’t going to be me leaving, it was going to be him. The counselor agreed and he came over. I convinced James and him that I wanted a separation to reconcile but I wanted no time limit on it. I wanted a semi-permanent separation. James finally agreed, but it took a couple of weeks. We had delays because our counselor went on vacation, and the kids started school, a new school but in same county, so we no longer had to pay tuition, what a relief.
Then the horrible event of September 11, 2001 happened. It devastated me. It made me realize how much compassion that I truly have. I wasn’t just a heartless woman, I was just fed up and not going to take it anymore from my husband. The good thing about the time that we agreed for James to move out and the actual time that he did, was that he was working out of town, so I never had to see him. It got me used to the idea, and I was handling it just fine. I took care of the kids just fine. The only bad thing was that I knew he could come home, and I wanted that to change forever. I was just counting the days until he really left.
On Monday morning, September 17, 2001, James moved out. It was and will always be the happiest day of my life. All I could do when he left, knowing he wasn’t coming home anymore, was smile and rejoice. I praised God and thanked him for answering my prayers. I was truly happy, completely and awesomely happy. It was great! I have to admit, however, there was this teeny tiny string that held us together, that maybe one day he would change.
As time went on, I started reflecting back on my relationship, and I realized how miserable I really was for over ten years. So I went forward and got a legal separation, mainly so that James couldn’t ruin my credit anymore. I gave him the papers, but he wouldn’t even talk about it. He was devastated.
Our counselor called me up and told me that the pastor of the church that I had started attending, (since I wasn’t going to go to the same church as James) called him up, and they discussed how I needed to set a date when James was going to move back in. I immediately felt a noose go around my neck. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, and then some how I got the courage to say no, I’m not letting him back in. The counselor told me that I wasn’t following God’s way of separation, and he wanted me to see my husband’s other counselor. I was so shocked, I just said “fine.”
Then two weeks later, when James was supposed to hand me signed separation papers, he instead said, “I’m not signing the papers and not only am I not signing the papers, I’m moving home tonight. You’re my wife and these are my kids and this is my house and I’m moving home. The kids need their father home with them.” Well I freaked out and felt that noose go around my neck again. After saying things I regret and making a scene, he chose not to move back. I then proceeded to tell him that he will never do that to me again, and that I was divorcing him. Wow, divorce! Even though so many Christians told me that I was turning my back on God if I divorced, I knew God didn’t want me to wish I were dead anymore. And the most amazing thing was, that I didn’t. For the first time in ten years, I wanted to live. And you know that teeny tiny string that held us together? Well it was chopped right then and there. There was no more “us;” there was now I and the kids, he and the kids, but not we and the kids. It was great. I felt liberated and free. I felt nervous about life itself, but I felt so much peace about my decision, and I finally said the d-word. I said “divorce” and I meant it.
For years, even before meeting James, I was very unhealthy emotionally and physically. I was always in a very unhealthy relationship. But now, ever since my recovery process earlier in my marriage, I was out of the dungeon of pain from my past. My dungeon gates had been broken, but I was still in such an unhealthy relationship. Now, however, for the first time in my life, I was no longer in an unhealthy relationship, and I was no longer physically unhealthy. It was like life was just beginning for me. The key to my new life that broke down the prison gates is a key called “divorce” and I finally have that key, halleluiah!